Do You Like Your Inlaws?

[smittenkitten]

hi there

Does anyone have difficulties liking their inlaws?

I know some view farangs as ATM's, but my case they have been extorting money from my wife (to be) long before i came on the scene. The MIL is a basket case, using manipulation, guilt, verbal abuse in order to get what she wants (though I appreciate she could be suffering from some vague mental illness). The brother wants to be a successful business owner, and is in the midst of dragging the whole clan down with him. Just extorted 200K from my wife that has evaporated and is apparently wanting to sell some family land.....familar story no doubt.

Needless to say it puts one in an awkward position given that I really want nothing to do with them, but they are family of the girl i love. I know somehow one has to come to terms with these types, but its just so hard. How to you deal with people like this? Anyone managed to find a balance between commitment to wife and accepting toxic inlaws?

cheers

sk

[villagefarang]

Distance seems to help in some cases.

[TommoPhysicist]

Don't finance you gfs losses, make her earn her own money and let her give it away if she wants.

[uptheos]

Yep, love them to bits. Simple people in Mae Sariang, who have never asked for a penny, but when I know they need help like going to the hospital, I'm there for them. Most of the time my wife looks after any small needs they may have.....she's got a good job so also never asks.

[bkkjames]

I refer to them as 'the outlaws' jk. Not close but like someone said a long time ago - you can't choose your parents. or in this case the mrs' parents. they are not that bad though. probably think the same of me so why worry about it.

[cdnvic]

Late MiL never asked for a dime. When my wife and I argued she often took my side. I really miss her.

[CharlieH]

Never had any problems, they (M&F IL) have never asked me for anything. I have taken care of the MIL with Specs and dental care etc or if there is something her parents need then I make sure they are covered and have no problem doing that. We often pick up a few extra bits n pieces when we do our weekly shop and drop some meat or fish in for them too.

Other family members have tried in the past to borrow money but I have been firm right at the beginning and just said no, I dont lend money, try the bank.

They never tried again.

Edited September 7, 2012 by CharlieH

[sbk]

My inlaws are fine, super honest, very hard working, we get along fine. Brother in law is a different story altogether however. Can't have it all I suppose

[billd766]

I supported my inlaws when I was working offshore and could afford it but when I retired I explained to my wife that we couldn't do it any more, so she told her parents and they were OK with that.

As for distance my FIL is living in Bang Na, BKK keeping an eye out for his son there and also a grand daughter and my MIL is about 25 metres away from where I am typing this in a small house on our land. My wife and I keep an eye out for her and her 2 brothers do the same for the FIL in BKK.

It works out well for all of us.

[macksview]

i love the FIL and the MIL to bits, dependable, honest, hard working, and now they relax having retired.

in a major way, marrying the girl i did was down to her parents and siblings, no issan horror stories from this family ever.

[TommoPhysicist]

I supported my inlaws when I was working offshore and could afford it but when I retired I explained to my wife that we couldn't do it any more, so she told her parents and they were OK with that.

As for distance my FIL is living in Bang Na, BKK keeping an eye out for his son there and also a grand daughter and my MIL is about 25 metres away from where I am typing this in a small house on our land. My wife and I keep an eye out for her and her 2 brothers do the same for the FIL in BKK.

It works out well for all of us.

I think you mean small house on her land.

[transam]

OP, NO.

[beano2274]

Never had a problem with the MIL, even let me use her money for the Sinsod at the wedding. Wife and I went on holiday to the UK and Switzerland with the MIL and going around Europe in April with her as well.

Never asked for a penny from me, she just purchased a car, had to use my wife's name as the owner, she told my wife when the 100,000baht tax rebate comes that we can have it.

[canuckamuck]

My in-laws all live with me, They work hard every day and they don't bother me much. I get help when I need it, but I like to work by myself a lot. The only problem is the father in-law who has anger management issues. He treats me really good but the rest of the family only tolerate him and there is no affection. He does his own thing and keeps really weird hours. Mostly out at night hunting and sleeping during the day. He sleeps in shack about 5 meters from our house, everyone else lives in the house including his wife.

