Addiction In The Family

[TheRev]

Here's the situation. My wife and I are separated, she's in Thailand with my daughter (toddler), I'm in Europe. We've been together close to 8 years now. We have lived in Europe, but sadly enough it didn't work out for her there, so we decided she'ld spend some time in Thailand with our daughter, while we thought things over, with me perhaps looking for an internal move within the company I work for. They have job openings now and then all over Asia.

After a while she decided to move to Pattaya, as her sister's living there with her husband, and her brother's working there. I was immediately against this, as she caused problems before when she stayed there. This was before our daughter was born and before we got married. I managed to get the family behind me then and together we got her out of that mess. Anyway, this time around I gave her the benefit of the doubt, her being a mother now, and family on close watch; or so I thought. Big mistake!!!

Fast forward to current situation. Wifey (soon to be ex btw) is staying in Pattaya now, hanging with a known (lady) drugsdealer and this lady got her (back) into gambling and Ice (Meth)

I am leaving for Thailand in 4-5 weeks, and I have some ideas/options, but some seem a bit crazy. At times I wished they all got arrested ASAP, and even inclined to help her get there(if you get my drift), for the sake of our daughter.

What really are my options here?? I must add, that it's nearly impossible to raise our daughter myself due to work. My parents are elderly, and I'm an only child, so no family to help raising her.

Regards

[Mario2008]

Moved to family and children section.

[Mario2008]

Drug use is taken seriously by the courts, so she would be in a lot of trouble and you have a good chance of becoming the prime care taker of your daughter if you can proof the drug use.

If you can't raise your daughter, it will be up to your soon to be ex-wife family to do so. As you in the past got the family behind you, this might be the best solution.

[TheRev]

My thoughts exactly, though I think her family has all but given up hope. It's hard to communicate with her family (mother), my Thai's too limited. For now the plan is to go straight to the family upcountry with a translator I trust completely and get my concerns known to them before I go and see the wife and my daughter. Just to get my bearings in how I really stand in all this, viewed from the families point of view. As I'm now let completely in the dark. I also wouldn't rule out that my wife will try to get away from me (and perhaps family).

Would that be a case of kidnapping worthy of getting police involved??

[GuestHouse]

Get a DNA test for confirm your daughter is your daughter.

If she is divorce wife and use her drug addiction to win custody of your daughtet then walk away from this mess.

If the resilts go ghe otherway, walk all the same.

And get rid of the ideathat your wife's family ate looking after anything. The only thing they will look after is themselves.

Correction - Don't walk - Run!

[TheRev]

Oh, I have run already, emotionally anyway towards my wife. Now it's just my daughter that worries me, naturally. And regarding the family upcountry, they will undoubtedly want to take good care of my daughter with my support, but have accepted their own daughter's out of control it seems and given up trying to talk sense into that woman!

[Mario2008]

My thoughts exactly, though I think her family has all but given up hope. It's hard to communicate with her family (mother), my Thai's too limited. For now the plan is to go straight to the family upcountry with a translator I trust completely and get my concerns known to them before I go and see the wife and my daughter. Just to get my bearings in how I really stand in all this, viewed from the families point of view. As I'm now let completely in the dark. I also wouldn't rule out that my wife will try to get away from me (and perhaps family).

Would that be a case of kidnapping worthy of getting police involved??

There is no kidnapping, untill the court awards the child to you. Right now you both have equal rights to the child.

[TheRev]

My thoughts exactly, though I think her family has all but given up hope. It's hard to communicate with her family (mother), my Thai's too limited. For now the plan is to go straight to the family upcountry with a translator I trust completely and get my concerns known to them before I go and see the wife and my daughter. Just to get my bearings in how I really stand in all this, viewed from the families point of view. As I'm now let completely in the dark. I also wouldn't rule out that my wife will try to get away from me (and perhaps family).

Would that be a case of kidnapping worthy of getting police involved??

There is no kidnapping, untill the court awards the child to you. Right now you both have equal rights to the child.

