britgent Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Does anybody else get bothered by having the same conversation and answering the same questions over and over and over again? I really did not mind at first but now I dread people finding out and then the inevitable 'so I hear you live in Thailand'. I get this even worse as I work offshore so when the boredom sets in people head my way for some info. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 That's funny. When I visit the USA, my friends get annoyed and bored with me talking about Thailand. They don't care! Some are jealous but hearing about it annoys them even more. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeijoshinCool Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Anybody who hangs around Thai Visa is used to the same questions about Thailand being asked over, and over, and over ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Just answer them back with a question. For example: "So you live in New Zealand?" Indirectly implying the same as your 'friends' are implying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWorldwide Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Anybody who hangs around Thai Visa is used to the same questions about Thailand being asked over, and over, and over ... Let me guess: what name you ? where you come from ? how long you stay thailand ? you pay bar me ? Yep - over and over and over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 So britgent,, I hear you live in Thailand?..... Well next time someone asks, just say "no, I dont". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britgent Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry to come over all negative but stuck with people refusing to use the internet and would rather interrogate me over EVERYTHING for hours. I have resorted to hiding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry to come over all negative but stuck with people refusing to use the internet and would rather interrogate me over EVERYTHING for hours. I have resorted to hiding. Think face to face stuff is perhaps info nearer the truth, if one can read between the lines. Internet can be a bit eeeeeeer, hmmmmm, not totally what you want or indeed what you want to hear for the serious guy or gal. Must say that guys l have met face to face don't much like what l have too say because they want a candy floss answer and through stuff l have seen or helped deal with, noooooo, and l would rather talk true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rene123 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Pick different friends? Some of my friends have e-mailed me and ask how I am liking it here and what to I do every day. I'll probably have heart to heart talks with them when I get home in a couple of months. Then they'll probably get so bored of me gushing over all the things I do that they will avoid me. But, it might be different with men than women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Anybody who hangs around Thai Visa is used to the same questions about Thailand being asked over, and over, and over ... Let me guess: what name you ? where you come from ? how long you stay thailand ? you pay bar me ? Yep - over and over and over No 'I have drink' ? Which bar , I'm going ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Tell 'em you moved to Newcastle, and never mention Thailand again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JLCrab Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Tell them you had actually planned to move to Taiwan but you didn't find out you were in the wrong place until it was too late. From the screenplay for Casablanca (Rick - Humphrey Bogart / Renault - Claude Rains) Captain Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters. Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert. Rick: I was misinformed. Edited February 24, 2013 by JLCrab 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotto Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Just answer them back with a question. For example: "So you live in New Zealand?" Indirectly implying the same as your 'friends' are implying. But that dancelot is not really true because all the kiwi's are in australia are they not??? so the question should be"so you live in australia" 5555555555 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britgent Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 The other thing is that everyone I meet seems to think it is fine to invite themselves over to stay with me. One who I knew a few days whilst looking at super cheap charlie $1 a night accommodation turned and asked "can I not just stay with you"? I politely declined as I don't want a stream of hookers and undesirables visiting my place and sullying my good name. The most flamboyant so far has been a female friend complain about the prices of flights and ask me to cover half the bill. Bear in mind I have never been romantically linked to said lady and we are not particularly close. Outrageous. But yes I do like it here but am getting sick and tired of the 'oh shit I've had a crap day at work', 'my marriage is going down the pan', 'life is so unfair' brigade getting in touch. And what is with the virtual insistence of all the so called visiting parties on having me organise their holiday for them and then they just reply with their acute problems and needs as if I am some hired personal advisor waiting for their whims and wants to emotionally and professionally satisfy me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Well I basically have solved that problem. I just don't have anymore friends at least any that would be interested in the long flight over the pond. I see them once a year or so on my 3 week trips to the USA. If any ask, I just tell them "If you don't have at least 3 weeks to spend on your trip to LOS, don't even bother." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 The other thing is that everyone I meet seems to think it is fine to invite themselves over to stay with me. One who I knew a few days whilst looking at super cheap charlie $1 a night accommodation turned and asked "can I not just stay with you"? I politely declined as I don't want a stream of hookers and undesirables visiting my place and sullying my good name. The most flamboyant so far has been a female friend complain about the prices of flights and ask me to cover half the bill. Bear in mind I have never been romantically linked to said lady and we are not particularly close. Outrageous. But yes I do like it here but am getting sick and tired of the 'oh shit I've had a crap day at work', 'my marriage is going down the pan', 'life is so unfair' brigade getting in touch. And what is with the virtual insistence of all the so called visiting parties on having me organise their holiday for them and then they just reply with their acute problems and needs as if I am some hired personal advisor waiting for their whims and wants to emotionally and professionally satisfy me. As I said, tell 'em you moved to Newcastle .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brodie Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Make a Youtube / PowerPoint / website / print a booklet, with all the standard questions and your stock answers. Just hand it out so you don't waste time answering repeatedly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britgent Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Brodie thats not a bad idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cgphuket Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 That's funny. When I visit the USA, my friends get annoyed and bored with me talking about Thailand. They don't care! Some are jealous but hearing about it annoys them even more. Same here. Most are so ignorant of the world I might as well be dead or living on the moon. The rest of jealous but would never step out of their safety zone to try living here... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post theblether Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Och you're living the fantasy life in their minds......stop being so petty minded and just tell them the truth. Thailand is a nightmare!! Your day begins with the Imam wailing at 5.30 in the morning cos you've just found out why that hotel was so cheap on the internet, he quietens down after 5 minutes but now you can hear the effin cockerels trying to impersonate him and the Soi dogs barking at the World. You wander outside in a dazed and get harassed by annoying wee women wanting you to buy pre-packed lunch boxes for the poor Monks who stand there silently beseeching you not to buy the calorie and sugar laden monstrosities contained within the bag, those poor men have to wander back to the Temple with 30 bags of the same crap food every day in the week...... After parting with your hard earned money you would like to cross the road to the 7/11 without being killed, but that's well nigh an impossibility, while waiting for a gap in the traffic some nutter runs past you with a 2 stroke monstrosity belching out more oil particles than a Refinery Fire, wasting your favourite shirt. It's not even 7.00am. Angered by that you decide to walk down to the next 7/11 about 200 metres away on the same side of the road, on the way down you fall into several holes in the pavement, stub your toe 3 times and sprain your ankle. Bleeding, covered in oil, and hobbling, you eventually make it to 7/11, and instead of buying a pint of milk and some cereal bars you end up having to buy some Elastoplast and support bandages. You ask where they keep said supplies and the wee female behind the counter looks at you with a blank stare and says......" no have ". Realising your mistake you make your way to the pharmacy, not quite open yet so you wait outside cursing this effin country and forget that you haven't put on any sun lotion yet, by the time the pharmacy opens your still bleeding, hobbling and you look like a radiation victim. Now stocked up with aftersun, bandages, and elastoplast you make your way home, then remember that your hungry, so you nip in to the local Thai cafe as you haven't got much money left on you and select from their breakfast range which consists of 3 parts chilli plus one part some other random foodstuff. Mouth burning you get to your room and start to fix the damage of the morning walk, you pick the scab on your toe and bleed all over the sheets, which is going to cost you 1800 baht when room service see it. Exhausted by the sun, you crash out for a couple of hours and when you wake you leave a layer of skin on the sheets, that's really done it now. It's 11.00am, you've blown well over 2000 baht in incidental damages, and you start to wonder why you like this place, you go for a shower, leave another layer of skin behind, then slip on the way out as non-slip tiles are apparently banned in Thailand. You bang your head and open a bleeding wound above your eye, you grab a towel to stem the blood loss then realize that's you just blown another 400 baht. The cleaning lady is really gonna love you. it's now approaching Mid-day.....you decide you want to go get some lunch, you get changed into your favourite shorts and make your way to the lift, you do an inconsequential wee fart and get that dreaded follow through feeling, that 3 part chilli one part