Used And Abused Or Just Stupidity? How Would You Have Handled The Situation?

[Trembly]

I'm not trying to contradict those who say that in their personal experience Thais have expected them to foot the bill but me and my (English) father's experiences have been different, especially after we moved to Isan.

The fact that we speak enough Thai to form genuine friendships is probably a factor, although we have encountered enough sporting behaviour from people who are more like near-friends or sometimes newly introduced strangers that we think its just down to the sort of people you have the good or bad fortune to encounter (through your circumstances or otherwise) inThailand . . .

Edited August 22, 2012 by Trembly

[Trembly]

I think what Loong has said is still relevant to the post and unfortunately it is very true. In my experience also, Thais (unless we are talking about the wealthier types) will generally not put their hands in their pockets when out with Farangs. They just dont. Fact

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

i think it's an outrageous statement and not a fact at all - the only people that seem to expect a free lunch are bar girls, models and princesses. When responding to an invitation with your penis you will invariably get stuck with the bill. However if you cultivate your friends slightly more carefully you'll meet Thai teachers that will pay a whole bill, office girls that will split a check, family members that will treat you on your birthday. - (for you will read One will)

My sentiments exactly.

Don't insult the peasants . . . the lo-so / money grubbnig bar girl / classless sort of people exist in all strata of society, it's just that the ones in the peasant class are probably the most visible because they are able to affect less of a veneer.

[Beetlejuice]

You got seen off. He wanted to look the big lad in front of everybody but took the cheap option and stung you for half the bill as an after thought.

Twice I have had similar experiences with Thai's. First the one who invited me to a restaurant at 11pm after dining all evening with her friends from out of town. Second one invited me to join her and her friends after sending me pictures of her and her friends devouring beer stacks and LOTS of food. I said no thanks to both.

The two Swiss people I have met here have been tighter than a ducks arse. One paid for everything in 1 baht coins and the other routinely accepts drinks but never returns the favour.

Thailand is full of people trying to get by on nothing and try to scam others.

I totally agree and that`s the conclusion I came to.

The guy wanted to appear like the perfect host and some sort of big shot, but with my contribution to convey his image in front of his sister.

I have met many such types in Thailand over the years, mostly farangs and usually avoid them, but this guy caught me unawares, because I thought I knew him but obviouly I didn`t.

In the past my wife and I have taken out some Thai freinds who are not that well off for a meal. But I always wanted to pay because it was my pleasure to do so, plus it was at places where the prices were moderate, so it was no problem and everyone was happy all round.

I feel angry at myself because believing I have enough experience would never fall for cons like this, but I still got caught out. Now thinking about it, I should have just thrown a 1000 baht on the table and told him to take it or shove it where the sun don`t shine.

[necronx99]

We (I & Her) rarely accept invitations as we are inevitably the senior pair and end up paying for it.

Having said that we do give regular invitations. But this is thai behavior, no excuse for a westerner to behave that way...

I would have told him sorry, I only brought a grand with me and then dropped him.

[smokie36]

I have already dropped all such “friends“.

Suggest you do the same beetlejuice.

[farang000999]

I guess you know why he called you out of the blue now.

[jacktrip]

your friend is probably thinking that you owe half because you wanted to meet sister and family and were not simply a tag along. the misinterpretation comes from your previous relations with him about the sister. if your simply invited, no problem.

you can usually wiggle out if money was not specifically mentioned, for example saying you are short this month or don't have that much (if he does not know how much you have, of course. topic for another thread).

I had this happen to me as well at a fancy outdoor soirée in Thailand. but I saw it coming...

my foreigner neighbor invited all his friends, about 15, and purchased nice wine, small plates, insects, fancy cheeses, even a blender to make cocktails.

kept talking about it for weeks beforehand, I just played happy and skirted the issue, although I indicated a desire to attend.

I eventually decided it was not really for me and did something else that night, but returned home at the tail end of it, had a drink at his insistence just to be polite.

