Types of Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for

viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes

little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and

re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then

e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but

will be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB,

then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor

doesn't care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch

floppy, then discards it through Windows.

How many more can you add?

How many more can you add?

Daddy? How did I come into this world?"

"Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way.

"So why not today? Please!"

"OK, but listen carefully."

"Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe.

In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.

When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, ...nine months later we ended up with a virus."

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There is a new virus. Its code name is "work." This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with this "work" virus, leave immediately, take two friends and go to the nearest bar. Order three beers, or a vodka, or several shots, and, after repeating this 10 to 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize that you do not have five friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus, and "work" already controls your whole life.

This virus is deadly, and I apologize for not being able to warn you sooner.

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