breakfast has come back to haunt you. You waddle back to your room beseeching the gods to not let it run down your legs or mark your best shorts, just when you get to your door that real cute girl that you've been pursuing for weeks comes out her room next door and flashes you a wonderful smile, which turns to horror when she gets a whiff of the smell and sees the little brown river running down your legs. Disconsolate you enter your room, go for another shower, come out and inspect your shorts and Calvins and no, sorry......they're ruined too. You spend an hour in the toilet excavating your bowels and your oh so thankful for the Thai bum gun at this point as your seriously stinging. You get changed, make your way back to the lift with trepidation, promising to never trust a fart again, and successfully make it down stairs, just in time to see the cute girl waiting for the lift back up. She can't look you in the eye, any notion of romantic contact gone forever in a river of sh*t. It's now after 1.00pm, you sit in a cafe as close to the hotel as possible as your still not sure of your bowel movements. The temp rises to over 35 degrees and the sweats trickling down your back, the locals look at you as if your a weirdo from outer space as your face goes progressively redder and you start to shed skin into your beer. Your bowels play up and you know you ain't making it back to the hotel so you rush to the Thai toilet in the cafe and dread of dread, it's a squat WC, you fumble with your belt and opps, sorry, just a little too late you squat down, another pair of shorts ruined and the results of breakfast sprayed all over the toilet. Almost in tears you slip on the mandatory silk like flooring and fall back into your, ahem, breakfast. You crawl back up to your knees and back reach for the bum gun in the hope of at least fixing the searing pain from your ring, no bum gun.....it's a bucket of water. How the eff do you do that???? After several attempts at cleaning yourself up refill the bucket and try to wash away your, ahem, breakfast. After about 30 minutes you emerge from the toilet to a look of horror from the cafe owner. That white T-shirt was a bad mistake, you look like a sewer rat. You pay your bill, ( it doesn't matter how bad you loom or smell, the Thais still want their money ) and you make your way back to your hotel via the shadows, you get into the lift unseen and just when you step out....... Cute girl is waiting for the lift......she visibly gags when she sees you so feeling a bit tearful and humiliated you decide to spend the rest of the day in your room. THe AC is broken so you call reception, who after 12 attempts of you trying to explain the problem, send you two boiled eggs an incense stick. Now sweating to death you decide to go on TV to appeal for help, but the internet is down in the hotel, so your stranded......you contemplate calling reception re the internet but your scared of what they'll send you next, ,maybe a baby buffalo and a crash helmet?. You decide to watch TV but True keeps disappearing into a blur so you end up watching Thai soaps. Contemplating suicide.......your relieved when the sun goes down and your bowels finally settle down. You get changed, head out the door feeling relatively pucker, and flag down a tuk-tuk. You take your standard 80 baht journey to yourbfavourite bar area and the driver demands 200 baht, you end up in a stand up argument in the street which ends when you see a squadron of tuk-tuks heading your way at high speed, you pay the money and wai sheepishly, being sheepish is getting to be quite a habit. You sit in your favourite bat and try to act all cool and nonchalant......unfortunately the cute girl has been in and told all the staff of your travails so they keep their distance and snigger among themselves. You decide the day can't get any worse so you order up a bottle of whisky and proceed to drown your sorrows. In your rush to get out you forgot your mossy repellent, and the staff won't come anywhere near you, so you no become smorgasboard of tastes for the local mossy population, and you spend the evening slapping your body hard while squealing cos you keep forgetting you've got sunburn. You stagger home and the most beautiful girl you've ever seen emerges from the shadows, " hellllllo?......where you go????" well that's your day made, in your drunken state your instantly in love and you take this Thai Jennifer Lopez back to your room for some boogie woogie, she strips off and you aint ever seen breasts as fulsome as this on a Thai lady, wow........then one step beyond.......you ain't ever seen tackle as big as this in your life. Repulsed.....you invite this goddam ladyboy to leave the premises, she ( he?? ) won't go without a 1000 baht payment, you ain't paying a penny so the ladyboy shows you her best Muay Thai moves and beats you to a pulp until you beg for mercy and give her ( him? ) 2000 baht to stop. Bleeding, ( again) bruised battered and skin peeling from you like a casting snake, you whimper in your bed and feel a high degree of self loathing cos the ladyboy was better hung than you. Don't worry though.......it won't be long till the Imam starts to wail and so will begin another day in Paradise. . Edited February 24, 2013 by theblether 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob8891 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 A classic blether from the master.