Irrational Fear?

[dtdee]

Hey. First post, but I'd just like some perspective.

To get the context out of the way, I'm a young guy. Went to Thailand in March and did the stupidiest thing possible. I fell in love with a bar girl.

Anyway, I don't really need to go into details. The story's all too similar - (There's quite a bit more than this, but the whole story is just too bloody depressing to recount) I met her on holiday, went back to see her, started to trust her, started to love her, she asked me for money and I said no, and THEN she asked me to wait for her while she lives with an old man who's going to give her a shitload of money. An old man who bought her a piece of jewellery almost identical to one I gave her for her birthday, except it was covered in diamonds.

I ended the relationship, and I came to the stark realisation that probably every bar girl simply can't think about a relationship in normal terms, if they've worked in that environment for longer than 3 months.

ANYWAY: I started to develop what i'm pretty positive is an irrational fear, but some advice will be welcome.

The facts:

-I don't know his nationality

-She's known him for 3 months

-He's told her he loves her

-He got a visa for her AND her friend, to stay with him in his home country. (for 'just holiday')

I started getting really suspicious when I heard he was taking her and a friend back, and the only correspondence we've had is me sending a couple of texts and an email telling her to be VERY CAREFUL. I've got a thought ticking over in my brain that he's seriously bad news.

Now, now, before you go on about me not being able to get her out of my brain, i'll just state that I'm actually pretty pissed off at myself for sending these warnings, because they have probably taken the bite out of the last thing I told her. Not to mention if this guy really HAS been sucked in, then she's just exactly what I told her she is, an excellent manipulator. Irrespective, I wouldn't wish what can happen to some of these girls on my worst enemy.

I've basically done all I can. I guess i'm just asking for advice for my own peace of mind. Also, WAS I being stupid in sending the warnings?

[mauGR1]

Welcome to Thaivisa.

I have no advice to give you, except maybe, forget her and move on

[pigeonjake]

• another thai girl bashing post, another fall in love story,,
  

we have heard them all,

[tinfoilhat]

where is the part where he is bashing her? All i saw was that he is concerned for her welfare.

[pigeonjake]

I ended the relationship, and I came to the stark realisation that probably every bar girl simply can't think about a relationship in normal terms, if they've worked in that environment for longer than 3 months.

there you go tin hat, thai girl bashing, in my eyes anyway, you look at it in another way,

nobody holds a gun to these people who come over to thailand to sleep with the girls, but when it goes wrong there allways the bad ones,

[dtdee]

I ended the relationship, and I came to the stark realisation that probably every bar girl simply can't think about a relationship in normal terms, if they've worked in that environment for longer than 3 months.

there you go tin hat, thai girl bashing, in my eyes anyway, you look at it in another way,

nobody holds a gun to these people who come over to thailand to sleep with the girls, but when it goes wrong there allways the bad ones,

/facepalm

I was just trying to say that they're not relationship material. Their priorities shift too dramatically once they're worked the bar for too long.

[submaniac]

I love it when someone comes with 1 post and the first thing they write about is there Thai girl/bar girl experience. I mean, when I first joined Thaivisa all I did was tell personal details of my love history and all.

Anyways to cut to the chase:

(1) You need to crawl back to her and tell her you are a fool and it is all your fault

(2) Propose Marriage

(3) Move to Thailand

(4) Burn all your bridges in your homeland. Like tell your boss and business associates to F off. When Cortez reached the new world he burned the ships so his men would not think about returning. You should do the same.

(5) Transfer all of your assets to Thailand.

(6) In Thailand, transfer all of your assets to the name of your BG new wife.

(7) You will need a source of income to remain in Thailand. You should open up a bar.

(8) Continue to remain on Thaivisa. Post regularly. All the gripes and unpleasantries that you feel about Thailand and the Thai people, you should share with us on Thaivisa by posting about them regularly because we love hearing about it and are very good at giving a sympathetic ear.

