mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hi all , I just want to ask forum members how they feel about my situation We have been together 6 years , She has been here with me in the UK for 14 months and recently started working at a Thai mini market and restaurant in Newcastle her work in the mini market finishes at 6.30 pm and she the catches the metro home arriving at 8pm approx . however sometimes she is asked to assist in the restaurant working later up till 10pm and arriving home after 11pm , She usually phones me to tell me about the extra work . Last week , I took her to the metro station , and her parting words were , I will phone you before I catch the metro so you can start dinner for my arrival home. I waited and waited for a call or txt , by 10 pm no call , no txt , no dinner , went bed quite angry that she not have enough respect to contact me . At 10.30 pm , I receive a txt , saying sorry I miss dinner with you , love you very much . for me this was too little too late . When she arrived home , I lambasted her , for her lack of consideration and trying to make her understand that its important to communicate with your partner just as a common courtesy. It seems to me that she is putting her her work and friends before our relationship , and a consequence of this has lead to her coming home the next evening packing her stuff and moving out . As much as I love her , I am still of the belief that her actions were , and have been very selfish. Her work and income seem to be more important to her than our marrige. Since she has gone I have tried and tried to contact her by phone txt and f/book all to no avail . What would TV members do in a situation like this ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddhistVirus Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Have you gone to her place of work, Micky. When you say you lambasted her, what did this entail? Did you lose it somewhat? Has there been a build up of problems in your marriage recently? It can't be easy for your wife being away from home, in the freezing cold, working all hours and trying to make a go of life in the UK and your marriage. Try to put yourself in your wife's shoes, just for a minute. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being biased, but I do understand both sides of the coin. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Respect. No disrespect to you, Buddhist, but this is of little help to the OP. Edited February 24, 2013 by wooloomooloo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Gee if thats all it took for her to move out. Has she ever shown this type of childish behaviour before? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MrWorldwide Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 Get back to me when she comes at you with a knife - I have a little more experience in that area. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rene123 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I don't know if there were OTHER problems going on with your marriage before you lambasted her verbally, but you forgot one of the basic differences between Thais and westerners, and that is "face". There are many different descriptions of what "face" actually is, but in the simplest terms it means they don't take verbal abuse easily or lightly. You obviously stepped over the limit. You should have understood that after 6 years with this woman. I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but "respect" works both ways. You could go to her place of work with your hat in hand and apologize deeply and hope for the best. It might work, otherwise it has been a lesson learned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hands22 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I think it's just a misunderstanding. Why didn't the OP take the initiative to call her when it's quite clear later in the evening that she hasn't called or might have forgotten due to her busy work load. A call or text to her would have solve all the grief. Anyway, I hope the OP relationship is strong enough to withstand this small hiccup. No relationship is easy...it takes two to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hi wooloomooloo , This has happened on quite a few occassions , sometime she would ring me at 6pm ish and ask me if its ok to go to a Thai friend`s birthday , or just with her new friends for dinner etc , I have no problem with this attall , when she does this its quite often an overnight stay with friends But with this respect thing , it has happened quite a few times and I feel she does`nt reciprocate the respect and consideration I show her . It on takes 1 minute to call or txt me , The irony of it all is it was my birthday that day and we were going to have a nice dinner together ! I was `pissed off ` about her lack of consideration and i did raise my voice trying to impart to her that her behaviour was not acceptable , I have tried on many occasions to try and make her understand that its reasonable to put your partner 1st , I know if the boot was on the other foot , she would be my first priority . It now feels like I`ve shot myself in the foot ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 There are many different descriptions of what "face" actually is, but in the simplest terms it means they don't take verbal abuse easily or lightly.Or any form of confrontation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddhistVirus Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Sorry about that... To the OP, how many such late night ordeals did it take to lose your cool? Or is it just that single incident that made you 'lambast' her? I think you should talk to her. Hope everything works out for you. Edited February 24, 2013 by BuddhistVirus 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hands 22 I did try and call her several times , each call went to voicemail , I also txted her and heard nothing from her till 10.30 pm , by which time I was hungry and annoyed at her lack of consideration . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Micky, first things first, you need to locate your wife. Have you been to the Thai market where she works? