Single Mothers

[muythai2013]

It is often mention on tv and in Thailand that single mothers are to be avoided.

I can understand this somewhat and it was discussed in brief in another post but needs it's own thread because certain things need to be elaborated on.

Each woman is an individual, you cannot fairly say they should all be avoided when all have different circumstances that led to their current situation.

for eg, a girl has an abusive or unfaithful man, or both and rightfully leaves, and she is a good and moral girl, should she be shunned.

perhaps someone may miss an amazing opportunity due to this train of thought.

sadly there are very good moral thai girls (perhaps not real easy to find I must admit), that are looked down on for being a single mother when it was not even their fault.

[mjj]

I've had a girlfriend before that was a single mother, not Thai mind you. I would advise against it unless you have your own kids or are of an age where freedom is not so important. Nothing to do with judgements against the sm, just the pitfalls the relationship can have.

[muythai2013]

my stepdaughter who i call daughter except on here because it will confuse everyone is so content in Australia.

we do everything together, little girl is my cooking partner, my swimming partner, we play together endlessly, she is my muay thai student and probably my best one, we are together all the time.

would not trade her for anything, sure as hell did not want her at first, but she really is equal to our other daughter that came recently in my mind.

The freedom comment is confusing, as a family we dont really like to do anything or go out without each other anyway.

[rene123]

The more I study that particular situation the more I realize that there IS a difference between Thai children and North American children living with not their biological parents. If anything, the Thai children are better behaved and blend in well with "new" parents. It is only the language barrier that makes things a bit different. And, kids pick up languages far sooner than do adults.

[mike123ca]

I really don't know if percentage of single mothers is greater than my home country Canada.

The laws do favor the Thai man. If he isn't married legally then he is not considered the father

and is not responsible for the child.

Until Thai women demand equality, they'll always be second class within their own country.

[krisb]

I agree with you Muaythai, this sounds like the 2nd part of my earlier thread?

Anyway lets see how this thread develops

[MacChine]

a girl has an abusive or unfaithful man, or both and rightfully leaves, and she is a good and moral girl, should she be shunned.

perhaps someone may miss an amazing opportunity due to this train of thought.

sadly there are very good moral thai girls

Man... girl ..

Good grief. Is it somehow forbidden to refer to grown females as women these days? Is it a slur or insult of some kind?

Maybe this kind of sexually diminishing language ."..girl " has more to do with single mother's problems than anything.

[DocN]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

[muythai2013]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

that woman friend not girlfriend, good grief what have we become. lol.

[Dancealot]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

[swissie]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

"Pack up your bag an leave": Thai man do it all the time and just disappear.

They will re-surface after the wife has won the lottery, or the wife was lucky and someone else (FARANG?) has put her children through university and are adults now, with money-earning capabilities.

It is then, when the "husbands and fathers" of the children re-surface. The "spiel" will sound like this: "I am your father and I gave you life" you owe me something. (To give live, like parents do, is sacred in Thailand, and will apply as long as the offspring is alive, no matter how good or bad the "patenthood" was performed.)

If the child is not willing to yield to such demands, the long lost father, can call the employer of the child and denounce her/him as "a bad child, that does not respect the fact that I gave her life". As a result of this, the "bad child" will be questioned by the employer and has to explain her reasons, why she is not willing to support her "long lost father", that never paid a singe Baht to the mother and the children during the last 15 years or so.

Is this a fairytale out of Europe some 500 years ago? No. Happened just 2 years ago in Thailand and I was a first hand witness to all of this.

Cheers.

[DocN]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

That's true and I wouldn't do that anyways.

After I broke up with the 2 Thai LADYfriends, I even kept paying them some money for the kid.

Only of course until I was "engaged" with someone else...

[DocN]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

"Pack up your bag an leave": Thai man do it all the time and just disappear.

They will re-surface after the wife has won the lottery, or the wife was lucky and someone else (FARANG?) has put her children through university and are adults now, with money-earning capabilities.

It is then, when the "husbands and fathers" of the children re-surface. The "spiel" will sound like this: "I am your father and I gave you life" you owe me something. (To give live, like parents do, is sacred in Thailand, and will apply as long as the offspring is alive, no matter how good or bad the "patenthood" was performed.)

