What Is It With Paying Your Wife A Wage?

[smokie36]

Its all good gents. Except for scarves...I've never really liked those as an accessory....

Don't forget cushions and cuddly fabric animals ....... not to mention Hello Kitty!

There's always one who takes it too far eh? eh? eh?

I'm even more convinced now that you're from Kansas!

[tinfoilhat]

I mentioned this to my beloved this morning and now I wish I hadn't.

Sheis asking for 500 Baht a month!

hardly seems worth her trip to western union.

[tinfoilhat]

The word wage is pejorative in this example, the word would be better served as an allowance, or my favourite word for it, a budget.

I'm not interested in being involved in my partners daily spend decisions on dresses, toiletries, perfume, makeup, magazines, I-phone apps, shoes, handbags, lunch with pals, blah blah blah. She's my lady and she is entitled to make decisions without redress to me, and I get particularly impressed when she saves money from the relative pittance I allocate to her.

Incidentally, I did the same for my first wife, I was working, she wasn't, she was bringing up my kids, we had a household budget, I took on responsibility for Christmas and Holiday budgets, and on top of that my ex-wife got her own budget for personal spending ( as did I ).

My ex-wife used most of it to buy even more useless toys and things for the kids, up to her. It's my wife, my partner, not my possession or slave, I need to make sure she is provided for without any argument.

It's part of the contract of marriage you know it's this bit " for richer or for poorer", it's not for " so I can control every penny you spend for the rest of your life", which is far far more common then men are prepared to admit.

So OP........answer me this question, how much money per month does your wife get without having to ask you for it??????

So does this lady of yours have a budget to tide her over while you are out of the country?

[theblether]

The word wage is pejorative in this example, the word would be better served as an allowance, or my favourite word for it, a budget.

I'm not interested in being involved in my partners daily spend decisions on dresses, toiletries, perfume, makeup, magazines, I-phone apps, shoes, handbags, lunch with pals, blah blah blah. She's my lady and she is entitled to make decisions without redress to me, and I get particularly impressed when she saves money from the relative pittance I allocate to her.

Incidentally, I did the same for my first wife, I was working, she wasn't, she was bringing up my kids, we had a household budget, I took on responsibility for Christmas and Holiday budgets, and on top of that my ex-wife got her own budget for personal spending ( as did I ).

My ex-wife used most of it to buy even more useless toys and things for the kids, up to her. It's my wife, my partner, not my possession or slave, I need to make sure she is provided for without any argument.

It's part of the contract of marriage you know it's this bit " for richer or for poorer", it's not for " so I can control every penny you spend for the rest of your life", which is far far more common then men are prepared to admit.

So OP........answer me this question, how much money per month does your wife get without having to ask you for it??????

So does this lady of yours have a budget to tide her over while you are out of the country?

Quite frankly, what's it got to do with you

[Litlos]

Well to throw my arrangements into the mix. My TGF gave up work (quite happily) to look after me when I moved here, not sure I was part of that decision, or was it late one night!

Anyway based on what I have read and my take I put her on a salary, allowance, gratuity or whatever you wish to call it. How it works is I worked out all the regular bills plus her allowance plus a family allowance of 5000baht per month. The deal is she pay all the bills, has enough to feed and clothe herself reasonably comfortably. The most important part of this arrangement is that if she does not spend the 5000B on the family then it is hers. But I do not want to hear from members of the family trying to pump the old falang well.

As I work away and have had very irregular rosters this arrangement works very well. The bit that works even better is when the family approaches her to ask me for a "loan" she informs them that they have to deal with her, end of story and I feel no pain. I do know though that she finances payments on a nephews motorcycle so he has transport to attend technical college, up to her. In fact the day for her payment to be deposited is the 27th aka tomorrow, and she is joking her salary is due. In the meantime I have shown her how to lower the cost of mobile etc, still no discount on the monthly stipend though.

Works for me pretty well, but others will have different arrangements that work as well.

Cheers

[thenervoussurgeon]

Don't start me on the shoes though Naam...

what about handbags and belts?

