Etiquette When Visiting A Thai Family

[advancebooking]

I write to ask advice regarding my imminent visit to an admirer in Chang Rai.

I was lucky enough to meet a lovely Thai girl through her family business (near Bangkok) and I have been visiting nearly everyday (the family business) more or less to see her. Its been a month now of me being nice and taking things slow.

A week ago she flew to Chang Rai to be with her mother and we have been speaking on the phone sometimes. Last night I had drinks with her sister and brother at a party and today she called me suggesting I visit her in Chang Rai and perhaps meet her family.

She is 100% not a ‘pay for play’ girl and I can tell that she’s from a good family. They all speak fairly good English and I can only assume the family has money and that they are all educated- including my love interest.

The question I have is basically whether or not I should arrive with a present for her parents?

I think that I will be staying in a hotel and not at their place as nothing romantic has (yet) happened with the girl. If I’m in Chang Rai a while, and they invite me to stay, should I be offering them some money or another present before leaving? What sort of present should I give?

Any other general advice would be much appreciated. When I greet them with a wai and a smile are there any other things I should do or consider to show the uttermost respect to her parents. I obviously want to make a good impression.

Many thanks

[David48]

You should ask your gf exactly what she suggests is appropriate.

Ask her all these questions ... ... she will know the answers better then any of us lot.

For example ... always good to take flowers and chocolate. But the Mum might be a diabetic (no chocolate) and think 'what use are flowers ... I can't eat them' ... ask the gf.

And great respect to you as a member here ... 50 posts and 10 as the OP ...

.

[Scully]

Why would you take presents ?

Is it because its Christmas ?

Just take yourself and don't fart at the table

[Dancealot]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

[Rob8891]

I'd suggest that you pay heed to David48 and Dancealot, as their advice is sound..... (You will no doubt have already discounted the other two amateur urologists ) ......... Maybe you could also trawl the internet for "thai etiquette", as there are a number of useful pages to be found. Yes, thais have some different ways to our own countries, but polite and respectful behaviour together with a smile never go amiss.

Good luck!

[lovelaos]

This will be a fun thread to follow. Looks like we already have one poster with issues

To the OP, just relax, smile, be yourself, don't refuse any food or drink offered........

Gifts are not expected and if your good lady tells you differently, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

David48 and dancealot have some good advice.

[Hedghog]

You are supposedly not her new lover.

Why take gifts to a load of strangers.

A month and no show.

Don't think so.

[NeverSure]

A year from now I expect to be reading about this in the "divorce in Thailand" forum. The OP will be posting from his home country because he will be broke.

For anyone contemplating a serious relationship in LOS, I would first spend at least one whole day reading threads in that forum. Even if a relationship works out well, it still has all of the "do's and don't's" of relationships in Thailand.

Going to meet the parents is a BIG deal in her eyes and I would be in no hurry.

$.02

[Scully]

I'd suggest that you pay heed to David48 and Dancealot, as their advice is sound..... (You will no doubt have already discounted the other two amateur urologists ) ......... Maybe you could also trawl the internet for "thai etiquette", as there are a number of useful pages to be found. Yes, thais have some different ways to our own countries, but polite and respectful behaviour together with a smile never go amiss.

Good luck!

My point is just turn up and behave but with a little added humour (maybe not funny but hey).

I have visited family on a couple of occasions and I act like I would in the West. No need for gifts, dress smart and behave.

[GreenSnapper]

No sex, but "taking it slow" and bringing presents....

You are in the perfect beta-provider role. Learn the basics!

[cdnvic]

Removed some bitter, inaccurate, and really anti-Thai comments. If you have failed relationships please deal with them elsewhere. The OP asked for a bit of sensible advice. Try to stick to the topic.

[krisb]

Id perhaps take a box of chocolates (Cadburys of course) and some nice wine and perhaps flowers for her. Just because they are Thai, doesnt mean you should start buying gold. If its her Mum and Dads house, give her Mum the flowers. Trust me it, its worth more than giving them to her daughter.

[krisb]

A year from now I expect to be reading about this in the "divorce in Thailand" forum. The OP will be posting from his home country because he will be broke.

For anyone contemplating a serious relationship in LOS, I would first spend at least one whole day reading threads in that forum. Even if a relationship works out well, it still has all of the "do's and don't's" of relationships in Thailand.