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banzai99 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 It seems that most here on ThaiVisa spend every waking hour sat in front of a PC, I'm sure their friends overseas must be green with envy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) It seems that most here on ThaiVisa spend every waking hour sat in front of a PC, I'm sure their friends overseas must be green with envy. Edited February 24, 2013 by theblether Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ihunnieibee Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 I also get annoyed by these things too. Another thing is people that I know will tell their friends that they have a friend living in Thailand and then I will inevitably end up having to add them on Facebook and talk to them and be their friend. Meet them at the airport, direct them where to go, probably have to hang out with them or make excuses why I can't hang out with them.. They may also want me to bring them around and go to expensive places that I don't even want to go to just because they are on vacation and I have school the next day!! They are like "Oh you should totally come with us!!!" Or I also get randoms asking me questions on FB since I live in Thailand they want advice where to go what to see etc tips Typical convo- Random guy: Hey! So you live in Thailand! That's so AWESOME!! I'm going there in a few weeks I was wondering if you know of where I should stay, what I should do? Any suggestions?? Wanna go to Samui with us? Can you speak Thai? Me: Sorry, I'm not a tour agency..maybe you should contact one I dunno..maybe I'm rude but I just got to the point where I don't feel like entertaining everyone who wants to come to Thailand on vacation 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWorldwide Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Thailand is no more an 'unknown quantity' in Oz than Bali is - most people with a passport and a few thousand dollars have been there. They might not go to the bars or fall deeply in lust etc, but they definitely know where Siam Paragon is .... (even my sister has been to BKK, and she is a boring old lady who never goes anywhere. Her husband hated Asia - classic xenophobe - but she dragged him to every temple and market she could find) Edited February 24, 2013 by MrWorldwide 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambco984 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Och you're living the fantasy life in their minds......stop being so petty minded and just tell them the truth. Thailand is a nightmare!! Your day begins with the Imam wailing at 5.30 in the morning cos you've just found out why that hotel was so cheap on the internet, he quietens down after 5 minutes but now you can hear the effin cockerels trying to impersonate him and the Soi dogs barking at the World. You wander outside in a dazed and get harassed by annoying wee women wanting you to buy pre-packed lunch boxes for the poor Monks who stand there silently beseeching you not to buy the calorie and sugar laden monstrosities contained within the bag, those poor men have to wander back to the Temple with 30 bags of the same crap food every day in the week...... After parting with your hard earned money you would like to cross the road to the 7/11 without being killed, but that's well nigh an impossibility, while waiting for a gap in the traffic some nutter runs past you with a 2 stroke monstrosity belching out more oil particles than a Refinery Fire, wasting your favourite shirt. It's not even 7.00am. Angered by that you decide to walk down to the next 7/11 about 200 metres away on the same side of the road, on the way down you fall into several holes in the pavement, stub your toe 3 times and sprain your ankle. Bleeding, covered in oil, and hobbling, you eventually make it to 7/11, and instead of buying a pint of milk and some cereal bars you end up having to buy some Elastoplast and support bandages. You ask where they keep said supplies and the wee female behind the counter looks at you with a blank stare and says......" no have ". Realising your mistake you make your way to the pharmacy, not quite open yet so you wait outside cursing this effin country and forget that you haven't put on any sun lotion yet, by the time the pharmacy opens your still bleeding, hobbling and you look like a radiation victim. Now stocked up with aftersun, bandages, and elastoplast you make your way home, then remember that your hungry, so you nip in to the local Thai cafe as you haven't got much money left on you and select from their breakfast range which consists of 3 parts chilli plus one part some other random foodstuff. Mouth burning you get to your room and start to fix the damage of the morning walk, you pick the scab on your toe and bleed all over the sheets, which is going to cost you 1800 baht when room service see it. Exhausted by the sun, you crash out for a couple of hours and when you wake you leave a layer of skin on the sheets, that's really done it now. It's 11.00am, you've blown well over 2000 baht in incidental damages, and you start to wonder why you like this place, you go for a shower, leave another layer of skin behind, then slip on the way out as non-slip tiles are apparently banned in Thailand. You bang your head and open a bleeding wound above your eye, you grab a towel to stem the blood loss then realize that's you just blown another 400 baht. The cleaning lady is really gonna love you. it's now approaching Mid-day.....you decide you want to go get some lunch, you get changed into your favourite shorts and make your way to the lift, you do an inconsequential wee fart and get that dreaded follow through feeling, that 3 part chilli one part breakfast has come back to haunt you. You waddle back to your room beseeching the gods to not let it run down your legs or mark your best shorts, just when you get to your door that real cute girl that