Grateful For Some Interim Advice Please.......Divorce...

[Chivas]

Am not going to play the "I'm asking for a friend bullshit" so would be grateful for any suggestions.....

It seems highly likely for a number of reasons that separation and divorce are on the cards. Now having in the past been too "easy and relaxed" with settlements of any kind I have no intention of it happening again.......

Now my question is simple.......

Can my wife walk into a lawyers office in Thailand and claim she hasn't seen me in years and wants to end the marriage. Can this be done ??

Let me say right away that back in the real world she would not have a leg to stand on as my behaviour and financial assistance etc has been immaculate. However I don't consider Issan to be part of the norm and as such am concerned that she could indeed pull some sort of stroke.....

It goes without saying that when back in Thailand I will contact a lawyer at the earliest opportunity so am looking for some interim suggestions...

Can she walk away (we have a son) claiming I no longer exist ??

How can I cover my backside in the short term...??

Thanks...

[metisdead]

Moved to Marriage and Divorce forum.

[Chivas]

Apologies to Admin........Had never noticed this sub forum previously.

[Farma]

First things first. Secure your assets. Remove any access she has to your bank accounts. If needed, set up a way of transferring money to support your child.

She can apply for divorce on the grounds of desertion. That will be through the courts. It takes time and money plus there are procedures to be followed before the court will grant a divorce. It’s not as simple as her requesting a divorce and being granted one on the spot.

The pinned topic “Thai Family Law” at the top of this forum is a good place to start. http://www.thaivisa....hai-family-law/

Also take a look through this sub forum as there have been a couple of threads recently along these lines.

I recommend negotiating an agreement for an uncontested divorce at the Umphur. I also recommend using a lawyer as there’s a child involved and possible property matters. An uncontested divorce is quick easy and apart from any property issues, cheap.

Try to avoid a court divorce at all costs. It takes months, possibly a year of more with the lawyers raking in legal fees.

Edited May 15, 2012 by Farma

[Chivas]

First things first. Secure your assets. Remove any access she has to your bank accounts. If needed, set up a way of transferring money to support your child.

She can apply for divorce on the grounds of desertion. That will be through the courts. It takes time and money plus there are procedures to be followed before the court will grant a divorce. It’s not as simple as her requesting a divorce and being granted one on the spot.

The pinned topic “Thai Family Law” at the top of this forum is a good place to start. http://www.thaivisa....hai-family-law/

Also take a look through this sub forum as there have been a couple of threads recently along these lines.

I recommend negotiating an agreement for an uncontested divorce at the Umphur. I also recommend using a lawyer as there’s a child involved and possible property matters. An uncontested divorce is quick easy and apart from any property issues, cheap.

Try to avoid a court divorce at all costs. It takes months, possibly a year of more with the lawyers raking in legal fees.

Ok thanks.......

So she cannot just walk in to a lawyers office one day the Amphur the next and paperwork granted the next.....??

This is my ONLY fear at this time. Not concerned with the money issue at this time.

Although I didn't state as much desertion isn't on the agenda or could she claim it is ??

It can be proved with all reasonable doubt that she has been accessing my money (as agreed) right up to current times...

I'm not being Paranoid but I trust very few in Thailand !!

[Farma]

This link from the pinned topic gives a good rundown on the ways to get divorced. http://thailawonline.com/en/family/divorce-in-thailand/how-to-divorce.html

It takes both parties to sign for an uncontested divorce. Without you, the divorce has to go through the courts.

A court divorce takes time. 3 months to a year approximate excluding appeals etc from the link above. I know of cases including mine that have taken several years.

Take time to read through some of the pinned links. It will put you at ease a bit. Apologies for presuming desertion. She requires grounds for divorce and your mention of claiming you no longer exist may be one she could use.

I'm not a lawyer, just going from experience. The information in those pinned links provide a realistic guide to the law.

[Chivas]

This link from the pinned topic gives a good rundown on the ways to get divorced. http://thailawonline...to-divorce.html

It takes both parties to sign for an uncontested divorce. Without you, the divorce has to go through the courts.

