Have you made any Thai male friends?

[daleyboy]

I have a few Thai male friends. One of which i met while he was in the U.K with his family. He worked in the same restaurant as my wife, and we always got on really well.

He left his job at the restaurant and so started to have problems with his visa status. I spent a lot of time trying to help him with his visa application, and visiting the local MP. Sadly nothing could be done and he returned with his family to Thailand a couple of months ago.

But i think i have a friend for life, he still calls to see how were doing, i told him we were coming over in June and he is insiting that we stay at their house.

So to all those who berate Thailand and its people, maybe you should take a long hard look in the mirror because maybe its you that has the problem not the Thai men/women

[marquess]

I have a few Thai male friends. One of which i met while he was in the U.K with his family. He worked in the same restaurant as my wife, and we always got on really well.

He left his job at the restaurant and so started to have problems with his visa status. I spent a lot of time trying to help him with his visa application, and visiting the local MP. Sadly nothing could be done and he returned with his family to Thailand a couple of months ago.

But i think i have a friend for life, he still calls to see how were doing, i told him we were coming over in June and he is insiting that we stay at their house.

So to all those who berate Thailand and its people, maybe you should take a long hard look in the mirror because maybe its you that has the problem not the Thai men/women

Firstly I never started this thread to berate the Thai Male, only to find out how many people had made male Thai friends here in Thailand. Your situation is somewhat different, as you have managed to make friends with this guy, in our own natural environment (all credit to you of course), where you are not at a disadvangate. Would the same friendship have blossomed over here in the group environment? I have made friends all over the world whether from Sweden to Japan, but no male friends here in Thailand!

[Thai-Sweetie]

Umm this may sound pretty stupid

are all of you Thai?

[simon43]

Having lived here for about 3.5 years, I can honestly say that the vast majority of my friends are Thai. If I try to think of 'farang' friends, then I can name just 2 people

Why? It's because when I came here, I made the positive decision to try to integrate with the Thai community, by learning to speak/read/write Thai etc. I couldn't see the point of flying 10,000 km from the UK, just to sit with a load of ex-pats who moan about Thailand, the UK, everything else . In fact, the only times I have been 'scammed' in Thailand have been by farangs......

I have no problems with 'expats' who prefer to stay within the expat community, hence my interest in the TV HQ idea, but I personally prefer to mix with the locals

Simon

[marquess]

Having lived here for about 3.5 years, I can honestly say that the vast majority of my friends are Thai. If I try to think of 'farang' friends, then I can name just 2 people

Why? It's because when I came here, I made the positive decision to try to integrate with the Thai community, by learning to speak/read/write Thai etc. I couldn't see the point of flying 10,000 km from the UK, just to sit with a load of ex-pats who moan about Thailand, the UK, everything else . In fact, the only times I have been 'scammed' in Thailand have been by farangs......

I have no problems with 'expats' who prefer to stay within the expat community, hence my interest in the TV HQ idea, but I personally prefer to mix with the locals

Simon

I too have made an effort to learn and write the language, and live in an area where there are no farangs. There are people in this area that I have known as Puan Baan for the last five years, but they are not friends in the western sense of the word. They don't seek me out or enquire after my well being etc. They just seem to stick together. There was a young guy that I had befriended in the local snooker club and payed for him to play snooker with me on and off over the last six months. During which time we talked about this and that (in Thai), yet I went in to the club the other day and he was with the group and didn't even say hello or acknowledge my presense. I never regarded him as a friend, but one would have thought that he might have been a bit more friendly! It is the group culture, difficult to get into the group, and if your not part of it, then forget it! I am primarily concerned about Thai Males, as we all some how manage to make female friends of one kind or another!

[Spit the Dog]

Can't really say that I've made any firm friendships with any Thai males. There are a few guys that I'm on 'sawatdee khrap' terms with or 'chok dee khrap' terms if I'm having a beer but that's about it.

