Serious Question About Relationship With Thai Gf, Serious Replies Please.

[tolstoy]

There are only two cultures? That is interesting because I can think of 10 different cultures in Thailand alone.

Rural Issaan families have a different cultural background than middle class Issaan families and even a different one from the old money families. Then there are major differences between educated families and uneducated families. Then there is a major difference between the cultural practices of rural vs urban families.

just because a girl has an education that doesn't make her educated. Her families education is important to. A girl lives with her family for 20 years and hears uneducated, uncouthe discussions for 20 years and then goes to University for 4 years. It is hard to undo that influence. I am not saying that girls from educated families are better but I am saying that they are different. You will be treated differently in all situations. There are many great salt of the earth, humble families that will accept you open arms and equality. Then there are families that will prey on you becuase you are a wealthy foreigner. Even though most foreigners that come to Thailand are not wealthy. Compared to a dirt farmer in a rural area 30K baht a month is rich.

Personally, I am glad that I am not attracted to rural country girls. I like a sophisticated woman. But I can see how someone who has been divorced wants a partner that isn't complicated.

I do get sick of Thai girls are... threads. Thais are no different than other cultures. There is complexity and diversity within the realms. It is just that the majority of the foreign men, especially older, tend to be attracted to one stereotype of Thai women.

[Jayman]

There are only two cultures? That is interesting because I can think of 10 different cultures in Thailand alone.

Rural Issaan families have a different cultural background than middle class Issaan families and even a different one from the old money families. Then there are major differences between educated families and uneducated families. Then there is a major difference between the cultural practices of rural vs urban families.

just because a girl has an education that doesn't make her educated. Her families education is important to. A girl lives with her family for 20 years and hears uneducated, uncouthe discussions for 20 years and then goes to University for 4 years. It is hard to undo that influence. I am not saying that girls from educated families are better but I am saying that they are different. You will be treated differently in all situations. There are many great salt of the earth, humble families that will accept you open arms and equality. Then there are families that will prey on you becuase you are a wealthy foreigner. Even though most foreigners that come to Thailand are not wealthy. Compared to a dirt farmer in a rural area 30K baht a month is rich.

Personally, I am glad that I am not attracted to rural country girls. I like a sophisticated woman. But I can see how someone who has been divorced wants a partner that isn't complicated.

I do get sick of Thai girls are... threads. Thais are no different than other cultures. There is complexity and diversity within the realms. It is just that the majority of the foreign men, especially older, tend to be attracted to one stereotype of Thai women.

Sounds like you should write your own book.

I found this one very informative about things that deal with the culture of Thailand. And just because there are many different classes in Thailand doesn't mean that Thais don't have a way of thinking they is shared throughout.

Not sure if in my post I wrote anything about "only" having two cultures or if you just needed something to thread crap on me about.

Edited February 19, 2012 by Jayman

[ludditeman]

I do get sick of Thai girls are... threads. Thais are no different than other cultures. There is complexity and diversity within the realms. It is just that the majority of the foreign men, especially older, tend to be attracted to one stereotype of Thai women.

Don't be daft,

The majority of foreign men only ever get to meet one type of Thai woman.

Unless you speak Thai, or work among Thais, you are unlikely to meet any other type.

As for culture,

I've never been anywhere where so many ladies have a purchase price.

But that might be because I didn't travel very much in the 3rd world.

Some friends lead me to believe,

You can also purchase a wife in China, but that's a lifetime deal, and trying to escape the deal can be very dangerous.

Edited February 19, 2012 by ludditeman

[Dap]

What a very cynical bunch.

I am glad that none of my experiences or any of the Thai people I know resemble anything that has been portrayed.

OP, the bottom line is that you are starting a relationship with doubt and insecurity. Get out now. It will not end well. Bottom line is don't ever date a Thai woman that has had other foreign boyfriends. They have an agenda. The best bet is to find a woman in your own country. Dating across borders is nothing but bad news.

[David48]

One more post to read ... I was looking back through some old threads ...

Sure, the poster is talking about Bar girls and the City was Pattaya, but the story is still revelant.

Below is the full post and quoted from

Poster is Brian and it's post #3

I have met quite a few lovely honest girls. These have been the ones that haven’t gone on with the “I love you, only you” routine. In fact I have a special girl that I have befriended. She is one of the most open and honest people that I know.

For instance, she openly admits that she has a Thai husband.

