Help With Dating A Thai Lady

[VanDaGo]

Right; now you can lock it as from now on all replies will be a waste of space !

Oh come on..there is plenty of space in cyberspace.!

The 'friends only' stratagem could actually lead somewhere...shy girls throw it around so you won't be pressing too hard and also to have time to suss you out..

This was what i thought. I thought maybe the thai culture was different. She said i was pushing too hard.

[lovelaos]

Right; now you can lock it as from now on all replies will be a waste of space !

Oh come on..there is plenty of space in cyberspace.!

The 'friends only' stratagem could actually lead somewhere...shy girls throw it around so you won't be pressing too hard and also to have time to suss you out..

I see where you are coming from, but is the OP's 'friend' a shy girl having dated a French guy for the last 8 years? I won't pass judgement but the OP will know...didn't he say he had already slept with her?

[VanDaGo]

Right; now you can lock it as from now on all replies will be a waste of space !

Oh come on..there is plenty of space in cyberspace.!

The 'friends only' stratagem could actually lead somewhere...shy girls throw it around so you won't be pressing too hard and also to have time to suss you out..

I see where you are coming from, but is the OP's 'friend' a shy girl having dated a French guy for the last 8 years? I won't pass judgement but the OP will know...didn't he say he had already slept with her?

Yes, doing everything except creating kids

[aTomsLife]

I don't think it necessary to lock the topic, given how regularly westerners and Thais meet each other online. So, it's rather easy I think to find oneself dating a person who lives quite a distance away.

For those who would find themselves in this situation, if you're unable to eventually live in the same city/town, consider how minuscule the likeliness for happiness is. If things go sour and you're still emotionally attached, the distance is likely to amplify the heartache. And even if the relationship proves great and you fall in love, you'll still experience heartache, just another kind.

For lack of a better word, I got lucky this time around: not too much aching, just grew tired from the excessive effort required, and bored from the so-so results.

Edited March 10, 2013 by aTomsLife

[loong]

She has a boyfriend already, but she is looking for someone better

If/when you are her boyfriend, she will continue to look for someone better.

How will you feel about that?

[Morakot]

She and I wanted to see each other again to get each other better to

know. She wanted it to be as friends, and I said we can be friends for

the time I see her again and after that it is either more or nothing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egmMMzt28g8

Edited March 10, 2013 by Morakot

[Indrid Cold]

She keeps you as backup. This you can do too while being number 2 after the french guy.

[rene123]

Long distance relationships don't work unless both partners are willing to share their part time lover with someone else. The problem with most Thai - farang relationships is employment. Unless the farang is independently wealthy, or old and retired, at some point he is going to have to earn a living. That is not easy to do in Thailand unless the farang has business connections that keep him in the country. Giving up a worthwhile career in their home country is not a viable option for most people. That means if you are apart for long periods of time then one or both partners are going to get lonely and begin looking for other company. In the OP's case the Thai gal is already doing that with her French boyfriend. If you are happy being second fiddle on a part time basis then carry on with the young lady in question. Many of the women working in Thai bars are there BECAUSE they enjoy a change of scenery... along with a viable income working the trade. They only quit when their prospects start to dry up.

Edited March 10, 2013 by rene123

[kevvy]

How long did you live in Thailand for? as your parents live here, why are you in Denmark? how long have you been away for? if you are 36 and have been hurt many times dont you think you have had enough experience in your life to work simple things like this out for yourself.

[kurnell]

Which hotel does she work at and what is her position?

Are you her French boyfriend

Oui

[Sheryl]

The way I read it she is either hoping things will work out with the French guy, or not yet sure if she is ready to end it with him. Until this is resolved, she isn't going to be available for a serious relationship with anyone else.

[Scully]

She has a French boyfriend, oh an English boyfriend, a swedish boyfriend and you.

If I was in the western world and a girl told me she had a boyfriend I would tell her to f off. Oh and I am about your age, take your time find a single one there are several million women in this country and no matter what people tell you they are not all the same. There are some that will stay with only one man, rare as hens teeth but still available.

[diddums]

No need to worry about the french bf...he'll throw in the towel quick as......so go for it.

[scorecard]

You met a woman with a "boyfriend" who is willing to see you anyway. It figures when things become strained -- likely due to the distance -- she will do the same to you. And given what you've shared about yourself, yes, you will get hurt.

Long distance relationships suck in general, even if your partner is but an hour or two away. Different countries, well...

That you even have to post here speaks volumes. You're already not getting what you need from this relationship. And given your history with this woman, if one day you do find you are getting all you need, you'll probably also discover that you're now worrying whether her sincerity has an expiration date.

In order for a healthy relationship most people, not just women, need physical contact, and not just the sexual kind. When you argue, sometimes a glancing look of sorrow is all one needs to remedy things. Long distance eliminates that possibility. Her being Thai has little to do with things, I think.

This is so well constructed and written, how realistic, how true.

Just one point amongst all of this excellent analysis. Seems to me she is hoping against hope that everything will suddenly / eventually work out to be perfect with the French man.