you've been pursuing for weeks comes out her room next door and flashes you a wonderful smile, which turns to horror when she gets a whiff of the smell and sees the little brown river running down your legs. Disconsolate you enter your room, go for another shower, come out and inspect your shorts and Calvins and no, sorry......they're ruined too. You spend an hour in the toilet excavating your bowels and your oh so thankful for the Thai bum gun at this point as your seriously stinging. You get changed, make your way back to the lift with trepidation, promising to never trust a fart again, and successfully make it down stairs, just in time to see the cute girl waiting for the lift back up. She can't look you in the eye, any notion of romantic contact gone forever in a river of sh*t. It's now after 1.00pm, you sit in a cafe as close to the hotel as possible as your still not sure of your bowel movements. The temp rises to over 35 degrees and the sweats trickling down your back, the locals look at you as if your a weirdo from outer space as your face goes progressively redder and you start to shed skin into your beer. Your bowels play up and you know you ain't making it back to the hotel so you rush to the Thai toilet in the cafe and dread of dread, it's a squat WC, you fumble with your belt and opps, sorry, just a little too late you squat down, another pair of shorts ruined and the results of breakfast sprayed all over the toilet. Almost in tears you slip on the mandatory silk like flooring and fall back into your, ahem, breakfast. You crawl back up to your knees and back reach for the bum gun in the hope of at least fixing the searing pain from your ring, no bum gun.....it's a bucket of water. How the eff do you do that???? After several attempts at cleaning yourself up refill the bucket and try to wash away your, ahem, breakfast. After about 30 minutes you emerge from the toilet to a look of horror from the cafe owner. That white T-shirt was a bad mistake, you look like a sewer rat. You pay your bill, ( it doesn't matter how bad you loom or smell, the Thais still want their money ) and you make your way back to your hotel via the shadows, you get into the lift unseen and just when you step out....... Cute girl is waiting for the lift......she visibly gags when she sees you so feeling a bit tearful and humiliated you decide to spend the rest of the day in your room. THe AC is broken so you call reception, who after 12 attempts of you trying to explain the problem, send you two boiled eggs an incense stick. Now sweating to death you decide to go on TV to appeal for help, but the internet is down in the hotel, so your stranded......you contemplate calling reception re the internet but your scared of what they'll send you next, ,maybe a baby buffalo and a crash helmet?. You decide to watch TV but True keeps disappearing into a blur so you end up watching Thai soaps. Contemplating suicide.......your relieved when the sun goes down and your bowels finally settle down. You get changed, head out the door feeling relatively pucker, and flag down a tuk-tuk. You take your standard 80 baht journey to yourbfavourite bar area and the driver demands 200 baht, you end up in a stand up argument in the street which ends when you see a squadron of tuk-tuks heading your way at high speed, you pay the money and wai sheepishly, being sheepish is getting to be quite a habit. You sit in your favourite bat and try to act all cool and nonchalant......unfortunately the cute girl has been in and told all the staff of your travails so they keep their distance and snigger among themselves. You decide the day can't get any worse so you order up a bottle of whisky and proceed to drown your sorrows. In your rush to get out you forgot your mossy repellent, and the staff won't come anywhere near you, so you no become smorgasboard of tastes for the local mossy population, and you spend the evening slapping your body hard while squealing cos you keep forgetting you've got sunburn. You stagger home and the most beautiful girl you've ever seen emerges from the shadows, " hellllllo?......where you go????" well that's your day made, in your drunken state your instantly in love and you take this Thai Jennifer Lopez back to your room for some boogie woogie, she strips off and you aint ever seen breasts as fulsome as this on a Thai lady, wow........then one step beyond.......you ain't ever seen tackle as big as this in your life. Repulsed.....you invite this goddam ladyboy to leave the premises, she ( he?? ) won't go without a 1000 baht payment, you ain't paying a penny so the ladyboy shows you her best Muay Thai moves and beats you to a pulp until you beg for mercy and give her ( him? ) 2000 baht to stop. Bleeding, ( again) bruised battered and skin peeling from you like a casting snake, you whimper in your bed and feel a high degree of self loathing cos the ladyboy was better hung than you. Don't worry though.......it won't be long till the Imam starts to wail and so will begin another day in Paradise. . Been there and done that great descriptions and had me on my back laughing. Thanks for the comedy gold / real life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrHammer Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Pick different friends? Some of my friends have e-mailed me and ask how I am liking it here and what to I do every day. I'll probably have heart to heart talks with them when I get home in a couple of months. Then they'll probably get so bored of me gushing over all the things I do that they will avoid me. But, it might be different with men than women. Few people are actually interested in the experiences others have abroad. If it