How Much Money Is "enough"?

[galvheim]

I've searched in so many ways and combinations on this app, but still no hits on this topic, which I'm sure should be plentiful in here.

So, how much do you think should be "enough" money to send to my wife here in rural Sisaket, pr. month, while I'm not here? We have two kids, and we are living the rural life close to the ricefields. The only bills she have to pay is the electric bill, and I'm only expecting her to have enough money to feed herself and the kids in a healthy way having meat, fruit and milk stocked at any time in the fridge and that other expences for the normal living is met like gasoline, clothing, maintenance is met. In other words living a normal life as a wife and caretaker for our kids.

The problem is that she is hooked on this <Snipping!> undergroud lottery, and I think she push a redicilious amount pr. month and that money is not going where she says. Hence me asking for input. And to compare: what does a teacher earn, or a policeman, since they seem to be considered well off up here? I guess around 15k, but maybe I'm wrong.

Any input is welcome.

Edited November 23, 2012 by metisdead
: Disguised profanity

[arthurwait]

You can't live on less than 2,000,000 baht per month. We have many threads that come to that conculsion.

[SteeleJoe]

Brace yourself. I may be wrong of course (hope so) but I suspect you might be in for some unpleasantness on this thread.

Have you no idea how much is spent when you are here? Could you not get an idea based on that? (One might not want to leave the family with EXACTLY what they need, so maybe only a slightly reduced budget for when you are gone?)

This underground lottery issue is the real problem, isn't it? It's just another form of addiction to gambling and we all know how much trouble that can bring. I respectfully suggest that perhaps that needs to be addressed whether you are here or not.

Oh, and surely you can see that gauging income by comparison to a police officer is pointless? Their actual salaries are woefully inadequate and I seriously doubt you'd want your family to even attempt to live on the equivalent; fortunately for those officers and their families, they don't have to.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

Edited November 23, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[rgs2001uk]

15k per month is plenty.

As for teachers and police, depends on grade and length of service, and yes some would consider 15k per month a decent salary coupled with the benefits.

The question has to be asked, why are you sending money, is the wife an invalid not able to work?

Why are the wife and kids not with you in farangland?

Agree with previous poster, sounds as if the real issue here is the gambling.

[Dancealot]

2 questions:

Are the kids yours?

Do you really want to be a sponsor to the lottery?

[MrRed]

If she likes to gamble with the village lottery then she will be most probably playing cards when you are not there,just a thought...........if she is? then how much is not an issue! it should be how little

Comparing income is irrelevant and pointless,really though if you have lived there you should know shouldn't you?

I am afraid to say by the sounds of it whatever you give will not be enough,addiction to gambling is as bad as being hooked on drink/drugs for some if not worse for tearing families apart.

[Dancealot]

If she likes to gamble with the village lottery then she will be most probably playing cards when you are not there,just a thought...........if she is? then how much is not an issue! it should be how little

Comparing income is irrelevant and pointless,really though if you have lived there you should know shouldn't you?

I am afraid to say by the sounds of it whatever you give will not be enough,addiction to gambling is as bad as being hooked on drink/drugs for some if not worse for tearing families apart.

I am afraid i have to agree. The OP story raised some red flags with me as well..

The answer to enough will always be: "it' s never enough"

You have to find your way in making sure your babies will be taken care of as you please. Maybe this will mean you will have to spend time with them more....

Edited November 23, 2012 by Dancealot

[cooked]

Keep away.

The girls down on the road crow about having won a few hundred Baht when they have been spending on the lottery, playing cards, for months. We hear them. They seem to be nice girls, but when I see how they live, the wife disappears for hours (they go through our property to play cards) and come back when the kids are back from school... not a good deal.

Send ฿3000.- a month if you must, that will change the life of an honest working woman in the village radically.

Up to you.

Sorry, edit: a government employee at the Amphur earns maybe ฿10 000.- ฿18 000.- plus bribes.

Edited November 23, 2012 by cooked

[krisb]

Shes a gambler.......its never enough.

A gambler will gamble first and buy food, pay bills later.

Id be worried if it were my kids and shes addicted to gambling.

