tuky Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Yawn. Where's home? Then make the most of what you have mate. Even if you are being ripped off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Well in all faireness to this troll's scenario - this should have all been sorted prior to marriage or no marriage. Will there be helping out the family - sure, but within reason. (separate the needs from the wants with her family and I think that will cut down on excessive withdraw from the farang atm) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Are you familiar with greng jai? I forget the name for the most important one.Perhaps bambi can help here. hard to explain this word in eng , greng jai -considerate, thoughtful, concerned (something like that) well methinks it will be "never ending story" why TH people have to support family and why we have dowry anyhow.. if farangs dont understand ..its ok .. hard to explain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Are you familiar with greng jai? I forget the name for the most important one. Perhaps bambi can help here. hard to explain this word in eng , greng jai -considerate, thoughtful, concerned (something like that) well methinks it will be "never ending story" why TH people have to support family and why we have dowry anyhow.. if farangs dont understand ..its ok .. hard to explain <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi Bambi, what is the Thai word, similar to greng jai that directly effects the family (parents) of a Thai girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Sorry, similar meaning to greng jai, but family related? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OlRedEyes Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 Yawn. Where's home? Then make the most of what you have mate. Even if you are being ripped off <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I do. And I don't get ripped off easily. I usually give it up voluntarily. Maybe I should stay the hel_l away from any serious subject. Maybe I'm too tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 I am married to a Thai woman. We will have been married since April. I paid a bride price, had a ceremony Thai style, and all that. But I am unable to get her family out of my pocket for some reason. I am American and I do understand the importance of family and realize that if you are able to help then you should. I just spent a pill helping my wife sick grandma it the hospital for about 6 weeks getting proper care treatment and diagnosis. I felt good for doing that and dont regret it one bit. I recently told my wife that I want to get a bigger place (I cannot stand the small flat and I can afford pretty much anything I want) at least something with the bedroom seperate. She went into a tirade about me thinking because I have so much money I can do what I want (Being the filthy American that I am I do believe that if you can afford it and want it GET IT) We went back and forth about this for a few days with her main reasons for not wanting it being it is too much to clean, it will take away from money you save, you think you are a big shot. My main reasons where/are I work in the middle east (war zone), I want ot be able to come home to a comfortably sized living area (something bigger than my hooch in the field), I can afford it. After three days of bickering back and foth I finally relented and said never mind I will just stay in the small flat until I save enough for a condo. In this same coversation in wich I relented not a full 60 seconds after I said never mind she brings up the idea to give her father 2000 usd to start a pig farm. Me being the dumb ass I am said OK (because I am thinking if I help them get a business going it will be less dough I will have to shell out in the future). But this is outrageous to think that this woman who I married thinks it is better for me to give her family money than it is for me to be comfortable when I come home. I am very frustrated with the concept that her families well being and happiness is more important than mine. I thought that when you marry you become the most important thing to each other. I get the sneeky suspicion that the whole reason behind her arguments about my larger room was becasue she already told them I would cough op the 2k for the farm and me getting the larger room might spoil her plans for them. Is it normal behavior for a Thai woman to put her family before her spouse? I have a hard time believeing that would be the case if I was I Thai male and not a farang. So any suggestions on how to handle this? I am preparing for a confrontation and I want to make sure I understand all the angles. What really upsets me is that I am certian my well being and confort is second to theirs in her eyes. I cannot be with someone who cannot put my needs and desires first (same as I would hers) and I am sure I said this at least 2 million times before we got married. So what should I do? I dont want a divorce. I just want the same respect any other filthly capitalist scum would want from his significant other and I am not in the business of taking care of health people nor will I be for much longer. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> T R O L L A L E R T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khall64au Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 You know what...? I'm sorry, but I think it sucks that farangs are expected to support their wife's family. The family extends from 2 to how many????? Come on! Not fair! Give us a break...... khall ja..its not about farang or thai in thai/asian's culture , guy (even white, yellow or black if marry with yellow girl) has to support girl.. and as i said before .. good kid in TH(asia) should support family NOW its just like cycle ..