If the child is not willing to yield to such demands, the long lost father, can call the employer of the child and denounce her/him as "a bad child, that does not respect the fact that I gave her life". As a result of this, the "bad child" will be questioned by the employer and has to explain her reasons, why she is not willing to support her "long lost father", that never paid a singe Baht to the mother and the children during the last 15 years or so.

Is this a fairytale out of Europe some 500 years ago? No. Happened just 2 years ago in Thailand and I was a first hand witness to all of this.

Cheers.

Nice!

[Dancealot]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

"Pack up your bag an leave": Thai man do it all the time and just disappear.

They will re-surface after the wife has won the lottery, or the wife was lucky and someone else (FARANG?) has put her children through university and are adults now, with money-earning capabilities.

It is then, when the "husbands and fathers" of the children re-surface. The "spiel" will sound like this: "I am your father and I gave you life" you owe me something. (To give live, like parents do, is sacred in Thailand, and will apply as long as the offspring is alive, no matter how good or bad the "patenthood" was performed.)

If the child is not willing to yield to such demands, the long lost father, can call the employer of the child and denounce her/him as "a bad child, that does not respect the fact that I gave her life". As a result of this, the "bad child" will be questioned by the employer and has to explain her reasons, why she is not willing to support her "long lost father", that never paid a singe Baht to the mother and the children during the last 15 years or so.

Is this a fairytale out of Europe some 500 years ago? No. Happened just 2 years ago in Thailand and I was a first hand witness to all of this.

Cheers.

Mr. Swissie, do not forget Farang do this as well.

Packing up and leave is not my thing and i think it is not ethical.

Very insightful post you made. I guess you formulated your post in order to justify this reasoning is acceptable or do you think like this?

[IMA_FARANG]

At the time I met my Thai girlfriend (some 30 plus years ago now) she was technically a "single mother" with 3 children and a dual national Thai/Aussie husband who had abandoned her.

No divorce, he just ran off, leaving her, and going to Australia (dual nationaliy and passports).

Never gave her a cent in money, and a few months after he ran away, her mother-in-law threw her and the children out of the house because my wife had (supposedly) driven her husband away.

He died about 10 years (or so) later without bothering to divorce my girlfriend, which left still technically his wife ,,, with no proof of termination of marriage the Thais would accept.

His sister was still living in Thailand, and through her I managed to get a copy of the Police report and death records from Australia.

I had them translated into Thai, and supplied copies to the Ampur where they were married, and that led to the Thais legally declaring him dead ... and freed my wife for marriage to me.

So, just because a person is a :single mother, don't presume what that means until you know all the facts.

[TommoPhysicist]

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

Yes, you can.

[Dancealot]

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

Yes, you can.

So whom of the previous posters did just that? And why?

[TommoPhysicist]

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

Yes, you can.

So whom of the previous posters did just that? And why?

Me, but not with a Thai lady.

Why .... previous wife didn't want me to see them again.

[Dancealot]

]

Me, but not with a Thai lady.

Why .... previous wife didn't want me to see them again.

Because it is your blood. I was raised to respect this and take care of your offspring for all my life.

I feel you do not support your 'unwanted child' in any way or am i wrong..

[TommoPhysicist]

I feel you do not support your 'unwanted child' in any way or am i wrong..

Three of them actually, but then again I do look after a couple that are not mine.

[Dancealot]

Thanks for explaining. I respect this..along with more of your posts. For me its difficult to comprehend because i am only 35 years old.

[swissie]

I had a gf back in Germany with 2 kids. been with her for 6 years...then it went downhill for various matters. Never regretted it, though.

Had 2 gf's here in Thailand with kids. Both lasted 2 years, but didn't work out in the end.

Now I have a gf without a child of her own...and constant discussions about when we will have one....

I guess, what I am saying is: there just is no golden rule.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesen't.

There are good and bad out there...like everywhere!

But when the child is yours, you just can' t say "it didn't work out". And pack your bags..

So how is that discussion going? I can relate...

"Pack up your bag an leave": Thai man do it all the time and just disappear.

They will re-surface after the wife has won the lottery, or the wife was lucky and someone else (FARANG?) has put her children through university and are adults now, with money-earning capabilities.