Talking about handbags ,come to think of it a wage sounds a good deal already

[sirineou]

You don't give anything to your wife

what you both earn and have as a couple is community property,

it is not yours to give, it is shared assets.

she should not have to ask for anything

you and her as a husband and wife should discuss your finances and come to rational decisions.

[Naam]

to each his own. my father-in-law did not allow his daughters to work even though it p*ssed them off. after marrying one of his daughters i never allowed my wife to work (in the sense of leaving the house, getting a job and earning a salary). surprisingly, from that time onwards she was not and is not p*ssed off because of not having a job.

on a more serious note... a wife has a fulltime job running a tight household ship. domestic employees might take over some menial work but add managerial work on her. that applies especially when the husband has a demanding job 12-14 hours a day and quite often 7 days a week and she is required to shield him from petty problems. that also applies in case the husband retires and wants to lead a quiet and comfortable retiree life in Thailand.

Both you and the fil sound like dictators. I would never put that restriction on anyone.

obviously you didn't read my whole posting mjj. looking back i am sure i couldn't have performed during my professional career (in the desert, the bush and the swamps) as i did without the Mrs assisting me indirectly by solving a lot of problems without bothering me and wasting valuable time.

today i am proud of the fulltime job she did then and i am proud of the fulltime job she is doing now. the old saying "behind every successful man there is a woman!" might not apply always. but in my case it truly applied.

[Naam]

You don't give anything to your wife

what you both earn and have as a couple is community property,

it is not yours to give, it is shared assets.

she should not have to ask for anything

you and her as a husband and wife should discuss your finances and come to rational decisions.

words of wisdom!

[Naam]

Don't start me on the shoes though Naam...

what about handbags and belts?

Talking about handbags ,come to think of it a wage sounds a good deal already

[harrry]

to each his own. my father-in-law did not allow his daughters to work even though it p*ssed them off. after marrying one of his daughters i never allowed my wife to work (in the sense of leaving the house, getting a job and earning a salary). surprisingly, from that time onwards she was not and is not p*ssed off because of not having a job.

on a more serious note... a wife has a fulltime job running a tight household ship. domestic employees might take over some menial work but add managerial work on her. that applies especially when the husband has a demanding job 12-14 hours a day and quite often 7 days a week and she is required to shield him from petty problems. that also applies in case the husband retires and wants to lead a quiet and comfortable retiree life in Thailand.

Both you and the fil sound like dictators. I would never put that restriction on anyone.

obviously you didn't read my whole posting mjj. looking back i am sure i couldn't have performed during my professional career (in the desert, the bush and the swamps) as i did without the Mrs assisting me indirectly by solving a lot of problems without bothering me and wasting valuable time.

today i am proud of the fulltime job she did then and i am proud of the fulltime job she is doing now. the old saying "behind every successful man there is a woman!" might not apply always. but in my case it truly applied.

I wish it was my present wife I had met 40 years ago.

[Semper]

The word wage is pejorative in this example, the word would be better served as an allowance, or my favourite word for it, a budget.

I'm not interested in being involved in my partners daily spend decisions on dresses, toiletries, perfume, makeup, magazines, I-phone apps, shoes, handbags, lunch with pals, blah blah blah. She's my lady and she is entitled to make decisions without redress to me, and I get particularly impressed when she saves money from the relative pittance I allocate to her.

Incidentally, I did the same for my first wife, I was working, she wasn't, she was bringing up my kids, we had a household budget, I took on responsibility for Christmas and Holiday budgets, and on top of that my ex-wife got her own budget for personal spending ( as did I ).

My ex-wife used most of it to buy even more useless toys and things for the kids, up to her. It's my wife, my partner, not my possession or slave, I need to make sure she is provided for without any argument.

It's part of the contract of marriage you know it's this bit " for richer or for poorer", it's not for " so I can control every penny you spend for the rest of your life", which is far far more common then men are prepared to admit.

So OP........answer me this question, how much money per month does your wife get without having to ask you for it??????

So does this lady of yours have a budget to tide her over while you are out of the country?

Quite frankly, what's it got to do with you

To be honest. You asked the same kind of question.

So OP........answer me this question, how much money per month does your wife get without having to ask you for it??????

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Oh cool, yet another 'My Wife is Better than Your Wife'-topic.

