sorry, but I just don't understand that last one

You have a nice suntan.

Pattaya Mayor:

We took care of the jet ski problem.

Thai lad: I'm a big Norwich City fan.

Contractor:

Let's slope the bathroom floor towards the drain.

Contractor:

Let's slope the bathroom floor towards the drain.

One of the best!!!!

Thai fellah in karaoke bar.... "Bottle of cold beer and no ice please"

Motorcycle taxi rider..."Are you sure? You're taking your life in yer hand getting on my bike"

Japanese man to bar girl, "clear your schedule, I'm going to ride you till you die."

I am going to buy the car I can afford, no sense taking on extra debt just to pretend I am Hi-so.

Sorry I haven't been here long enough to make generalisations but here's a few which relate to one Thai person I know...

My wife: of course it would make more sense to get out and walk to the restaurant in 30 seconds rather than wasting our life sat in this taxi which has barely moved in 30 minutes due to the traffic

My wife: today let's have a nice full English breakfast, fish & chips for lunch and an Indian takeaway for dinner

My wife: let's take the maid out for lunch and shopping today

My wife: can we change the channel? I don't want to watch any of this nonsense about ghosts or vampires

Thai neighbor:

The farang next door complained about the noise. Let's be quiet so we do not disturb them.

I met an honest lawyer.

Thai Police investigating a farang death:

He was probably pushed off the balcony.

Beach Maintenance worker:

Let's pick up the trash.

Pattaya One Newspaper Editor:

Even though an influential person threatened us, we will still print the story.

For Sale. 1 local inter-amphur bus. Full service history.

Thai bike mechanic:

Safety first! Let's fill up the tires to the manufacturers recommended pressure.

Pattaya One Newspaper Editor:

Even though an influential person threatened us, we will still print the story.

I don;t think you can hold that one against them..

The Nation Newspaper Editor:

If we printed what is really going on around here, we would end up in Jail for 15 years.

Private Hospital: No Sir, there's absolutely no need for you to wait and meet a specialist who'll see you for 5 minutes and then disappear never to be seen again for which we charge 10000 baht for the privilege and then stay here for 3 days in one of our 20000 baht a night suites while we run a battery of financially crippling tests. It's only a headache. Here's a couple of free paracetamol and off you go.

( Or from my own experience )

Nurse: You're right Sir.It was completely unprofessional of me to take a personal phone call while I was halfway through inserting an IV into your arm. You were fully justified in filing a complaint and I must apologise for giving you a snotty look as you left the hospital.

My Mother's pig is sick, we need you to send money for food.

Maximum speed limit in Bangkok 45kph in built up areas.

Ladyboy : You like Thai Girl Mr.

Pattaya Beach Boat Operator:

If we keep dumping our trash, oil and fuel it could have adverse effects on the environment and therefore, in the long run, hurt our business.

Pattaya Meter Taxi:

I use the meter.

Yellow Shirts:

We should start our own political party insead of relying in the Army coups.

Army leadership:

The time has come that we realize that we are here to serve the people and uphold the laws of our government.

From now on we do what we are told and respect the institution of democracy.

Any Thai restaurant manager: "Is the radio too loud?"

"would you like a different type of music?"

"would you like to dine without music?"

"Is it ok to have the TV blaring?"

"Is it alright with you if the TV and radio are on loud at the same time?"

"Would you like MSG in your meal?"

"Would you like a half bottle of mayonaise plopped on top of your salad?" (only in backpacker restaurants, because Thai restaurants don't offer salads with fresh veges)

Any Thai woman: "No thanks, I don't care to run my fingers through your blond child's long hair"

Thai driver approaching on narrow street, "no problem, I'll pull aside and let you pass first."

Chinese restaurant owner, upon seeing large snake in park, "No, don't kill it. Let it live like it should in the wild."

Neighbor: "Sorry about my dogs barking last night. I'll do what I can to discipline them."

"Are my dogs annoying you with their barking?"

"Could please you give me some advice on how to discipline my dogs."

"Did some of my trash blow in to your garden. I'm sorry, I'll come over right away to pick it up."

"Is my plastic burning bothering you? I'm sorry, I'll put the plastic in the trash bin instead."

"Sorry if soiled pampers are getting taken by my dogs and left on your lawn. I'll now put the pampers in a closed trash can." (actually happened for a few weeks).

"Are my roosters bothering you by crowing next to your house every morning at 4:15 am? I'll do what I can to deal with it, so you can sleep until the sun comes up."

From rural Islam neighbors "Sorry if my goats/horses/cows/sheep/goats chomp all you new plants. I'll do what I can to try and keep my animals away from your property."