[galvheim]

Thanks a lot for the input so far. Much appreciated! Yes, the real problem is the lottery. She's pregnant at the moment, the house is in decay and so is our relationshit because of this. It has just grown on her (and me), and she seems totally willing to give up everything except for the lottery. Anything and everything has been tried and seems like there's only the hard way out from this. No serious talk is possible and she just wont answer anything brought up around this problem. I see the exact thing as mentioned in this thread about only attending things at home after the kids come back, but then she is complaining about everything and snaps frequently at them because she is exhausted from all she have done in the day. This year she sold all her rice after harvest, and I start wondering how much she owe people here, since she apparantly wins 20k without seeing other than pocket-money going out on her part. I will just stop sending anything since she have had all the time to indulge me in her world and in her life, but chose to shut up and extort me both physically and mantally from this not being fun at all. The comparison is just for argument sake, but as I have seen the last two years, no argument is valid against what she is doing.

I feel sorry for the kids, and for what could have been if the person in charge would give that up and attend to life in a way that is more sustainable and familyfriendly.

When leaving and coming back it seems like the place have been desserted, but using new technology offered in smartphones these days, I know she is around all the time.

[Heng]

IMO it's unlikely that the lottery is the only issue. It's only twice a month, and even if she is a 'heavy' player, I know it's all relative.... but at 600 to 1 and 65 to 1 odds..., surely she doesn't have a habit of more than a few thousand Baht a month, right? Or is she also playing the daily underground lottery tied to the stock market? If it's a daily habit, then you might have some issues there.

[damo]

For your own sanity, just be reasonable and give 20K, which is quite generous, if she gambles and has problems as a result then thats her choice. You'll have done the right thing. There is little you can do without being there.

[HardenedSoul]

No point rocking up here asking how much is enough.

Send no more than what your experience has told you the family unit needs to live on.

If the wife doesn't change her ways, maybe you could send money to someone you trust to make sure the kids are sorted.

Tough love is the only way if you're not here to put the proverbial foot down.

[David48]

For your own sanity, just be reasonable and give 20K, which is quite generous, if she gambles and has problems as a result then thats her choice. You'll have done the right thing. There is little you can do without being there.

WOW ... 20k ... you are a very generous man.

My gf has a spare sister and the Farm house roof could do with a paint ...

EDIT ... my bolding

.

Edited November 23, 2012 by David48

[Semper]

what does a teacher earn, or a policeman, since they seem to be considered well off up here?

Why do you ask this, is she a teacher or a policewoman?

Edited November 23, 2012 by Semper

[galvheim]

Or is she also playing the daily underground lottery tied to the stock market? If it's a daily habit, then you might have some issues there.

Yes, thats exactly what it is. It goes with lies, neglect of family and home, neglect of health, depression, neglect of kids, anger and hiding around. It also goes in a twisted way, looking for any wrongdoings on my side; almost encouraging me; for then using it as an excuse or for shutting me up/excuse her wrongdoings.

Not healthy at all and I don't see how I can sponsor this any much longer. Sending 20k a month knowing that maybe only half is going where it should, is not ok anymore. Im also worried as to how she will cope when I pull that plug on her, seeing how deep it goes.

[galvheim]

what does a teacher earn, or a policeman, since they seem to be considered well off up here?

Why do you ask this, is she a teacher or a policewoman?

Just for the sake of showing her what I would expect to see, from what I see her friends who are occupied in these trades can do with their money, while not playing around with lottery. I've sent 20k+ when home in Norway, so its just for comparison, because apparently she portray herself as poor and that it is not too much, and therefore everything is left to decay while Im not here... Not a big deal; I see the picture.

[scotto]

sounds like you are in trouble with this one

imho time to put the foot down tell her the way it is

and be prepared to walk if she loves you she will come around

if not you know whay you have to do and do it.

[SteeleJoe]

Or is she also playing the daily underground lottery tied to the stock market? If it's a daily habit, then you might have some issues there.

Yes, thats exactly what it is. It goes with lies, neglect of family and home, neglect of health, depression, neglect of kids, anger and hiding around. It also goes in a twisted way, looking for any wrongdoings on my side; almost encouraging me; for then using it as an excuse or for shutting me up/excuse her wrongdoings.

