I'm Still Just The Falang

[FWIW]

Maybe it just me, but I am seldom (if ever) refered to by just name. Most of the family (excluding parents) refer to me as "loong", or if addressing me may say "loong FWIW", the missus calls me by name, but refers to me (to family) as loong or loong FWIW (there is an age gap, but not enormous!). The junior colleagues at work also refer amongst themselves to me as "loong", but not to my face!

Nobody I know refers to me as "farang", and for OP, it may not be a sign of intentional, deliberate rudeness, but I would mark it down as a definite sign of distance at the very least. How does your missus refer to you - especially when talking about you? Does she use "P'name" or just "name" - or even worse, does she refer to you as "farang"? If the latter, well, you know where you stand.

They've seen your todger. ................

Nah - they would use "Chang" if they had.

[Loptr]

Did you say that you've been living here for 5 years and also do not speak Thai? It might be time to start learning (more) Thai. Imagine living in, say, America for 5 years and not being able to speak english. Imagine all the flack you would get from Americans. Just saying.

I like the idea of adopting a Thai nickname though.

I've got news for you, there are immigrants that have been in the US for 30 years and still don't speak a word of English. I know several that fit this category, so not so odd.

If the family is still referring to OP as "the foreigner" after being with their daughter for 5 years, it may be time to move on.

[Loptr]

Take them all on holiday to Cambodia/Malaysia/Singapore and then start pointing at them and calling them 'foreigners'.....freaks em out to buggery that one does....

I doubt that would work.

I have been called many times a Farang in my own Country, by Thais in the UK, when I reciprocated,and told two of them,you are the Foreigner not me,because I am in my own Country,they denied it vehemently,and one said "I cannot be Foreigner,I am Thai"

I fear that no amount of explaination will change their set beliefs,farangs for the most part. we will remain! and you will often hear the word peppering their conversation. As the saying goes"ignorance is bliss"

The scary part is that they give these people passports and allow them to drop these pearls of wisdom around the world.

[Morakot]

If the family is still referring to OP as "the foreigner" after being with their daughter for 5 years, it may be time to move on.

Yes, but how would he convey to them that they should move?

[transam]

Did you say that you've been living here for 5 years and also do not speak Thai? It might be time to start learning (more) Thai. Imagine living in, say, America for 5 years and not being able to speak english. Imagine all the flack you would get from Americans. Just saying.

I like the idea of adopting a Thai nickname though.

Oui, I've been here longer than that and have just learned how to drink the beer. ....

[swissie]

This may come as a hammer to all the posters here: The term "Farang" is not meant in a DIRECT disrespectful way. The Farang is a foreigner and always will be. So it's not meant in a degoratory way to adress a farang as what he is: A foreigner (and alwyas will be). I admit: Hard for us to accept.

But remember: Thai's consider themselves "as a very special people" and are not in high esteem for countries and their people surrounding them and basically the rest of the world.

So, even if the farang is adressed by his real name, in their minds, he remains a "Farang" and the fact, that the same Farang has already invested 15 million Bht in Wife/Family will not change that.

The remedy: (at least as this name thing is concerned): Tell your surrounding Thai-Community, that we farangs find it very disrespectful, if we are not beeing adressed by our name (our culture, etc..). After explaining this to Thais sincerely, 99% of Thais will understand this and act accordingly in the future. The remaining 1% that not want to understad this: Run away from them!

But even if this name thing is cleared, just never forget that you will remain "the Farang". Why? Simply because you are not Thai and never will be, no matter what you do or not do!

What's there to do for a Farang? Only 2 avenues open: Accept this fact under the motto "TIT" or go into denial. No more, no less.

Cheers.

[Morakot]

So be it; truly.

Edited April 22, 2013 by Morakot

[Eesat]

It's not so bad Henry, I'm called the <deleted>.

From your postings , deservedly so some might say

Yep, I am one of the few that don't slag Thais and Thailand off at every given opportunity whilst thinking Farangs and Farang countries are wonderful, and that Thailand should aspire to be the same as the very countries Farangs left to live here in Thailand.

No wonder many Thais think we are strange.

You really have no business being on Thai Visa I'm afraid!

[transam]

It's not so bad Henry, I'm called the <deleted>.

From your postings , deservedly so some might say

Yep, I am one of the few that don't slag Thais and Thailand off at every given opportunity whilst thinking Farangs and Farang countries are wonderful, and that Thailand should aspire to be the same as the very countries Farangs left to live here in Thailand.

No wonder many Thais think we are strange.

Your from Liverpool eh ?.

Edited April 22, 2013 by transam

[Gsxrnz]

It's my understanding that falang/farang is interpreted as Westerner, not as Foreigner.