A court divorce takes time. 3 months to a year approximate excluding appeals etc from the link above. I know of cases including mine that have taken several years.

Take time to read through some of the pinned links. It will put you at ease a bit. Apologies for presuming desertion. She requires grounds for divorce and your mention of claiming you no longer exist may be one she could use.

I'm not a lawyer, just going from experience. The information in those pinned links provide a realistic guide to the law.

Thank you very much Farma....

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Best option is to wait until **she** wants the divorce and then grudgingly grant her her request, subject to your conditions.

I was able to get sole custody of the kids and zero money payout when she thought she had a whale on the line and was unusually impatient either from her.

In the meantime it's a great excuse for why you can't marry the next one.

[TommoPhysicist]

Where are you living? where is she living?

Two vital bits of information for claiming desertion.

If you are still transferring money into her account, or she is using a joint account ..... no chance

If you both live in the same place or same village ...... not a chance.

Never hand cash to a Thai lady for any reason, always maintain a paper trail to your cash.

If you are no longer having sex with her or are having sex with another person ..... divorce would be easy.

Edited May 16, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Chivas]

Where are you living? where is she living?

Two vital bits of information for claiming desertion.

If you are still transferring money into her account, or she is using a joint account ..... no chance

If you both live in the same place or same village ...... not a chance.

Never hand cash to a Thai lady for any reason, always maintain a paper trail to your cash.

If you are no longer having sex with her or are having sex with another person ..... divorce would be easy.

With my permission she has been using one of my UK banks ATM card for the past 4 years. It has been used exclusively within Thailand and any audit trail would lead to her beyond any reasonable doubt........

I have been out of Thailand though for 8 months for personal family reasons as my father had both legs amputated.

I'm not having sex with anyone-period.

Quite simply I cant leave my father at this time for obvious reasons but my clear concern and only concern is her somehow over the coming months pulling the "I dont know where he is stroke" ...........

Point in question is who could I report the situation to !!

All the documents relating to marriage and other bits and bobs are in Thailand. If I can just mention again money is not an issue as such. If she walks away with our son today than what exactly do I do and with whom...??

Grateful for any comment ??

Edited in-yes I need a lawyer in thailand but its the interim period I am concerned about ??

Edited May 17, 2012 by Chivas

[TommoPhysicist]

From that information I believe she could claim you have abandoned her.

8 months apart with you in another country is a long time.

BUT, that would not affect custody for the child which is almost split 50/50 unless someone voluntarily gives up their rights.

[Mario2008]

For abondenment the time is 1 year, before a divorce can be considered.

[TommoPhysicist]

Also abandonment is not about 'I don't know where he is'. it's about 'he's not with me'.

[Chivas]

From that information I believe she could claim you have abandoned her.

8 months apart with you in another country is a long time.

BUT, that would not affect custody for the child which is almost split 50/50 unless someone voluntarily gives up their rights.

How can I have abandoned her and my son when I have actively been supporting them as always financially...??

(thats a general question not a retort aimed at you !)

[Chivas]

If I can ask a further question and the wife has made it clear she's changing mobile number and will not answer any solicitors letters when received (I have engaged Sunbelt Asia-bugger the cost)

I suspect that if I ring today than the number is deleted/off indefinately....

If she moves away with my son in my opinion a certainty, just where do I stand ????

No good someone saying you have rights when you have no idea where they might be ??

[Mario2008]

Then you have to go through the courts to get access to your child. But this is a question that can be better answered by your lawyer.

[Chivas]

Then you have to go through the courts to get access to your child. But this is a question that can be better answered by your lawyer.

Yes I understand that fully......

Circumstances dictate that it could be several months to sort my fathers care before I can get to Thailand. My fears that she will be long gone are very real unfortunately....

Have engaged Sunbelt Asia on a retainer and they will be sending a letter to the family home. At the moment I guess that's all I can do for now.

