The Hotel Soap Story

[BoonToong]

For those who have never heard it, this story still makes me giggle every time I read it. It may be an urban myth but even if it is, it's still funny.

Enjoy..........

This is a true story of correspondence that took place between a hotel guest and the staff. The hotel who submitted this

has a policy of giving free soap to all of its guests.

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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please

remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you.

S. Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,

Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the

shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I

took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in

case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I

left today which are my standing instructions from the management.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her

concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room

this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf

under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for

two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need

those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way

when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel

soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6

soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap

dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet

for your convenience.

I did not remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always

placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which

you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let

me know if I can be of further assistance.

Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M.

that you called ham last evening and said you were unhappy with

your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I

hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If

you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it

my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5

P.M. Thank you .

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the

hotel for business at 7:45 A.M. and don' t get back before 5:30

P.M. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night - you

were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do

anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you

assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since

she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along

with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In

just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why

are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap

to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further

assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00

P.M.. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken

from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in last last

night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere

Bouquets.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap

problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room

since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time

they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately.

Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came

in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54

little bars of Camay. I want my one dam_n bar of bath-size Dial.

Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my

bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them

removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap

was missing so I personally returned them - the 24 Camays which

had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.

I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously

your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she

also broguth 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know

where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was

able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap

inventory. As of today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

On bedroom dresser - 7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 & 1 stack of 4, 1 hotel-size bath-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.

On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill, which is not in use, will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

[ivan96822]

Obviously, these don't sound like Thai maids...