As a follow up to A>BOOZER's rules, I present..........

The Blokes Charter

RULE NUMBER 1: Any bloke who brings a camera to a Stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

RULE NUMBER 2: Under no circumstances may two blokes share an umbrella.

RULE NUMBER 3: It is OK for a bloke to cry only under the following circumstances:

A. When an heroic dog dies to save its master.

B. The moment Angelina Jolie begins to unbutton her blouse.

C. After wrecking your boss's car.

D. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game.

E. When she is using her teeth

RULE NUMBER 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a mate out of jail within 12 hours.

RULE NUMBER 5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

RULE NUMBER 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will should the temperature prove to be unsuitable.

RULE NUMBER 7: No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

RULE NUMBER 8: On a motorway, the strongest bladder determines stops, not the weakest.

RULE NUMBER 9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

RULE NUMBER 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning yourself on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

RULE NUMBER 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the goolies.

RULE NUMBER 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

RULE NUMBER 13: Mates don't let mates wear Speedos. Ever.

RULE NUMBER 14: If a bloke's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.

RULE NUMBER 15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until such time they demonstrate a thorough knowledge of the game.

RULE NUMBER 16: A bloke in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

RULE NUMBER 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both.

RULE NUMBER 18: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

RULE NUMBER 19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in slagging off a mate of yours, unless she's withholding sex pending your response.

RULE NUMBER 20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

RULE NUMBER 21: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Ever.

RULE NUMBER 22: A bloke worthy of being called a bloke shall never buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.

RULE NUMBER 23: A bloke worthy of being a bloke shall never buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

RULE NUMBER 24: The woman who replies to the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.

Excellent