How does the OP refer to Thais? Do you use their name (assuming you know their name) without using the polite Kuhn, Pi, Nong, Loong, Yai, Ba, Por, Mere, etc? If you don't use the Thai form of address (or maybe you don't even address them or try to communicate with them at all), then I can guarantee that when you hear them refer to you as a farang that they are adding a few choice adjectives as well. Have you heard them say Kwai Falang?

Try learning their names and respective age/relationship titles and every time you see them, give them a wai, say Hello in Thai, followed by their title/name, and a "how are you". I assume after 5 minutes years living here that you know those simple phrases? They will get the message that you have suddenly discovered how to show respect to them, and you're guaranteed to get a sawatdee-krap Kuhn Henlee back in return. Jeez, even if they call you Kuhn Falang it will be an improvement.

[TexasRanger]

I would say they either have no respect for you or they are just bad mannered. Lots of us stay in rural areas and you really do have to speak the lingo or it must be like living in some kind of exile. No one I know (who knows my name) ever calls me the farang, it is always Na.... or Pa.....

[Eesat]

If the family is still referring to OP as "the foreigner" after being with their daughter for 5 years, it may be time to move on.

Yes, but how would he convey to them that they should move?

A map of Thailand and a pin with some masking tape on it saying 'Falang'?

[transam]

If one is called farang by ''all'' then you are perceived by ''all'' as the ATM for the family. Sorry.

[mickjn]

Henry is a nice name.I think most of the family just dont like you

[Tim207]

If I was back in the USA and had a daughter with a foreign boyfriend who didnt even attempt to speak English I may lose some respect for him as well.

Ditto.

Yeah but you'd still call him his NAME as soon as you knew his name. Right?!?

Actually I recently noticed that I refer to my SIL's husband as "your husband" when I speak with her. It isn't intentional disrespect but I don't like him and using his name doesn't feel right.

I also agree that I wouldn't, and don't, think much of someone coming to my country for extended periods and not attempting to learn to communicate in my language.

[bangkokburning]

6 posts but Ill bite...

I let my now wife (then gf) know after my first visit to her parents and family that I do not wish to be referred to as "farang".

Simple people they are yet not once prior to marriage nor a year after (3+) years I have never been referred to as - farang.

You are right to be angry. In fact, Id tell your gf if they cant get it straight, you are gone.

For me, its not that farang per se is insulting its more like - him, that man, other, alien. The beast for which no civil person shall utter thy name.

My wife's friends are pretty hip, they would never tefer to me as such.

Dont worry about being close, distance is a blessing.

[simon43]

Here's a quick and easy test to see if they disrespect you. Watch what family members do when they walk past you. Do they bow their head a little, just a little bob of the head?

I don't know what other TV members feel about this, but it is Thai culture to stoop your head a little when you walk past someone that you respect. (Please don't call <deleted> on what I say - I've lived in Thailand for 11 years, studied Thai culture at MA level etc etc blah balh balh).

Whenever any family member walks past me, they bob their head. It's an automatic response. I've never demanded it - it just happens, from wife to ex-wife to kids to brother-in-law etc etc.

It's probably because I am so old when compared to them

But for the OP - do any Thai family members bob their head when they walk past you?

Simon

PS - and look out for the word 'man' when they are talking about you. Man (I can't write in Thai on this Burmese keyboard), means 'it', a not-nice way to refer to a person that you disrespect.

There are other Thai words such as 'ai', but I won't go there.....

Edited April 22, 2013 by simon43

[BookMan]

Just refer to everyone as khon Thai.

Classic

[jbrain]

It's not so bad Henry, I'm called the <deleted>.

They must know you pretty well.

[yourauntbob]

If I was back in the USA and had a daughter with a foreign boyfriend who didnt even attempt to speak English I may lose some respect for him as well.

Ditto.

Yeah but you'd still call him his NAME as soon as you knew his name. Right?!?

Yea, I would certainly use his name. My post starts by saying its disrespectful. I am not condoning their actions, rather simply trying to show the other side of the coin. He should make an effort as well.

[yourauntbob]

Just refer to everyone as khon Thai.

Classic

Or you could refer to them as "sap-a-roat." (pineapple)

[transam]

Just refer to everyone as khon Thai.

Classic

A Classic Thai dance, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, don't know about that. It might be a belly dance, not good for me. ...............

[mrtoad]

It is disrespectful, particularly as they know you or are family. Certainly all the Thais that I know refer to me by my name, well certainly when I am around. They are also very respectful and polite, and I do my bet to reciprocate. Maybe I am lucky, but I would certainly be pissed off if I was being called Farang by people who know my name.

[bangkokburning]

Ive gone back and forth with the language thing. My Thai was actually much better before I met my wife. Now days Im in BKK with her, I dont get out and about like I used to in so many ways.