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Budhist virus , It has happened on numerous occasions , and I feel since she started work there , I am way down the list in her priorities , Since she left , I have rung her mobile , sent her txts and messaged her on f/book , all to no avail , It might be that I have well and truly f***ed up ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thereisnoif Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 You take her to Newcastle and you wonder why she is mad at you ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 Do you really know what hours she works, and where she works? She could have been doing anything ....... with anyone. 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I would call this a 'red flag' situation. Lambasting only catalyses the situation. Be careful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hi wooloomooloo , This has happened on quite a few occassions , sometime she would ring me at 6pm ish and ask me if its ok to go to a Thai friend`s birthday , or just with her new friends for dinner etc , I have no problem with this attall , when she does this its quite often an overnight stay with friends But with this respect thing , it has happened quite a few times and I feel she does`nt reciprocate the respect and consideration I show her . It on takes 1 minute to call or txt me , The irony of it all is it was my birthday that day and we were going to have a nice dinner together ! I was `pissed off ` about her lack of consideration and i did raise my voice trying to impart to her that her behaviour was not acceptable , I have tried on many occasions to try and make her understand that its reasonable to put your partner 1st , I know if the boot was on the other foot , she would be my first priority . It now feels like I`ve shot myself in the foot ! My Thai wife left me on christmas eve here in The Netherlands. How's about that for consideration...... Did you register your marriage in the UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lemoncake Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 Thai girls and perception of time do not really work well. However if she moved out that easily it is very possible(hate to say it) she is seeing someone else and late work is just an excuse 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornishcarlos Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Texting, calling and Facebook are easily avoided if she wants to make you sweat. As someone else has already said, go and see her. She has probably calmed down now but will not make the 1st move !! BTW what type of visa is she on ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Did you register your marriage in the UK?Why, Dancealot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 BTW what type of visa is she on ??Almost certainly a settlement visa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HardenedSoul Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hate to say it but it needs to be said: I think there's a good chance that 1. She's either found or intends to find a man that she considers to be a superior package or 2. More regular contact with Thais has shown her that there's more to life than work and going home to what she might've considered to be a boring home life with an unremarkable husband who sets rules That mini-market must have quite a heavy flow of guys who may have taken a shine to her and some of them may represent a significant improvement over what he has to offer. By any measure, her walking out over a tongue-lashing is something of an over-reaction so a sentence with the words "camel" and "straw" comes to mind. My guess is that the OP was trying to impose a code of conduct that was out of kilter with what she felt he brought to the table. My advice would be to move on - that one's gone, mate. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedghog Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Maybe she needs time to reflect. Quite possibly,she isn't as happy living in the Uk as you thought. Without being derogatory,Newcastle isn't the best of destinations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Let's get one thing straight. If she has found another guy, and there's no evidence to suggest she has, she is royally screwed as far as immigration is concerned. Her visa is based on her marriage and residence with her husband at this present time. Edited February 24, 2013 by wooloomooloo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozziebloke Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hi wooloomooloo , This has happened on quite a few occassions , sometime she would ring me at 6pm ish and ask me if its ok to go to a Thai friend`s birthday , or just with her new friends for dinner etc , I have no problem with this attall , when she does this its quite often an overnight stay with friends But with this respect thing , it has happened quite a few times and I feel she does`nt reciprocate the respect and consideration I show her . I don't know about you but for me this would have me asking questions or are you just winding some of us up ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Did you register your marriage in the UK?Why, Dancealot? This would complicate things more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Did you register your marriage in the UK?Why, Dancealot?This would complicate things more...I disagree. Makes no difference in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eff1n2ret Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Did you register your marriage in the UK?Why, Dancealot? Why indeed? If she's settled with him in the UK it must be a legal marriage, whether at an amphur in Thailand or a UK Registry Office. Hardly relevant to the OP's dilemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post 473geo Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Looks like she may have started to enjoy the company of her new friends more than a dinner at home with you.......sadly for you, her life may have moved on, and perhaps you should prepare to do the same, if you give up every sense of value to tempt her back, you run the risk of being a doormat for the rest of your days, I dont think that is what you want at all!!......so in reality can this really go anywhere now? Edited February 24, 2013 by 473geo 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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