It is then, when the "husbands and fathers" of the children re-surface. The "spiel" will sound like this: "I am your father and I gave you life" you owe me something. (To give live, like parents do, is sacred in Thailand, and will apply as long as the offspring is alive, no matter how good or bad the "patenthood" was performed.)

If the child is not willing to yield to such demands, the long lost father, can call the employer of the child and denounce her/him as "a bad child, that does not respect the fact that I gave her life". As a result of this, the "bad child" will be questioned by the employer and has to explain her reasons, why she is not willing to support her "long lost father", that never paid a singe Baht to the mother and the children during the last 15 years or so.

Is this a fairytale out of Europe some 500 years ago? No. Happened just 2 years ago in Thailand and I was a first hand witness to all of this.

Cheers.

Mr. Swissie, do not forget Farang do this as well.

Packing up and leave is not my thing and i think it is not ethical.

Very insightful post you made. I guess you formulated your post in order to justify this reasoning is acceptable or do you think like this?

Of course farangs do it also. But if a Farang does the same thing in Europe, no matter for how long he "disappeared" he will be hit with alimony-back-payments big time. As opposed to Thailand. Even after re-surfacing and practically trying to extort money on top of it, he goes scott-free and nobody would even think of asking for alimony-back-payments here in Thailand. This is the difference. No, I don't agree with this practice.

On the oher side: Since it is now customary to make copies of the Passport of a foreign visitor at every respectable Hotel in a Tourist-Hub and such copy is forwarded to immigration, in case of Thai-Lady claiming pregnancy by a Farang-Visitor, it becomes amazingly simple. After birth of child, a comperative DNA Test can be initiated by way of the Embassy of the Farang in Thailand.

If DNA comparison should come back positive, for the Farang it may come as a surprise, for better or for worse, but for the Thai-Lady it would represent something like a winning number in the lottery for the next 20 years.

All said. Cheers.

[TommoPhysicist]

Of course farangs do it also. But if a Farang does the same thing in Europe, no matter for how long he "disappeared" he will be hit with alimony-back-payments big time. As opposed to Thailand. Even after re-surfacing and practically trying to extort money on top of it, he goes scott-free and nobody would even think of asking for alimony-back-payments here in Thailand. This is the difference. No, I don't agree with this practice.

That's not true, in the UK once you have retired, you no longer have to pay child support.

Child support is only awarded against earned income (savings, pensions, investments, are all excluded)

The UK doesn't give alimony payments.

If you are employed, it's up to the mother to inform the CSA of your place of employment before they will make an award, they don't look. So change jobs and mix up the trail a bit, you are off the hook (assuming you don't tell your ex about the new employer).

[Dancealot]

We are talking about baby's here that need care. You talk about them in a way they seem to be assets that can be discarded or dismissed.

I do not agree. Swissie and Tommo

[HardenedSoul]

If I was looking for a girlfriend or partner, I'd do my level best to avoid those with children. I don't mind a casual dalliance type of thing but set up home, joint accounts, school fees, iPhones etc??!!

Simply out of the question.

Why should I bring up someone else's offspring? Regardless of how much of a "good, moral girl" she is, why deliberately put myself in a position where I will come further down the list of her priorities?

I understand if some blokes don't have a choice because women from that demographic may be all that are available to them but, until the time comes when I join their ranks, why seek out complications when there's an abundance of women without children?

[StreetCowboy]

If I was looking for a girlfriend or partner, I'd do my level best to avoid those with children. I don't mind a casual dalliance type of thing but set up home, joint accounts, school fees, iPhones etc??!!

Simply out of the question.

Why should I bring up someone else's offspring? Regardless of how much of a "good, moral girl" she is, why deliberately put myself in a position where I will come further down the list of her priorities?

I understand if some blokes don't have a choice because women from that demographic may be all that are available to them but, until the time comes when I join their ranks, why seek out complications when there's an abundance of women without children?

You're quite right. Too many blokes here just take up with the first woman that will have them. They should identify their target first - age, children, career, property, religion, social class, combine harvester... Otherwise they'll find their future sacrificed in thralldom to their heart

SC

[TommoPhysicist]

I would have placed 'combine harvester' higher up the list .........

