Gf Moving Child Down To Live With Us.

[rocky123]

My gf of 3 year, has a 4 yo Daughter in Korat that her mom takes care of. But Her mom no longer wants the kid so my gf wants to bring her to live in my home in Pattaya. I dont want to loose my gf as I am very attached to her and finding a girl that I like has been hard work but she is very upset and wants to take care of her child. Not sure I can do the Father thing again but said I would give it a trial.

My question is (If I choose to accept the mission) is it easy enough to get the child into a state school ? My gf says she needs my house book to prove she is a nongprue resident and have her name in the house book. She said she has informed the Korat athorities She and her duaghter have moved from the Korat area to gain health and education suport in this area.

I am 50 lived in Pats nearly 8 year and have done all the kids thing before, my kids are in their 20's in UK. I have read all the books like "A fool in Paradise" etc and keep a very close gard to any Thai moves.

Many thanks for your assistance.

[siampreggers]

Just to highlight question:

My question is, is it easy enough to get the child into a state school ?

No idea. But I would guess yes, very easy.

Unless they know there's a farang thinking he's Papa and then some 'donations' might be needed while they all have a good laugh.

Edited September 13, 2012 by siampreggers

[harrry]

Just take into account that kids cost money and will be here long after you will. You can have the joy of seing the child grow but will no longer be able to go as you please. You will also have to take into account the costs of school, which are reasonable in the thai system but exhorbitant in the foreign one. You may have to face arguments about the child needing extra and better tuition and schools and medical care. If you must you should make clear to your partner that you will only help with standard schooling and medicine. Your housing needs will change too. If you cannot offer permancy or rely on your partner staying forever (you will get atached to the child) It may be better to investigate ways the kid can stay with his mother even if th3ey involve money.

[revar]

If your gf is registered in the house book in your house getting her onto state school is no problem. Don't worry too muxh about being a father again. If you like it you can be one but many farangs and thai men don't play the father role for children from earlier marriages. And the fathers rolw inrhailand is almost non-existent anyway (except as a provider). But I suspects a 3year old girl will win you over inno time.

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[rocky123]

I am concerned about the book issue. I bought my house in a company name and want to remain the soul owner. If her name goes in does it entitle her to any share ? I dont intend getting married either, done that.

[siampreggers]

My gf says she needs my house book to prove she is a nongprue resident and have her name in the house book.

I am concerned about the book issue. I bought my house in a company name and want to remain the soul owner.

Tell her this is impossible.

Tell her it cannot be done under any circumstances as it is a company owned house. End of story.

You are the boss and you do what you want with regards to your property... Not some sobbing girlfriend in Pattaya.

Tell her impossible, and she needs to find another way. End of conversation.

Edited September 13, 2012 by siampreggers

[angiud]

10 years ago my at that time (and actual) girlfriend ask me to take with us her 3 year old son. I was not so happy at the beginning, but I understand now I did by far the best thing and I never regret my decision. I love my (step)son so much!

[TommoPhysicist]

FIrst thing, where will the kid sleep ...... I suspect in your bed between you and the gf. The kid won't be used to sleeping alone. How committed are you to your gf, once the kid is in your house, you are stuffed.

If you don't want the kid living with you, in your bed, just say NO.

Second thing, a few porkies are being told, children can go to any government hospital in any area free of charge, they don't need to be in a local house book. Also at age 4 the kid will be going to private school, again no need to be in a local house book. WHy does your gf want the kid in your house book? By the way, the only time Korat are told of a transfer is when her name goes in a new house book. If she is claiming to have informed Korat, ask her how?

Thirdly, if you are giving your gf an allowance for being your gf, let her know it will be greatly reduced to pay for the upkeep of the kid.

And finally, you don't say your gf is working, so I assume her work is looking after you, once the kid moves in her job will be looking after the kid and your levels of service will be greatly reduced.

Sorry Rocky, once they start lying, it's a very slippery slope, watch out.

Edited September 13, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[MrRed]

Do you send money home to your girls mother to take care of the child?

Sounds like to me you don't and they as a family are trying to get a bit deeper into you.

Normally a daughters mother in the village will not just stop caring for her daughters child unless there is no reward coming and plan B will now be activated.

Edited September 13, 2012 by MrRed

[siampreggers]

Sounds like a typical 'Thai GF' story.

Isaan. Pattaya. Lies. Money. Property.... Using lies about their child to try and force (emotionally blackmail?) you into a property listing?

Time for you to make a decision.

And I advise that decision isn't based on guilt for others, but is based on yourself.

[rgs2001uk]

Sounds like a typical 'Thai GF' story.

Isaan. Pattaya. Lies. Money. Property.... Using lies about their child to try and force (emotionally blackmail?) you into a property listing?

