Irish Humor

[A. BOOZER]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important

meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a

parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and

give up me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he

meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the

wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to

heaven?

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you

die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group

together to go right now."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

O'Malley worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd

been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to

bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, it's been15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood

from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Malley said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Callahan was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,

"Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this

several times, and Callahan still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Callahan went over

to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Fiene.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Fiene. "Where are ye callin' from?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in

Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and

then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have

you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

[suegha]

"Callahan was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,

"Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this

several times, and Callahan still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Callahan went over

to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?""

As an Irish (ex) Catholic, these all made me laugh, but the above really made me titter, it's a bit too close to the truth!

I remember many years ago in school, someone caused a whole lot of trouble and the whole class was hauled up in front of the head master, he explained, "I'm looking for a catalyst for the truth" to which one lad answered, " There are no protestants here sir!" I nearly sh@t myself laughing, the head master was not at all pleased!

Edited January 26, 2006 by suegha