Also as we parted on my last trip, she played this game where she imitates (mocks) the other girls, “Brian, while you are away, I not butterfly………….” Then she breaks into laughter and adds “me big airport…”

She has told me about the other girls in her bar, nearly all of them have boyfriends sending them money from overseas each month. Of these, only one of the girls has only one boyfriend sending her money, the rest have multiple. She has 3 guys sending her a total of over 20,000 bht per month.

I asked her why she has never tried to get me to send her money, she told me that because I always tip her well, that it was enough.

Because the financial transactions with bar girls are more closely related to a “girlfriend / boyfriend” relationship in the west than to the western style hooker transaction, so many farangs read into the “relationship” things that just aren’t there……

I certainly don’t hold it against the girls for taking advantage of the situation; they are only taking advantage of “a fool and his money”. And many of these girls are supporting a large number of people in their home villages.

Yes, there are certainly a few diamonds out there, but if anybody thinks that they have fallen in love with a girl that they see for only 4 weeks per year and think that the feeling is mutual, then I say “remove the rose coloured glasses” (My hightlighting). Or even better, spend a bit of dosh and have one of the many PIs check her out, just to be sure……

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams

So answer to the question, Are most of these girls bad?.. No, they are just doing what they need to do to improve their standard of living and that of their family. (Again my hightlighting) I guess most of them think that the dumb farang can afford it easily.

Sure there are few that take it way too far and fleece the farang of his life savings. (Just note in the Thai newspapers how many farangs fall from high rise buildings in Pattaya after realising that they have been the screwee rather than the screwer)

She's asked you for a salary ... she's trying to improve the standard of living for her family.

Oh ... when was the originial post?

16th May 2003

Has it changed much since then ... nope!

Will it change much into the future ... nope!

[aechzen]

_{hahahahaaha this forum is funny i never hear here some old farang woman around 46 stay with a thai boy 20 -30 why ?}

_{and if a farang man 46 up want stay with a thai lady 30 what you will think is happend inthe next 5 years when over 50 (old) and the lady she 35 in the best ages of her life, and may he bring her to his homecountry , ? if she clever she would looking for a younger guy in his home town !!!}

_{if i think i never would be together with a woman she 16 yearsolder than me hahahahahaha ,only if she have money a lot hahahahahaha}

Edited February 20, 2012 by aechzen

[StreetCowboy]

_{hahahahaaha this forum is funny i never hear here some old farang woman around 46 stay with a thai boy 20 -30 why ?}

_{and if a farang man 46 up want stay with a thai lady 30 what you will think is happend inthe next 5 years when over 50 (old) and the lady she 35 in the best ages of her life, and may he bring her to his homecountry , ? if she clever she would looking for a younger guy in his home town !!!}

_{if i think i never would be together with a woman she 16 yearsolder than me hahahahahaha ,only if she have money a lot hahahahahaha}

It must be great to have a sense of humour. Thanks for sharing it with us!

SC

Edit: However, the OP specifically asked for serious responses, and not your light-hearted and laughing cheery banter.

Back to the OP: Go for it! You're only young once, and for most of us that was a long time ago. I don't see why you should avoid the foolish mistakes that made us the wise old codgers that we are now

Edited February 20, 2012 by StreetCowboy

[mackes]

What a very cynical bunch.

I am glad that none of my experiences or any of the Thai people I know resemble anything that has been portrayed.

OP, the bottom line is that you are starting a relationship with doubt and insecurity. Get out now. It will not end well. Bottom line is don't ever date a Thai woman that has had other foreign boyfriends. They have an agenda. The best bet is to find a woman in your own country. Dating across borders is nothing but bad news.

I'll sure raise a red flag on such a confident post

[irlguy1]

You'll get lots of advice on here from the romantics (Go on, give it a try) through to the burnt cynics (she's a hooker and her Thai BF will kill you and feed you to the Kwai). Rule one though, stop reading Stickman; a whole heap of sh!t.

She most likely will be thinking exactly the same as you so you are both in it together. It is just as likely that you are seeing other people in the 11 months of the year you are not with her. There's no good advice I think for this, just a lot of peoples personal experiences or anecdotes they've heard down the pub.

the facts are simple though; 16 days holiday together is a holiday romance. Internet chatting is false because.... absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If you can, one of you move to be together. Work out if its real and go from there.

and if one of you cant move due to the Visa system then what?

