Do You Love Or Hate Thaiand: The Four Stages Of Culture Shock

[SiameseCurios]

When I read this forum, I see a number of recurring themes. But despite the fact that these themes crop up very often, they are seldom discussed in any real depth, and they seem to be poorly understood.

The themes -- and I'm sure you've all seen them -- typically include any or all of the following:

1. God! I love it here! I've just met this amazing girl. I think we may have a future together.

2. Why are Thai people so dishonest? And lazy? And corrupt?

3. Don't you just loathe those "Thaier than Thai" farangs who claim to have gone native.

These themes have something in common: they all represent one of the four stages of culture shock. The four stages are these:

STAGE 1: The Honeymoon phase

You simply can't believe this place. It's amazing! The women are incredible. There's this place called Pat Pong. And you can play pool with the girls. And these girls are really friendly. And really nice. They really love Westerners!!

And then one minute there's an elephant walking down Pat Pong. And then next minute there's this giant Merecedes driving past. Everything is amazing! And they sell food on the streets. And it's really good. Seriously, you really need to come here and check out Bangkok. It's like mega awesome.

STAGE 2: Disillusionment

What a joke. And to think that they call this place The Land of Smiles. It's rotten. Everything is rotten. The smiles mean absolutely nothing. All they want is money. I really hate it here. I honestly wish I'd never come. I yearn to go back home. Everything is lies and deceit and corruption.

STAGE 3: Partial acceptance

I stay away from other farangs these days. They're either idiots walking around with big grins on their face, or they're miserable old gits who complain all the time.

As for me, I don't complain any more. What's the point? Nothing's gonna change. Best just to leave it.

I started learning Thai. It's actually not as hard as I'd heard. And I started meeting up with a few Thai guys, too. They're actually okay. We have a beer from time to time. I thought they'd screw me for the bill, but they don't. It's kind of strange. Some of these Thai people aren't as bad as most farangs make out.

STAGE 4: Total acceptance

Wow! What a beautiful morning. This is the third day in a row that I've woken up early to watch the sunrise. It's really great at this time of year.

Oh -- did I tell you about that short cut I discovered? I can now drive my daughter to school in about 15 minutes rather than the 25 minutes it used to take. I'm very happy about this.

We're going to a party tonight. I'm looking forward to it. It's basically a party for staff at my wife's company. They're really nice people. It's always great to see them all and have a chat.

I was thinking about England today. It's kind of strange. These days, England is just a distant memory.

-------------------------------------------------------

IMO, most farangs get stuck at stage 2. A few make it to stage 3. Almost no one gets to stage 4.

How about you. What stage are you at?

Edited November 21, 2012 by SiameseCurios

[farang000999]

Consider a blog.

[fish fingers]

Most of the replies will be stage 2 types, ie the chang belly and matching t shirt, morose after being ripped off by a young lady etc

[eeeya]

I wish I could turn back time and try stage 1 again.. Just 1 week.

[MAJIC]

Whatever stage you get stuck on,is your version of reality and how you have summed it all up.

Don't expect everyone to feel the same though,depends what experiences have brought you to your conclusion.

Disneyland for some, is a false,noisy, nightmare for others !

[wayned]

I made it to stage 4 quite a while ago, love my life here I think that you basiclly go through these stages whenever you make a lifestyle or career change, only the specifics of the definition changes I went through these stages with changes in my life in my home country at least twice before in my life, both ended in DIVORCE. Could there be a fifth unamed stage?

[Blackandwhite]

Visit enough before living and you start on stage 4 - I have visited each of these stages over the years from my first trip as a young free single to the last 12 amazing years married to my thai wife.

Each time we visit thailand I see a few things that I did not before, for me the simple most beautiful things there I missed seeing for the first 7 years

[meatboy]

after 30yrs i too have been through all the stages,22yrs of marriage bliss the only part is i love it here and not hate it,so i look forward to another 22yrs with my wf.but there is a lot to learn.

[Songhua]

Stage 4 isn't necessarily another step in culture shock. It's just life. The kids have all left home and the shortcut's to the best place for lunch.

[chiangmaikelly]

I think there a few stages that only apply to Thai Visa. There is the expat who never was an expat political poster. That's an odd one and exclusive to Thai Visa as far as I can tell. They only post about politics and know nothing about Thailand; never did and never will.

Then there is the expert who never was; late night, young curmudgeon trainee, poster. They would like to come to Thailand but can't afford the air fare. They make up stories how they would feel if ever confronted by the reality of living in Thailand and post as an expert would post.

The third fantasy poster is the chamber of commerce of USA,UK or Aussie fantasy poster who having never lived in Thailand feels it his responsibility to educate all of us who do about the advantages of the West and the disadvantages of Thailand after his brief vacation here.

Then, not last but last in my list is the; I took a Thai lady home after visiting Thailand for a week and now know all about Thailand by osmosis, poster.

[Ulysses G.]

^{I have been stuck at a combination of stage one and stage four for 22 years and hope that that never changes.}

Edited November 22, 2012 by Ulysses G.

[farangme]

Ah yes. Stage 1. What incredible bliss. Was able to find it multiple times over the years, usually after a crash and burn relationship. Starting over in TL can be a lot of fun. Now...somewhere between 3 and 4. The real question...can the wife and I find a middle ground of acceptance of East & West? After eight years, still working on it.

Sent from my PC36100 using Thaivisa Connect App

[TommoPhysicist]

I seem to be in all three phases simultaneously.

1. I have met a wonderful woman that I have a future with, five years so far.

2. I do wonder, but at the same time have totally joined in with dishonest and lazy, but nobody will let me be corrupt.

3. I do hate those claiming to have gone native, but are only pretending, while I have done it for real.

Edited November 22, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Tawng]

When I was on Stage 2 I happened to read an article about culture shock and slowly realised that it was describing me. Appreciating the impatient, bad attitude for what it was helped get over it.