[Chivas]

Best option is to wait until **she** wants the divorce and then grudgingly grant her her request, subject to your conditions.

I was able to get sole custody of the kids and zero money payout when she thought she had a whale on the line and was unusually impatient either from her.

In the meantime it's a great excuse for why you can't marry the next one.

Must admit I like this option as well !!

[Chivas]

Over the last week she has emptied my Thai Bank Account with only the Passbook (yes you read that correctly) which is normally kept in our safe.....

Now I'm fxxxed here now because the mobile number is now always off........ The lawyer says if she doesn't respond it gets messy but I'll end up with nothing and lose my son obviously.

I swear to god I will deal with her by picking up my son somehow and leaving via the Airport a few hours later as I have his British Passport......

Then we'll see how much grinding of teeth she does............

These people are evil when it comes down to it and on the other thread a guy mentioned that you have to give as good as you get otherwise they'll walk all over you...??

Everywhere you turn these people have become despicable.....I mentioned in another thread that I'm finished with Thailand for good and I cannot wait to turn the clock back 20 years and spend 6 months a year in Greece....

[TommoPhysicist]

These people are evil when it comes down to it and on the other thread a guy mentioned that you have to give as good as you get otherwise they'll walk all over you...??

Everywhere you turn these people have become despicable.....I mentioned in another thread that I'm finished with Thailand for good and I cannot wait to turn the clock back 20 years and spend 6 months a year in Greece....

Sorry to hear of your misfortune but please don't slag off all Thai women.

It is just normal behaviour for some women all over the world.

As for the bank account, you really shouldn't have allowed her access to the passbook.

I suspect she also had a signed photocopy of your passport as most banks ask for that too.

PS

One little trick often used to empty bank accounts is to swap her bank card with your bank card, then use the ATM for the week. Are you sure she used the passbook?

Edited May 22, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Chivas]

These people are evil when it comes down to it and on the other thread a guy mentioned that you have to give as good as you get otherwise they'll walk all over you...??

Everywhere you turn these people have become despicable.....I mentioned in another thread that I'm finished with Thailand for good and I cannot wait to turn the clock back 20 years and spend 6 months a year in Greece....

Sorry to hear of your misfortune but please don't slag off all Thai women.

It is just normal behaviour for some women all over the world.

As for the bank account, you really shouldn't have allowed her access to the passbook.

I suspect she also had a signed photocopy of your passport as most banks ask for that too.

PS

One little trick often used to empty bank accounts is to swap her bank card with your bank card, then use the ATM for the week. Are you sure she used the passbook?

TP

She doesn't have anything but the Passbook in the safe......??

She had as I earlier mentioned an ATM card for my UK bank but I always used to switch an appropriate amount into that account from my 3 Halifax accounts at the start of the month etc......

As there's never more than a few quid in that one after any withdrawal than no problem and have obviously checked anyway. For the life of me how she has emptied the Siam Commercial account is beyond me......

When I rang the SC I started off speaking to a fluent English speaking Thai.......Within one minute of conversation her English become very bad.......surprise surprise !!

[Chivas]

This isn't directed at anyone in particular so if anyone wants to comment than please do.....

Have managed to speak to the lady in question this morning who quite simply makes it clear that she'll do what she wants, with whom she wants and any solicitor correspondance will end in the nearest bin should she even receive it......

My son is not on the menu.

I have no doubt she is being "coached" by others but its also clear than unless I take the ludicrous route of maintaining her and step daughter as well as my son obviously, she will just claim abandonment as the UK bank based ATM withdrawals are the only clear proof that I haven't done so......

I spoke verbally with the lawyer yesterday on a Saturday (theres service for you !) but his response not unexpected was that this occurs with regularity with mixed marriages in Thailand and be prepared to throw huge sums of money into the pot if I want access to my son........

[Mario2008]

Money can be your friend. I don't think your wife realizes that a Thai court will only award child maintenance, not alimony. Child maintenance in Thailand is between 3,000 and 6,000 a month with both parents sharing educational and medical costs.