(guy support girl>girl support family) just we have different thought and traditional ..ditto methinks farang is not wrong ..if he/she think why Th/asian take advantage from farang..(fact is no) and methinks its good if people support family just how to make a deal with, that makes the farang partner(who has diff. culture) feel comfy and understand it <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Bambi............. THE WHOLE FAMILY??????? What if I were to meet a nice Thai guy Would I have to support all 50 of them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickerelastic Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 You know what...? I'm sorry, but I think it sucks that farangs are expected to support their wife's family. The family extends from 2 to how many????? Come on! Not fair! Give us a break...... I have NEVER expected a man to support me (as a western woman) and I find it highly offensive that western men are expected to support an ENTIRE extended family in this country. What's the story? You guys are being taken for a RIDE - GROW UP!!!!!!!!!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I quoted this post because I wonder............ How many of you guys send financial aid to your families back in the western world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khall64au Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 (edited) You know what...? I'm sorry, but I think it sucks that farangs are expected to support their wife's family. The family extends from 2 to how many????? Come on! Not fair! Give us a break...... I have NEVER expected a man to support me (as a western woman) and I find it highly offensive that western men are expected to support an ENTIRE extended family in this country. What's the story? You guys are being taken for a RIDE - GROW UP!!!!!!!!!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I quoted this post because I wonder............ How many of you guys send financial aid to your families back in the western world? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I APPLAUD YOU COS............. I'VE NEVER BEEN GAME ENOUGH TO ASK THAT QUESTION!!!!! ANYONE GAME ENOUGH TO ANSWER IT????? Edited December 27, 2005 by khall64au Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 not a full 60 seconds after I said never mind she brings up the idea to give her father 2000 usd to start a pig farm. Me being the dumb ass I am said OK (because I am thinking if I help them get a business going it will be less dough I will have to shell out in the future). My advice to guys that get asked for money for the family's business ventures - fish farming, pig farming, buffalo raising etc - ask the family for the 1 year projected profits, how long it will take to break even, the proposed repayment for the loan(ie how much per month), the costs ON PAPER of all the overheads and starting stuff. This is not at all much to ask for, if they are serious. In my experience, every single time the family has not done this, never to ask again. This points out to the guys that they are not serious at all about starting a business to make money - there is possibly a gullible farang in the family and they would be stupid not to try and find out. Of course, if the farang turns out to say, 'yes, tee rak, ok', he will be hassled and his life will be miserable from now on. OP, don't be such a <deleted>. How many of you guys send financial aid to your families back in the western world?I APPLAUD YOU COS............. I'VE NEVER BEEN GAME ENOUGH TO ASK THAT QUESTION!!!!! ANYONE GAME ENOUGH TO ANSWER IT?? I don't. It is not expected. In Thailand I get crap wages that would mean I could only send to my folks about £50 at the most a month which is nothing in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickerelastic Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 (edited) not a full 60 seconds after I said never mind she brings up the idea to give her father 2000 usd to start a pig farm. Me being the dumb ass I am said OK (because I am thinking if I help them get a business going it will be less dough I will have to shell out in the future). My advice to guys that get asked for money for the family's business ventures - fish farming, pig farming, buffalo raising etc - ask the family for the 1 year projected profits, how long it will take to break even, the proposed repayment for the loan(ie how much per month), the costs ON PAPER of all the overheads and starting stuff. This is not at all much to ask for, if they are serious. In my experience, every single time the family has not done this, never to ask again. This points out to the guys that they are not serious at all about starting a business to make money - there is possibly a gullible farang in the family and they would be stupid not to try and find out. Of course, if the farang turns out to say, 'yes, tee rak, ok', he will be hassled and his life will be miserable from now on. OP, don't be such a <deleted>. How many of you guys send financial aid to your families back in the western world?I APPLAUD YOU COS............. I'VE NEVER BEEN GAME ENOUGH TO ASK THAT QUESTION!!!!! ANYONE GAME ENOUGH TO ANSWER IT?? I don't. It is not expected. In Thailand I get crap wages that would mean I could only send to my folks about £50 at the most a month which is nothing in the UK. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> 50 quid extra is a heI_lluva lot. May not be expected. Edited December 27, 2005 by Nickerelastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff1 Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 TROLL????????????? A pig farm??? This has gotta be a troll. try to be optimistic..his thread is making sense 4 me my first thread was a troll for TV memb's eyes(even it was a true story) give him a chance please I agree with this . Troll or not it was written well and is a topic that affects alot of farang here . If nothing else It gives some a chance to vent and be understood . Most in our home country would not understand this situation and say it serves him right for looking for love in a strange country . Actually it defies all logic to them but when love / lust gets in the way all logic goes out the window . It is not easy realising that despite all everyone has told him his dream of happiness comes with a price and not a pretty one . It would be so nice to have it work the way he wanted but now is left with two choices . Will it get better ? I think not or not for long . This is the way things work here . Dump her and swallow his pride ? Not easy . Find a different one ? Different turns to the same faster than you would think . In the end it really does boil down to love and only love . If you love her , you have to play the game . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krub Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 As a 1/2 Thai, I'll have a shot at answering some of these questions and issues you raise.....>>(because I am thinking if I help them get a business going it will be less dough I will have to shell out in the future). But this is outrageous to think that this woman who I married thinks it is better for me to give her family money than it is for me to be comfortable when I come home. Why offer to give money free? Free money carries no responsibility, and generally therefore is used for pointless purposes - witness the money govt chucks around; since it isn't the civil servants' money, they couldn't care less about it. Ditto for you funding a pig farm. Unless you can see evidence they know what they are doing, this will end up like the typical farang funded project - a disaster because so many farang think the problem why the Thai family aren't rich is because they don't have capital. The problem is not that at all. THe problem is that the Thai family you fund have no business skills and specifically budgeting and planning most likely. The charity projects I have worked on, we always always always make sure we understand that working with the poor in Thailand is not a case of giving them money, but is a case of giving them the skills to manage what they receive. In many villages, the foreigners are considered to be headstrong, rich and yet fairly naive and easy to take advantage of, primarily because they can be asked for things so easily. In future.... no giving money away easily. >>I thought that when you marry you become the most important thing to each other. >>Is it normal behavior for a Thai woman to put her family before her spouse? I have a hard time believeing that would be the case if I was I Thai male and not a farang. Absolutely normal no matter who the spouse is (Thai or farang or other foreigner); the family is usually very important and more important than the spouse. Even more so in the case of a foreign partner, where in many cases there is an implicit understanding that part of the reason for getting involved with someone who can't speak Thai, doesn't understand the culture and so on (this from the Thai woman's perspective) is traded off against money, financial well being and support for the family. With no social welfare in place (well there is 30 baht healthcare, handouts around elections, cheap loans but not much else) for the rural population, support comes from the village and the family. The World Bank noted that it was strong family ties that helped Thailand survive the financial meltdown a few years back; so yes, you will always be second to the family. Accept it. >>I am not in the business of taking care of health people nor will I be for much longer. Fine. If you are not happy, then I suggest that you need to take a good look at your options. You have set up a pattern of giving and the family are now like a pot plant with you providing the water. What you wanted was for them to be like a tree planted in the ground, where they could grow and stand themselves. but for a variety of reasons, you are not in that situation. You might be aware that healthcare is 30 baht for EVERYTHING here; even counting payoffs to doctors, we are talking thousands of baht for pretty serious surgery and stuff; not hundreds of thousands.... I'd be curiuos to know what hospital, there might be a skim going on here. To summarise.... You can now choose to stop supporting them, have a big fight farang style and your marriage will probably not recover. Big fights are how the air is cleared in some western countries; the two arguing come to a consensus. By comparison Thailand operates on a series of avoidance tactics, and if you can understand that, then you can be a better negotiator (which is what this is). She brings this relationship you want. You bring the money to support her family and her lifestyle. or You can use a face save; explain that somehow your own family demand that you have to buy an apartment here so they can come visit; use the 'higher authority' tactic - family is great because they can be irrational and you have to do what your mum/dad says - Thai people can understand that. This ties up your money, and you promise to pay for the pig farm in the future, but you have just enough money to send the father to learn about piggery ?! - there are a number of courses which if you post in the Isaan forum I am sure you'll find. Let her help pick it out etc etc. She may be aware that you are playing the game, but it is an almost unbeatable card to play 'the nuts' of a Thai negotiation so to speak. There are a number of other ways I could respond to this, because I see a fair share of guys who get taken to the cleaners. But I also see genuine love clouded by the cultural divide, and I'm loathe to comment on which applies here. Either way, there is a big gap between Thai and American culture; even more so if she is from the country. Learn Thai, understand the culture and things will start to become clearer. Best of luck. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The best post I have seen in a long time. Positive but straight to the point Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krub Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 I tend to think that the OP has rushed into marriage very quickly too quickly. I also suspect he has not 'lived' in Thailand for long periods of time and maybe never up country where his bride comes from. I spent more than 5 years in and off of the country and making sure all the sick buffalos, dead relatives, house repairs, etc were completed before i made my move Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Learn Thai, understand the culture and things will start to become clearer. Great advice. One thing I have learnt is never to say 'no'. Better to say 'ok, but....... I want to see........ ' or ' ok but not right now as I have a cashflow problem'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krub Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 I paid a bride price, had a ceremony Thai style, and all that. But I am unable to get her family out of my pocket for some reason.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Divorce her. Hang on! Scratch that!Grow a pair and then divorce her. I've no sympathy for farangs who marry into low-class Thai families thinking it's love. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What's wrong with low class ? They are also humans and can fall in and feel and give love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickerelastic Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 not a full 60 seconds after I said never mind she brings up the idea to give her father 2000 usd to start a pig farm. Me being the dumb ass I am said OK (because I am thinking if I help them get a business going it will be less dough I will have to shell out in the future). My advice to guys that get asked for money for the family's business ventures - fish farming, pig farming, buffalo raising etc - ask the family for the 1 year projected profits, how long it will take to break even, the proposed repayment for the loan(ie how much per month), the costs ON PAPER of all the overheads and starting stuff. This is not at all much to ask for, if they are serious. In my experience, every single time the family has not done this, never to ask again. This points out to the guys that they are not serious at all about starting a business to make money - there is possibly a gullible farang in the family and they would be stupid not to try and find out. Of course, if the farang turns out to say, 'yes, tee rak, ok', he will be hassled and his life will be miserable from now on. OP, don't be such a <deleted>. How many of you guys send financial aid to your families back in the western world?I APPLAUD YOU COS............. I'VE NEVER BEEN GAME ENOUGH TO ASK THAT QUESTION!!!!! ANYONE GAME ENOUGH TO ANSWER IT?? I don't. It is not expected. In Thailand I get crap wages that would mean I could only send to my folks about £50 at the most a month which is nothing in the UK. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> 50 quid extra is a heI_lluva lot. May not be expected. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 >>>>Someone said it really well on a similar thread Marry an orphan That was me thank you Its funny how farangs treat their woman so nice and then get taken advantage. The Thai men must laugh as they basically treat them like dirt and get away with murder. Case in point, my wifes friend married a Thai man, he totally drained all her money, butterflied mak mak, beat her constantly even in public. Treat her worse than a dog. Treated her family very disrespectfully. She asked him for a divorce and he almost killed her! Cops came -didnt do anything. He finally agreed to divorcing her after SHE agreed to giving him 70,000 baht to sign the formal papers. Last i heard he had a new girl and doing the same. When we hung out he was very nice to me. His only criticism he gave me is i was too nice to my wife!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nickerelastic Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 (edited) I paid a bride price, had a ceremony Thai style, and all that. But I am unable to get her family out of my pocket for some reason.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Divorce her. Hang on! Scratch that!Grow a pair and then divorce her. I've no sympathy for farangs who marry into low-class Thai families thinking it's love. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What's wrong with low class ? They are also humans and can fall in and feel and give love <{POST_SNAPBACK}> They are also humans. <deleted> does that mean? Edited December 28, 2005 by Nickerelastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Guys, some advice, ok, this is the land of buffalo stories, picture it like that. Everybodies trying to scam everyone at some level. So you being a smart farang - you make your own buffalo stories! Yes its true and its very effective. Everytime i am hit up for cash i think of the most wildest story of why i cant help out. The key though is to keep a straight face and a nice Thai smile in the delivery of such story. I usually cant so when i burst out laughing i pretend i am coughing. Then i tell them i think i have Tuberculosis or sick from nok- another buffalo story, This story will send them to hills alone. The crazier the story the more effective. My favorite is "a ghost came and took all the $$$ out of my wallet". Then ask them for 500 baht to hold u over for a bit. This ones a hit!! Try it. I am serious! The ews and the aws are priceless. This post is not a joke, try it, its alot of fun, AND IT WORKS I actually look forward to being scammed now. take care nam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braccobaldo Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Well...i always think that it's much more better to marry someone that share with you the same culture.