Hiv -Am I Over-Reacting

[autan]

For those of you who have followed my posts, I will be moving to Thailand shortly. I have just come back from a trip out there and found out that one of my Wife (family members) has contracted HIV. My family consists of Me, My Wife and 19 month old Son. We are all HIV NEGATIVE which means we do not have HIV. (Normal)

Our family member is in her late 40s and got it from a boyfriend who has self teminated himself. She is on all kinds of drugs all free aparantly.

I just have a bit of a problem, well more than just a bit of a problem and would welcome your HONEST thoughs regardless of how unconfortable it makes me feel.

AM I OVER-REACTING TO HIV ??????

Imaging one of the nicest, kindest people in the world who has looked after her aged mother for the last 20+ years, finds love and end up with HIV. If you ask me it turns into AIDS.

Would you let her near your 19 month old only Son ? How do you even begin to intervene without causing massive offence.

So far she has kept her distance and there is no reason to assume she wont in the future, but let me tell you it one thing seeing it on TV and knowing the science behind safety and HIV and it quite another letting someone infected near your Prince.

What would you do and please be kind she never went out looking for this, its just real <deleted> bad luck to a really nice person.

[flying]

You need to educate that unfounded fear out of yourself & hopefully not pass it on to others in your family.

Your son & everyone else in your family has nothing to fear. Why you say it turns into AIDS is beyond me....

You said she is on meds.....As such she will most likely live a normal life.

If you live in Thailand ...& many other places for that matter you probably come in contact with HIV+ folks every day.

Edited March 13, 2012 by flying

[autan]

I am afraid thats easier said than done. Like I said earlier, its easy to watch it on the TV, but when its in the same room as you and the infected person who to pick up your son, would you take that chance or like me would you want to run as far and as fast as possible.

[farang000999]

here comes a bunch of farang in this thread to talk about how HIV is not real because they never use condoms and have not gotten it yet.

Edited March 13, 2012 by farang000999

[flying]

I am afraid thats easier said than done. Like I said earlier, its easy to watch it on the TV, but when its in the same room as you and the infected person who to pick up your son, would you take that chance or like me would you want to run as far and as fast as possible.

No it is not because I have actually done just as you say.....

I do know HIV + folks & am not afraid to have them around my kids.

Because I know the facts about transmission.

I am not having my kids get blood transfusions from them.....They are people who have a immune deficiency

That is all it is. If they are being treated with meds they actually test undetectable in virus levels.

Why would you say "If you ask me it turns into AIDS"?

What leads you to such thinking? Do you know what AIDS is?

You know...It is 100% your choice & none can say your not entitled to do with

your children as you see fit. But your fears of just having contact with this girl who you yourself have said many

times is a fine person.....are unfounded.....But again it is your choice & your children

But you should educate yourself too....Because you will pass on this unfounded fear to others in her family & make her an outcast

for no reason.

[bendix]

Yes, you're over-reacting.

To be honest, you're also displaying a woeful degree of ignorance about what HIV is (it doesn't always lead to AIDS) and how it is transmitted. It's absolutely shocking that 30 years after the HIVscare started, there are people who still thinking like you.

Get an education.

From your posts to date, you seem pretty much terrified of everything. I half think you're using this HIV as an excuse to tell your wife you don't want to move to Thailand.

[naboo]

OP, educate yourself.

HIV is spread primarily by:

• Not using a condom when having sex with a person who has HIV. All unprotected sex with someone who has HIV contains some risk. However:
  
  • Unprotected anal sex is riskier than unprotected vaginal sex.
    
  • Among men who have sex with other men, unprotected receptive anal sex is riskier than unprotected insertive anal sex.
    

  [*]Having multiple sex partners or the presence of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can increase the risk of infection during sex. Unprotected oral sex can also be a risk for HIV transmission, but it is a much lower risk than anal or vaginal sex.

  [*]Sharing needles, syringes, rinse water, or other equipment used to prepare illicit drugs for injection.

  [*]Being born to an infected mother—HIV can be passed from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, or breast-feeding.

HIV cannot reproduce outside the human body. It is not spread by:

• Air or water.
  