Not healthy at all and I don't see how I can sponsor this any much longer. Sending 20k a month knowing that maybe only half is going where it should, is not ok anymore. Im also worried as to how she will cope when I pull that plug on her, seeing how deep it goes.

I am not sure I will have any useful input for you even when I have time to think about it but let me say for now: you are in a really shi**y situation and you have my sincere sympathies. Not that I think that you are, but I urge you to not underestimate how bad it might be or could become. (Decades ago I had a loved one whose life was at least as much interwoven with mine as your wife's is with yours and who also was caught in a cycle of self-destructive behavior that threatened to bring everyone around her down too. In my case, it ended tragically -- but at least there were no children whose lives could be irreparably damaged).

Edited November 23, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[TommoPhysicist]

3-4k a month.

If she wants more, let her get a job.

There is always plenty of casual farm work available at 200-300bht per day.

Did you tell us ..... whose kids?

If your biological kids make that 6k a month.

Edited November 23, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[SteeleJoe]

I'm guessing they are not his. Which would be even sadder in a way...

[Shadowfax]

She sounds like a total loser and waster,time to cut and run?Are the kids yours?At some point someone's going to come looking for you to pay her debts,be very careful!

[Geekfreaklover]

_{The issue here is the children. I assume the two are from a previous realtionship.}

_{I would send 10k a month. You mentioned she is pregnant. Visit for the birth. Have a DNA test.}

_{Readdress the situation at that point.}

[wayned]

Unfortunately, there will never be enough! My wife has the same gambling problem! It is an addiction as much as drugs or booze. My wife would not eat to be able to buy numbers. You're going to have to draw a line in the sand and determine exactly how much she will get and she must understand that there will be no more. It will be a real dificult situation because of your children and they are the ones that will suffer and telling her to "get a job" when you live in the boonies is next to ridiculous especiallly with family. Where I live she could take the children out of school and cut sugar cane for 120 baht/day - obviously not an option as the illegal numbers guy is sitting in the road next to where they are working.

Good luck, I'm sorry that I don't have any positive advice!

[MrRed]

what does a teacher earn, or a policeman, since they seem to be considered well off up here?

Why do you ask this, is she a teacher or a policewoman?

Just for the sake of showing her what I would expect to see, from what I see her friends who are occupied in these trades can do with their money, while not playing around with lottery. I've sent 20k+ when home in Norway, so its just for comparison, because apparently she portray herself as poor and that it is not too much, and therefore everything is left to decay while Im not here... Not a big deal; I see the picture.

You see mate that is it! she will have no interest in this perception of yours at all.your only option is to play the face game with her and see what her attitude is after that.

1)She has a rich farang that all her friends see and she doesn't care about anything because you are funding her....while she is laughing with all her gambling friends.

2)Tell her to wise up and see how she takes it ....will she stop everything for you ....or will she say the same old stuff and carry on ? if the money stops how is she going to take care her children ,,,what is she going to tell her friends,basically it is a choice and you have to give her the choice.Change or you will not be the one supporting her anymore......the kids are they yours by blood becasue if so i feel the road is long for you,if not go and don't look back!

[cooked]

You got some sensible and reasoned posts here mate, I think that you are looking for confirmation of a decision that you have already made, that's life. I see so much of this stuff in the village where i live, I just laugh and have another beer after grinding my teeth a little. I also thank my lucky stars that I found a good 'un.

[loong]

The problem with gamblers is that they have this firm conviction that the really big win is always just around the corner.

How much is enough?

If you send 5,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 10,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 20,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 50,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 100,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

Do you see what I'm saying?

In reality, it's worse than that.

If you are sending say 15,000 Baht per month, she will lose that money when it arrives and then she will gamble on credit because she knows that she will be getting 15,000 next month. As soon as your money arrives in her account, she will be paying off her debts and there will be nothing left to take care of the children and she will borrow up to the max to be able to continue gambling.

The answer to your question, "How much to send each month"? The answer is zero, because the demands from a gambler will soon outstrip your income.