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiPauly Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Well...i always think that it's much more better to marry someone that share with you the same culture.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Well that is your opinion and you are entitled to it. There are many people on this forum that would not agree with you though. I am one I have been married to 3 western woman and one Thai. I am exceptionally happy with my Thai Wife Happy New Year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix Lynn Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 You know what...? I'm sorry, but I think it sucks that farangs are expected to support their wife's family. The family extends from 2 to how many????? Come on! Not fair! Give us a break...... I have NEVER expected a man to support me (as a western woman) and I find it highly offensive that western men are expected to support an ENTIRE extended family in this country. What's the story? You guys are being taken for a RIDE - GROW UP!!!!!!!!!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yeeeehaaaaaa! Truth with a passion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krub Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 I paid a bride price, had a ceremony Thai style, and all that. But I am unable to get her family out of my pocket for some reason.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Divorce her. Hang on! Scratch that!Grow a pair and then divorce her. I've no sympathy for farangs who marry into low-class Thai families thinking it's love. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What's wrong with low class ? They are also humans and can fall in and feel and give love <{POST_SNAPBACK}> They are also humans. <deleted> does that mean? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I was not happy with El Tel's assumption that 'Low Class Thais' are not able to 'Love' (similar to non humans) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 >>>I have NEVER expected a man to support me (as a western woman) and I find it highly offensive that western men are expected to support an ENTIRE extended family in this country. What's the story? You guys are being taken for a RIDE - GROW UP!!!!!!!!!>>>>> Lady farangs are in the same game, its all about $$$, just packaged a bit differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonman Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Well...i always think that it's much more better to marry someone that share with you the same culture.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt When we lived in UK my wife worked to send money to her parents or pay for dodgy gambling debts they had, "up to her". Since in Thailand, as she doesn't work, I give them a few thousand baht a month. I've found from experience that paying for large items, such as pig farms doesn't work. I paid for lots of work on my wife's parents home when I lived there. Now 5 years on it looks the same as before. A mess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augustus Posted December 28, 2005 Author Share Posted December 28, 2005 (edited) TROLL????????????? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> If he is a Troll, he's using Haliburton cable. I don't think ha's a Troll. Guys I am not a troll I am not TROLLING for hits on my first post. I like the energy and flow of the posta nd replies on this site so I jumped in. I have read all of it up to this point and I am soaking it all in and I am calculating my showdown strategy and the chips will fall where they may after the fuse is lit. I grew up in the VA and DC area in the (hood) when the major influx of emigrant workers where Koreans, Laotians, and Thais. I was in elementry school when the Koreans came and middle school when the Laotians and Thais came. All of my closest friends in the states are Asian. My wife and the few Thai friends I have in BKK say I am Lao (what evenr that means). I have been smitten with Asian women since I was a youth watching Yushin Wu give her show and tell exhibit. Despite all of my friends urgings to let "them" find me a wife I thought I knew more that I did about Asian culture and decided to find my own. It is not going along as planned. But I fancy myself as a quick leaner and I thank yuo all for your insite. Especially WASH, TUCKY,NAM KAO, and STEVEROMAGNINO. Edited December 28, 2005 by Augustus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larryst Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Why not just say, you don't have the money at this point of time. Tell your wife you cannot build a bigger place for yourself and you don't have the money to set up a pig operation. Tell her you had to send money to your own family, because of an emergency. If she bitches about that. You can tell her, she doesn't care about your family and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdenner Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 TROLL????????????? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> If he is a Troll, he's using xxxxxxx cable. I don't think ha's a Troll. He doesn't have as much time online as we do. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Please dont use my companies name sir. It has had a lto of bad press and I could loose my job over its use. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> While I apprieciate your position re exposing sensitive information this is not much of a response to all the advise here, whether it be good or bad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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