can't be gossipped about then it doesn't interest them. But I would think women are better at feigning interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beetlejuice Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 That's funny. When I visit the USA, my friends get annoyed and bored with me talking about Thailand. They don't care! Some are jealous but hearing about it annoys them even more.Exactly the same for me. When I was based in Thailand, but working abroad, or even in the days when I regularly holidayed in Thailand, back home no one was interested about my adventures in the LOS. When the time came that I was nearing my retirement and getting myself prepared to be here full time, quite a few of my work colleges, friends and family actually took my leaving as a personal affront to them, the attitude being that they are stuck with their mundane lives and I will be living a life of luxury with a dolly bird on each arm, sipping cocktails by the pool and partying every night. If only they could see the reality? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Och you're living the fantasy life in their minds......stop being so petty minded and just tell them the truth. Thailand is a nightmare!! Your day begins with the Imam wailing at 5.30 in the morning cos you've just found out why that hotel was so cheap on the internet, he quietens down after 5 minutes but now you can hear the effin cockerels trying to impersonate him and the Soi dogs barking at the World. You wander outside in a dazed and get harassed by annoying wee women wanting you to buy pre-packed lunch boxes for the poor Monks who stand there silently beseeching you not to buy the calorie and sugar laden monstrosities contained within the bag, those poor men have to wander back to the Temple with 30 bags of the same crap food every day in the week...... After parting with your hard earned money you would like to cross the road to the 7/11 without being killed, but that's well nigh an impossibility, while waiting for a gap in the traffic some nutter runs past you with a 2 stroke monstrosity belching out more oil particles than a Refinery Fire, wasting your favourite shirt. It's not even 7.00am. Angered by that you decide to walk down to the next 7/11 about 200 metres away on the same side of the road, on the way down you fall into several holes in the pavement, stub your toe 3 times and sprain your ankle. Bleeding, covered in oil, and hobbling, you eventually make it to 7/11, and instead of buying a pint of milk and some cereal bars you end up having to buy some Elastoplast and support bandages. You ask where they keep said supplies and the wee female behind the counter looks at you with a blank stare and says......" no have ". Realising your mistake you make your way to the pharmacy, not quite open yet so you wait outside cursing this effin country and forget that you haven't put on any sun lotion yet, by the time the pharmacy opens your still bleeding, hobbling and you look like a radiation victim. Now stocked up with aftersun, bandages, and elastoplast you make your way home, then remember that your hungry, so you nip in to the local Thai cafe as you haven't got much money left on you and select from their breakfast range which consists of 3 parts chilli plus one part some other random foodstuff. Mouth burning you get to your room and start to fix the damage of the morning walk, you pick the scab on your toe and bleed all over the sheets, which is going to cost you 1800 baht when room service see it. Exhausted by the sun, you crash out for a couple of hours and when you wake you leave a layer of skin on the sheets, that's really done it now. It's 11.00am, you've blown well over 2000 baht in incidental damages, and you start to wonder why you like this place, you go for a shower, leave another layer of skin behind, then slip on the way out as non-slip tiles are apparently banned in Thailand. You bang your head and open a bleeding wound above your eye, you grab a towel to stem the blood loss then realize that's you just blown another 400 baht. The cleaning lady is really gonna love you. it's now approaching Mid-day.....you decide you want to go get some lunch, you get changed into your favourite shorts and make your way to the lift, you do an inconsequential wee fart and get that dreaded follow through feeling, that 3 part chilli one part breakfast has come back to haunt you. You waddle back to your room beseeching the gods to not let it run down your legs or mark your best shorts, just when you get to your door that real cute girl that you've been pursuing for weeks comes out her room next door and flashes you a wonderful smile, which turns to horror when she gets a whiff of the smell and sees the little brown river running down your legs. Disconsolate you enter your room, go for another shower, come out and inspect your shorts and Calvins and no, sorry......they're ruined too. You spend an hour in the toilet excavating your bowels and your oh so thankful for the Thai bum gun at this point as your seriously stinging. You get changed, make your way back to the lift with trepidation, promising to never trust a fart again, and successfully make it down stairs, just in time to see the cute girl waiting for the lift back up. She can't look you in the eye, any notion of romantic contact gone forever in a river of sh*t. It's now after 1.00pm, you sit in a cafe as close to the hotel as possible as your still not sure of your bowel movements. The temp rises to over 35 degrees and the sweats trickling down your back, the locals look at you as if your a weirdo from outer space as your face goes progressively redder and you start to shed skin into your