Yes its easy to say mate but the double edged sword is currently we cant get a visa to move to be together without being married but we are slow to get married till we can live together longer. I get 4 weeks holiday per year and she gets 1 day off per week.

Things are not always black and white my friend.

[ShanePashen]

Anybody in Phuket, want to catch up for a beer from 5th to 22nd march.

I'd love to say and a round of Golf, but since I an not Warren buffet, Larry Ellison or Bill Gates that is unlikely.

[necronx99]

_{hahahahaaha this forum is funny i never hear here some old farang woman around 46 stay with a thai boy 20 -30 why ?}

_{and if a farang man 46 up want stay with a thai lady 30 what you will think is happend inthe next 5 years when over 50 (old) and the lady she 35 in the best ages of her life, and may he bring her to his homecountry , ? if she clever she would looking for a younger guy in his home town !!!}

_{if i think i never would be together with a woman she 16 yearsolder than me hahahahahaha ,only if she have money a lot hahahahahaha}

It must be great to have a sense of humour. Thanks for sharing it with us!

SC

Edit: However, the OP specifically asked for serious responses, and not your light-hearted and laughing cheery banter.

Back to the OP: Go for it! You're only young once, and for most of us that was a long time ago. I don't see why you should avoid the foolish mistakes that made us the wise old codgers that we are now

Rite of passage.

In fact, isn't it in the rule book somewhere?

[ludditeman]

It doesn't mean every good looking Thai girl in Thailand, is a sex worker however.

Not every pretty girl working massage in Patong is a sex-worker, BUT I'm fairly sure the ones who go for 16 days of hot sex with an older white guy they just met ARE.

Edited February 22, 2012 by ludditeman

[rusty1976]

I recall a visit to a patong massage place with my farther and uncle... the three of us went upstairs, they pulled the curtains across to have our own private massage area. A few minutes into the routine they each asked us if we would like extra service, of course! its funny hearing the groan's of my old man and uncle through the thin curtains! was a bit off putting to tell the truth. After this process we proceeded to the nearest bar serving beers... and we toasted to the family trifecta! lol.

[colinp]

"Anything that can be hocked for money (think rings, gold bracelets etc) could potentially hocked before your planes' cabin door is shut. Wait a few years before thinking of that style of gift."

If you are worried about her then this is the perfect gift. If she hocks it you'll know very quickly what sort of women you've got involved with.

Thailand Fever is a good book...if your with a bargirl. Its a Stickman submission writers guide to relationships.

[BookMan]

Look I certainly have a grip, and she certainly deserves all my dignity and respect, until proven otherwise.

But from my limited experience, i believe it's not uncommon for Thai women to have more than one ex pat boyfriend.

Who believes he is the only one in their lives, I guess as for those of us with jobs, it's hard to spend more than a 2 week block in the short term.

I would be be very unhappy if i was to find i am one of the ones on rotation. Waiting for my "turn" to come up.

have no cause to believe this, but I am not totally naive either.

It's just nice to know where you stand, especially if you are looking at a ore committed long term relationship.

i also imagine it would be very easy to keep stringing several guys along as long as dates didn't overlap.

I guess like anything in life it's all down to trust.

if you are concerned about that why not treat her to a unannounced surprise visit?

[BookMan]

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Oh boy. It isn't about how much the money is, it is the fact she has asked you for money.

[BookMan]

One more post to read ... I was looking back through some old threads ...

Sure, the poster is talking about Bar girls and the City was Pattaya, but the story is still revelant.

Below is the full post and quoted from http://www.thaivisa....1074-bar-girls/

Poster is Brian and it's post #3

I have met quite a few lovely honest girls. These have been the ones that haven’t gone on with the “I love you, only you” routine. In fact I have a special girl that I have befriended. She is one of the most open and honest people that I know.

For instance, she openly admits that she has a Thai husband.

Also as we parted on my last trip, she played this game where she imitates (mocks) the other girls, “Brian, while you are away, I not butterfly………….” Then she breaks into laughter and adds “me big airport…”

She has told me about the other girls in her bar, nearly all of them have boyfriends sending them money from overseas each month. Of these, only one of the girls has only one boyfriend sending her money, the rest have multiple. She has 3 guys sending her a total of over 20,000 bht per month.

I asked her why she has never tried to get me to send her money, she told me that because I always tip her well, that it was enough.