Lately however he has really come around, and has even started to blend in, eats at the table and even tidied up some of his stuff. He is a master of all things jungle and a lot can be learned from him. He knows how to fix stuff with whatever is available. I spent a day with him last week hacking through the jungle doing some maintenance on a water pipe we have coming down from our other land. We fixed the dam together, and it was a bit of a bonding moment. But it is always walking on eggshells around that guy. We do what we can to keep him from losing it.

[SOTIRIOS]

.after the money 'ran out'.....(was redirected).....I ceased to exist......

...now, just hanging on for my daughters..until they make their next move....

...they are numerous......I am one......they plan and scheme as a gang......

(even if one might seem neutral or passive.......they all work towards 1 goal....and it doesn't include any foreigners....)

[bino]

I'm fortunate- parents were deceased already when I met Ms. bino, so never had to deal with any of this. Having said that, her siblings and nieces are all nice people, treat me well, and never asked me for a satang. GF and I have done some nice things for them over the years, like buying laptops for the nieces when they started university, renovated a sister's bathroom and put air conditioning in her house, etc. (This had an ulterior motive- we stay with her when we go to visit.) These have all been voluntary, never expected or demanded.

Reminds me of a joke-

What do you call a cannibal who eats his mother in law?

A gladiator!

Edit to add another funny but true story: I was having a massive argument with a GF from years ago back in Farangland. It got so heated that I said "Lets stop this and say something nice nice about each other."

She thought about this for two seconds and came back with "Your inlaws are nicer than my inlaws."

Edited September 9, 2012 by bino

[brit1984]

I love my in-laws, they treat me like a son, always looking out for what I need or want (they understand for example that I prefer different foods and prefer to avoid anywhere with bugs / insects), they never let us pay for anything, gave us money to start a business, bought us a car, as well as providing free childcare (including taking time off work) and they transformed their entire house to suit our needs. They have also made a real effort to learn some English, which at their age is not easy, and puts me to shame with my pathetic Thai language skills. Most of all they are always happy and nice people to be around as they never let circumstances get them down (however annoying it must be to drive around town for hours trying to find the random things their son-in-law needs to satisfy his Western desires).

[BookMan]

I love my in-laws, they treat me like a son, always looking out for what I need or want (they understand for example that I prefer different foods and prefer to avoid anywhere with bugs / insects), they never let us pay for anything, gave us money to start a business, bought us a car, as well as providing free childcare (including taking time off work) and they transformed their entire house to suit our needs. They have also made a real effort to learn some English, which at their age is not easy, and puts me to shame with my pathetic Thai language skills. Most of all they are always happy and nice people to be around as they never let circumstances get them down (however annoying it must be to drive around town for hours trying to find the random things their son-in-law needs to satisfy his Western desires).

Sounds perfect. The other sister still single?

[ALFREDO]

.after the money 'ran out'.....(was redirected).....I ceased to exist......

until they make their next move....

.they are numerous......I am one......they plan and scheme as a gang......

(even if one might seem neutral or passive.......they all work towards 1 goal....and it doesn't include any foreigners....)

Late MiL never asked for a dime. When my wife and I argued she often took my side. I really miss her.

-Sotirious- sounds interesting, I would like to know, read more about that. Can you not open a thread with your story?

-cdnvic-

Can only second that,

as I lost all my family already, the (nearly-I never married) first MIL-still in contact until death, was, also it was difficult to communicate,

a good friend to me and standing by me, against her own daughter!

Just died from cancer, in fast time, sorry! The FIL hard working and hard drinking. I like-liked them.

The newer (also 10 years) -In Laws-, I cannot compare at all. FIL, old and senile. The MIL overweight, careless and lazy.

Whole day hanging around or fishing -for pleasure.

No,I do not like these in Laws.

