New Wrinkle: Probability Sin Sod Return Promise Will Be Broken?

[soi41]

What a lot of cheap Charlies here. And most of you haven't got a clue about the traditions of your future wives country.

Just back from my sister in laws wedding in Isaan, and we are talking about a village in the middle of nowhere. Three years ago the groom asked my wifes mother to marry my SIL, she said yes and my wifes mother asked for 300k sinsod. In the darkest jungle there are no sonsod-brookers, and his family accepted. So instead of posting on TV, complaining about the greedy Thais, the groom-to-be went to Taiwan and worked for 3 years to get the money together. Both the grooms and brides families are poor ricefarmers, but the amount was never questioned. Big party in the village and with my western way of thinking ofcourse I asked, who is paying for all this: Grooms family! As for the sinsod, after agreeing on an amount, it is entirely up to the brides mother to decide, what is going to happen to the money. It is not in Thai tradition to negotiate a payback. I asked MIL if she was going to give the married couple the money back, and she said, she would wait 1 year and if the groom proved to be a good husband to her daughter, she would return the money to them, so they could build a house.

Another of my wife sisters were married about 5 years ago, identical story, guy of to UAE to make the money, sinsod paid back to the couple after a year. Solely at MIL's discretion.

The sinsod might seem high, but both of the grooms got brides that was never married, no kids and virgins on their weddingnight. As my wife had a kid out of the wedlock, when we were married, I was not even asked for sinsod. Respect for tradition even here.

So Mr catbird, embrace the culture of Thailand or go back to Kentucky.

@pigeonjake. You don't have to mention 10% to MIL from the pigs in every post. We have got it now.

[richard_smith237]

I agree with Soi41 - The return of SinSod appears to be down to the discretion of the future Mother in Law.

Before our wedding my Wife asked her Mum if the SinSod was to be returned to me. The Mother In Law to be pointed out to my Wife that it is not customary or polite to ask such a question - Its the Mother In Laws choice and hers alone regarding the return of SinSod. Of course this may be different in other families.

The SinSod was returned.

[pigeonjake]

soi41,

every situation is differant, yes you didnt have to pay sinsod because your wife had a baby, so what, but would you of paid the 300k or would it of been more as you are from the west, 300k from a thai in isaan is a bit much in my mind,

but like i say that is just my point of veiw,

jake

[2unique]

What a lot of cheap Charlies here. And most of you haven't got a clue about the traditions of your future wives country.

Just back from my sister in laws wedding in Isaan, and we are talking about a village in the middle of nowhere. Three years ago the groom asked my wifes mother to marry my SIL, she said yes and my wifes mother asked for 300k sinsod. In the darkest jungle there are no sonsod-brookers, and his family accepted. So instead of posting on TV, complaining about the greedy Thais, the groom-to-be went to Taiwan and worked for 3 years to get the money together. Both the grooms and brides families are poor ricefarmers, but the amount was never questioned. Big party in the village and with my western way of thinking ofcourse I asked, who is paying for all this: Grooms family! As for the sinsod, after agreeing on an amount, it is entirely up to the brides mother to decide, what is going to happen to the money. It is not in Thai tradition to negotiate a payback. I asked MIL if she was going to give the married couple the money back, and she said, she would wait 1 year and if the groom proved to be a good husband to her daughter, she would return the money to them, so they could build a house.

Another of my wife sisters were married about 5 years ago, identical story, guy of to UAE to make the money, sinsod paid back to the couple after a year. Solely at MIL's discretion.

The sinsod might seem high, but both of the grooms got brides that was never married, no kids and virgins on their weddingnight. As my wife had a kid out of the wedlock, when we were married, I was not even asked for sinsod. Respect for tradition even here.

So Mr catbird, embrace the culture of Thailand or go back to Kentucky.

@pigeonjake. You don't have to mention 10% to MIL from the pigs in every post. We have got it now.

Querying a price doesn't make a person a cheap Charlie - I personally didn't like the idea of haggling for my wife like a market commodity so was prepared to either pay the asked for amount if reasonable, query it once and once only or not get married. MIL said, life is hard enough for your generation we don't expect anything. So my wife and I agreed an amount which was in the end given to my wife (we didn't expect this) when we bought the house. MIL also added an ungodly amount of jewelry to show as she said I have enough don't you dare buy more just to show the relatives.

Sent from Android, please excuse errors in type or judgement.

[canuckamuck]

Westerners have no understanding of their own value. Your future in-laws know that landing a westerner is a financial windfall. Sinsod is just the first test of how easy the fruit falls from the new money tree. I say negotiate down, it is your right. If your wife won't marry you over this, then consider yourself fortunate because you are looking for love not a financial arrangement.

[GarryP]

Going back all those 20 plus years to when I met my wife, I was never asked for a dowry. It wasn't even mentioned. In fact, at that time it did not even enter my mind as I had never heard of it. Ignorance was bliss.

Since then, however, I have learned quite a bit. And, 300k for a poor Northeastern farmer's virginal daughter is way too much. If the figure being bandied about by soi 41 is correct then there is something he is not telling us. For example, while the father may be a rice farmer, he could also be a village headman or a highly respected member of the community and linking up with such a family is seen as worth paying way over the odds for. Either that, or the poor rice farmer metaphor is being wrongly applied, and what is seen as poor to western eyes is in fact one of the better off members of the community.

[soi41]

Going back all those 20 plus years to when I met my wife, I was never asked for a dowry. It wasn't even mentioned. In fact, at that time it did not even enter my mind as I had never heard of it. Ignorance was bliss.

Since then, however, I have learned quite a bit. And, 300k for a poor Northeastern farmer's virginal daughter is way too much. If the figure being bandied about by soi 41 is correct then there is something he is not telling us. For example, while the father may be a rice farmer, he could also be a village headman or a highly respected member of the community and linking up with such a family is seen as worth paying way over the odds for. Either that, or the poor rice farmer metaphor is being wrongly applied, and what is seen as poor to western eyes is in fact one of the better off members of the community.

You are probably right about the part of paying more to be connected to a respected family.

The inlaws ARE the village, poor on money but have plenty of land. Uncle is the teacher in the villageschool, sister, who just got married, is the village nurse. And despite not being young (33), she had 5 other men asking for her hand, but declined, before her now husband came around, so you are probably right about the importance of being linked to a influential family, which I guess they are in their own right. Never thought of it that way You learn something new every day

[canuckamuck]

Going back all those 20 plus years to when I met my wife, I was never asked for a dowry. It wasn't even mentioned. In fact, at that time it did not even enter my mind as I had never heard of it. Ignorance was bliss.

Since then, however, I have learned quite a bit. And, 300k for a poor Northeastern farmer's virginal daughter is way too much. If the figure being bandied about by soi 41 is correct then there is something he is not telling us. For example, while the father may be a rice farmer, he could also be a village headman or a highly respected member of the community and linking up with such a family is seen as worth paying way over the odds for. Either that, or the poor rice farmer metaphor is being wrongly applied, and what is seen as poor to western eyes is in fact one of the better off members of the community.

Or the girl is a stone cold fox