It's not that I have anything against Thai males it's just that 95% of the people that I work with are female and all my girlfriend's friends are female too. In my daily routine I don't have much contact with Thai males.

[Ijustwannateach]

I took the OP to mean "friend" in a sense more important than a drinking buddy or coworker- someone that you would tell very personal things about yourself, someone that could rely on in an emergency, someone that you would trust to look after your house or children, and importantly- someone that you would do all these things for, too.

"Steven"

[Tippaporn]

Right, Steven. I think that the posters here who say they have Thai male friends have this type of relationship with them. Maybe I shouldn't be speaking for anyone else, just my feeling. It certainly applies in my case, though. Some of my friends would be willing to give me the shirts off their back.

Not sure why marquess is having so much difficulty. Sorry to hear it, marquess, and I hope you make some good friends eventually.

[monochaser]

I have noticed that in Thailand there is zero comradery between myself and Thai males. It doesn't matter how hard you try, if you are not buying something from them then there's nothing there. This is a major drawback to living in Thailand; so many other countries the opposite is true. Cuba is one of those countries

[Tippaporn]

I have noticed that in Thailand there is zero comradery between myself and Thai males. It doesn't matter how hard you try, if you are not buying something from them then there's nothing there. This is a major drawback to living in Thailand; so many other countries the opposite is true. Cuba is one of those countries

Sounds like you have the same problem as marquess. I'm sure you'll find many here who would beg to differ!

[monochaser]

no problem, that's what makes the world go round. I can assure you emphatically that the people of Cuba, for example, are so very far more genuine than those of this country. I mean there is no comparison whatsoever. I don't have any idea what the reason is but it is cold hard fact

[The Muji]

if you are not buying something from them then there's nothing there

so insulting! And completely wrong. Pls read the other posts, and think if maybe the reason why you have had these experiences lies with you.

[Patex]

What is the general conecpt of friendship, amongst the average Thai male?

That is the question.

I think for the average Somchai you have to be at the same age and share nearly the same fate. Not much space left for a Farang isn't it?

Joining a group of Thais with the same intrest like you ( work, sport, religion, music...) will be a good first step to find a lot of mates and perhaps a real friend.

Patex

[Augustus]

I have quite a few Thai and Laotian freinds back home with who I am considered same as family. That mainly comes from us all coming up in the same nieghborhood. All my friends are immigrants and their kids are American born. So being around them helped a lot when I first came to Thailand but I still am learning.

When my best friend and his wife came last year to put to rest the remains of his wifes parents in Laos I took my vaction to introduce them to my fiancee in BKK and it was a blast. I had met a few Thai fellows on prior trips and I thought I was friends with all of them but after a night of drinking with them and my buddy Thyva all but one has stopped coming to see me when I am in town. Dont know why.

Me and this one fellow keep in touch regularly (weekly e-mail) and I see him frequently when I am in BKK. We have some common interest and get along fine despite the language difference. I guess it is all about how you carry yourself. I know mostly curse words in Thai and Laos and have been cultivating them for 19 years. I have only been coming to BKK for only 3 years and I have never had any problems with Thai males and look forward to meeting and becoming friends with more in the future.

[Thaiboxer]

As with making friends anywhere, it often comes down to things you have in common: lifestyle, hobbies, etc. The extent to which you have these things in common often determines the extent of friendship you form with somebody. Here in Thailand there is another BIG factor at work and that is the language barrier. To get to know somebody personally would not be easy unless you spoke enough Thai and/or they spoke enough English. My Thai isn't so great but I can get around without much difficulty. However, I don't have enough Thai vocabulary to really communicate on a personal level which is why my friends from the boxing gyms are more like training partners rather than friends in the Western sense of the word. Thais are often shy and this is the case for both men and women. With this in mind I can understand why one might not hear too often from a Thai friend whose English isn't that good. Despite the language barrier, I've never experienced a situation like the OP described where the friend or friends in question didn't acknowledge me when we happened to be in the same place.