[Beetlejuice]

My personal belief is that today most single mothers are single mothers by choice rather than being placed in that situation by circumstance. This pertains the world over, not only in Thailand.

For many females once they reach adulthood, first priority is to have a child, but without the restrictions of having the child’s father as a permanent live with partner. After the child is born they’re aim then becomes to obtain money, assets and a home, perhaps taking onboard several man friends on the way but will still prefer to remain single, only possibly considering marriage if this offers to give them a more financially secure lifestyle for the long term future once they reach middle age or older.

This is a sign of the times, in a sort of one parent family environments where children will never be allowed to properly bond with or even know their fathers. Completely different from my days of my parents and grandparents.

I think myself extremely lucky that I was born in better times, had both a loving mother and the guidance through my life of a loving father, 4 grandparents, aunts, uncles and all the rest of it, the same as my children have now.

[marstons]

I really don't know if percentage of single mothers is greater than my home country Canada.

The laws do favor the Thai man. If he isn't married legally then he is not considered the father

and is not responsible for the child.

Until Thai women demand equality, they'll always be second class within their own country.

The highest political position held in Thailand is held by a female, so it seems not all are second class.

[Roadman]

my stepdaughter who i call daughter except on here because it will confuse everyone is so content in Australia.

we do everything together, little girl is my cooking partner, my swimming partner, we play together endlessly, she is my muay thai student and probably my best one, we are together all the time.

would not trade her for anything, sure as hell did not want her at first, but she really is equal to our other daughter that came recently in my mind.

The freedom comment is confusing, as a family we dont really like to do anything or go out without each other anyway.

My wife's youngest of our two at 12 has been with us for five months. I was watering the garden when she was dropped off from our friends a few days ago, I saw her first coming into the driveway and ambushed her with the hose. After yelling "Daaaddddd" to indicate enough of the watering she wandered up to me and held her hands at my head level, with me going 'ehhh' not even with the slightest idea of what she was doing. She wandered off. Ten minutes later I was heading back in side when she appeared at the door where she proceeded to give me some light hearted banter. Sure enough as always with each other I bit and chased her inside. "Whack" as my head stopped in the first doorway and my feet kept going forward as she had aligned the two heavy duty clear tape strips across the door way at perfect height to my forehead and mouth. A few days later we are still bursting into fits of laughter with each other.

I know what you mean when you say I would not trade her for anything. Nor would I for this youngest of two, or her older sister who I have been Dad to since she came to live with us 5 years ago at 14. Now at just about 20 she is at varsity and she is my pride and joy as my daughter (step legally but dad morally) as am I to her as her Dad.

When I found their mum, children was not on my list as a want but as I had already been a dad and was at ease with 'family' it was an accepted for the right person. When I came to Thailand I followed the advice that thai women friends and the wise caring family orientated westerners were saying..."think with the brain in your head not the one in your pants; be prepared to lose only the money into Thailand that you can afford and also take your time". It took five years before I found their mum who at 36 with two little girls had been deserted by their birth father won me over the younger beauttiful single women with no children simply because she had the strong family values (oldest daughter calls us 'her beautiful old fashioned parents) of my oldest sister who raised me as my mum. When I found my wife (my second and having already been a father) I thought I was the luckiset guy in the world. Her (now our) oldest daughter (after having lost my own birth daughter tragically at 19) I can only describe as a gift from both my thai partners and my western gods. She chased out all the hurt and pain and showed me how to be a Dad all over again to a teenage daughter. I would not trade her love of me nor mine for her for alll the gold in Thailand.

I look around me here and see the same here with some falang who have accepted their thai partners children. Some of them I see the same love going both ways., and these falang dads are the same in that they would not trade them for the world. The whole concept of family and love and caring that all 3 of them have brought into this home I only look at with an awe and wonder how I could be so fortunate to be given. For thai children it seems so much easier to bond than the previous times I have tried in western relationships. I would not trade my family now for anything.

The call is still what you as an individual set as the priorities for your choice of partner. But as I and several other fathers I know have found that Thai seperated mums can deliver a hell of a lot more than some of the less life experienced younger single women. However I would only advise that route to those that know that they are confortable with the role of a Dad.