Are You Marrying Him For A Visa / The Money Opportunities That You Will Get”.

[Jersey_UK]

It seems to be one of the questions (or similar) that the Missus will be asked is:-

“Why do you want to go to the UK / are you marrying him for a Visa / the money opportunities that YOU will get”.

From the long lists of questions I have extracted from this site, this is the question that has been giving me the most to ponder about for an “acceptable” answer for the Embassy during her interview.

For me the honest answers are that it is because I do not want to live in Thailand because I cannot make any decent money there and whilst I think it is an OK enough place for a holiday (especially if you like drinking and whoring!), I think it would be a real sh#thole for me to have to live in and make a living 24/7 and 365 (no offence intended !)……..therefore I do not want to move there – and if she wants to be with me then she has to agree to move to the UK. (if push comes to shove I would go to Thailand, at least for a few years, but it is right at the bottom of my list of options). I also want her to be financially independent of me (both cos it is cheaper for me! and also so she CAN tell me to f#ck off), but mainly because just the process of her becoming financially independent will be good for her sense of self worth, let alone achieving financial independence – she will not manage the same in Thailand as she would in the UK - a lot of her “past” in Thailand is figuratively (and sometimes literally) “just around the corner”.

For her the honest answers are because I want to live in the UK. She trusts me to do the best for her / us. She has no real ties to Thailand practically as she is not close to her family (a long time orphan, very much older brothers and a limited extended family – not a village gal – who all ostracised her……….albeit for very good reasons ) and she has no kids (women’s problems). Also her emotional ties to Thailand are not strong. (it still cracks me up when she occasionally talks about going on the demos back in ‘92 during the last coup as an optimistic 22 year old trying to “do the right thing” FOR Thailand and her evident anger, pain and complete disillusionment at events in Thailand since). She knows that she will have better opportunities to make money and that her lack of formal education will not be such a problem for her work wise, especially with my help / guidance (although she does find this hard to believe 100% – I think understandably from a country which requires folk to have degrees for muppet jobs ). She knows that moving to the UK means she gets the opportunity to start again / have a clean slate (a colourful and documented past!) and meet and deal with folk who do not see her as one step below lavatory cleaner. She knows that her future in Thailand alone is highly likely to be sh#t and that even with me in Thailand that her future and opportunity will not be so great as it would be in the UK (secure, but not great). She wants to have a chance / opportunity to make something of herself / make a future for herself, rather than just a future that consists of eking out a living. Although she does not expect the streets of the UK to be paved with gold, she knows that Thailand (or at least the part that she has access to) is a sh#thole.

Now, I am quite happy to give honest answers……………. so my first temptation is for the Missus to respond to the question:-

“Why do you want to go to the UK / are you marrying him for a Visa / the money opportunities that YOU will get”

with the answer:-

“Of course I want to go to the UK for the economic opportunities……..do you think I am completely f’#cking stupid and would CHOOSE to stay in the shith#le that is my place in Thai society when I have an alternative???!!”

But I am thinking that their MAY be better ways of her addressing this question which is more acceptable to the UK Embassy ...........without denying the reality of the situation.

Any ideas folks?

Finally – given the above – do I think she is marrying me for my money / visa to the UK?………… in many respects yes, as it’s part of what I “bring to the table”. The benefit of someone who she knows will never let her go cold or hungry again or let her die of purely no money IS important to folk who have been cold, hungry or sick – it is just an undeniable fact. I prefer to wrap this up in the phrase “providing security”, but at the end of the day hard cash does come into the equation. That is just life. In fact part of the reason I am marrying her is that I believe that she will also prosper economically and can cope with / adapt to life in Farangland (whether she likes it is another question) – I can’t afford and do not want a “pet wife”. (But of course I believe that all this is in addition to the main things that we have together……….otherwise I would not be marrying her! – “mine is different"!! ).

[RAZZELL]

Jersey...

I just love reading your posts...you sound as "ting tong" as your missus...

All the best

[the scouser]

Prior to May 1997 it used to be a requirement of the immigration rules that an applicant had to show that, in contracting a marriage, it wasn't their primary purpose to gain entry to the UK. To answer yes to the question you've posed would have resulted in the visa being refused. However, one of the first acts of the Labour govt. (Gawd bless 'em) was to abolish this criterion.

Now, the sole subjective criterion is the intention to live together, and to answer yes to the same question would not necessarily result in refusal, as wanting to go to the UK for economic betterment is neither here nor there if you intend to live with your spouse. The only problem is that the ECO may construe a desire for economic improvement as an indication that the 2 parties don't intend to live together, but that would largely depend upon the supporting documentation in its entirety.

On that note, I'm off for my cup of Horlicks and a ciggie before bed.

Scouse.

[britmaveric]

Not exactly sure if this is what a Visa Officer would like to hear! What is stopping her from finishing with you after she gains residency and moving on to greener pastures so to speak if she inherently has this attitude?

Edited February 9, 2006 by britmaveric

[GU22]

My wife wasn't actually asked this, but it was a subject that had come up when we were discussing our options once we had decided to marry. Where were we going to live?

My wife had strong reasons for wishing to stay in Thailand. She has a twin sister she is very close to, and her son had just started university so dragging him halfway round the world would have been too disruptive for him. She also has a daughter, who was 9 at the time.

I obviously have family in the UK, but the ties were not as strong, and so living in Thailand would not have been a problem for me; in fact it's our long term aim anyway.