I soon found out after his guests left that they had not contributed anything and that I was expected to pay for half the tab or 9k baht from about 18k baht total.

realized I was being played a sucker to entertain people I did not even know just because I shared a yard and had discussed the party with him.

told him I did not know the people and I was on a budget and could not afford to pay. followed by drunken banging on my back door yelling for money. he has since moved. I think alcohol may have contributed to the misunderstanding, but some people do this. they can't afford to live like they want so they draw other people in. they are like leeches, often not even realizing what they are doing.

Edited August 22, 2012 by jacktrip

[JaiLai]

Your ex friend has lived in Thailand too long and gone half- native.

Many times in the past, I have been invited out by Thais and then been annoyed to get stuck with the bill. If invited out by a farang, though, I would expect him to pick up the tab, especially when his party is 9 and yours only 2.

Like you, I would have probably paid up, not wishing to cause a scene, but I would not be happy about it.

Such an idiotic comment and so typical of the Thai-basher mentality. This thread has NOTHING to do with the Thais, yet, you manage to find a way to attack the Thais. Shame on you.

I think what Loong has said is still relevant to the post and unfortunately it is very true. In my experience also, Thais (unless we are talking about the wealthier types) will generally not put their hands in their pockets when out with Farangs. They just dont. Fact

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Define "normal Thais" please.

[farang000999]

Your ex friend has lived in Thailand too long and gone half- native.

Many times in the past, I have been invited out by Thais and then been annoyed to get stuck with the bill. If invited out by a farang, though, I would expect him to pick up the tab, especially when his party is 9 and yours only 2.

Like you, I would have probably paid up, not wishing to cause a scene, but I would not be happy about it.

Such an idiotic comment and so typical of the Thai-basher mentality. This thread has NOTHING to do with the Thais, yet, you manage to find a way to attack the Thais. Shame on you.

I think what Loong has said is still relevant to the post and unfortunately it is very true. In my experience also, Thais (unless we are talking about the wealthier types) will generally not put their hands in their pockets when out with Farangs. They just dont. Fact

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Seems a bit high.

[DrTuner]

I always assume I'll pay if attending a feast. While that's not the case every time, it does solve the issue. I just don't go to large functions with unknown people. Sorted.

[necronx99]

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Define "normal Thais" please.

i think it's fairly normal behavior for Thais.

in the village i generally pay if the family goes out. the family repays in kind,not cash.

In Bangkok i hangout mostly with fairly wealthy family who won't let us pay for anything.

The one time we did intercept the bill they got quite upset.

[richard_smith237]

Beetlejuice was embarrassed into letting himself get ripped off. The guy who wanted to share the bill is clearly not friend material.

In Thailand when out with friends (Western or Thai) we always split the bill.

When out drinking with friends (Western or Thai) someone will get the bill at the end of the night and simply tell everyone else how much they owe.

I eat with my In Laws every week - my FIL pays one week, I pay the next.

My Brother in Law just threw a birthday party (it cost about B20,000). I gave him 2000 baht towards the costs, his friends also supported the cost.

Everyone knows (Western and Thai) know the correct approach. When they don't take it they have made a choice to be impolite.

The social intricacies may vary outside of the more cosmopolitan areas but the basic recipe for good manners bridges country, language and culture.

Edited August 22, 2012 by richard_smith237

[Berkshire]

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Define "normal Thais" please.

The vast majority. To put it another way, Thais who don't typically interact with farangs.

[Berkshire]

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Seems a bit high.

Perhaps I'm being generous. What percentage of westerners would you say "have manners?" It'd be about the same.

[jcw]

Your friends family, your friends problem, and my god, what a stressful life he has ahead of him. You should of told your "friend" to go do a buffalo.

[brit1984]

It is quite simple (and has nothing to do with nationality or age). If you (or your partner) makes the invitation, you are the host and you (or your partner) pays the bill (unless the guest insists on paying some share).

Of course, if the same group of people are dining together on a regular basis, it is normal to take turns to assume the role of host (and pay the bill). If there is no obvious host, splitting the bill equally between everyone can also work.

There is no excuse for the behaviour of your friend (except maybe drunken confusion). I recommend to "remind" him what happened. If he does not apologise and offer to make good, disassociate yourself from him.

Sent from iPhone; please forgive any typos or violations of forum rules

[h90]

You'll need to edit your first sentence it's not very clear......