Time for you to make a decision.

And I advise that decision isn't based on guilt for others, but is based on yourself.

As soon as he puts his foot down and the shit hits the fan, Plan B will come into operation.

The old yai upcountry will have no problem looking after the kid, carry on as normal.

As they say here, love me love my dog.

[rocky123]

was informed that its ok to put their name on the housebook, like a cencus of local population. just dont mess with the

chanuk "the deeds"of the house. The blue book is not a big issue.

[yoslim]

my ex once asked me to have her name put in my condo book for convenience reasons, I told her she could still dream on

[revar]

The house book has nothing to do with ownership. It just regisers who lives there. If you want to register ownership to your houae you have to go to a lawyer to have the papers drawn up. Normally this is not done in thailand. The normal papers like the 'chanuk' mentioned before are ownership papers of the ground , which you can not own as a farang, only lease.

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[rics21]

was informed that its ok to put their name on the housebook, like a cencus of local population. just dont mess with the

chanuk "the deeds"of the house. The blue book is not a big issue.

Its all about getting u to take her kids in. If u r willing to do so, she may get more demanding.

Most Thais don't change their address (name in blue book) when they move around. By forcing u to agree to let her son move in will implicate your assets in the future.

Guess she is hoping that u may fall in love with your step son and transfer all your assets to his name.

Its easier to get a new gf than to carry such a burden.

As u said, u r not going to get married with her. And y r u thinking to take responsibilities of her family/ relatives/ friends.

Later she may tell u that her mum is getting old and she wants to be filial and to take care of her mum..... her mum will move in too.

In the end, u will be taking care of her whole family who is living in your house. And when things get ugly, do u think u have the capability to get rid of the gf, her son, mum, relatives.

Its a problem u may have to face for life. Take into consideration of the liabilities u r going to take in.

Seen lot of friends whose house became a "long house" with the whole family living in it. In the end, he would end up spending most of his time drinking in the bar in order to have some personal time.

The mum invited friends from upcountry. The son had his friends over.

The wife is playing cards with her mates in the house.

Why did u get a Thai gf in the first place?

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Edited September 13, 2012 by rics21

[canman]

was informed that its ok to put their name on the housebook, like a cencus of local population. just dont mess with the

chanuk "the deeds"of the house. The blue book is not a big issue.

As I understand it you are correct. A name in the house book simply indicates they are resident at the property, it does not confir any ownership rights at all. If you were to rent the property the renters names would also be put in the house book.

From my experience your girl friend is correct in that the childs name needs to be in the house book to attend government school

[CWMcMurray]

Your girlfriend is correct in saying that her daughter would need to be in your house book in order to go to the government school in your area

Also being in a house book has nothing at all to do with ownership

Also I don't think it's some big conspiracy by your girlfriend or her family to want her daughter to live with her

She is a mom, she is her daughter, it's really that simple. She likely feels that the relationship has gotten to a point where it's time to settle down

So it makes sense to bring her daughter to live with her now. It also goes without saying that she surely hopes that you will Bond with her daughter as you are possibly the only father that she will ever know.

The bottom line is you picked a girl that has a child... So if you continue the relationship this was always going to be the end result (nothing specific to Thailand, any country, same situation, same result)

So you have to decide take the girl and her kid or find a new girl

Edited September 14, 2012 by CWMcMurray

[Mario2008]

2 off topic replies deleted.

[Mario2008]

The blue tabien baan belongs to the owner of the house and lists who is living at that address. Being on a tabien baan doesn't give ownership rights.

If the child needs to go to school, it is important that she is listed on a tabien baan in the area. Kindergarten is most times offered by the local tesabaan, based on registration in the tabien baan. For elementary and secondar school it is also important to be on a tabien baan in the area, as that imporves the chances of being able to go to a local school. Local students have a certain preferrences.

[rocky123]

Thankyou all for your very informative and helpfull input. I will now put them on my tabien baan and see how it goes.

[billd766]

Jeez there are a lot of miserable buggers on this thread.

My son by my second wife is now 8 and is the apple of my eye.

Perfect he ain't but he is pretty good most of the time.

Of course he costs me money to send him to school, keep him in clothes food etc but they joy and happiness I get in return outweighs that at least 100 times.

I also have a son in the UK who was 34 this year and a year ago I became a grandfather to a boy I have yet to see.

My wife is 47 and I am 68 and I hope to see my son grow into a man and if not he will be provided for as will my wife.

It is not true that you will never be able to go anywhere or do anything, you just need to adapt a small bit and if you want to go out I am sure that your girlfriend will be able to find someone to babysit for her daughter.

I am the past, my wife is the present and our son is the future and it is the future that counts.