About 12 years ago, I was living with my GF at the time in a village. Her sister had 2 daughters 13 and 14 years old. The girls stayed with us because their parents were constantly drunk and gambling. There was a nice kind couple in the village that would lend my GF's sister money to Gamble. These nice kind people would lend money to people with good looking young daughters. When the parents were so much in debt, they would take the daughters to work in a restaurant in Bangkok to repay the debt. I think that you know what that means. I had set the GF's brother up with an iron buffalo and he was doing well with the GF getting the jobs and him doing it. All the profits were going to pay off the gambling sister's debts. The problem was that the more they paid off the sister's gambling debts, the more she borrowed. She went from borrowing 100 Baht a day very quickly to 1000 Baht per day.

Luckily the other Brother came home from working away. The 2 brothers and a number of their friends took the money to repay the couple and suggested that they don't lend any more money to the sister and her husband.

You cannot support a gambler. They will rarely stop and the more you give them, the more they will gamble away.

You haven't made it clear whether the children are yours or not. If you want to take care of the children, you can probably arrange with the children's grandparents to take care of them, feed and clothe them if you send 4 or 5,000 Bt per month. If they don't have grandparents, you can probably find a surrogate. Some of the older "Yais" are real gems and they will look after other people's kids as if they are their own.

If your wife is pregnant with your child, you will need to make arrangements for the child's welfare. The Mother will not take care of them properly.

[SteeleJoe]

The problem with gamblers is that they have this firm conviction that the really big win is always just around the corner.

How much is enough?

If you send 5,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 10,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 20,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 50,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

If you send 100,000 Bt, it will be gone in a week

Do you see what I'm saying?

In reality, it's worse than that.

If you are sending say 15,000 Baht per month, she will lose that money when it arrives and then she will gamble on credit because she knows that she will be getting 15,000 next month. As soon as your money arrives in her account, she will be paying off her debts and there will be nothing left to take care of the children and she will borrow up to the max to be able to continue gambling.

The answer to your question, "How much to send each month"? The answer is zero, because the demands from a gambler will soon outstrip your income.

About 12 years ago, I was living with my GF at the time in a village. Her sister had 2 daughters 13 and 14 years old. The girls stayed with us because their parents were constantly drunk and gambling. There was a nice kind couple in the village that would lend my GF's sister money to Gamble. These nice kind people would lend money to people with good looking young daughters. When the parents were so much in debt, they would take the daughters to work in a restaurant in Bangkok to repay the debt. I think that you know what that means. I had set the GF's brother up with an iron buffalo and he was doing well with the GF getting the jobs and him doing it. All the profits were going to pay off the gambling sister's debts. The problem was that the more they paid off the sister's gambling debts, the more she borrowed. She went from borrowing 100 Baht a day very quickly to 1000 Baht per day.

Luckily the other Brother came home from working away. The 2 brothers and a number of their friends took the money to repay the couple and suggested that they don't lend any more money to the sister and her husband.

You cannot support a gambler. They will rarely stop and the more you give them, the more they will gamble away.

You haven't made it clear whether the children are yours or not. If you want to take care of the children, you can probably arrange with the children's grandparents to take care of them, feed and clothe them if you send 4 or 5,000 Bt per month. If they don't have grandparents, you can probably find a surrogate. Some of the older "Yais" are real gems and they will look after other people's kids as if they are their own.

If your wife is pregnant with your child, you will need to make arrangements for the child's welfare. The Mother will not take care of them properly.

I'm very impressed by that post. (I don't say that very often.)

Edited November 23, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[Rancid]

Agree with Loong, if she is a gambler then just walk away and save yourself a lot of heartache and money. If you really want the child you should be able to ordanise a buyout for sole custody. Many here have seen addicted gamblers, rarely a happy ending.

[galvheim]

I'm guessing they are not his. Which would be even sadder in a way...

Correct, they're not mine, and correct it is sad, because there's no way for me to help them out, and will have to cut them off as I cut her off the supply. But the new kid is mine though, but she really leave me with few options here... My family in Norway is aware of the situation and agree with my few choises. I have considered an external money receiver to help them, but in her familys view I am the bad person here, since she has made quite an effort to talk shit in her Khomein language. I think so, because there is really no person around here who as much as talk or greet me in any way.