Thanks To The Hua Hin Tourist Police...And Happy New Year

[fruittbatt]

I've never trusted authority, especially when clad in a police uniform with gun in pocket, crew-cut, and poker-faced. In fact, I have flown thousands of kilometres to morally support people who have danced on and dented the roofs of police cars and twisted precious police Ray-Bans in protests in Australia.

Today, in desperation, and without any expectations..., I enlisted the help of the Thai Tourist Police.

A week ago a certain tour agent in Hua Hin, "Mr Ed", sold me tickets for a Songkran-dodging boat trip. Songkran, or Thai New Year, is basically an exercise in mass drenching by water-canon, bucket, hose, etc. No one escapes the dousing. Then there is the cream powder slurry-smearing and the foam parties and the LOUD bands that don't sleep for three days and nights. It is a festival for the young and gung-ho, not for the curmudgeonly and geriatric. Sailing out into the Gulf of Siam and getting thoroughly and voluntarily wet seemed like a good alternative. Until the Manager of the Company visited us two days ago to explain that the tour was cancelled because of Thai New Year. Duh! Mr Ed would refund us in full, she assured.

Mr Ed was not around when we fronted his makeshift booth near the Hilton Hotel yesterday. When we returned an hour later, Mr Ed's booth had also evaporated, as had the Bangladeshi tailors who had advised us when he would return.

This morning we called Mr Ed, whose only English was the word "NO", repeated incessantly. I had a little more luck speaking in Thai. Mr Ed assured me the tour would be ON tomorrow. We should just wait for him to pick us up. I called the Manager of the Company. She insisted that the tour was definitely OFF. She would call me back. Yeah...

.

The tourist police spoke far better English than I speak Thai. They confirmed my story before escorting me to the back seat of the police car. Three of them, one of me. The guy with the crew--cut drove and multi-tasked admirably; dodging motorbikes, smiling through the ordeal of bar-alley where whores in tiny shorts smudged slurry on the windows of the cruise car, aimed water canon at the windscreen, and tipped their buckets over us. The policeman talked constantly on his mobile. He was on the case of our $120 refund. He sped through red traffic lights.

The very young woman in the back seat with me looked like a uni student in her white shirt and pleated black skirt with bulldog-clip holding the belt in place. She reassured me in excellent English that they would get our money back. I believed her, against all reasonable hope.

The crew-cut cop was not deterred by the sight of Mr Ed's unmanned booth. Within two minutes he had discovered Mr Ed's home address in an unsalubrious soi, opposite a crash-repair shop. Mr Ed's scribbly son advised that his father had spent the day drinking at a friend's house. The friend lived in an even narrower and nastier soi. He was a huge-gutted man in greasy shorts and no shirt. He stroked his belly. Mr Ed had gone to his mistress's house in neighboring Pranburi, he said. The police in Pranburi said their office was closed already for traffic duty, monitoring the holiday mayhem on the highway south.

The woman cop in the front of the car was in a holiday mood, advising the driver to run red lights and commenting on the specials at the new KFC which would open tomorrow for New Year. She phoned the tour Company, and both she and Mr Crew-Cut demanded that they refund our money. Within half an hour we had the cash in hand.

Thanks so very much to the Hua Hin Tourist Police for your fantastic efforts in recovering our money. You are brilliant. Happy New Year to you and here's to your standards of excellence.

[iEATgingerKIDS]

wow.. i don't know what to say

"The guy with the crew--cut drove and multi-tasked admirably; dodging motorbikes, smiling through the ordeal of bar-alley where whores in tiny shorts smudged slurry on the windows of the cruise car, aimed water canon at the windscreen, and tipped their buckets over us"

is this necessary to the story at all?... it looks like you are looking for a reaction or something? Maybe that is the rebel in you.. or one too many police batons over the head!

You really shouldn't judge bro... but anyways well done to the Tourist Police and congrats on getting your money back!!

[necronx99]

" I have flown thousands of kilometres to morally support people who have danced on and dented the roofs of police cars and twisted precious police Ray-Bans in protests in Australia."

So basically, down with the fascist establishment and death to all their jackbooted thugs....until you get shafted and need them to get your hundred bucks back.

Your a real committed comrade, long live antidisestabishmentarianism Brother!

[bangkokrick]

See they are not all bad. Its just funny that you very rarely hear the good stories. Thanks for posting.

[ableguy]

Pleasant story glad it ended ok

[bluebluewater]

"whores in tiny shorts"

I for one am a big fan of these ladies. I let them smear every chance I get.

[fruittbatt]

my apologies to anyone who was offended by the use of the word "whore". I do not use the word prejudiciously, but advisedly. The women at "Empower" Foundation are proud to refer to refer to themselves as whores, rather than the rather prissy term "sex-worker". Whore to me signifies being hardcore, loud and proud about one's work. A close female relative of mine is a whore and insists on being referred to as such.

[BazilFox]

wow.. i don't know what to say

"The guy with the crew--cut drove and multi-tasked admirably; dodging motorbikes, smiling through the ordeal of bar-alley where whores in tiny shorts smudged slurry on the windows of the cruise car, aimed water canon at the windscreen, and tipped their buckets over us"

is this necessary to the story at all?... it looks like you are looking for a reaction or something? Maybe that is the rebel in you.. or one too many police batons over the head!

You really shouldn't judge bro... but anyways well done to the Tourist Police and congrats on getting your money back!!

Hes not being judgemental, he is stating a fact, what would you call them ???

[iEATgingerKIDS]

So I can say any local who owns a car is a terrible driver, or just use any stereotype... Not everyone down there is a "whore" ... Just sayin

And fruitbatt I have met people in that programme in Ubon Ratchathani... much respect

Just where i come from that is not a word I would use to positively describe a woman

Again good job on getting your refund though! I have never had any encounters with the Tourist Police so have no knowledge on how well they perform.

[bangkokgabe]

I'm sure that "whore" has a dad, and probably a brother.....would you use that term in reference to her in their company? It's not ok. Have you got a sister?

[BazilFox]

I'm sure that "whore" has a dad, and probably a brother.....would you use that term in reference to her in their company? It's not ok. Have you got a sister?

What do you call them then???

Lazy females that have sex for money?

Morally challenged women that have sex with anyone anytime for money?

Females that wait around all after and evening to have sex for money?

Tell us what you call them? Apart from being on the lowest rung of the social ladder, who cars.

[bangkokgabe]

I'd probably call them "whore", sometimes I prefer the subtler "hooker", just depends on my vernacular mood I guess.....I just kinda' think it's low brow to say it in this arena. Perhaps the ubiquitously understood "working girl" is more appropriate. I feel the same way about the word bitch-stronger in fact. Whenever I hear someone say that, especially directed at someone they know, I picture the apology later followed by bad looking sex in their mobile home's kitchen.....just my thoughts....

[dennisw]

Wow!! I am impresed