Going to meet the parents is a BIG deal in her eyes and I would be in no hurry.

$.02

Grumpy arent we. Im happy as are many others.

[notmyself]

Deck chair, case of Chang and a good book.

[Dancealot]

Id perhaps take a box of chocolates (Cadburys of course) and some nice wine and perhaps flowers for her. Just because they are Thai, doesnt mean you should start buying gold. If its her Mum and Dads house, give her Mum the flowers. Trust me it, its worth more than giving them to her daughter.

More sound advice!

Dont pay money because it is a thai family. Pay respect to the family first and see how things will go.

[NanLaew]

No gifts required and no need to offer money either. It's just a social call at this juncture. Regarding the home or hotel issue, prepare for both eventualities. That way nobody will be surprised, put out or embarassed with whatever eventually transpires in that regard.

Have a nice trip.

[rics21]

Giving money on your 1st trip is dam_n dangerous.

If they r well off as u said, it will be seen as an insult. Even if they r not as well off. Having money/cash as gifts to family members of friends is consider an insult.

If its the family of your wife/gf its a different story. It will be advisable to give/ help out with the family once in a while.

Its better to seek advice from your love interest on the gifts to her parents. If the visit is during the new year holidays, its a must.

[loong]

You are visiting as a friend, not as the daughter's boyfriend. There is no reason to arrive bearing gifts.

Most Thai people enjoy social eating. You will probably find it appreciated if you invite them out for a nice meal.

[marstons]

Personally i stick to the wai and thats it.

[cdnvic]

Small gifts will always be well received. You can never go wrong there, be it your girlfriend's family, a new neighbour, or any other formal introduction. Don't be extravagant. As stated above, ask your girlfriend what they like (fruit, wine, etc) Cash would most definitely be greeted with bafflement, and be totally inappropriate.

[Dancealot]

Indeed dont be extravagant. Do not present yourself in a way to try to look good. Everyone will see if you are acting or not.

Also everyone will notice if you try to buy your way into the family. This is just 'not done'.

Be yourself at the family

[irlguy1]

Smile,be polite,relax and be yourself. No gifts necessary and no way should you give money. Thai people are very proud and sometimes get offended if you offer money for nothing. I remember giving a few baht to a guy on a phone stand in my wife's village because he fixed the settings and stuck in a new sim card. He handed it back and said to my wife that why would he take money for doing very little. My wife explained that sometimes Falang think that we have to give money for everything but sometimes it makes Thais feel beneath us because we look like we are showing off or can afford to dish out cash.

Edited December 26, 2012 by irlguy1

[seedy]

Regarding the home or hotel issue, prepare for both eventualities. That way nobody will be surprised, put out or embarassed with whatever eventually transpires in that regard.

Have a nice trip.

Agree 1+

[TommoPhysicist]

Your age and her age?

So we can judge the nature of her expectations.

[NanLaew]

Your age and her age?

So we can judge the nature of her expectations.

Her expectations?

Yes, all the salient and meaningful advice for the task at hand has been passed already so let's move right along to the sin sodt calculations.

[eeeya]

How about a basket of fruit. That went down well im my similar circumstance

[Will2011]

How would you do in the West? You'd give a chocolate box and bouquet of flowers, right? Well, you can do the same as they are still human beings, right?

Just be yourself and ask your partner if you need more info about her parents as she might know more about them than we do. Act normally but don't worry I'm pretty sure she told them where you are from. So, if you don't know much at least you will have an additional excuse factor. really don't worry because they won't post any comment on any blog to ask how to act with you!!!

[rgs2001uk]

Well this being Thailand the Thais have perfected this as an artform, go to any Big C or Tesco/Lotus and buy one of those gift baskets that are all over the place just now, prices start from 1,000 baht and upwards.

If you really want to ingratiate yourself, a gift box of Brand chicken soup.

[FritsSikkink]

Ask the girl if she knows a nice hotel where you can stay. She will either give you the name of a hotel or say that you can stay at their place.

Edited December 26, 2012 by FritsSikkink

[MissFarmGirl]

ask girlfriend the question, she will know answer all you ask.

surprise that brother-sister telephone to you. this not our way.

what you mean when say you go her family business every day bangkok, but have to go Chiang Rai to see her family. I no understand that?

your girlfriend father will tell her is ok to stay at her house. if no ok, then best stay hotel

in my culture, you great with wai if they older or have high position more then you