[GuestHouse]

Proof positive that if a relationship starts off with a financial transaction it will continue on that basis.

[NaMah]

I Skype with a 30-year old cutie in CM who recently told me that if we got married she would like to quit her job (chef) and would like to receive...20k baht per month for her expenses and to support her family in KPP.

She is a lot of fun to talk to but I'm not sure about marriage and an allowance etc so I haven't committed to anything. The 20k number is clearly the consensus among her friends. I can't see myself agreeing to that arrangement and am far more likely to stay single. Its too bad because she is sweet and funny.

[smokie36]

I mentioned this to my beloved this morning and now I wish I hadn't.

Sheis asking for 500 Baht a month!

hardly seems worth her trip to western union.

She was joking you know.

<sigh> never mind....I'm lucky I suppose to have a gf who can support herself financially.

And long distance too...It might make some of you realise there is more to life than bar girl politics.

In any normal relationship you have give and take in all areas...but if money is a one way street there is a fair chance the constant recipient will lose the value of it.

I see this happening all the time...in Thailand and elsewhere.

Edited June 26, 2012 by smokie36

[TommoPhysicist]

I Skype with a 30-year old cutie in CM who recently told me that if we got married she would like to quit her job (chef) and would like to receive...20k baht per month for her expenses and to support her family in KPP.

She is a lot of fun to talk to but I'm not sure about marriage and an allowance etc so I haven't committed to anything. The 20k number is clearly the consensus among her friends. I can't see myself agreeing to that arrangement and am far more likely to stay single. Its too bad because she is sweet and funny.

Renting by the night would be cheaper!

Have you suggested that yet?

[theblether]

I mentioned this to my beloved this morning and now I wish I hadn't.

Sheis asking for 500 Baht a month!

hardly seems worth her trip to western union.

She was joking you know.

<sigh> never mind....I'm lucky I suppose to have a gf who can support herself financially.

And long distance too...It might make some of you realise there is more to life than bar girl politics.

In any normal relationship you have give and take in all areas...but if money is a one way street there is a fair chance the constant recipient will lose the value of it.

I see this happening all the time...in Thailand and elsewhere.

Don't feed the trolls Smokie

[smokie36]

I mentioned this to my beloved this morning and now I wish I hadn't.

Sheis asking for 500 Baht a month!

hardly seems worth her trip to western union.

She was joking you know.

<sigh> never mind....I'm lucky I suppose to have a gf who can support herself financially.

And long distance too...It might make some of you realise there is more to life than bar girl politics.

In any normal relationship you have give and take in all areas...but if money is a one way street there is a fair chance the constant recipient will lose the value of it.

I see this happening all the time...in Thailand and elsewhere.

Don't feed the trolls Smokie

I just couldn't resist shoving a dose of truth down their throats.

[brewsterbudgen]

In the "good old days" in the West before feminism, most husbands would pay a housekeeping allowance to their stay-at-home housewife. Seems much the same to me.

[akspace]

Why is this a Thailand topic? Back in farangland (USA in my case) all my married friends (mostly under 30) keep their finances separated. The few who can afford a stay at home wife also pay her an allowance for daily expenses. So doing the same in Thailand seems completely reasonable.

[MrHammer]

Giving your wife or girlfriend money every month to take care of the household seems very normal to me in an oldfashioned way. However, having your 'girlfriend' suggest a number she should get seems like a long term prostitute arrangement.

[kerryk]

I Skype with a 30-year old cutie in CM who recently told me that if we got married she would like to quit her job (chef) and would like to receive...20k baht per month for her expenses and to support her family in KPP.

She is a lot of fun to talk to but I'm not sure about marriage and an allowance etc so I haven't committed to anything. The 20k number is clearly the consensus among her friends. I can't see myself agreeing to that arrangement and am far more likely to stay single. Its too bad because she is sweet and funny.

Renting by the night would be cheaper!

Have you suggested that yet?

I know no one reads what I post but task centered payments are another way to go. I tried it for a year and it worked very well.

[NaMah]

Giving your wife or girlfriend money every month to take care of the household seems very normal to me in an oldfashioned way. However, having your 'girlfriend' suggest a number she should get seems like a long term prostitute arrangement.