Understand, perhaps kidnapping is badly chosen. Equal rights, in my book that wouldn't alllow withholding the chance to see your daughter, but I can see what you mean. so, if she does a runner, there's nothing I can do about it. Until I get her summoned in a family court, or get a family court ruling (sole custody to me) in her absence so the case for kidnapping could be made?

And even then it remains to be seen what; if any(!), action will be undertaken by authorities to get my daughter with me? TBH, I wouldn't hold my breath for anything to happen.

[farang000999]

Have her arrested and take the child out of the country. Send the child to daycare in Europe and/or hire a nanny. It will be tough but worth it. Neighbors will help out. You will make it. The child turns 4 and starts school before the blink of an eye. Best of luck. I assume the child has an EU passport? And you will need the child's Thai passport as well.

[Mario2008]

Understand, perhaps kidnapping is badly chosen. Equal rights, in my book that wouldn't alllow withholding the chance to see your daughter, but I can see what you mean. so, if she does a runner, there's nothing I can do about it. Until I get her summoned in a family court, or get a family court ruling (sole custody to me) in her absence so the case for kidnapping could be made?

And even then it remains to be seen what; if any(!), action will be undertaken by authorities to get my daughter with me? TBH, I wouldn't hold my breath for anything to happen.

If they will give it priority depends. They can and will act very swiftly if they think the child is in danger. Like anybody else, they don't like children being in danger or hurt and will act.

But in your case it might also be important if you have her family behind you.

[ALFREDO]

Daughter, has a Thai? Passport already, with your family name I presume,

I not married and my Thai children have my family name.

Her family? They will do on the end, what your wife wants, she will (maybe) make money in Pattaya and the parents will profit from that.

She will be the Boss, in the family, even when you pay more, it is same blood, most times stronger than money. Difficult to compete.

Bring the girl out of the country if you want her really ok and good taken care off, from you.

Try to find a way, day care center, Goverment Paid, for Parental-reasons, leave from work, for 1-3 years-some countries have that.

Leave the country, by Land border, better, chance of no complications, or fly to neighboring country and from there on to Europe.

I had never problem with that with my Thai children, or crossing to Laos and back.

Take Birth certificate copy with you, if a question is asked.

If you tell your plans-I do not know how bad your connection with her is now, she is probably gone with the child.

I know a similar story with an English guy who lives now in Sihanoukville Cambodia with his small Thai-Mix son

and his adult English boy.

He did not ask questions he just went from England away!

I know my situation, where my GF is a gambling addict, but her family-you can forget as a help!

They see only the money, which they get from daughter (most from me before anyway) and she is young and beautiful enough to get more in some Red Light district again! She is the Boss in the family!

I was reading a Thread, where, a bit differently to you, a Falang was not married and possibly,

also not signed the papers that he is the father from the child with his Ex-Thai GF.

She has now a new more wealthy Falang and he is restricted from any contact to his small daughter,

was a toddler when they split up, his daughter is now brought up same as she would be the daughter of the new guy.

He is furious, but did not find a way to change the situation.

You have sure legally more right and possibilities, but to achieve them, is not easy, also.

Edited November 25, 2012 by ALFREDO

[HHBM]

Have you retained the services of a lawyer yet?

[tinfoilhat]

Get a DNA test for confirm your daughter is your daughter.

If she is divorce wife and use her drug addiction to win custody of your daughtet then walk away from this mess.

If the resilts go ghe otherway, walk all the same.

And get rid of the ideathat your wife's family ate looking after anything. The only thing they will look after is themselves.

Correction - Don't walk - Run!

Indeed, abandon the child you have raised to the custody of a meth addict.

impressive, guesthouse, impressive.

[scott1999]

hi ,

i think your thinking is sound, about going to see her family. But the mother at this point, in my opinion will only use the child to extract money from you, she is thai and she knows the law is not that strong, if she is using drugs and you can prove it, i think that would be the best way forward.

nice to meet you sir , good luck,

please check me out if you like , as i am almost at the end of the court process in my situation , and my lawyer has said , that my case is now the longest juvenile case in thai history, ha ha but we know all lawyers lie, so who knows.