Some Thoughts On Commitment To Your Partner

[skoperism]

Hi Guys, I just have some thoughts that I would like the infinite knowledge to comment on.

I am only a young guy, 23 in fact. I have had one Thai girlfriend in Sydney., We both had a good relationship together. Now as I am younger I seem to have an inner inclination pushing me to find out about other girls. The main reason I broke up with my previous TG was because I went traveling to Thailand for a couple of months and wanted to have some freedom, and if anything happened there I did not want to hurt her.

I am slightly worried that this view and curiosity in meeting other girls won’t go away with age. I would guess the average age of members here would be a fair bit older than me. That’s why I am asking your advice.

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

3. If you have had one ore more divorcé what do you think was the major problem that caused this divorce? Could it be avoided? What advice would you give to a young guy about having a successful relationship?

Now don’t get me wrong I am a guy who wants to have morals and I never want to cheat or be much of a “butterfly” but I am just interested in comments on these topics.

[Totster]

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

I love her.. end of story !

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

Commitment is quite easy if you are the type... temptation is what masturbation is for !

3. If you have had one ore more divorcé what do you think was the major problem that caused this divorce? Could it be avoided? What advice would you give to a young guy about having a successful relationship?

i've never been divorced so I can't comment..

From reading your post it seems your current relationship may be doomed !

totster

[GU22]

Only one comment to make.

If you are having these thoughts and doubts then you have not yet met the right person.

[gburns57au]

It is obvious you arent ready to settle down yet....you may as well play the field

When the time is right for you and you find the girl that you can remain faithful to, that you want to spend your life with...then you will know...

Does the urge to have flings with other girls ever go away....YES....it is called senility....

[terdsak_12]

The grass is always greener mate, sow your seeds, wrap up and enjoy!!!

[seonai]

I always wonder what "LOVE" is - now I think that when you really LOVE someone...... you don't want anyone else and all those desires go away. You can still LOOK at another but you would never hurt your partner so you don't touch. Good Luck OP.

Seonai

[Totster]

I always wonder what "LOVE" is - now I think that when you really LOVE someone...... you don't want anyone else and all those desires go away. You can still LOOK at another but you would never hurt your partner so you don't touch. Good Luck OP.

Seonai

Excellent post Seonai... I thought I would never feel this way about someone.. but i do.. now I know

totster

[expatgaz]

Part of growing up mate.Enjoy it, don't take it to seriously.

EPG

[jdinasia]

Anyone care to comment on the prevalence of extra-marital affairs?

[wolf5370]

Anyone care to comment on the prevalence of extra-marital affairs?

Yep, commited by people who either married the wrong person, too soon or are not the type to marry at all.

I love my wife of 8 years (so far) and don't dream of doing the dirty.

I have an ex-wife who I married for honour rather than love - we never settled down with each other and we tolerated each other - as soon as I had an excuse I divorced her (she strayed, I didn't but only because it is part of my honour code, not because I didn't want to). I never felt the attachment then that I do now, I never truley believed that she would be the only woman from then on I'd be with - now I do and welcome it. I was too young (not ready) AND she was not the right choice.

PS We were only married 3 years (and half of that was the divorce!).

[fanta rood]

Maybe having a wife or some kind of permanent relationship just isn't something for you. Thats ok! Nothing wrong with that!

There are probally alot of men out there that never married or even had a girlfriend though their reasons might be different then yours. I think its either your thing or not.

[TRIPxCORE]

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

The main reason I made the commitment to my wife was because I fell in love with her, I knew she was exactly the type of woman I wanted to marry and didnt want to let her get away from me. I was only 24 when I got married. I had lots and lots of fun with different women before I got married. Was it enough? I don't know. How can you ever know that?

Whether you are married or not, you will always have temptation towards another woman. Its just natural. When a man sees a woman he is attracted to, which is really about everyday, he wants to get with her. Now the test is when this happens, if you are in a commited relationship at that time, if you are able to stop yourself or not. If you can stop yourself, I guess you were ready to be married. If not, then dont get married.

Since I have been married there has been many, many episodes of temptation. I came very, very close only one time to cheating but never went through with it. It was very difficult to pass up because I had real feeling for the lady too. Alas, I never did it. How everyman deals with this is up to them. Only thing we all have in common is that it will never be easy. Carnal desire is a very difficult opponent to battle with.

