Blessings

[phuketsiam]

BLESSINGS

One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did at the next race.Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horseslined up for the 5th race and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first.

He began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew all his savings and waited for the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Mitch put all his money including his life savings on the horse and went trackside to watch. The horse led the race until the home straight when it suddenly became distressed and fell to the ground dead.

Mitch was dumbfounded. He made his way to the priest and demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

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Sadly, Dave was born without ears. And although he proved to be successful in business, his lack of ears annoyed him greatly.

One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Dave asked "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Why yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears" came the reply.

He did not appreciate his candour and threw him out of the office.

The second interview was with a woman. She was even better than the first guy and he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Well," she said, stammering, "You have no ears."

Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch; a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.

Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"

Dave was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.

"How in the world did you know that?", he asked. The young man then fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied,

"Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f***ing ears

[suegha]

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

As a former Catholic I nearly choked with laughter...