Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 It's a possibility, I'm not a naive guy. But I'm not too sure, she said I would be able to see my son on skype every day here in the village, so she knows that I would be able to check on her too if needed. She looks genuine about what she wants though ... but if I agree, I'm afraid that its just going to make a lot of problems, and I'd miss my son a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Tell her well in advance you won't be sending her any money. Point out all your money will be saved for your air-fares to come and visit him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Well right now I didn't even agree with her, I really hope that she will change her mind. I can understand Isaan better than speak it, and when people ask when WE leave, she tells in about 2 months time. It's only with me and her sister that she says she wants to stay etc ... So maybe she doesn't want to announce that publicly yet, and really hopes that I'm going to agree. Since I bought a car for her, she certainly thinks I'm good to milk further ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 So maybe she doesn't want to announce that publicly yet, and really hopes that I'm going to agree. Since I bought a car for her, she certainly thinks I'm good to milk further ... Looks to me as if she is thinking of increasing her herd, rather than changing cows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 I have 2 months time to plan something, to think about something ... but things go fast and I don't want to be on the day I'm supposed to leave and be there, with my wife and her family taking my son hostage and having to go back alone. I'd prefer to stay and refuse to leave without them. There's just the visa problem but I guess that can be solves by applying again for a 3 months visa outside of thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I have 2 months time to plan something, to think about something ... but things go fast and I don't want to be on the day I'm supposed to leave and be there, with my wife and her family taking my son hostage and having to go back alone. I'd prefer to stay and refuse to leave without them. There's just the visa problem but I guess that can be solves by applying again for a 3 months visa outside of thailand. Depending on how effectively you use the time, 2 months could be gone in flash or could be enough time to get you set-up in Asia. What qualifications, skills and experience do you have? Do you have capital to start a business? Let us know some information and we can give you some ideas. Don't worry too much about visas (just contact one of the law firms that sponsors TV) and they will take help you sort if out (for a small fee). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks Brit1984 but I don't have any degree or enough money to stay here for more than a few months. I'll have to deal with the problem ASAP and make a choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 What job are you doing in Belgium? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 In 2 months you could train to be an English teacher. At least then you can stay here longer and work out something more permanent. There is a subforum about teaching English where you can ask more questions. Must be a better option than the alternatives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 When I'm back I'll be unemployed and will have to find a job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 What job are you doing in Belgium? i think he mentions that he has to go back and find a job. To the OP - does she have a residence permit for Belgium, am not sure of the rules but if she stays away for a long period, does she not lose the permission to reside in Belgium? You need to sort it out and get talking to each other, she seems to be looking at the money picture like most do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennkate Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 You have already had a business and it failed. No fault of your own It is difficult anywere to make it in the business world. And for you a Farang in Thailand its more than difficult as you have already found out. All I can say if you dont want to leave is do NOT get into debt and keep your options for a exit open. As for another child that will only make your position worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 When I'm back I'll be unemployed and will have to find a job. I can understand why your wife wants to live in Thailand. I cannot understand why you want to live in Belgium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phl Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 When I'm back I'll be unemployed and will have to find a job. man o man, you are in the pickle If it is the issue of money with her, why do not you test it by making up some story that you got offered or applied and got accepted for a really well paying job and see if she changes her mind about coming back problem with ex bar girls is just you never know what is really cooking inside their heads and most the time, they do not even know it, plus have the family adding oil to the fire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 problem with ex bar girls is just you never know what is really cooking inside their heads and most the time, they do not even know it, plus have the family adding oil to the fire Not all that fair, that's the problem with all women. Problem with (ex) bar girls, is they know how to get lots of money very quickly, if no (particular) guy around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yes, I found out the hard way but I was prepared in case I failed, I had a back up plan. The back up plan didn't work out as expected either, and that surely has a major impact on my wife but it's not a drama, I can easily find a job in Belgium, that's not a problem. I want to leave, but not alone, and she can't make another child on her own, so that's something I at least control, unless she seeks someone else, I'd be surprised she does that but if she does, then I'm into a better position to go to court and apply for