In other words, your the fall back / your the, if needed, second in line.

Sorry to be so direct / so brutal, but I suggest this is the reality of the situation.

Why should you wait around to see if she falls back to the second choice?

As said a million times before, there's a billion more fish in the sea.

Why am I so direct. Obvious answer - decades ago I waited in the wings and got caught (figuratively) welcoming the guests at the door to her wedding with the 'French' man, then never heard from her ever again.

A bit further on I punished myself again and again for allowing myself to be so stupid.

Move on NOW my friend, there's a thousand wonderful ladies out there waiting and hoping every day to meet you and work with you to build a happy and fair and balanced relationship NOW!!!

[VanDaGo]

Thank you fellow forum user for all your constructive guidelines.

I will try to run away as i see that to be the only right thing to do.

And yes I am 36, but just keep failling to find the right and do not know what I do wrong. :-(

But thank you all for your kindness. I do appreiciate it.

Have a great evening.

[TheFishman1]

Your 36 and the girl tells you she has a BF think about that . Your fishing in the wrong Pond

[kirstymelb101]

There's plenty of fish in the sea. Why you trippin' over a guppy

[Beetlejuice]

Which hotel does she work at and what is her position?

Hopefully not on her back.

Over the years attitudes towards relationships have changed dramatically in Thailand.

I have been with my Thai wife over 30 years; both in our 50s now and the ways of thinking were completely different in the days when we first met.

These days I just don`t feel that Thai women make good wife/girlfriend partners anymore and best not to become too deeply involved with them.

I am not in anyway intentionally denigrating Thai women, my point is that it`s a sign of the times and whatever you do, has to be done at your own risk and discretion, as you probably know this girl better than we do

[VanDaGo]

One of the reasons for my conflict is I was brought up with very strict rules regarding dating etc. due to my parents religious background. I have no religious background since I turned 19 and do respect any religion.

Start with a friendship, get the person to know and build it up from there. That is true love. That was my upbringing.

But it have never worked out for me, especially in Denmark where u have to be extremely selfconfident and close to a rude guy before anything is possibel. And if you dont go to bed with them before the 3rd date it is friendship for life. Although i have been told i have good looks, well educated i always end up being the friend. And thats what i am afraid of. I have the friends today that i need.

Apart from thats she is wrong to go out with since her feelings are messed up, what is the "Thai way". Do reletionships start with a long term friendship, here ind Thailand?

Edited March 10, 2013 by VanDaGo

[Beetlejuice]

One of the reasons for my conflict is I was brought up with very strict rules regarding dating etc. due to my parents religious background. I have no religious background since I turned 19 and do respect any religion.

Start with a friendship, get the person to know and build it up from there. That is true love. That was my upbringing.

But it have never worked out for me, especially in Denmark where u have to be extremely selfconfident and close to a rude guy before anything is possibel. And if you dont go to bed with them before the 3rd date it is friendship for life. Although i have been told i have good looks, well educated i always end up being the friend. And thats what i am afraid of. I have the friends today that i need.

Apart from thats she is wrong to go out with since her feelings are messed up, what is the "Thai way". Do reletionships start with a long term friendship, here ind Thailand?

Many Thai women can now be compared with their counterparts in the West. The good old days of the loyal, subservient oriental princesses have long gone. Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

Their first priority is what has the farang got to offer their cherished daughter, her family and the village. Can he provide a secure future for the girl? This is the same way of thinking in the West; only perhaps you can disregard the family and village in those cases.

If you are really interested in forming a permanent relationship with this Thai girl, then you will have to prove your sincerity and worth, no ifs, buts or maybes or doubts left in the mind of the girl and her family. Perhaps this is why you believe her feelings are messed up, but actually it maybe you who is giving the girl doubts?

The main questions: are you able to comfortably take on a dependent wife? Support her 100% and provide a decent lifestyle for her? Because if you decide to go ahead and take her back to your own country, than you, at least for the first few years, will have support and provide for her 100%, plus considering if she wants to start a family and have kids.

Otherwise if you are not an established person, than I would be having second thoughts about diving into something that has no chance of succeeding.

[Ministry of Som Tam]

Has there been any mention of buffalos?

[Thailand1977]

Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

This will be the majority of men who have worked all their life and been decent honest folk, some might like a drink but on the whole are ok.

Whereas the girls on the other hand have the Thai trait of being manipulative, dishonest and marrying someone purely to climb the financial ladder.

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same.

Thai culture my backside, most Thais are one or 2 generations away from being subsistence farmers living like we in the west did 500 years ago, it'll take that long to civilise them.

[wooloomooloo]

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same

Do you accept any responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship? It's a one-sided account so can't comment on your judgement, either prior to the onset of the relationship or after.

[notmyself]

You sound like a nice guys and she is not the droid you are looking for.

[Beetlejuice]

Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

This will be the majority of men who have worked all their life and been decent honest folk, some might like a drink but on the whole are ok.

Whereas the girls on the other hand have the Thai trait of being manipulative, dishonest and marrying someone purely to climb the financial ladder.