• Insects, including mosquitoes. Studies conducted by CDC researchers and others have shown no evidence of HIV transmission from insects.
  
• Saliva, tears, or sweat. There is no documented case of HIV being transmitted by spitting.
  
• Casual contact like shaking hands or sharing dishes.
  
• Closed-mouth or “social” kissing.
  

From http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/basic/

[GreenSnapper]

Don't listen to the politically correct crowd here. PC is an ideology.

You have a responsibility to your child. Don't take any risks. Keep your child away!

Some more background: she may be on drugs. But does she take them correctly? This is Thailand! If not taken correctly, she may sooner or later develop AIDS.

She may also have some psychological problems. Borderline etc. You never know. She may do something, out of jealousy or other reasons.

Even if the chances are small, you won't take any risk. This is your child, have responsibility as a man and father!

[Ijustwannateach]

We should have compassion for victims of HIV, not fear. It is not easy to catch, and except for the sexual routes of transmission (which do not in themselves make it exactly 'easy' to catch) the chance of being exposed in any serious way is not significantly different from zero.

Clearly, the stigma dies hard. But here is a chance for OP to educate himself. Chances are a number of people already around you from day to day will be HIV positive; you just don't know it (and they may even not yet know it).

Being in the gay community, I am sure that I have probably had social or even more significant contact at some point or another with HIV+ folks. I am fairly sure one of the guys I dated early on in my time here eventually died of HIV related illnesses. However, I protect myself and behave sensibly, and in 15 years of testing no positive result for me. I'm sure that your family member is not a disease risk for you or your family in that respect. However, it is true that if you are this paranoid it may be better for your family member for you not to be around her until you are better- your unconscious or conscious rejection of her will surely be felt and be hurtful, and as your child grows up he/she will have this paranoia transferred onto him/her as well.

[dave111223]

Suppose "Aunty" (with HIV) is cutting some mango in the kitchen.

She slips and cuts her finger in the process drops the knife on the floor.

19 month kid springs into action and grabs the knife, also cuts his fingers when grabbing it.

I am understanding correctly that this case actually presents no danger of the kid contracting HIV?

[Ijustwannateach]

Suppose "Aunty" (with HIV) is cutting some mango in the kitchen.

She slips and cuts her finger in the process drops the knife on the floor.

19 month kid springs into action and grabs the knife, also cuts his fingers when grabbing it.

I am understanding correctly that this case actually presents no danger of the kid contracting HIV?

Exactly. You could let an HIV+ victim bleed all over you (and you with an open cut or two) and there would be very little risk. The amount of the virus which it would be necessary to get into your blood through an open wound is prohibitively high for the entry vector which you describe. That is because open cuts are well-defended zones in the body and the body's natural defenses are geared towards NOT allowing invasive entry through that means. This was covered years and years and years ago when people were paranoid about sharing toothbrushes, helping an HIV+ accident victim, etc., etc., etc. It's all paranoia.

The sexual vectors are more dangerous because they are zones of the body where typically outside material is *allowed* to be absorbed into the system more easily (sexual and/or digestive).

[nocturn]

your child is in no danger.

[Ijustwannateach]

Suppose "Aunty" (with HIV) is cutting some mango in the kitchen.

She slips and cuts her finger in the process drops the knife on the floor.

19 month kid springs into action and grabs the knife, also cuts his fingers when grabbing it.

I am understanding correctly that this case actually presents no danger of the kid contracting HIV?

Exactly. You could let an HIV+ victim bleed all over you (and you with an open cut or two) and there would be very little risk. The amount of the virus which it would be necessary to get into your blood through an open wound is prohibitively high for the entry vector which you describe. That is because open cuts are well-defended zones in the body and the body's natural defenses are geared towards allowing invasive entry through that means. This was covered years and years and years ago when people were paranoid about sharing toothbrushes, helping an HIV+ accident victim, etc., etc., etc. It's all paranoia.

The sexual vectors are more dangerous because they are zones of the body where typically outside material is *allowed* to be absorbed into the system more easily (sexual and/or digestive).