a divorce. When I'm back I'll be unemployed and will have to find a job. I can understand why your wife wants to live in Thailand. I cannot understand why you want to live in Belgium. That's a little tough on me mate. Don't judge me too quickly, you don't know my past. It's not like I'm a slacker or so, but explaining my past 5 years would take a LOT of time, and I'm straight to the point. It's a matter of opinion. Living in the sticks in Isaan or in Belgium where schooling etc is a lot better. When I'm back I'll be unemployed and will have to find a job. man o man, you are in the pickle If it is the issue of money with her, why do not you test it by making up some story that you got offered or applied and got accepted for a really well paying job and see if she changes her mind about coming back problem with ex bar girls is just you never know what is really cooking inside their heads and most the time, they do not even know it, plus have the family adding oil to the fire You made me think about something. She once told me that I had to go back on my own, find a job, and then she would be back. But that's in direct contradiction with the fact that she wants another child, thus she won't be able to come back directly, because she wants the child to be born here. She is too shy / afraid to have the child in Belgium. She isn't the first one to have a child in a foreign country while not speaking the language. And you are right about the family adding oil on the fire, I'm sure her sister is adding a lot, she is older and guess what? she is also a bar girl, divorced with her first farang, and now in a relationship with another one, after having multiple other boyfriends or "customers". The fun fact is that her sister became a bargirl right after my wife and I met. She surely wanted to find a stupid farang like me too. But it doesn't work out well for her. Mom & Dad, not too sure. Dad does nothing, Mom is pulling the strings, but I'm not too sure she would like to confront me about the matter. Maybe she thinks I agree with all of this ... or maybe she really does know and she is the one who influences everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phl Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Mom & Dad, not too sure. Dad does nothing, Mom is pulling the strings, but I'm not too sure she would like to confront me about the matter. Maybe she thinks I agree with all of this ... or maybe she really does know and she is the one who influences everyone. Mom is usually the one doing all the pulling. no doubt they were expecting money flow and no doubt they are telling her to leave you, and find someone else, while they look after the baby. I am no expert of marriage, but to me it sounds like its all down to money. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 To the OP - you say you can get a job easily in Belgium, so why are you unemployed now? And do not think I am judging you, I was unemployed for 2 years after a contract job, but I had the money safeguarded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwinclapham Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Whilst I have enjoyed living in Issan, I would take Belgium anyday particularly whilst you are young! Which is the very reason why we have chosen to remain in Australia... education for the children being one of the main priorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phl Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 problem with ex bar girls is just you never know what is really cooking inside their heads and most the time, they do not even know it, plus have the family adding oil to the fire Not all that fair, that's the problem with all women. Problem with (ex) bar girls, is they know how to get lots of money very quickly, if no (particular) guy around. good point, lol problem with bar girls, they also have heavy influence of family and friends and those too often take the first place. I am still though trying to wrap my head around her wanting to be pregnant again. Is she looking to lock OP for the long run in sending money, or what exactly is she trying to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) I am still though trying to wrap my head around her wanting to be pregnant again. Is she looking to lock OP for the long run in sending money, or what exactly is she trying to do. That game involves meeting another guy online who wants kids, getting pregnant (by whoever) then milking both 'fathers' Wouldn't be surprised if SinSot hasn't already been promised and a deposit taken. Note to OP See if you can sneak a peek at her email and facebook accounts. Edited July 9, 2012 by TommoPhysicist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 One thing that is clear to me is that returning to Belgium without your wife and child will most likely have very bad consequences for your relationship with both of them. Maybe she will change her mind in the future but for now you need to forget about Belgium, and find a way to stay in Thailand. It sounds like some external influences are screwing with her head a bit so I suggest you move to Bangkok as a family, train to be an English teacher, find a job and a cheap apartment, and work on getting her head straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expat63 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 See if you can sneak a peek at her email and facebook accounts. ??? Then he better end the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djens Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 To the OP - you say you can get a job easily in Belgium, so why are you unemployed now? And do not think I am judging you, I was unemployed for 2 years after a contract job, but I had the money safeguarded. Well I said that already but I understand that it can be rather difficult to understand, the posts are piling up, thank you Tried to go back to school to get a degree, but in the end even if I did my best and put a lot of work into it, I failed. I'm still considered a student but in September I won't anymore and will have to find a job, even if I still receive unemployement benefits. (social system of Belgium) She doesn't have an email or facebook, she doesn't use the internet a lot, just to download some thai soap series and watch the news. But I wouldn't be surprised if it's her sister doing her head in, trying to convince her that there are richer guys out there etc ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phl Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 OP, without sounding too melodramatic, i think you are a genuine guy who is in a very tough situation. So let me give you my advice and opinion, it does not mean its right or wrong, but it is just my opinion I see you have 2 options here which will make you happy 1. You can suggest to her that you want the baby to come back with you, and your mother will take care of it while you work at your (new well paid job) and you will send her money while she is pregnant with the second child. 