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same.

Thai culture my backside, most Thais are one or 2 generations away from being subsistence farmers living like we in the west did 500 years ago, it'll take that long to civilise them.

I am very sorry to hear this, truly saddening.

I`m in my late 50s now, almost reaching the big 60. Have been married to my Thai wife for a long time. She could never leave me now because we are about the same age and she relies on my pensions and financial support and not easy, probably impossible for a woman in her mid 50s to start her life all over again and once you reach my age or older, one gets beyond caring anyway.

But if I was much younger in these modern times, there is no way I would ever consider getting married, not in the East, West, South or North. Times have changed, the woman`s ambitions and attitudes towards commitments are totally different and those types of relationships would not suit me. There probably are those on here who can claim they have the perfect marriage and good luck to you, but it`s all too hit and miss. None of my kids want to become involved with anyone, they are all too concerned about making careers for themselves and I`m glad of it. Just being sensible, that`s all.

My advice to the OP is; stay single, love em and leave em, short time with no commitments and no heartaches is better.

[VanDaGo]

Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

This will be the majority of men who have worked all their life and been decent honest folk, some might like a drink but on the whole are ok.

Whereas the girls on the other hand have the Thai trait of being manipulative, dishonest and marrying someone purely to climb the financial ladder.

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same.

Thai culture my backside, most Thais are one or 2 generations away from being subsistence farmers living like we in the west did 500 years ago, it'll take that long to civilise them.

I am very sorry to hear this, truly saddening.

I`m in my late 50s now, almost reaching the big 60. Have been married to my Thai wife for a long time. She could never leave me now because we are about the same age and she relies on my pensions and financial support and not easy, probably impossible for a woman in her mid 50s to start her life all over again and once you reach my age or older, one gets beyond caring anyway.

But if I was much younger in these modern times, there is no way I would ever consider getting married, not in the East, West, South or North. Times have changed, the woman`s ambitions and attitudes towards commitments are totally different and those types of relationships would not suit me. There probably are those on here who can claim they have the perfect marriage and good luck to you, but it`s all too hit and miss. None of my kids want to become involved with anyone, they are all too concerned about making careers for themselves and I`m glad of it. Just being sensible, that`s all.

My advice to the OP is; stay single, love em and leave em, short time with no commitments and no heartaches is better.

I wish things where just like when u got married. :-)

Thank you for your kind advice.

[VanDaGo]

You sound like a nice guys and she is not the droid you are looking for.

Thank you. :-)

[VanDaGo]

Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

This will be the majority of men who have worked all their life and been decent honest folk, some might like a drink but on the whole are ok.

Whereas the girls on the other hand have the Thai trait of being manipulative, dishonest and marrying someone purely to climb the financial ladder.

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same.

Thai culture my backside, most Thais are one or 2 generations away from being subsistence farmers living like we in the west did 500 years ago, it'll take that long to civilise them.

Sorry to hear this. Best wishes to you.

[Thailand1977]

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same

Do you accept any responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship? It's a one-sided account so can't comment on your judgement, either prior to the onset of the relationship or after.

Of course i am more then vocal about my wrongs, but in my experience Thai women cant seem to say sorry, admit when they're in the wrong or say thankyou.

But whatever happens is doesn't mean one should run away from their beautiful child.

[Thailand1977]

Many Thai families regard farangs as below them and would prefer their daughters to meet a nice Thai boy to keep up with the old family traditions and cultures. Considering some of the types of farangs who are plonking themselves in Thailand at the present, quite frankly I don`t blame them.

This will be the majority of men who have worked all their life and been decent honest folk, some might like a drink but on the whole are ok.

Whereas the girls on the other hand have the Thai trait of being manipulative, dishonest and marrying someone purely to climb the financial ladder.

Keep away from Thai women, mother of my child has just ran off from our 2 year old daughter, responsibility and facing ones troubles is too big an ask for lots of these people ... i don't think she was a hooker, but she's from the village where they all come from and thinks the same.

Thai culture my backside, most Thais are one or 2 generations away from being subsistence farmers living like we in the west did 500 years ago, it'll take that long to civilise them.

I am very sorry to hear this, truly saddening.

I`m in my late 50s now, almost reaching the big 60. Have been married to my Thai wife for a long time. She could never leave me now because we are about the same age and she relies on my pensions and financial support and not easy, probably impossible for a woman in her mid 50s to start her life all over again and once you reach my age or older, one gets beyond caring anyway.

But if I was much younger in these modern times, there is no way I would ever consider getting married, not in the East, West, South or North. Times have changed, the woman`s ambitions and attitudes towards commitments are totally different and those types of relationships would not suit me. There probably are those on here who can claim they have the perfect marriage and good luck to you, but it`s all too hit and miss. None of my kids want to become involved with anyone, they are all too concerned about making careers for themselves and I`m glad of it. Just being sensible, that`s all.

My advice to the OP is; stay single, love em and leave em, short time with no commitments and no heartaches is better.

Sad but true, but as more people think like this though the population keeps rising thus more kids from broken homes.