A Christmas Theme

[andyfletch]

Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met by St Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this holy season," says Saint Peter,"You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man goes through his pockets and pulls out a lighter, flicks it on, >saying, "It represents a candle."

"You may pass through the pearly gates," says St Peter.

The second man pulls out a set of keys, shakes them and says, "They're bells."

St Peter lets him pass.

The third man looks desperate and finally pulls a g-string from his pocket. St. Peter looks quizzical and asks, "Just how do those symbolise Christmas?"

You'll like this……..

Not a lot, but you'll like it…..

The man replies, "They're Carols."

[bino]

I have a Christmas theme joke too.

It is the day before Christmas, and the postman is out delivering the mail in the snow and cold.

As he approaches a house to put the post in the box, the door opens. The lady of the house, a nice looking blonde wearing a kimono, is standing in the doorway. She asks the postman: "Would you like to come inside the house for a few minutes to get warm?"

"Yes please!" The postman gratefully accepts the offer, and steps into the house.

Once he is inside, the lady of the house tells him that she has just made some homemade soup and baked a loaf of bread, and asks him if he would like to have some lunch.

"Oh, yes please!" Again, the postman gratefully accepts. He takes off his coat and his boots, and follows her into the kitchen, where the table is already set in anticipation of his arrival. The postman sits at the table, and the lady serves him the soup and fresh bread.

Once the meal is finished, the lady of the house comes over beside the postman, drops the kimono, sits in his lap, and seduces him. They end up having passionate sex on the kitchen floor.

When it is over, and the postman is getting back into his coat and boots, the woman comes to him and gives him two dollar bills.

The postman looks at the money, then looks at her, and says: "I don't quite understand this. It was very kind of you to invite me in to your house, and feed me a terrific lunch. The sex was fantastic, but what is this two dollars for?"

The woman replies: "When I asked my husband what we should get the postman for Christmas, he said '<deleted> him. give him two bucks.' The soup was my idea!"