Because the financial transactions with bar girls are more closely related to a “girlfriend / boyfriend” relationship in the west than to the western style hooker transaction, so many farangs read into the “relationship” things that just aren’t there……

I certainly don’t hold it against the girls for taking advantage of the situation; they are only taking advantage of “a fool and his money”. And many of these girls are supporting a large number of people in their home villages.

Yes, there are certainly a few diamonds out there, but if anybody thinks that they have fallen in love with a girl that they see for only 4 weeks per year and think that the feeling is mutual, then I say “remove the rose coloured glasses” (My hightlighting). Or even better, spend a bit of dosh and have one of the many PIs check her out, just to be sure……

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams

So answer to the question, Are most of these girls bad?.. No, they are just doing what they need to do to improve their standard of living and that of their family. (Again my hightlighting) I guess most of them think that the dumb farang can afford it easily.

Sure there are few that take it way too far and fleece the farang of his life savings. (Just note in the Thai newspapers how many farangs fall from high rise buildings in Pattaya after realising that they have been the screwee rather than the screwer)

She's asked you for a salary ... she's trying to improve the standard of living for her family.

Oh ... when was the originial post?

16th May 2003

Has it changed much since then ... nope!

Will it change much into the future ... nope!

David48, you are a master thread searcher!

[Berkshire]

It doesn't mean every good looking Thai girl in Thailand, is a sex worker however.

Not every pretty girl working massage in Patong is a sex-worker, BUT I'm fairly sure the ones who go for 16 days of hot sex with an older white guy they just met ARE.

I think the scientific term is "absolute evidential certainty ."

[ShanePashen]

It doesn't mean every good looking Thai girl in Thailand, is a sex worker however.

Not every pretty girl working massage in Patong is a sex-worker, BUT I'm fairly sure the ones who go for 16 days of hot sex with an older white guy they just met ARE.

Logic would then dictate that as a "sex worker" there would be remuneration, or some financial gain attached to that.

Well guess the pay was fairly ordinary then, unless you include food and drinks.

But then I guess that would classify many western women as sex workers then too.

I wonder if talking on the phone and I.M. for hours every night beforehand counts. I suppose the pay would be bad then as well, if you work on an hourly rate.

Hot sex, well at least you got that part right!

[ludditeman]

Logic would then dictate that as a "sex worker" there would be remuneration, or some financial gain attached to that.

Well guess the pay was fairly ordinary then, unless you include food and drinks.

But then I guess that would classify many western women as sex workers then too.

I wonder if talking on the phone and I.M. for hours every night beforehand counts. I suppose the pay would be bad then as well, if you work on an hourly rate.

Hot sex, well at least you got that part right!

Some of the sex workers are patient enough to form a relationship before the buffalo sickens, or she gets sacked, or her mum needs an operation.

[harryfrompattaya]

Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Could you honestly easly find the same aged pretty girl in your own country who would fall in love with you? If not then you better be careful.

Mate I don't have to look in the mirror to give you that answer!

Yes I know, I have to be careful.I know..Theres no fool like an old fool!

But I still believe I can pursue this.

She works in a reputable Spa If you believe this than you have time to look in the mirror.

[harryfrompattaya]

Yes by & large I have received some very good advice, will be keeping my eyes open and my wits about me, when I am there in a couple of weeks.

I still don't want to disillusioned with my vision of a possible future with her, she does make me very happy, and its not all about the sex either.

I would describe her as very easy going and low maintenance...So far!

.

But I think it now important to see besides the obvious physical attraction I Ihave for her.

Is there more substance to us. Our education and cultural differences are vast.

I have explained to her where I come from I am a very average man, not rich at all, I have to work hard to pay my bills, and support my children's education. Although when she questioned me, I did mention i have a nice sports car, a nice 4WD Ute, 2 motorbikes, large house with pool. And a collection of vintage guitars, one of my hobbies. All the electronic trappings of our society, from big TV's etc.etc. down to an espresso machine I paid 3 grand for. It all seems so meaningless when you see the way the Thais live and how little they have, and how happy they seem with next to nothing.

My neighbours cats also need not fear my cooking pot, only my garden hose. It things like that make we wonder if our worlds are just too different to assimilate. I mean could she be happy in the suburbs of Brisbane. would she get bored shitless, would she crave home, family.