Yeah, agree. My impression was that her friends put her up to it. Its purely hypothetical though because I hadn't proposed marriage and just chat/vid with her on skype for an hour or two about once per week and am not even in-country. I would want to live a year or two on my own at first just to be sure I like the place and am compatible with the culture. I'm not convinced that marriage offers me anything as I am eligible for a retirement visa.

But who knows, maybe I'll flip out over some upcountry beauty and end up supporting a whole village lol. Anything is possible I suppose. She hasn't been pushy or aggressive and its pretty fun to chat and joke around with her on skype as I speak sufficient thai to get her laughing.

[nattydread]

I think 5000 a month is a good deal for a cook,cleaner,bottlewasher,go for,and anytime sex slave.....all this my wife and I are equals BS makes me want to vomit

[smokie36]

In the "good old days" in the West before feminism, most husbands would pay a housekeeping allowance to their stay-at-home housewife. Seems much the same to me.

I understand what you are saying but mostly the relationships being described here are nothing like that.

What is being discussed is a man paying his wife to stay with him full stop. If he doesn't pay then she leaves.

Or the other side of the coin is he is overseas and paying, in which case he is saying don't sleep with anyone else teerak while I am gone.

Vastly different to the Western relationships of our parents or grandparents.

For a man to think he can buy love in this manner is to me simply ridiculous....to purchase a bit of fun in the short term is one thing but to have a long term rental deal and think it more than simply renting a TV is showing no insight into human relationships at all.

My pet hate however are men who think its OK to dictate the manner of their relationship in many ways...ie...where she goes, when, what she does on a daily basis all on the back of a few Baht. Its the saddest kind of relationship in my mind....one with no real affection or trust. Same would be true with the shoe on the other foot as happens to some men in Thailand as well who are not strong enough to deal with a wife's family and end up stuck in an unhappy relationship.

Others who send or give money of course have hard working partners and simply wish to offer some support to their low paid other halves and that is perfectly understandable and can only help to foster even stronger bonds if done carefully and sparingly.

To me the strongest relationships are those where money is no issue at all between a couple and simply a means to an end. The goal is clear to both parties and money is secondary to that in any event with both contributing to their future together in any way they can to the benefit of both.

Anyway to anyone out there who is being bled dry I say walk away...do it now and escape with some semblance of self respect.

[smokie36]

I think 5000 a month is a good deal for a cook,cleaner,bottlewasher,go for,and anytime sex slave.....all this my wife and I are equals BS makes me want to vomit

You are single right?

[soi41]

I think 5000 a month is a good deal for a cook,cleaner,bottlewasher,go for,and anytime sex slave.....all this my wife and I are equals BS makes me want to vomit

You are single right?

Why should he be single? According to half of the posters on this thread, this is the recipee for a good relationship here. Hope she shows grattitude

[smokie36]

I think 5000 a month is a good deal for a cook,cleaner,bottlewasher,go for,and anytime sex slave.....all this my wife and I are equals BS makes me want to vomit

You are single right?

Why should he be single? According to half of the posters on this thread, this is the recipee for a good relationship here. Hope she shows grattitude

Fair point. As long as you're all happy...who am i to object?

[theblether]

I don't know who's more obsessed about money, the so called money grabbing Thai ladies or the guys that continually moan about it. Have a wee sit back and think about it for a minute.

We Scots are supposed to be notoriously tight, and yet we have guys here boasting about giving their partner £100 a month. Quite frankly I think it's embarrassing.

When I wake up in the morning, I wake up hoping my lady will have a good day, and enjoyable day, and a day full of memories. Some of you guys are wakening up in the morning expecting your lady to be a domestic slave and sexual chattel for £3.00 a day.

Please God, on my final day, never let it be said that theblether was that kind of man.................and when I go to the other side, please let me look my Mother in the eye and say.

I treated ladies like ladies, just like you taught me Mum.

regards

theblether.

ps. I hope my Mum had selective blindness though, well there was that night in Pattaya, ehm......Chiang Mai......ehm Blackpool........that party in Glasgow.

Oh no, I hope she didn't see that.