[trainman34014]

Young man comes to Thailand, falls in love with the first bar girl he meets, life turns to shit, tells his story on TV. I don't know how many times we've seen it this year alone, but enough to set up some sort of firewall to prevent further repeats ! Mods...shut this crap down the minute it appears.

Edited September 21, 2012 by trainman34014

[GuestHouse]

I ended the relationship, and I came to the stark realisation that probably every bar girl simply can't think about a relationship in normal terms, if they've worked in that environment for longer than 3 months.

there you go tin hat, thai girl bashing, in my eyes anyway...

How is making an observation (in itself well founded) about Thai prostitutes "Thai Girl Bashing" - unless of course you youdelf ascociate all Thai women with Thai prostitutes?!

[meom]

I ended the relationship, and I came to the stark realisation that probably every bar girl simply can't think about a relationship in normal terms, if they've worked in that environment for longer than 3 months.

there you go tin hat, thai girl bashing, in my eyes anyway, you look at it in another way,

nobody holds a gun to these people who come over to thailand to sleep with the girls, but when it goes wrong there allways the bad ones,

/facepalm

I was just trying to say that they're not relationship material. Their priorities shift too dramatically once they're worked the bar for too long.

What priorities?

Girl's gotta make a living right?

[GuestHouse]

I was just trying to say that they're not relationship material. Their priorities shift too dramatically once they're worked the bar for too long.

Not at all an unreasonable conclusion but, as you are learning, one at odds with the lies some people ae telling themselves.

[dtdee]

alright, I know when i'm not welcome. I was just looking for some assurance on the last point of doubt so I could put this behind me. I have no moral objections to prostitution, I was just naïve in recognising the signs of what they do to make their living. I'm sorry for dredging up the details of what happened, I just thought itt would help frame the context of my fear for her safety.

[pigeonjake]

guesthouse you can try and twist the words all you like, but we all no what is going to be happening,

and me personaly i dont look at all thai ladys as prostitutes,

anything else ??

[GuestHouse]

I gaven't twisted any words, I've simply pointed out the glaring error in your response.

The OP's comments are very clearly referring to Thai prostitutes, they cannot by any reasonable argument be said to apply to the vast majority of Thai women who are not nor nevr have been prostitutes.

The OP is not 'bashing Thai girls' (or Thai women for that matter).

[Morakot]

I'm a young guy. Went to Thailand in March and [...] fell in love with a bar girl.

Who told you to seek such company?

Edited September 21, 2012 by Morakot

[geriatrickid]

alright, I know when i'm not welcome. I was just looking for some assurance on the last point of doubt so I could put this behind me. I have no moral objections to prostitution, I was just naïve in recognising the signs of what they do to make their living. I'm sorry for dredging up the details of what happened, I just thought itt would help frame the context of my fear for her safety.

Pish posh old boy. You did the right thing in voicing your concern. Maybe it was for naught, but people that have a heart would do as you did.

There is nothing you can do now. The people in the bar trade have their own set of of rules and a sense of morality that reflects their occupations and clientele. Use this as a learning experience and do not lose hope in the goodness of others. We all trip up a bit. Some people get their jollies at heaping scorn and ridicule on people like you. Here's a secret: The most vociferous have probably made fools of themselves along the way with an ugly crone of a bargirl, and this is is just displaced anger and frustration. Life goes on, and so should you. There will be important events to come in your life, like the day you discover the first hair on your chest, or read on facebook about a g/f's night on the town (just like I did, except, I don't blame anyone else for that.)

[geriatrickid]

I'm a young guy. Went to Thailand in March and [...] fell in love with a bar girl.

Who told you to seek such company?

His heart. When we are young, our emotions rule. Mine did.

[submaniac]

Frankly I don't see how this topic is worthy of bickering amongst ourselves over. It is a troll post as far as I am concerned. If you come to Thailand, go to a bar to pick up a 'bar girl' how do you NOT know what it is that you are getting yourself into. There should be no "gee how do I feel about this".