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Like many in my age group I find myself single after some 17 years of marriage, and in all honesty I think being

single doesn't sit too comfortably with me. I have also dated some damaged middle aged western women so mercenary, they'd make a Pattaya bar girl look like an Angel. I would also mention, their opinion of themselves, didn't correlate to their looks or "sparkling personality".

Also, and I'll be quite frank here, I have found that after being with a being with a stunning 30 y.o. TGF, I don't think I can go back to that well for another drink. It has lost what little charm it had for me. I have deleted my profiles on the dating sites I was using.

I guess all I can do is go back, live in the moment, and let the next chapter unfold as it will.

Hang on

i am not currently sending her money.

She has asked me if when we are together, i could help out, as she helps her parents,

i understand that, it's part of the culture. they are poor rice farmers, and i'm sure many here do the same.

So if we are together fulltime, then yes it's about Aud$100-150 a mth for me

no big deal!

If you are telling the truth she is a gold digger and thinks you are a fool.

If you are BS we all think you are a fool

[4evermaat]

#1 book recommend would be Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1878424424. OP mentioned in a previous posts that you normally are decisive and follow gut instincts. No reason to change now. you can get the book in audio form, which is cool and you can listen to it anytime.

"2nd best time to plant a tree is today." Sent from TV android app.

[ShanePashen]

Yes by & large I have received some very good advice, will be keeping my eyes open and my wits about me, when I am there in a couple of weeks.

I still don't want to disillusioned with my vision of a possible future with her, she does make me very happy, and its not all about the sex either.

I would describe her as very easy going and low maintenance...So far!

.

But I think it now important to see besides the obvious physical attraction I Ihave for her.

Is there more substance to us. Our education and cultural differences are vast.

I have explained to her where I come from I am a very average man, not rich at all, I have to work hard to pay my bills, and support my children's education. Although when she questioned me, I did mention i have a nice sports car, a nice 4WD Ute, 2 motorbikes, large house with pool. And a collection of vintage guitars, one of my hobbies. All the electronic trappings of our society, from big TV's etc.etc. down to an espresso machine I paid 3 grand for. It all seems so meaningless when you see the way the Thais live and how little they have, and how happy they seem with next to nothing.

My neighbours cats also need not fear my cooking pot, only my garden hose. It things like that make we wonder if our worlds are just too different to assimilate. I mean could she be happy in the suburbs of Brisbane. would she get bored shitless, would she crave home, family.

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Like many in my age group I find myself single after some 17 years of marriage, and in all honesty I think being

single doesn't sit too comfortably with me. I have also dated some damaged middle aged western women so mercenary, they'd make a Pattaya bar girl look like an Angel. I would also mention, their opinion of themselves, didn't correlate to their looks or "sparkling personality".

Also, and I'll be quite frank here, I have found that after being with a being with a stunning 30 y.o. TGF, I don't think I can go back to that well for another drink. It has lost what little charm it had for me. I have deleted my profiles on the dating sites I was using.

I guess all I can do is go back, live in the moment, and let the next chapter unfold as it will.

Hang on

i am not currently sending her money.

She has asked me if when we are together, i could help out, as she helps her parents,

i understand that, it's part of the culture. they are poor rice farmers, and i'm sure many here do the same.

So if we are together fulltime, then yes it's about Aud$100-150 a mth for me

no big deal!

If you are telling the truth she is a gold digger and thinks you are a fool.

If you are BS we all think you are a fool

Don't consider myself a bullshitter, no I am not sending her any money, yes IF we end up together, I would help her parents, guess that makes me a fool, and her a gold digger then, Bring it on I say!! well in thee eyes of some anyway.

In the words of the immortal Bard, "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool"

Time to get a silly hat then!

Edited March 1, 2012 by ShanePashen

[Mossfinn]

imo immigration has a pretty good read on a womans situation and if you are thinking in long terms why not accept their professional opinion?

Immigrations view on a short term relationship would have been heavily weighed on longevity and sustainability and evidence not on character,

[Jawnie]

You are in the throes of a classic holiday affair, a 16 day fling with a sweet, younger Thai woman is everyone's dream. But that's all you should consider it to be as of now. You need to spend a lot more time with her so that "the feelin'" wears off both of you....then see where things are at. You are NOT in love yet and you must keep firmly in mind that the odds are against you for this turning into a true, long-term relationship. Thai women will tell you they miss you after exchanging a couple of email messages even though never having met. They all say this, probably because it works so well at getting a guys attention - it's like a magic, mystical chant: "I miss you..." is all it takes and the guy is on the hook. Incredible.