[bangkokburning]

With the kid in the house the romance is surely finished. Wonder if you say no if she will find somone to take the kid. Sad situation really and you are dating mommy and that has baggage but you need not adopt a family. No way id put that kid or her in.my book.

Best of luck -really.

BillD - you are 68! This guy is 50.

Edited September 14, 2012 by bangkokburning

[harrry]

Bild...I do not think we are that miserable , just a little concerned by the variety of problems suffered by some members when family matters intrude in a fairly new relationship. It can be the best situation imaginable. I know my two nieces give me even more pleasure than my own daughter did....They do not live with us but in my wife'e mother's house adjacent to ours. I know there will be a time we will probably have them move in but now we have the best of both worlds. They are not my wife's children but those of deceased brothers but that makes little difference. It has made changes to our lives moving here. I cannot just hop in the car and go off for a weekend in Lampung or even further afield. Financially in my case the outlay is minimal as the whole family contributes to their care. We do end up paying school fees of a few thousand baht a term for the older one and a few general special costs. A small investment in a wonderful person. I hope things will work as well for the OP. I just gave him a couple of things to think about. Not all families are as caring and undemanding as ours I hope his is. I also know that if anything I said makes him change his mind about caring for the child it is better this happens know than later for all concerned.

Personally I wish him the best of luck and he can have a wonderful experience and make a difference in someone's life.

[ozziebloke]

Hard to understand all the negative blokes on this thread ? Do you all really have first hand knowledge? Or just your opinions and the ways that you feel about woman who have kids from a previous relationship ? Some seem that they are putting their Two Bobs worth in for the sake of it without really knowing the actual laws or procedures! I married a beautiful woman who had a child now a man and I accepted him from day one she never forced him on me! All support i have done for him has been my choice and sometimes against her will' If some have reasons that they are against something it should be based on fact not a grudge,Greivance,Resentment

[TommoPhysicist]

Hard to understand all the negative blokes on this thread ? Do you all really have first hand knowledge? Or just your opinions and the ways that you feel about woman who have kids from a previous relationship ? Some seem that they are putting their Two Bobs worth in for the sake of it without really knowing the actual laws or procedures! I married a beautiful woman who had a child now a man and I accepted him from day one she never forced him on me! All support i have done for him has been my choice and sometimes against her will' If some have reasons that they are against something it should be based on fact not a grudge,Greivance,Resentment

It rather depends if the guy is in a committed relationship.

As I previously said, there are also some lies being told to the OP.

Lie

1) Grandma doesn't want to look after the kid any more.

2) Korat authorities already told child is moving.

It's not being negative to tell the OP his gf is lying to him.

The OP has also not stated the gfs age and if it is paid companionship (this is in Pattaya)

OP has already pointed out he doesn't really want to do the father thing again.

Edited September 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[ozziebloke]

Hard to understand all the negative blokes on this thread ? Do you all really have first hand knowledge? Or just your opinions and the ways that you feel about woman who have kids from a previous relationship ? Some seem that they are putting their Two Bobs worth in for the sake of it without really knowing the actual laws or procedures! I married a beautiful woman who had a child now a man and I accepted him from day one she never forced him on me! All support i have done for him has been my choice and sometimes against her will' If some have reasons that they are against something it should be based on fact not a grudge,Greivance,Resentment

It rather depends if the guy is in a committed relationship.

As I previously said, there are also some lies being told to the OP.

Lie

1) Grandma doesn't want to look after the kid any more.

2) Korat authorities already told child is moving.

It's not being negative to tell the OP his gf is lying to him.

The OP has also not stated the gfs age and if it is paid companionship (this is in Pattaya)

OP has already pointed out he doesn't really want to do the father thing again.

Yes it does depend on the OP wether he is committed or not to the relationship and wether he can go through the parent thing ? who knows? Not you or me! As for lies, Where is your evidence to state those are lies? A woman has a young daughter, Why would she not want her daughter with her?

[ozziebloke]

Oh and why should he state the " gfs age and if it is paid companionship" It's no ones business

[TommoPhysicist]

Oh and why should he state the " gfs age and if it is paid companionship" It's no ones business

I wouldn't want to look after the kid of someone I didn't love (or didn't love me), would you?

[ozziebloke]

Oh and why should he state the " gfs age and if it is paid companionship" It's no ones business

I wouldn't want to look after the kid of someone I didn't love (or didn't love me), would you?

Yes I agree 100% But you are still presuming

[billd766]

With the kid in the house the romance is surely finished. Wonder if you say no if she will find somone to take the kid. Sad situation really and you are dating mommy and that has baggage but you need not adopt a family. No way id put that kid or her in.my book.

Best of luck -really.

BillD - you are 68! This guy is 50.

Why is the romance finished if there is a child in the house?

What difference does my age make?