Then we have my wife's insatiable international travel habit, which I have encouraged her to learn English. Especially so when traveling in states she wont feel so foreign. Meeting my parents first time was a bit iffy. Next year meeting my entire family her English was quite good!

Next, we take lots of trips and she likes communicating and befriending foreigners. In the three years plus together we have made some good friends and invited to places like Oz, Nz, Korea and Italy. Her trips have put her in a different league than the average drone at work, she has exchanges with two high level execs who lived in US. Its slowly leading to a promotion. Not the English, but the door English and travel opened (well, me) .

Now she is trying to excercise her writing skills a bit. She writes in English now on FB often, nagging me constantly about how to spell this and that.

Many of her friends speak limited English, some a great deal and some still live or have lived abroad.

Finally, I have a friend in China bailing out after 12 yrs. Hes fluent amd I mean jaw droppingly so. Reads equally well. Had enough, back to Canada. Told him he will really wow his date ordering in a Chinese restaurant cause thats all that study will be good for now.

I do need to get on the stick and get my language skills up.to speed but the longer I stay I realize there is no one to have a real intellectual discussion with, not farang, not Thai. My wifes family are simple folk, Thai are simple folk.

There is nowhere I csnnot go or almost nothing I cannot obtain with what I know know but I do need to really get my vocabulary back.

Its only important that you can communicate with your SO no matter what language you do it in. After thst, no one rlse matters if you are willing to put up with your own shortcomings.

[Riverman63]

My Thai gf lives here in the UK and I've noticed that she and her friends will refer to people as the man or the baby, or friend without mentioning their name. Gf will say, going to my friends house without saying which one till I ask. If I call her by her name instead of love etc, she repeats mine back pointedly as if I'm making some point.

Maybe it's a cultural thing?

[HeavyDrinker]

You should learn how to fart in words. Then when they call you 'farang', if you then fart 'far-ang' back at them every time, they soon stop.

It is especially cool if you can hit a high squeaky note on the first syllable, then drop to a startling bass rumble for the second.

Never fails.

Just a thought.

[Riverman63]

This might not help but I asked my gf when we first started going out what farang actually meant, she replied- big nose, white skin, not in bad way, many Thai people like and would like to look that way.

Swing and roundabouts then

[bangkokburning]

If I was back in the USA and had a daughter with a foreign boyfriend who didnt even attempt to speak English I may lose some respect for him as well.

Ditto.

Yeah but you'd still call him his NAME as soon as you knew his name. Right?!?

Yea, I wld certainly use his name. My post starts by saying its disrespectful. I am not condoning their actions, rather simply trying to show the other side of the coin. He should make an effort as well.

This at its core is a very valid point but life is more complicated than that.

English is the worlds lingua franca. How many billions speak English.

Thai. Its tedious, complcated, arcane and a dinosaur of a language. How many speak Thai, perhaps 80m max. Thais know its not an easy language as well.

Thais would be well served at the very least to follow Malay, Indonesian, Tagalog and Vietnamese and at least convert to western alphabet.

In the end it is a dying language. Cant deny that.

My sister in law is married to a Burmese guy (hah 2 farangs!). Family often jokes about how shixxy his Thai is as well. Cop pulled him over once, he pretended to be a mute (yeah, hes "overstay" ☺ )

[Eesat]

Here's a quick and easy test to see if they disrespect you. Watch what family members do when they walk past you. Do they bow their head a little, just a little bob of the head?

I don't know what other TV members feel about this, but it is Thai culture to stoop your head a little when you walk past someone that you respect. (Please don't call <deleted> on what I say - I've lived in Thailand for 11 years, studied Thai culture at MA level etc etc blah balh balh).

Whenever any family member walks past me, they bob their head. It's an automatic response. I've never demanded it - it just happens, from wife to ex-wife to kids to brother-in-law etc etc.

It's probably because I am so old when compared to them

But for the OP - do any Thai family members bob their head when they walk past you?

Simon

PS - and look out for the word 'man' when they are talking about you. Man (I can't write in Thai on this Burmese keyboard), means 'it', a not-nice way to refer to a person that you disrespect.

There are other Thai words such as 'ai', but I won't go there.....

This is a Thai custom known as 'Ducking the horns of the kwai'!

[ongchart]

Maybe the only time they bring up "farang" is when they're saying "Why can't that idiot farang learn to speak even some modicum of Thai after being in Thailand for 5+ freakin years??"

I have been here 7 years and dont speak thai and have a thai wife family and none of them refer to me as farang they use my name when they are talking about me to each other so I think the OP's family is being disrespectful to him.

As for those that will say after 7 years I should speak Thai maybe so Im just not good at languages I can get by in thai but don't speak fluently and probably never will and my family are ok with that its not an issue.

The difference between you and the OP is you try to speak their language. Thais appreciate foreigners who make an effort to speak to them in Thai.