Am I Overreacting?

[anon345535]

Around six months ago I started taking my daughter (4-year old) to play in the park in our estate. We usually go swimming in the evening for at least an hour then I let her run around for a while before it get's dark.

There were usually between 2-4 other mothers there (I am a single father), who all know my daughter so I was quite happy for her to play with them while I just took a back seat and observed. It wasn't long before I noticed one of the boys of the group to be a spiteful crybaby full of malice. The kind of boy that if he didn't get to play with another child's toy his instant reaction would be to try and break it. The kind of boy that would deliberately try and ride his scooter into other peoples ankle's regardless of age. This boy was approxiamtely one year older than my daughter and I used to observe him hitting his "best friend". This happened several times, and was usually met with a limp-wristed slap on his hand which seemed to do the trick as he stopped hitting his friend.

Several weeks later this boy started hitting my daughter with increasing regularity. I ignored it at first as part of growing up and character building, I think he was riled by the fact my daughter isn't a cry baby and very rarely cries just for the sake of it, whereas he, most nights, would cry like a girl for the most ridiculous of things.

This scenario continued for about a week. All this time his mother just sat there being useless.

One evening this boy grabbed my daughters hair and pulled it so hard it bent her neck back, he had no intention of letting go, i could see the pain in her face before she started crying. I jumped up and shouted at him furiously to let go. I told him to make sure i never see him doing that again. His mother told him to apologize, He ran past my daughter and muttered "sorry" half-heartedly with no sincerity whatsoever.

Things didn't really change, if anything they escalated. He pulled her hair again, only this time my daugher also grabbed his. He would often hit my daughter as soon as she arrived at the park and usually once or twice more during her time there. It got to the point where I was telling my daughter to "slap him in the face". I would say this directly in front of his mother, but still it continued.

One evening Whilst we were getting changed from swimming I told her to go and play while I finished Getting changed. She commented that the boy would hit her. I told her not to worry and if he did just to come back to me. She returned within a couple of minutes. We went to the park together, I sat on the grass and she came and sat in my lap. I could see this boy about 15 yards away running towards us. As he got closer he jumped into the air and raised his hands to hit my daughter. I caught his arm and restrained myself from hurling him across the park. His mother sat less than three metres away was oblivious to this and needed to be told by her friend what had happened. I angrily told her it was ridiculous that I should sit here every night witnessing her son basically bullying my daughter as she watched on and did nothing about it. I labelled her a useless, lazy mother who may as well not even be supervising him at the park.

She reacted by telling her son they were going home, he didn't want to go, she picked him up and he started a full tantrum, kicking and screaming, while she was screaming also. It really was quite embarrassing to watch.

I phoned her husband and explained the situation and told him i wanted it to stop, immediately. I said they are only kids but there is a huge difference to the odd scuffle and persistent bullying. Their solution was instead of telling him to stop hitting her he would tell her he is not allowed to play with her anymore.

A couple of months past, I took my daughter to the park less after swimmiing. We would swim longer and play on the swings for five minutes before it got dark. I tried to keep my distance as much as possible and ensure she did to.

Yesterday evening she went to the park whilst I got changed. When it was time to go home she remarked how the boy had thrown a stone at her. It had hit her ankle and broken the skin. Nothing bad, she didn't cry and there was very little blood. I asked "what did his mum do?" "nothing" i was told.

Now this incident on it's own with any child would not really of bothered me and i would of brushed it off, but as it was this boy again I was furious. I approached his mother demanding to know what she was going to do about it. She wouldn't even look at me, she kept looking at the floor smiliing then when i walked away she would make some remark to her friends and start laughing which of course made me even more angry. I told her that if she finds it funny that her son bullys my daughter maybe i should step up my efforts to prevent it.

Upon walking away this boys football was in front of me. There was no child within 15 metres of it. I angrily booted it a fair distance into a tree. It dropped to the floor

When i returned home I immediately phoned her husband. After telling him this bullying will stop now he started calling me a fuc_king arsehol_e and a child and dared me to confront him at the park.

I immediately returned to the park and was completely suprised at the response I got.