[Thaipwriter]

Nope, none. I meet a lot of folks out and about but the bond never goes beyond whiskey fuelled football chatter.

I have had a near miss with a different kind of Thai male but i wont elaborate too much

[Boo]

Hubby & I went to the temple recently & there were lots of thai men around. I asked him why he didn't say hello or try to make friends with them as he doesn't have too many thai mates here in the UK. He said that the ones he had seen were too young & that he must look at their face to see if they have the same idea as him. I told him it was a load of crap but to him, having the same interest & being of a similar age are important. I have a female friend her with a thai husband & although he & my hubby get on ok, they aren't good freinds as they have different interests & come from different regions. He finds the way that we (westerns) make such easy aquantances strange, as he must really trust someone to consider them a friend & all of his best friends are from childhood.

But it isn't just farang who don't make new thai male friends easily as hubby also didn't have any "real" friends in Samui either but had a lot of aquantances & drinking buddies or peope he worked with.

Maybe it is just different people & different ideas of friendship?

[blabbel]

Well, quite a few of my Thai friends are 15-20 years younger than me, I find the older ones a bit boring, to be honest.

The only irritating thing is they keep calling me "Pee", such creating a sort of barrier. Sometimes I enjoy the privilige of being "Pee", though.

[Boo]

hubby is at a funny age I think (36) he still considers himself a bit of a playa & "in" with things, but when confronted with 20 something thai guys who are all into hip hop & rap etc he has nothing in common as he is def an 80 rock man, older thai guys are also so different from him as they think he is too modern, so he's a bit stuck in the middle. ( I use music as an example as hubby has 3 interests, music, golf & art & he has nothing in common with anyone who doesn't share these interests as they are his ONLY interests, besides me )

[sbk]

Hubby & I went to the temple recently & there were lots of thai men around. I asked him why he didn't say hello or try to make friends with them as he doesn't have too many thai mates here in the UK. He said that the ones he had seen were too young & that he must look at their face to see if they have the same idea as him. I told him it was a load of crap but to him, having the same interest & being of a similar age are important. I have a female friend her with a thai husband & although he & my hubby get on ok, they aren't good freinds as they have different interests & come from different regions. He finds the way that we (westerns) make such easy aquantances strange, as he must really trust someone to consider them a friend & all of his best friends are from childhood.

But it isn't just farang who don't make new thai male friends easily as hubby also didn't have any "real" friends in Samui either but had a lot of aquantances & drinking buddies or peope he worked with.

Maybe it is just different people & different ideas of friendship?

No, Boo, I think you have hit the nail on the head here. My husband is exactly the same, as are most of the Thai men I know. They have many acquaintances but don't have that many close friends.

[OZONE]

no problem, that's what makes the world go round. I can assure you emphatically that the people of Cuba, for example, are so very far more genuine than those of this country. I mean there is no comparison whatsoever. I don't have any idea what the reason is but it is cold hard fact

and I wondered why you haven't made any Thai friends, its your attitude. My be you should move?

[roamer]

"The only thing I will miss when I leave the UK are the friends I've made, I can't have friends like that back in Thailand. there its easy to make friends....who gossip about you when you leave the room, not real friends like I have here"

That was my wife (Thai) talking to friends the other night in the pub. Maybe its not a gender thing.

[robitusson]

Nope. None so far.

[Asiantiger]

[No

[robitusson]

Maybe the question should be, have you met any men here that you would want to be friends with?

[donna]

ive been here for over 6 years now and i am happy to say that i do actually have a few good thai male friends. these are people ive never had any kind of relationship with, and people whom i have met through my previous job in tourism.

two in particular i would trust with my life. they are dear friends, and people i know i can tell anything.

im surprised that many of you havent been able to make male friends. i have quite a few.....and i have many female friends too.

maybe i am just lucky?