Do not listen to your infatuation and all the flowery, romantic fantasies going on in your head and penis right now. Yes, it's great, but not a real relationship yet. I suspect your next visit with her will not be as great, as that's a good thing.

The poster who was skeptical about her working status and that she could just leave her job for 3 weeks has it right - then she doesn't have a stable job if she can do that. Keep your antenna up for things that don't sound right or stories that somehow don't add up - like the job thing. Some women conceal a lot about themselves. If things don't add up and you start thinking your crazy for not understanding her situation, that's a big red flag.

[transam]

Yes by & large I have received some very good advice, will be keeping my eyes open and my wits about me, when I am there in a couple of weeks.

I still don't want to disillusioned with my vision of a possible future with her, she does make me very happy, and its not all about the sex either.

I would describe her as very easy going and low maintenance...So far!

.

But I think it now important to see besides the obvious physical attraction I Ihave for her.

Is there more substance to us. Our education and cultural differences are vast.

I have explained to her where I come from I am a very average man, not rich at all, I have to work hard to pay my bills, and support my children's education. Although when she questioned me, I did mention i have a nice sports car, a nice 4WD Ute, 2 motorbikes, large house with pool. And a collection of vintage guitars, one of my hobbies. All the electronic trappings of our society, from big TV's etc.etc. down to an espresso machine I paid 3 grand for. It all seems so meaningless when you see the way the Thais live and how little they have, and how happy they seem with next to nothing.

My neighbours cats also need not fear my cooking pot, only my garden hose. It things like that make we wonder if our worlds are just too different to assimilate. I mean could she be happy in the suburbs of Brisbane. would she get bored shitless, would she crave home, family.

She has asked me to chip in 4000 to 5000 bath per calendar Mth for her parents, I don't give a shit, I can afford that.

My sons Tennis coaching is about that.

Like many in my age group I find myself single after some 17 years of marriage, and in all honesty I think being

single doesn't sit too comfortably with me. I have also dated some damaged middle aged western women so mercenary, they'd make a Pattaya bar girl look like an Angel. I would also mention, their opinion of themselves, didn't correlate to their looks or "sparkling personality".

Also, and I'll be quite frank here, I have found that after being with a being with a stunning 30 y.o. TGF, I don't think I can go back to that well for another drink. It has lost what little charm it had for me. I have deleted my profiles on the dating sites I was using.

I guess all I can do is go back, live in the moment, and let the next chapter unfold as it will.

Hang on

i am not currently sending her money.

She has asked me if when we are together, i could help out, as she helps her parents,

i understand that, it's part of the culture. they are poor rice farmers, and i'm sure many here do the same.

So if we are together fulltime, then yes it's about Aud$100-150 a mth for me

no big deal!

If you are telling the truth she is a gold digger and thinks you are a fool.

If you are BS we all think you are a fool

Don't consider myself a bullshitter, no I am not sending her any money, yes IF we end up together, I would help her parents, guess that makes me a fool, and her a gold digger then, Bring it on I say!! well in thee eyes of some anyway.

In the words of the immortal Bard, "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool"

Time to get a silly hat then!

Yeh, need one with 3 corners that have a bell on each, but you must have the harlequin suit to match eh.

[trevorg]

Shane (OP) Please keep us updated on your thoughts and feelings over the next couple of weeks as I believe that you are now back in Thailand.

Regarding the topic, I must be one of the lucky ones: My wife was working in a bar in Samui - she arrived there on the same day as I (Friday) May 2008, specifically to meet a farang husband, I met her on the Sunday, we had a party in the bar on the Wednesday (after I'd spent 5,000THB on a bracelet), we travelled to her family home in Sa Kaew province (not quite Isaan) the following Saturday - had an informal Thai style engagement with pig's head on the Tuesday and I flew back to the UK on the Friday.

Within 5 weeks (July 2008), she arrived in the UK on a 6 month visitor visa, (probably luckily granted at the 1st attempt - reason to return a 9 year old daughter - at the time - who was able to be looked after by my in-laws - with some additional funding from me), she stayed the full time, whilst I was working, but we had a fantastic time and she enjoyed being able to relax and not having to look after her extended family.