And before some fool rushes in and posts it, yes, if you have an open cut in general you should avoid getting other people's blood in it for all kinds of reasons, but I am trying to make a point here that accidents of this type would be VERY unlikely first of all and VERY, VERY low risk (basically zero) second of all.

[orchis]

You are overreacting. You can lessen fear by getting better informed.

[Ijustwannateach]

Moving to the Health Forum as more relevant and for expert input.

[bendix]

Don't listen to the politically correct crowd here. PC is an ideology.

You have a responsibility to your child. Don't take any risks. Keep your child away!

Some more background: she may be on drugs. But does she take them correctly? This is Thailand! If not taken correctly, she may sooner or later develop AIDS.

She may also have some psychological problems. Borderline etc. You never know. She may do something, out of jealousy or other reasons.

Even if the chances are small, you won't take any risk. This is your child, have responsibility as a man and father!

Good grief.

And you're suggesting SHE has psychological problems?

[KhunVee]

My advise would be: stop reading most BS here and contact any HIV Clinic or Social Centre in your community and get educated.

I don't know where you are now, so you will need to do some research on whats available near you.

I've been an EMT for many years and also have/had many HIV+ in my close environment and I can tell you that the risk (when not actively involved in sexual acts or drug use) to contract HIV is 250 smaller than, let's say, Hepatitis.

Anyway, there are ( for sure in Belgium, so probably also in other countries) groups that educate newly infected people, friends & family members and professionals on how to handle and how to deal with it in various situations.

Go find them and get educated properly.

You soon will find out there are many myths, false truths and wrong ideas in the world about HIV.

I for one (in my duty as paramedic) got puked, peed, blood covered many times. I also touched, carried and at some stages on an emergency dragged HIV+ people all over the place without getting infected of course.

Each virus has it's own transmission behaviour, and sometimes I worry some people confuse HIV with Ebola.

Edited March 13, 2012 by KhunVee

[Latindancer]

You need to speak with HER, and ensure SHE understands how it is transmitted. And you need to get her to tell it back to you, not just to nod and say "yes" when you explain. Get actual agreements in place, for instance that she treats it as a very serious thing if she gets a cut.

If she is such a lovely person I'm sure she won't have psychological problems and somehow transmit it out of spite.

But you want to go through the parameters clearly in Thai, with a translator if necessary.

[TexasRanger]

your child is in no danger.

That's not true is it, whilst it is not something to panic over there is of course a risk of transmission in the even (however unlikely) of an accident. Agree the OP would be better off googling HIV then hopefully he can make an informed risk asessment.

[mommysboy]

Hello. To Hiv infection, yes a complete over reaction. To HIV/AIDS as an event in your life, and the realisation of mortality in the family, no this is quite a usual reaction. Clearly, it's got you very agitated, but this really is something that is an emotional issue. If you think about it, the 2 events the birth of your child, and the stark intrusion of death, could not be more apart, plus you are making big life changes.

I agree in this instance you should listen only to the expert medical advice at first and disregard all you have learnt from others or preconceived notions.

On this forum you see, you will come across some real nuts who believe HIV is as common as the cold, and others like me who are regarded as dissenters, denialist, or cranks because I don't believe the received wisdom.

[steveromagnino]

I would be far more concerned on hepatitis and several other major bacterial diseases including salmonella, typhoid, etc as these are hugely damaging and can be more life changing than HIV plus are often spread more easily.

And yes you are completely over reacting; its funny how parents often have no issue with people with filthy hands directly from wiping their bottoms festering with bacteria then coochy cooing with a young child...but flip out totally irrationally when meeting someone with HIV.

For what it is worth, the small amount of charity work I've done with an HIV+ orphanage has not had a fatality since the kids went on meds back in 2007 and even then the kid that died only died because the parents saw he was getting better so took him off the meds....and then handed him back when he was heartbreakingly sick again.

From talking to the management at the orphanage, the meds work for the most part, they are about on par with a diabetic or other chronic sufferer, and both help the victim (in this case all acquired through parents) as well as reducing the amount of virus and thus a person on meds becomes far less likely to transmit anyhow.

In short....if you have ever been to a public place with your kid...you are probably putting your prince in more danger of acquiring a nasty bug than from this very nice sounding person.