[Chivas]

Money can be your friend. I don't think your wife realizes that a Thai court will only award child maintenance, not alimony. Child maintenance in Thailand is between 3,000 and 6,000 a month with both parents sharing educational and medical costs.

Mario

Thank you for your comment.......I'm not sure my Wife realizes anything at the moment......

Am of the opinion that she just believes everything will go her way because its Thailand.....

[TommoPhysicist]

Pay no more than 3000bht a month into her account (not cash) for your son.

Education costs nothing, medical costs nothing, let him use state school and hospital which are free.

Let her carry on and do whatever she wants.

Let her apply for divorce if she wants, at her cost.

Play the waiting game while expending minimum money.

Report the theft of money from your account to the police, do not suggest any person stole it.

xxx money is missing from my account number, xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx ..... nothing more.

Do not suggest it was your wife, let the police investigate.

Edited May 27, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Chivas]

Pay no more than 3000bht a month into her account (not cash) for your son.

Education costs nothing, medical costs nothing, let him use state school and hospital which are free.

Let her carry on and do whatever she wants.

Let her apply for divorce if she wants, at her cost.

Play the waiting game while expending minimum money.

Report the theft of money from your account to the police, do not suggest any person stole it.

xxx money is missing from my account number, xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx ..... nothing more.

Do not suggest it was your wife, let the police investigate.

TP

Sweet........

Understand fully where you're coming from but not quite your opening sentance re (not cash) ?? If I'm missing the point you've made than I apologise ...??

[TommoPhysicist]

Pay no more than 3000bht a month into her account (not cash) for your son.

Education costs nothing, medical costs nothing, let him use state school and hospital which are free.

Let her carry on and do whatever she wants.

Let her apply for divorce if she wants, at her cost.

Play the waiting game while expending minimum money.

Report the theft of money from your account to the police, do not suggest any person stole it.

xxx money is missing from my account number, xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx ..... nothing more.

Do not suggest it was your wife, let the police investigate.

TP

Sweet........

Understand fully where you're coming from but not quite your opening sentance re (not cash) ?? If I'm missing the point you've made than I apologise ...??

If she went to court, she would likely be awarded 100bht/day maintenance. If you are already paying that to her bank account via bank transfer she will be unable to play the 'he very bad man' card with a judge. Always pay via payable and provable means, never cash which she can deny ever having.

[Chivas]

Pay no more than 3000bht a month into her account (not cash) for your son.

Education costs nothing, medical costs nothing, let him use state school and hospital which are free.

Let her carry on and do whatever she wants.

Let her apply for divorce if she wants, at her cost.

Play the waiting game while expending minimum money.

Report the theft of money from your account to the police, do not suggest any person stole it.

xxx money is missing from my account number, xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx ..... nothing more.

Do not suggest it was your wife, let the police investigate.

TP

Sweet........

Understand fully where you're coming from but not quite your opening sentance re (not cash) ?? If I'm missing the point you've made than I apologise ...??

If she went to court, she would likely be awarded 100bht/day maintenance. If you are already paying that to her bank account via bank transfer she will be unable to play the 'he very bad man' card with a judge. Always pay via payable and provable means, never cash which she can deny ever having.

Ok with you.

Up to May 8th she had had free run of my UK based atm card but I have always known in advance what amount (and never a problem)

So in effect monies that she has been taking has not been paid into her account. Having said that I have full proof without question that she has used the card (passport confirms I'm not in Thailand and with no issue of me complaining of misuse) consistently......

Are you suggesting that I set up some DD or equivalent to wedge up 3000 a month perhaps direct to her own Bangkok Bank account....??

Edited May 27, 2012 by Chivas

[TommoPhysicist]

you suggesting that I set up some DD or equivalent to wedge up 3000 a month perhaps direct to her own Bangkok Bank account....??

Yes

[Chivas]

you suggesting that I set up some DD or equivalent to wedge up 3000 a month perhaps direct to her own Bangkok Bank account....??

Yes

Ok thanks for your input.......