However, having discussed it at length we came to the following conclusions.

The prospects of me, having virtually no academic qualifications, finding suitable work in Thailand with sufficient income were remote. Whereas the prospects of my wife finding work in the UK, even though she, too, has no qualifications, were higher. Even if she could not find work in the UK, living off my earnings was possible, but living in Thailand on what she alone could earn there would be impossible.

Her (or as I think of her, our) daughter's educational prospects would be a lot better in the UK than in Thailand, and she would have far more options open to her in later life.

So, I guess, had she been asked this question, the answer would be that she was marrying me because she loves me ( ), wanted to come to the UK because that's where I live and work and that it would be easier for her to find work in the UK than for me to find work in Thailand.

[Jersey_UK]

Jersey...

I just love reading your posts...you sound as "ting tong" as your missus...

RAZZELL

I have a tendency towards brutal honesty, especially towards myself...........and I am aware that my experiances also provide a certain "entertainment" value to others. "It's the way I tell 'em"

Both "Ting tong"?........er, maybe . Actually we do share a few related things and an outlook on life.........which also won't make it onto the Visa application form. But that's all a seperate post on a "Dear Abbey" thread!

SCOUSER

"wanting to go to the UK for economic betterment is neither here nor there if you intend to live with your spouse. The only problem is that the ECO may construe a desire for economic improvement as an indication that the 2 parties don't intend to live together, but that would largely depend upon the supporting documentation in its entirety".

This is useful to know and why I posted. I do not want the ECO to misconstrue the situation from being brutally honest (obviously I was exagerating the possible reply of the Missus! ), but also would like to not have to somehow pretend on the Visa application that Thailand had the same economic advantages for both of us as the UK. I think I will be OK on the supporting documentation to show that we do intend to live together.........as much as anyone can prove an intention that is.

GU22

"So, I guess, had she been asked this question, the answer would be that she was marrying me because she loves me ( ), wanted to come to the UK because that's where I live and work and that it would be easier for her to find work in the UK than for me to find work in Thailand."

Once more the voice of reason! Cheers. It seems so obvious and simple when written in front of me .

britmaveric

"What is stopping her from finishing with you after she gains residency and moving on to greener pastures so to speak if she inherently has this attitude?"

Fair question. The answer is essentially...............b#gger all!! - and if it was for the "right" reasons then although I would be gutted (presumably?!) then I would not harbour her any ill will for moving on JUST because she left me in the UK (or vice verse!). That is just life.

But she has the sense to wait at least 2 years for her ILR, and I have the financial sense not to get cleaned out if she does - although I AM betting on us being together for more than 2 years I would like this to be with her at least having the option (financially) to tell me to f#ck off.

Unsurprinsingly I HAVE had a long long hard think about all this, and I am as sure as anyone can be that she is not just marrying me for a Visa.........for no other reason than that if she was then she IS the best actress I have ever met in Thailand, but I KNOW she is not capable of doing this for the length of time I have known her. She is far too honest for her own good (in Thailand SHE is the one who often gets taken advantage of ) and she lacks the natural guile and the paitence usually associated with her prevous career to hand out the usual BS for more than 5 seconds at a time One of things that she says she liked about me initially was that I never lied to her and never "made" her lie to me (also she says it helped that I did not freak out when she sh#t herself in my hotel bed.......that's 2 laxative tablets NOT 4 "to make sure" ). Spending months at a time in Thailand helps when getting to know someone -and letting them get comfortable revealing even the "bad stuff" at their own pace.

Of course like many guys in Thailand I have met more than a few "actresses" who would make Brando look like Ross Kemp! - many of them disturbingly actually also really nice folk who I had a lot of time for (and not all "Biblically"!)........despite the number of "b/f's" they had or who made the odd marriage proposal - just before they got on the plane to do the same with someone else ). I have my eyes VERY wide open when it comes to Thailand.

But I will no doubt be back here in 2 years time saying "How do I deport the Missus?"

[britmaveric]

Jersey - guess I'm a bit romantic - in the end it comes down to love and obviously she wants to reside in the same country as you. Added benefit - she lives a better life.

[the gent]

Jersey UK,

Less is more.

Regards

[Girlfrombar]

yes i am

cos visa matters

thais need ###### visa, we aren't japanese so that we can travel to anywhere, to the world without visa required!!!?

anyway

why love (eventually) ends with ringing the bells.. the marriage?

[Jersey_UK]

Jersey UK,

Less is more.

Regards

Gent

Noted.

Cheers

[Jersey_UK]

yes i am

cos visa matters

thais need ###### visa, we aren't japanese so that we can travel to anywhere, to the world without visa required!!!?

anyway

why love (eventually) ends with ringing the bells.. the marriage?

Fair enough, it's hardly a shocking concept and something I am quite comfortbale with........and I agree that "marriage" is not an end, more a staging post.

I hope however that you use the Visa and opportunities for more than just switching horses -EVENTUALLY the attraction of the holes you sit on WILL diminish.......

BTW I am always dissapointed for those women I have met whose horizons are so low as to just look for the husband with the most money and don't have the drive to do things for themselves (and even more so with those who decided that UK / USA etc was "no good".............just because they found that "lots of money" comes from.........lots of hard work!........the UK / USA etc maybe are "no good" for many reasons, but that is NOT one of them for folk who do more than sit on their bottoms ).

Anyway best of luck to you!