His ignorance was unbelievable saying the previous bullying was in the past and had been dealt with (swept under the carpet more like) and how dare I kick his son's football. He basically said I should just put up with it whilst trying to put on a show of manliness which I am sure was rehearsed by having his wife pushing him back from me so as not to attack me, even though he never came within three metres of me during any point. He suggested I don't go to the park anymore. He was swiftly told to piss off even though I have no intention of going there. The confrontaion was a complete waste of time. I expected more from him tbh.

sorry this was so long but thanks for reading

Did I overreact? Should I really just turn a blind eye to all this? It's obviously what I was expected to do.

Edited February 25, 2012 by c411um

[necronx99]

No, but if the parents are antagonistic there is little you can do that will not turn ugly.

Teach you daughter how to throw a decent right cross and give her carte blanch to use it.

[thaiIand]

hi. This will shock some little girls but if its that persistent. I would simply hit the parent in the face every single time the boy does the it. Those kind of thais only learn that way. The same way that if a thais throws garbage outside, the only way to teach him is to put all your garbage in his carpark. Then after a while he'll stop being stupid. (have done similar thing on many occasion). Teaching your daugther to kick him in the balls would be a good way to go as well.

Its not 'good parenting' but some extreme personalities require extreme response. This wont get fixed with talking, thais are only laughing at your little 'cry baby daughter' in your back.

An other option would be to bring dog poop in a bag and tell your daughter to make the boy eat it every time he starts fighting with her.

Last time something similar happened to my son, a 4year old wouldnt leave him alone when he was 2 and 3/4th at the tesco indoor park, i took the little kid by the foot upside down and called for his parents.. More shocked than if they had seen a body splatered on the ground after a motorbike accident with no helmet. Their kid started fearing the white man after that.

[Mirth]

Sometimes being soft gives ignorant people the impression that a person is weak. Raising voices and avoidance creates the same thing.

You yourself have to decide what is it you want. For me, i will just make a police report to make sure the stone throwing stops.

[marstons]

to many of the half farang Thai and hald thai kids are little brats, i assume thats the case. when out eating, in hospital waiting rooms as in your case in parks they are given a free rain. Daddy is usually well into 50's with a give every thing attitude andmummy is a less than educated Thai lady who does not give a dam_n.

Scare the crap out of the brat and the mum.

Rant over i dislike most hasips intensly, farangs over 50 should have a compulsary snip so as not to produce them.

[chiangmaibruce]

In responding it would help to be sure about: what country are you in? what nationality are the people involved? what language did you/they speak in/understand? etc. Can we assume Thailand and everyone understood what everyone else was saying ?

You did not over-react and you did the right thing ... some parents are just useless and will not control their children, particularly certain Thai women with their sons. Your daughter might like to try Muay Thai - at the Muay school our son goes to each weekend there are a number of girls and women .. the kids just do training and exercises, not fighting

Edited February 29, 2012 by chiangmaibruce

[PattayaParent]

Something similar used to happen at a playgroup my wife took our daughter to.

A boy was always hitting other kids and as a result some of the mothers stopped taking their kids.

When the boy hit my daughter my wife smacked him and turned to his mother and said, next time he hits then the mother will get a smack too.

They never came back.

Always encourage your kid to strike back if they are hit. Don't let them become victims.

[WarpSpeed]

to many of the half farang Thai and hald thai kids are little brats, i assume thats the case. when out eating, in hospital waiting rooms as in your case in parks they are given a free rain. Daddy is usually well into 50's with a give every thing attitude andmummy is a less than educated Thai lady who does not give a dam_n.

Scare the crap out of the brat and the mum.

Rant over i dislike most hasips intensly, farangs over 50 should have a compulsary snip so as not to produce them.

Good thing my sons are half Chinese instead then and I'm not quite "well" into my 50's yet...I was wondering why they don't fit your generalizations though there is some truth in what you say.

[adweb00]

Whas this man thai?? Regardless u are far from in the wrong your daughter dosent need that kind of garbage happening!!! Should of just punched him in the mouth would of shut all 3 up

[Forethat]

What is the nationality of this bully-raising family...? This sounds like a nightmare with nothing but lose-lose options. If this is a Thai family I would pack my bags and leave. I don't think this can be resolved other than if you take your daughter to martial arts class, and if you do; the father might be pissed off when she kicks this little bully's arse...

I am not a violent man, but if this was happening to my daughter, someone would get their limbs fractured with a cricket bat.