Edited March 13, 2012 by steveromagnino

[Sheryl]

You are not so much over-reacting as mis-reacting.

There is absolutely no risk to you, your child, or anyone else in the family from the fact this woman is HIV+.

The virus cannot be transmitted through saliva, nor through touching, eating together or anything else that woulds plausibly occur. You would have to directly receive blood from her via transfusion or shared IV needle (dripping with her blood) or else have sex with her. Even then, given that she is on ART (medication), if she has been on treatment fior any length iof time her viral load may be so low that transmission even that way is unlikely.

There is more risk of contacting HIV from someone you do not know to be infected and who is not on treatment (and even then, only via sex or direct blood exposure).

If you were to worry about anything it should be Hepatitis B which is far more easily transmitted than HIV. A high proportion of people with HIV also have or have at some time had Hep B; for that matter many people in the general population are carriers. Fortunately there is a vaccine and it is routinely given to children in Thailand but not in most western countries. I suggest your child as well as all other family members get vaccinated, would advise same even if there were not an HIV+ person in the family.

If you are going to be living in a rural area I would also suggest Japanese B encephalitis vaccine.

P.S. By far the greatest risk to your son is a car accident. bring an infant/child car seat with you when you come, they can be hard to find here. Another risk is dengue, hard to avoid except through protective clothing and being sure he is covered with nets while napping also use (non-toxic) mosquito repellant.

[sbk]

One fear mongering totally inaccurate post removed and response to that post. Now that Sheryl is here, I will leave it to her to determine the fate of the rest of these kinds of posts.

[punch]

You are over reacting.. 100% But if I where you I would be feeling same way. I would let the women visit, nurse , cuddle but I would never leave your child in her care. Its your kid!!

[Sheryl]

That's ridiculous. In what possible way could she infect the child?

[autan]

Thanks for the posts, I've been away for a few days and just caught up with them. I have some posts saying I ned to get educated, I would 100% agree with this. I have never known anyone with HIV before and what I do know comes from the film Philadephia starring Tom Hanks.

So yes I need to do some reading.

The person who has HIV is a really really nice person and the last thing I want to do is offend her, just because she is so kind hearted.

I have some time to think about this, but I think providing there is no blood to blood contact, which is unlikly. There will of course be no sexual contact between her and my Son and I cant see how simply touching or holding my son would cause infection then it does go a long way to addressing what is a predudice through and through and one I will have come to terms with.

I dont understand why so much misinformatioin is being given about HIV, is it because there is no cure for it or is there another agenda into turning usually non predudicial people like me act in a very irrational manner ?

[flying]

Thanks for the posts, I've been away for a few days and just caught up with them. I have some posts saying I need to get educated, I would 100% agree with this. I have never known anyone with HIV before and what I do know comes from the film Philadelphia starring Tom Hanks.

So yes I need to do some reading.

The person who has HIV is a really really nice person and the last thing I want to do is offend her, just because she is so kind hearted.

I have some time to think about this, but I think providing there is no blood to blood contact, which is unlikely. There will of course be no sexual contact between her and my Son and I cant see how simply touching or holding my son would cause infection then it does go a long way to addressing what is a prejudice through and through and one I will have come to terms with.

I dont understand why so much misinformatioin is being given about HIV, is it because there is no cure for it or is there another agenda into turning usually non predudicial people like me act in a very irrational manner ?

autan you ask some good questions & you can keep them in mind as you check out the truth & read up on things.

personally I do not know why so much misinformation is out there & the movie you quote of course was scary but also a different time.

You will be amazed once you read & have actual knowledge to reflect on.

As for never known someone with HIV the funny thing is you probably do....They may also know or they may not.

For many folks it takes 15+ years to show signs & then only in their inability to fight off a illness.

Also as others have mentioned the ones that do know & are taking meds in reality pose no risk at all

as their viral levels are so low as to be deemed undetectable.

It is common to be afraid of the unknown & so was I when I first found out a child my kids played with had HIV

His mother was a hemophiliac & contacted HIV before blood screening was being done for hemophiliacs.

But after reading & reading then reading some more I came to realize it is not really something to fear.

Of course you will have to make your own decisions

Good Luck