[bangkokburning]

I was just married but have known my inlaws for well over 2.5yrs. When I first started visitingI asked gf to tell.family mu name was bkb not farang. They have never called me farang. Mother always greets me with a smile and food, Pop is a stoic one. I really like her sis and brother, the whole family is dirt poor, struggles but the love is there.

They have never ssked for 1b abd the 200k sin sod was my gf money. We gave them 30 of it and I will repay 15 to her.

Mu wife works and I would not have it any other way until she approaches 45. I have indirectly made clear I am not a revenue source for mom and dad. Never a problem. As for her we share expenses abt 65-35 and our trips which I used to pay are now 50-50. I pay half her ticket to USA each year.

One thing though I am at odds with though - they had come to bkk 40 yrs ago but still very unsophisticated and a bit crass. Further, they do not seem to managr money well. Aunt has done far better - but slso more favorsble situation, less kids. No grand kids...

So far so good.

We do though keep a distance and I would recommend this to most.

My wife loves my parents. They were very accepting of her from start.

Edited September 17, 2012 by bangkokburning

[MobileContent]

I have a great relationship with my FIL and MIL.

[naboo]

They're great, and on announcing my wife's pregnancy gave us some land. Never asked for anything other than I keep their daughter safe and happy. Wonderful people, love their lives, love their family, see me as one of theirs.

Brothers and sisters in-law are fantastic too. One brother lost all due to bad choices in life, family have taken him back in when families in the west would have rejected him. Hard working, educated and most importantly, happy people. The whole family really knows the important things in life.

[JurgenG]

I've excellent relation with my 2 SiLs, I sometime think that if one day I separate with my wife I'm going to miss them a lot.

With FiL, relation have improved a lot over the years. At the beginning he hated me, not because of my personality but because I was a falang. He is now retired and his problem nowadays is he can't drive anymore. Personally I like to drive him around to meet his old friends / ex business associates. It's very interesting i really learn a lot about how the business was done in the old time in Thailand. Our relation has improved so much that a couple of month ago he told me that he changed his mind, he didn't like me at the beginning but now I'm his favorite son-in-law .

With the BiL it's a bit more complicated. When he was still a student, he was the typical spoiled brat. He tried to stay with my wife and I for a while to escape his parents control but I kicked him out of our house. Now he his a successful businessman, big house, big Benz ... But there is some kind of tension between us. Can't figure out why ...

Edited September 27, 2012 by JurgenG

[thaicruze]

I know some view farangs as ATM's, but my case they have been extorting money from my wife (to be) long before i came on the scene. The MIL is a basket case, using manipulation, guilt, verbal abuse in order to get what she wants (though I appreciate she could be suffering from some vague mental illness). The brother wants to be a successful business owner, and is in the midst of dragging the whole clan down with him. Just extorted 200K from my wife that has evaporated and is apparently wanting to sell some family land.....familar story no doubt.

Falangs deserve everything they get. You can't be serious you're marrying this person.

and no, your story doesn't sound familiar. my wife's family gave us everything, including our house. They just ask me to drive them to funerals and other things on the weekend. That's about it.

Edited October 3, 2012 by thaicruze

[bostonboy]

when i 1st met my wife. both her parents were early 40's, capable and not working in the village

i slowly shown my wife this is not how things should work

she slowly made them stop demanding money and both went back to BKK and got jobs

the dad still works( but he is an evil human being) and the mom takes care of our stepson now after cancer scare a few years ago

the brothers were useless also but now all hard working

so all in all, they are decent

they still take advantage of my wife when she goes home from Canada

expecting her to pay for everything

but beyond that, we get no stress from them and my wife and her mom are like sisters really

extremely close

[rsokolowski]

Late MiL never asked for a dime. When my wife and I argued she often took my side. I really miss her.

I like my Thai MIL and FIL. Like cvnvic, my Thai mother in law is often giving my wife grief for not taking better care of me (and she takes very good care of me all the time). Some of my other Thai inlaws have their quirks (brother and sister inlaws), but nothing extreme and no worse than my own family back in the United States.