Maybe Stage 5 is when you can't remember where you came from.

[DocN]

I think all of the stages bare some truth and some BS.

I am stuck between 2 and 3 now...but I am quiet sure, I will never make it to 4.

But then again: I didn't leave my home- country because it sucks and because I thought Thailand was paradise.

I wanted a new experience...and boy...did I get that!

[David48]

Is there a stage when the Mozzies no longer think I am hunsum man?

Honestly ... I'd settle for that right now ...

.

[mauGR1]

Almost everyday i pass through all the 4 stages, sometimes 5 or 6.

[trainman34014]

I'm in stage 4 and wondering if there is a stage 5. I'm happy and pretty relaxed after 5 years of living here and I think it does help a lot if you have visited numerous times before you come to live here. That gives you the chance to evaluate things, open your mind to a completely different culture, plan properly and hopefully select the right kind of partner, if that's what you want.

I suppose there is still a small part of me that is still in stage 3 though. I have both Farang and Thai pals but I still find it difficult to understand why some Farang are so bloody miserable. I've come to the conclusion that they were most probably miserable gits in their own country as well ! Anyway; their business and I hope they enjoy their misery.

[bangkokburning]

I think there are a lot more of us at stage 4 and even 5 than the op would surmise. I think stage 4 pretty weak by his account.

Also, I've never been burned by a bar girl but my cynicism comes crom seeing, listening and reading. Love affair with prostitutes in your home country going to give you a world of hurt and problems too.

Never get past stage 2 unless you live overseas year round - true expatriate. Just fooling yourselves - extended holidays, keeping homes back in your countries, family ties, etc...

[Dancealot]

Life is your stage. For me:

Exit, stage left!

[Rancid]

Not a bad synopsis and a lot of truth to it. I'm relaxed into the place pretty well now and realise the short comings. However back home also has short comings that some like to also forget. To a large extent you need fascilitate your own version of Nirvana and those parameters will be different for all of us.

Will be heading home soon for several years for the kids schooling, will be interesting to see how I view things when I return later, but Phase 1 is well and truly behind me, in most ways for the better, but it is a nice phase.

[arch77778]

Mind over matter.I moved from stage 1 to stage 4.The longer you stay the luckier you get.

[SiameseCurios]

Mind over matter.I moved from stage 1 to stage 4.The longer you stay the luckier you get.

There is so much truth in that. Great post!

[SiameseCurios]

^{I have been stuck at a combination of stage one and stage four for 22 years and hope that that never changes.}

Sounds like a great life!

[tinfoilhat]

I wish I could turn back time and try stage 1 again.. Just 1 week.

i find stage 1 can be revisited vicariously by showing someone new around

[David006]

I think there a few stages that only apply to Thai Visa. There is the expat who never was an expat political poster. That's an odd one and exclusive to Thai Visa as far as I can tell. They only post about politics and know nothing about Thailand; never did and never will.

Then there is the expert who never was; late night, young curmudgeon trainee, poster. They would like to come to Thailand but can't afford the air fare. They make up stories how they would feel if ever confronted by the reality of living in Thailand and post as an expert would post.

The third fantasy poster is the chamber of commerce of USA,UK or Aussie fantasy poster who having never lived in Thailand feels it his responsibility to educate all of us who do about the advantages of the West and the disadvantages of Thailand after his brief vacation here.

Then, not last but last in my list is the; I took a Thai lady home after visiting Thailand for a week and now know all about Thailand by osmosis, poster.

5555 .....brilliant.!.....often think that some responses and comments are by fantasy expats or maybe schizoids?..wonder what the percentage might be......what the hell though...public forums are bound to attract all sorts..

The OP's stages apply to most things ..new cars,houses,countries, toys, girls.....glitter goes off most things with familiarity....then it requires a little work to keep it shiny.....worth it though.

[Berkshire]

Perhaps I'm stating the obvious, but the 4 stages of Culture Shock mentioned in the OP is universal for expats in any new country. Not sure if TV readers assume this is specific only to Thailand. But I do agree that most TV readers never venture beyond stage 2. Hence the extreme negativity and downright hatred in many of these posts.

[gmac]

Pretty much at stage 4 though living in Pattaya I still resent the fact that I have to separate from my wife in the local markets to avoid having prices doubled on us!

[mcp]

Hi I'm at stage 5 I am now backwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[payak]

I think there a few stages that only apply to Thai Visa. There is the expat who never was an expat political poster. That's an odd one and exclusive to Thai Visa as far as I can tell. They only post about politics and know nothing about Thailand; never did and never will.

Then there is the expert who never was; late night, young curmudgeon trainee, poster. They would like to come to Thailand but can't afford the air fare. They make up stories how they would feel if ever confronted by the reality of living in Thailand and post as an expert would post.

The third fantasy poster is the chamber of commerce of USA,UK or Aussie fantasy poster who having never lived in Thailand feels it his responsibility to educate all of us who do about the advantages of the West and the disadvantages of Thailand after his brief vacation here.

Then, not last but last in my list is the; I took a Thai lady home after visiting Thailand for a week and now know all about Thailand by osmosis, poster.

5555 .....brilliant.!.....often think that some responses and comments are by fantasy expats or maybe schizoids?..wonder what the percentage might be......what the hell though...public forums are bound to attract all sorts..

The OP's stages apply to most things ..new cars,houses,countries, toys, girls.....glitter goes off most things with familiarity....then it requires a little work to keep it shiny.....worth it though.

partly true, or more then partly.

make no mistake however, not everyone wishes to live in Thailand,

living somewhere does not give complete knowledge either, there are people in the USA who cant name there leader, yet they live there.