Today a thai friend of mine invited me to go with her get a massage at a spa. Since she invited me to go I honestly thought she was treating me.

Anyway I said OK I will go. Then she tells me "OK I will make a reservation and thanks for paying for me."

<deleted>? She invited me to go and I have to foot the bill? Is this the way it is in Thailand or is it because I am a farang and they all assume we are ATM machines?

My wife frequently invites me to shopping with her.

Would seem rude and assuming imo, but im not Thai.

Could understand if it was crossed wires/language barrier if it was an invitation where we pay for ourselves, but i wouldnt invite someone out and then expect them to pay.
Someone well versed in English might say "i am going for a massage, would you like to come along too"...which would infer that you need to pay for yourself. ..but inviting someone out some place then expecting them to pay isnt something i would consider ok.

I do know that when i made suggestions with my ex (who was Thai) about places to go to, he did actually not let me pay. So maybe its a general Thai way that its assumed men will pay, even if a woman makes the suggestion/invitation..?
Hope you get some clearer answers. Interested to know myself.

Relax, Alex. I'm sure there'll be a happy ending.

Edited February 25, 201313 yr by wooloomooloo

personally never happened to me but if it did I know I would say GO AWAY or words to that effect ....that is seriously rude and I don't care who, what or where it happens

If it was a date then the man would pay but given that you said friend and it was for a massage and not dinner, it is very odd behavior.

I wouldn't extrapolate from one woman that 63 million people are all exactly like her.

If it was a date then the man would pay but given that you said friend and it was for a massage and not dinner, it is very odd behavior.

I wouldn't extrapolate from one woman that 63 million people are all exactly like her.

What ?

A woman invites me out somewhere its on her coin.

Suggest you re-read the OP. That is what I was answering

Is this the way it is in Thailand

Yes in Thailand the cultural norm is that whomever invites, pays

So not normal and I'd be inclined to decline the next "offer".

Yes in Thailand the cultural norm is that whomever invites, pays

So not normal and I'd be inclined to decline the next "offer".

Thats why we NEVER invite anyone for a night out.

I personally would love for a Thai girl to invite me for a massage and I'd gladly pay...for an oil massage

Mua ha ha....the next time you just invite her, but to A-GO-GO bar

I would just accept that you have made a friend with a piss taker.

Excuse me, I'm a Thai. But I never let my friend pay for me, we all paid our part, even if I invited them or they invited me in the day or night meeting. Thai ways doesn't mean women are waiting the guy for them, depend what kind of people you know and being with? Of course, if they're your wife ( they have the right to ask you to pay her bill,it should be reasonable bill not bloody expensive receipt ). You can notice your friend that you're her friend not bf, why do you need to pay for her ?

If it was a date then the man would pay but given that you said friend and it was for a massage and not dinner, it is very odd behavior.

I wouldn't extrapolate from one woman that 63 million people are all exactly like her.

+1

You have been ''ATM'ed''

...and if the cash stops flowing.....you are history.....

I think it all depends on who you are hanging out with, my experience has differed. One night, a lady friend, whom I have known for years, and I went out and as this was nearing the end of my stay in Thailand I was not carrying a large amount of baht with me. As the night went on, I realized that I would probably need to go to an atm to get a little more cash to pay the bill at the end of the night. When I whispered this to my friend, she said, "Don't worry, I will pay." She took care of the 4000+ baht bill and then refused to take any money from me when I wanted to pay her back..

There have been a few good answers here. I tend to believe what GrahamF wrote. It all depends on the individual person. Just take it as a lesson learned for THAT particular woman. Not all Thais are the same and many are very generous. I've been on the recieving end of that generosity many times. I think it is no different than the Cheap Charley farang guys who go somewhere with a group of friends but always seem to slip away before the bill is paid.

I can’t help but think there is more to your relationship than you are letting on. If you have never slept with her, or never offered to be the ATM before, or perhaps shown off by being extravagant with your money, then this behavior speaks volumes as to who she is. We have numerous friends in Bangkok who simply refuse to let us pay for anything. Now that is downright embarrassing. As others have said, it is really down to who you are dealing with and perhaps how it is that you know them.

She is not your friend. Friends don't behave like this.

Tell her you changed your mind, something came up.

Yesterday a Thai male colleague of mine (he is a few years older than myself) and I ate lunch together at the local Khao Mun Gai shop. He insisted on paying. In fact, every time we eat together he insists. He is not interested in me, is happily married and it is certainly nothing more than two colleagues catching a quick bite. I certainly make more money than he does, which he must be aware of, and I have tried to pay for our meals in the past but he gets quite offended if I insist. So I stopped.

So, I asked him and he said, at least for his generation, the man always pays for the woman, older pays for younger. He said it goes against everything he was ever taught to allow me to pay.

So, I say thank you, and make sure we never eat anywhere expensive together and make certain to bring him food at the office, or snacks as a way of making up for it.

Edited April 8, 201313 yr by LadyHeather