The sane and legitimate posters on this forum are the ones who did not hook up or marry a bar girl, and all that a post like this is denegrate other poster's wives/girlfriends. It's because of this crap that people think "your wife or girlfriend" was a bar girl, when I know that that is not the case with the vast majority of TV posters.

[Morakot]

I'm a young guy. Went to Thailand in March and [...] fell in love with a bar girl.

Who told you to seek such company?

His heart. When we are young, our emotions rule. Mine did.

Has he tried a more conventional approach to dating?

[GuestHouse]

Re the OP's actual question 'was I being stupid by sending those warnings?'.

Not at all, they are indicative of decency which does you no ill credit. But be warned, it is this decency which can and is manipulated by people like the prostitute you've been in this relationship with.

You would be stupid if you continue to contact her.

You've said she's bad news, if she and her friend have hooked up (pun intended) with bad news guy, well maybe water found its own level.

Tou gave your warning and are now out of the problem - be wise - Stay out!

[pigeonjake]

i cant read in his post were he has proof that this other guy is bad news,??

guesthouse,, you can read all the posts i have ever writen and you will see ive never ever said a bad thing about any girl, lady in thailand, weather they work in a bar or in a bank, they are people to me, some make there livings in different ways,

jake

[Morakot]

Tou gave your warning and are now out of the problem - be wise - Stay out!

Well said!

OP, you need to let her go from your mind, than the feeling what you describe as "irrational fear" will pass away. Try something a little bit more conventional, rather than mongering around. Look for company in your place of work or learning, for instance.

Edited September 21, 2012 by Morakot

[Songhua]

OP. Treat it as a life lesson learned and move on. Trust me, you may feel troubled by it but YOU are the last thing on THEIR mind!

Edited September 21, 2012 by Songhua

[saengsureeya]

Dtdee, falling in love with a bargirl/boy isn't stupid, it's just a part of the process.

After a few of such experiences you will get suspicious and critical towards your new counterpart and in worst case scenario paranoia. See it as a lesson learned.

Regarding your warnings: You tend to care for someone and therefore you give advise on what and what not to do. THAT is a waste of time; people usually do not listen to advise that will cost them a small fortune, because that's what they think.

[David006]

careful mate you could end up on TV TV

Edited September 21, 2012 by David006

[Payboy]

Went to Thailand in March and did the stupidiest thing possible. I fell in love with a bar girl.

Something tells me that now you're all set to outdo that one.

[tinfoilhat]

Re the OP's actual question 'was I being stupid by sending those warnings?'.

Not at all, they are indicative of decency which does you no ill credit. But be warned, it is this decency which can and is manipulated by people like the prostitute you've been in this relationship with.

You would be stupid if you continue to contact her.

You've said she's bad news, if she and her friend have hooked up (pun intended) with bad news guy, well maybe water found its own level.

Tou gave your warning and are now out of the problem - be wise - Stay out!

i don't buy into guesthouse all that often, but agree whole-heartedly this time around.

Jake, and i have nothing against thai womenat all, irreespective of their chosen vocation.

I am however exasperated by someone who has a clear indication that they are indeed paying for affection, yet avoids that glaring truth.

I would also go so far as to suggest that the woman described in the OP is not entirely without affection or scruples where the OP is concerned, as she was honest with him regarding the old fella and her intentions. She need not have done so.

In my early time here, I too have been smitten by the hooker with a heart of gold, onee or two of whom kept up infrequent contact with me for a while after they were married. No matter what my affections for them were, i remained able to see the big picture.

look back on your time fondly while resolutely moving forward.

Edited September 21, 2012 by tinfoilhat

[tinfoilhat]

careful mate you could end up on TV TV

cant wait to see how that plays out

[Morakot]

falling in love with a bargirl/boy isn't stupid, it's just a part of the process.

Would that be the process of becoming a caricature of some stereotypical person?

Edited September 21, 2012 by Morakot

[chiangmaikelly]

If this was a computer war game it would be, 1 Thai hooker = 2 SAS, 1 Navy Seal and 17 terrorists.

I mean if you are a computer game programmer.