We flew back to Thailand together (Jan 2009) and I set up internet etc at her house (she already had that built by her parents when she was 7 (oldest daughter)). I flew back to the UK 2 weeks later, asked my company if I could move to Thailand permanently and keep my job, which I did 2 months later. (April 2009) We were married in November that year. I have had a couple of months away from her when I had to go back to the UK for 4 months, she joined me for 2 months in 2010 and I have been out here in Thailand permanently since Nov 2010.

1) I am very lucky

2) Not all girls are gold diggers (but many are)

3) You are right that you should have no problem giving money to a girl if you are taking her away from 'work' or assisting her family

4) There are many horror stories and most of them are true

5) Love is a very strong emotion and I don't regret following my heart and not my head

6) I was 41 and my wife was 34 when we met – (nearly 4 years on now).

7) I was previously married, no kids, both myself and my Thai wife get on fine with my ex-wife – she was never a bitch, I was never a bastard, we just grew apart as husband and wife after 12 years.

8) I would suggest that any long-term relationship (especially cross-cultural) will only survive if you can be together whenever you want and not separated by distance for most of the time (apologies armed forces personnel/ rig workers – as I know this is hard for you)

9) Whilst I feel lucky and we are still in love, I am more aware now (probably from reading the cynics/ realists on TV) that it could all go ‘tits up’ at any time and have put in place the many ‘golden rules’ especially don’t spend more than you can afford to lose, and have enough ‘in the bank’ or insurance for health matters and an escape plan.

10) I live opposite the yard from my Thai in-laws and extended family and get on fine with them

Good luck Shane! I hope it works out for you as well as it has done for me (and long may it continue)!

Edited March 6, 2012 by trevorg

[transam]

Shane (OP) Please keep us updated on your thoughts and feelings over the next couple of weeks as I believe that you are now back in Thailand.

Regarding the topic, I must be one of the lucky ones: My wife was working in a bar in Samui - she arrived there on the same day as I (Friday) May 2008, specifically to meet a farang husband, I met her on the Sunday, we had a party in the bar on the Wednesday (after I'd spent 5,000THB on a bracelet), we travelled to her family home in Sa Kaew province (not quite Isaan) the following Saturday - had an informal Thai style engagement with pig's head on the Tuesday and I flew back to the UK on the Friday.

Within 5 weeks (July 2008), she arrived in the UK on a 6 month visitor visa, (probably luckily granted at the 1st attempt - reason to return a 9 year old daughter - at the time - who was able to be looked after by my in-laws - with some additional funding from me), she stayed the full time, whilst I was working, but we had a fantastic time and she enjoyed being able to relax and not having to look after her extended family.

We flew back to Thailand together (Jan 2009) and I set up internet etc at her house (she already had that built by her parents when she was 7 (oldest daughter)). I flew back to the UK 2 weeks later, asked my company if I could move to Thailand permanently and keep my job, which I did 2 months later. (April 2009) We were married in November that year. I have had a couple of months away from her when I had to go back to the UK for 4 months, she joined me for 2 months in 2010 and I have been out here in Thailand permanently since Nov 2010.

1) I am very lucky

2) Not all girls are gold diggers (but many are)

3) You are right that you should have no problem giving money to a girl if you are taking her away from 'work' or assisting her family

4) There are many horror stories and most of them are true

5) Love is a very strong emotion and I don't regret following my heart and not my head

6) I was 41 and my wife was 34 when we met – (nearly 4 years on now).

7) I was previously married, no kids, both myself and my Thai wife get on fine with my ex-wife – she was never a bitch, I was never a bastard, we just grew apart as husband and wife after 12 years.

8) I would suggest that any long-term relationship (especially cross-cultural) will only survive if you can be together whenever you want and not separated by distance for most of the time (apologies armed forces personnel/ rig workers – as I know this is hard for you)

9) Whilst I feel lucky and we are still in love, I am more aware now (probably from reading the cynics/ realists on TV) that it could all go ‘tits up’ at any time and have put in place the many ‘golden rules’ especially don’t spend more than you can afford to lose, and have enough ‘in the bank’ or insurance for health matters and an escape plan.

10) I live opposite the yard from my Thai in-laws and extended family and get on fine with them

Good luck Shane! I hope it works out for you as well as it has done for me (and long may it continue)!

[trevorg]

Transam - fair enough - I can't believe you're drinking a cup of tea! I just felt I needed to give the bloke some hope!!