2. You want to stay in Thailand, but need to have income, this is my suggestion for you, which will not make you rich but will support you and family if you put in the hours. Join up with company's called odesk, freelancer, elancer, rentacoder. Make sure you sign up with address in Belgium. What these company's are, its an internet market place where people from all around the world post for internet related jobs, such as seo, website buildling, content writing, translations etc there you have 2 options, one is to apply for jobs which you think you can handle and other which i think will be your main cash cow is to apply for jobs from europe, i assume you also speak french, you can bid for any job in french and i mean any, after getting the job, you can re-post it in english and get someone from india or pakistan to do the job for half the rate you charge. I hope you get what i mean, check it out and all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelepulse Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 You've got to get your wife away from the bad influences there in the Isaan sticks. Mom and sister sound horrible, and dad doesn't sound much better. As far as the 2nd kid goes, explain to the Mrs. that you don't have enough money as it is, so unless she starts working or the family helps out, you can't support a new addition. Also tell them that the monthly payments on the car have to stop. They can sell it and buy a cheaper model. Time to cut the purse strings as they are just freeloading off you and intend to do so with you working hard back in cold Belgium, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phl Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 You've got to get your wife away from the bad influences there in the Isaan sticks. Mom and sister sound horrible, and dad doesn't sound much better. As far as the 2nd kid goes, explain to the Mrs. that you don't have enough money as it is, so unless she starts working or the family helps out, you can't support a new addition. Also tell them that the monthly payments on the car have to stop. They can sell it and buy a cheaper model. Time to cut the purse strings as they are just freeloading off you and intend to do so with you working hard back in cold Belgium, good advice but little risky at the moment as OP is not in the position to bargain as he could loose the kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelepulse Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 You've got to get your wife away from the bad influences there in the Isaan sticks. Mom and sister sound horrible, and dad doesn't sound much better. As far as the 2nd kid goes, explain to the Mrs. that you don't have enough money as it is, so unless she starts working or the family helps out, you can't support a new addition. Also tell them that the monthly payments on the car have to stop. They can sell it and buy a cheaper model. Time to cut the purse strings as they are just freeloading off you and intend to do so with you working hard back in cold Belgium, good advice but little risky at the moment as OP is not in the position to bargain as he could loose the kid You've got to get your wife away from the bad influences there in the Isaan sticks. Mom and sister sound horrible, and dad doesn't sound much better. As far as the 2nd kid goes, explain to the Mrs. that you don't have enough money as it is, so unless she starts working or the family helps out, you can't support a new addition. Also tell them that the monthly payments on the car have to stop. They can sell it and buy a cheaper model. Time to cut the purse strings as they are just freeloading off you and intend to do so with you working hard back in cold Belgium, good advice but little risky at the moment as OP is not in the position to bargain as he could loose the kid If he's the legal father, he can't lose his kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 If he's the legal father, he can't lose his kid. What planet are you on! In every country in the world, the father can lose the kid. Here it's dead easy, mum just changes address, and dad never sees the kid again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NBD Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Going to be a bit less cynical than average. Moving from Issan to Belgium is a big wrench for a (no offence) uneducated farm girl who has never travelled, is in her early 20s and has her first kid on the way with no friends or family. We have shades of this same issue between living in Bangkok and the friends and family living in Isaan, and my wife went to university and worked and supported herself (with all her clothes on) before I met her. Getting pregnant when you have no income and can't decide which continent you want to live on is crazy. So reason with her. Give her another couple of months with her family after you leave, go home and get a job and so on sorted out, then bring her back over and start trying for another baby. If she's truly just milking you then you'll soon enough know, when she's never there on Skype, delaying coming back and demanding money for ever more absurd crises. If she's genuine then it will work out. Not ideal, but not disastrous either. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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