Setting that to the side......and before the trolls rush in......you are right to be angry and disappointed. As far as I can see you were a guest at a family do, there is no way that you should have been expected to pick up half the bill.

It's a matter of simple courtesy......you were invited to meet the sister which you duly did, as you say the ambience and company was very convivial, and things were going great. When the bill appeared it would have been polite to volunteer to contribute however that offer should have been rebuffed by your friend who should have picked the whole tab in my opinion.

I have no doubt that you would have happily invited the sister, your friend and his partner out at a future date where you would have been the host and borne the cost, and happily have done so.

It's been very poor etiquette and judgement on the part of your friend, and you are right to be angered and disappointed.

Thanks, blethy, I have amended my first line.

My wife and I discussed this tonight and decided that my friend is now an ex-friend and will just let him fade away without anymore contact. If he invites us out again, we will just give an excuse and perhaps the guy will get the hint.

As for the tip, my friend decided to give 50 baht and I throw in another 50 baht. Usually I would have given more than that, but I wasn`t thinking straight from the spur of moment shock of parting with all that cash and wondering; <deleted> is happening here?

yes forget his name..........

[JaiLai]

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Define "normal Thais" please.

The vast majority. To put it another way, Thais who don't typically interact with farangs.

So the "thai folks" you've had meals with are not the vast majority ( if you're a farang ) therefore you're statement is nonsense.

Next...

[Scully]

What jumps out at me is the fact everyone disappeared when the bill arrived. This has never happened to myself and makes me wonder if your so called friend has tried this trick on more than one occasion ?

[VintageTQ]

Your ex friend has lived in Thailand too long and gone half- native.

Many times in the past, I have been invited out by Thais and then been annoyed to get stuck with the bill. If invited out by a farang, though, I would expect him to pick up the tab, especially when his party is 9 and yours only 2.

Like you, I would have probably paid up, not wishing to cause a scene, but I would not be happy about it.

Such an idiotic comment and so typical of the Thai-basher mentality. This thread has NOTHING to do with the Thais, yet, you manage to find a way to attack the Thais. Shame on you.

I think what Loong has said is still relevant to the post and unfortunately it is very true. In my experience also, Thais (unless we are talking about the wealthier types) will generally not put their hands in their pockets when out with Farangs. They just dont. Fact

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

You can only speak from your own experience and the small number of Thais you have met and dined with, you cannot speak for 90% of the population. I can only speak from my experience which has been so different.

In my experience Thai's really have not been forthcoming in paying, and i am not talking about the 'Lo-So Peasants' as you so nicely described them (So much for the Non Thai bashing you berated Loong for).

Just 2-3 weeks ago i was out with Thai wife and an old friend of hers with her partner (both thai), the guy works for SCB (not sure what the girl does). Bill is placed on the table and there is that awkward few moments waiting for someone to pick it up whilst the waitress hovers around, well i couldnt stand the awkwardness any longer so i did. The other guy started chatting to his girlfriend so i put some money on the tray and handed it back.

No question of him asking how much the bill was, can i offer any money, nothing

[JaiLai]

This is correct, the awkward moment i also cannot stand, i would rather just pay the bill myself rather than be embarassed.

I guess when money is involved the "face" thing goes out the window.

[theblether]

You can only speak from your own experience and the small number of Thais you have met and dined with, you cannot speak for 90% of the population.

I agree with that ( and the rest of your post is familiar too ).......I have been treated to a night out as a guest of Thais and not been expected to pay. However it is more common for me to pick up the bill, and my girlfriend is aware that there is a limit as to how far I am prepared to go.

The limit is not financial, I am happy to spend plenty on a night out......the limit is being taken advantage of, being taken for granted......I can't stand that in any setting. The amount of money normally involved is paltry by British standards however there have been times when I have felt some "guests" have piled in and went way over the top. My "rippin' the p*ss antenna" goes up and theblether doesn't like people trying to rip the p*ss out of him.

In the case of the OP though......he was ambushed......and I would be as furious as he is.