[Neeranam]

I too have made an effort to learn and write the language, and live in an area where there are no farangs. There are people in this area that I have known as Puan Baan for the last five years, but they are not friends in the western sense of the word. They don't seek me out or enquire after my well being etc. They just seem to stick together. There was a young guy that I had befriended in the local snooker club and payed for him to play snooker with me on and off over the last six months. During which time we talked about this and that (in Thai), yet I went in to the club the other day and he was with the group and didn't even say hello or acknowledge my presense. I never regarded him as a friend, but one would have thought that he might have been a bit more friendly! It is the group culture, difficult to get into the group, and if your not part of it, then forget it! I am primarily concerned about Thai Males, as we all some how manage to make female friends of one kind or another!

If you have actually succeeded in learning the language you will know the reasons why it is hard for you to make friends. I have overheard, and heard blatanly why MOST Thais think of the black 'farang'.

Have you ever thought why they refer to you using the pronoun "mun"? White farang get this treatment too, but not nearly in such an obvious rascist way. It took me about 6 years to actually realise to what extent most Thais think of the farang and black. I generally don't tell the newcomer who is high on that "pink cloud", as they don't believe me, or would rather not believe, or don't care. I've known manyThai women to marry guys who they admit they didn't like, but were willing to learn to love them, if they were "nice to them"

There are some Thai people who don't judge the book by the cover, but MUCH less a percentage than in Western countries. Much less in Bangkok than other areas(including Isaan). Some people are embarrassed to be with the 'whitey', and would never be seen with the 'blacky'.

What I had to do after about 5 years in Thailand, with my new-found knowledge was revaluate my circumstances - am I still happy living here now that I know the false smile, and what is going on inside the head of most natives. I have to learn how I can use my white skin to MY advantage. I have to accept what I didn't particularly want to hear.

I knew one black guy who was hired by the company I worked for from England. He was very experienced and qualified, but on coming here and they saw his skin colour, no one wanted him. They paid him for a few months but the only job he could do was out of sight of the Thai public.

I have had my moments, and nearly packed it all in here.

Thailand is a very rascist country, which is up to them, and I certainly can't change it.

[Ijustwannateach]

One of my more cynical friends claims that Thais (real ones, not the Thai Chinese, who *do* seem to have friends) don't really have friends, they just have acquaintances- that's why you see them pick up new people so quickly (and also drop them just as quickly)... and so many people are so unreliable that it doesn't pay to trust too easily. There are elements of truth in that, though it's a little extreme- I think most Thais do pick up one or two very close friends, but it seems hard for them.

^ I went through this before in Japan, and it's one of the reasons I don't race to learn Thai language- the more I knew what the Japanese were saying, the less I wanted to hear of it. You're better off not knowing, in many ways.

Edited January 20, 2006 by Ijustwannateach

[Boon Mee]

What is the general conecpt of friendship, amongst the average Thai male?

From what I'm familiar with it's not so much different than Farang.

Long-term friendships tend to stem from school-days though.

[meadish_sweetball]

It is true that many Thais rarely become really good friends with anybody after their school days. There are exceptions, but I have not seen too many.

There is also the view that if there is a pee/nong relation, true friendship is difficult because of the shackles the pee/nong system creates.

I think part of what we are experiencing is also a result of a different attitude to friendship in the West that probably evolved with mass travel and urbanization - but Thailand still has some ways to go before they join that club - if they ever will, maybe they do not want to?

Thais who go abroad to study and/or work and experience the Western lifestyle often seem to change as a result, becoming more genuinely open to strangers... at least it is my experience.

My father, born in the late 30s, had few real friends he could discuss everything with - and the idea of discussing anything but politics or engineering seemed strange to him. Not so with my contemporaries. Perhaps it is the West that has changed a lot and Thailand has not, and does not want to experience the same change? I dont know.

Family is so important here, there seems to be less room for friends, because the social occasions seem to have to involve family...