beer. Your bowels play up and you know you ain't making it back to the hotel so you rush to the Thai toilet in the cafe and dread of dread, it's a squat WC, you fumble with your belt and opps, sorry, just a little too late you squat down, another pair of shorts ruined and the results of breakfast sprayed all over the toilet. Almost in tears you slip on the mandatory silk like flooring and fall back into your, ahem, breakfast. You crawl back up to your knees and back reach for the bum gun in the hope of at least fixing the searing pain from your ring, no bum gun.....it's a bucket of water. How the eff do you do that???? After several attempts at cleaning yourself up refill the bucket and try to wash away your, ahem, breakfast. After about 30 minutes you emerge from the toilet to a look of horror from the cafe owner. That white T-shirt was a bad mistake, you look like a sewer rat. You pay your bill, ( it doesn't matter how bad you loom or smell, the Thais still want their money ) and you make your way back to your hotel via the shadows, you get into the lift unseen and just when you step out....... Cute girl is waiting for the lift......she visibly gags when she sees you so feeling a bit tearful and humiliated you decide to spend the rest of the day in your room. THe AC is broken so you call reception, who after 12 attempts of you trying to explain the problem, send you two boiled eggs an incense stick. Now sweating to death you decide to go on TV to appeal for help, but the internet is down in the hotel, so your stranded......you contemplate calling reception re the internet but your scared of what they'll send you next, ,maybe a baby buffalo and a crash helmet?. You decide to watch TV but True keeps disappearing into a blur so you end up watching Thai soaps. Contemplating suicide.......your relieved when the sun goes down and your bowels finally settle down. You get changed, head out the door feeling relatively pucker, and flag down a tuk-tuk. You take your standard 80 baht journey to yourbfavourite bar area and the driver demands 200 baht, you end up in a stand up argument in the street which ends when you see a squadron of tuk-tuks heading your way at high speed, you pay the money and wai sheepishly, being sheepish is getting to be quite a habit. You sit in your favourite bat and try to act all cool and nonchalant......unfortunately the cute girl has been in and told all the staff of your travails so they keep their distance and snigger among themselves. You decide the day can't get any worse so you order up a bottle of whisky and proceed to drown your sorrows. In your rush to get out you forgot your mossy repellent, and the staff won't come anywhere near you, so you no become smorgasboard of tastes for the local mossy population, and you spend the evening slapping your body hard while squealing cos you keep forgetting you've got sunburn. You stagger home and the most beautiful girl you've ever seen emerges from the shadows, " hellllllo?......where you go????" well that's your day made, in your drunken state your instantly in love and you take this Thai Jennifer Lopez back to your room for some boogie woogie, she strips off and you aint ever seen breasts as fulsome as this on a Thai lady, wow........then one step beyond.......you ain't ever seen tackle as big as this in your life. Repulsed.....you invite this goddam ladyboy to leave the premises, she ( he?? ) won't go without a 1000 baht payment, you ain't paying a penny so the ladyboy shows you her best Muay Thai moves and beats you to a pulp until you beg for mercy and give her ( him? ) 2000 baht to stop. Bleeding, ( again) bruised battered and skin peeling from you like a casting snake, you whimper in your bed and feel a high degree of self loathing cos the ladyboy was better hung than you. Don't worry though.......it won't be long till the Imam starts to wail and so will begin another day in Paradise. . You can't make this stuff up! Amazing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWorldwide Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 That's funny. When I visit the USA, my friends get annoyed and bored with me talking about Thailand. They don't care! Some are jealous but hearing about it annoys them even more.Exactly the same for me.When I was based in Thailand, but working abroad, or even in the days when I regularly holidayed in Thailand, back home no one was interested about my adventures in the LOS. When the time came that I was nearing my retirement and getting myself prepared to be here full time, quite a few of my work colleges, friends and family actually took my leaving as a personal affront to them, the attitude being that they are stuck with their mundane lives and I will be living a life of luxury with a dolly bird on each arm, sipping cocktails by the pool and partying every night. If only they could see the reality? It seems that you've met my sister. One seriously judgemental bitch who likes to burst into tears and scream 'I cant believe you would even consider going back to Asia after the way they've treated you !'. Some people just dont get that, for a Thai women, chasing you down Soi 22 with a knife is a sign that she cares .... For my sister, life is all about predictability - for me, that's as slow and painful a death as anyone could wish for. Horses for courses, I guess. God I miss Asia. Those of you who are about to embark on yet-another-12-hour-day in BKK might grimace at that, but what I wouldnt give to be surrounded by all that pollution and those limbless beggars on lower Suk. I'd get a cab straight to Pattaya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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