[Berkshire]

No, it is absolutely not "fact," but complete BS. Why is it that all the Thai folks that I've had meals with, almost always, jump at the chance to pay, and/or contribute their share? And these are just normal Thais. It's not much different to the non-Thais that I've had meals with.

The problem on TV is that farangs here tend to hang out with friends and families of their lo-so peasant wives. If that's the case, you shouldn't be making disparaging remarks about the other 90%+ Thais who actually have manners.

Define "normal Thais" please.

The vast majority. To put it another way, Thais who don't typically interact with farangs.

So the "thai folks" you've had meals with are not the vast majority ( if you're a farang ) therefore you're statement is nonsense.

Next...

Boy, I really have to explain every little thing to you guys. Firstly, you do understand that if you can speak Thai, you will have the opportunity to interact with Thais who don't normally interact with farangs. Simply because most Thais don't speak very much English, or would prefer not to in social situations. This could be 90% or thereabouts....who the heck knows exactly. Understand?

The point is when farangs speak of Thais, they are speaking of Thais that they normally interact with. That would typically be the wife/GF and their circle of friends/family. This is not what I would consider "normal" Thais. Get it?

Edited August 22, 2012 by Berkshire

[JaiLai]

I am sure that many people on this forum speak thai, myself included and choose not to interact with Thais due to whatever reasons.

My reason for not interacting with them is because they don't pay or offer to pay the bill when eating out.

[Berkshire]

I am sure that many people on this forum speak thai, myself included and choose not to interact with Thais due to whatever reasons.

My reason for not interacting with them is because they don't pay or offer to pay the bill when eating out.

So you choose not to interact with Thais. That's certainly your prerogative. I really mean that. But it does beg the question...why in <deleted>'s name are you in Thailand? Nevermind.

Again, I will say that my experiences with the Thais have been overwhelmingly positive and not anything like yours.

[jacktrip]

I am sure that many people on this forum speak thai, myself included and choose not to interact with Thais due to whatever reasons.

My reason for not interacting with them is because they don't pay or offer to pay the bill when eating out.

you speak Thai but don't interact with Thais?

so you learned Thai to speak with other foreigners in Thai, just in case they only spoke german or spanish?

makes some sense I guess.

[Berkshire]

I am sure that many people on this forum speak thai, myself included and choose not to interact with Thais due to whatever reasons.

My reason for not interacting with them is because they don't pay or offer to pay the bill when eating out.

you speak Thai but don't interact with Thais?

so you learned Thai to speak with other foreigners in Thai, just in case they only spoke german or spanish?

makes some sense I guess.

Rather strange, isn't it?

[JaiLai]

I am sure that many people on this forum speak thai, myself included and choose not to interact with Thais due to whatever reasons.

My reason for not interacting with them is because they don't pay or offer to pay the bill when eating out.

you speak Thai but don't interact with Thais?

so you learned Thai to speak with other foreigners in Thai, just in case they only spoke german or spanish?

makes some sense I guess.

Rather strange, isn't it?

Boy, do i have to explain every little thing to you.

I learnt thai when i used to socialize / work with Thais, how could i learn it from foreigners - duh.

During my time socializing and working with Thais i started to realize i did not particularly care for them and now try to make sure i interact with them as little as possible, get it?

[chrisinth]

It is quite simple (and has nothing to do with nationality or age). If you (or your partner) makes the invitation, you are the host and you (or your partner) pays the bill (unless the guest insists on paying some share).

Of course, if the same group of people are dining together on a regular basis, it is normal to take turns to assume the role of host (and pay the bill). If there is no obvious host, splitting the bill equally between everyone can also work.

There is no excuse for the behaviour of your friend (except maybe drunken confusion). I recommend to "remind" him what happened. If he does not apologise and offer to make good, disassociate yourself from him.

Sent from iPhone; please forgive any typos or violations of forum rules

That just about sums it up for me as well brit1984..........

[arthurwait]

Oh well he sounds like many A-hole farangs in Thailand just out to take advantage of people. Whether it's free food and drink from farangs or sex from poor girls that wouldn't look twice if they weren't poor or work shy.Get rid.

Sounds like he'll fit right in with his in laws though and take pleasure in that it will cost him a lot more than he took advantage of you for.