[britmaveric]

Love is the answer. Everyone has doubts, but perhaps you aren't ready for a committed relationship yet? Nothing wrong with being single, up to you decide if risk of losing what you have is worth being single.

[OZONE]

at 23 I think you're just too young to settle down. Go have fun until you're 30 than worry about it.

[Super Villian]

I know what your talking about bro, i use to be exactly like you.. i had never really been in love or even wanted to for that matter. I enjoyed getting wasted with the lads every week.. you know, trying to shag a new girl every other week but since i meet my girlfriend i found that she changed me. She opened my eyes to things i had never thought of... and now im done with trying to have sex with every pretty eyed girl i see. Sure i like to look but i've grown up so much since i met her.

Sometimes you just know when you have met the right girl. And sometimes you dont

[mikeybee]

In my own life i also asked this question to myself then stepped back and thought idiot,just say to yourself well i'am only young once,mess around while your young and see a few thing's and place's and when you decide your brain kick's into gear grow up and settle down. simple.

life's to short to worry just go with the flow and enjoy it.

[siamesekitty]

If you can't commit, let her know and let her go.

[thaibebop]

Hi Guys, I just have some thoughts that I would like the infinite knowledge to comment on.

I am only a young guy, 23 in fact. I have had one Thai girlfriend in Sydney., We both had a good relationship together. Now as I am younger I seem to have an inner inclination pushing me to find out about other girls. The main reason I broke up with my previous TG was because I went traveling to Thailand for a couple of months and wanted to have some freedom, and if anything happened there I did not want to hurt her.

I am slightly worried that this view and curiosity in meeting other girls won’t go away with age. I would guess the average age of members here would be a fair bit older than me. That’s why I am asking your advice.

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

3. If you have had one ore more divorcé what do you think was the major problem that caused this divorce? Could it be avoided? What advice would you give to a young guy about having a successful relationship?

Now don’t get me wrong I am a guy who wants to have morals and I never want to cheat or be much of a “butterfly” but I am just interested in comments on these topics.

Don't worry, age will take the shine outta the glitter for ya. Other things will become more important, like not wanting to live and die alone. At 23 if you don't feel like settling down don't, but don't lie and hurt those you love over empty affairs.

[Mighty Mouse]

You are suffering from the kid in the lolly shop syndrome. You just gotta suck each one on display to savour the taste.

Keep in mind that whilst each girl is only a play thing to you, one girl may regard you more seriously.........

........so seriously in fact, that she just may have a few ducks that need feeding.....if you know what I mean.

[BKK90210]

I got married very young - when I was 21 and he was 23 while studying together at the same university. I don’t know if we both know what love is at that time, all we ever wanted is to be together everyday and every moment doing many things together… not just sex.

At that times we’re just like 2 peas in a pod, love sick fools, couldn’t take another breath without each other by our side ….blah …blah…blah… There were many temptations during those years of course….so many young intelligent, pretty girls and handsome boys all over campus…..but we’re so committed and respect each other so much , so nothing can temped us away from each other. Sexual urge and fantasy are very normal for many of us youngs but there must also be some other and greater reasons that bonded the couple together. Each couple will have to find their own reasons as for why it’s best to be together, or not together.

If just for sex only we would have got divorced a long time ago, too many sexual encounters to remember – it’s getting too old for both of us - not still currently happily married for 20 yrs so far.

We’re not in this married as just a man and a women, but as the very best of friend to each other. We would laugh and cry together and when some moment in life thing didn’t work out as planed we still be together and giving each other encouragement and wills to go on…. Married and commitment to each other is not just about the happy times but sad times also. For better or worse you should be by each other side.

If there’s ever some doubt in your head and heart,….then you’re not ready to be in serious relationship.....and it's ok too. But if you have some respect to your partner then let that person know as soon as possible, so she can move on with her life while you’re moving on with yours. It’s only the fair thing to do.

[markuk]

Hi Guys, I just have some thoughts that I would like the infinite knowledge to comment on.

I am only a young guy, 23 in fact. I have had one Thai girlfriend in Sydney., We both had a good relationship together. Now as I am younger I seem to have an inner inclination pushing me to find out about other girls. The main reason I broke up with my previous TG was because I went traveling to Thailand for a couple of months and wanted to have some freedom, and if anything happened there I did not want to hurt her.

I am slightly worried that this view and curiosity in meeting other girls won’t go away with age. I would guess the average age of members here would be a fair bit older than me. That’s why I am asking your advice.

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

3. If you have had one ore more divorcé what do you think was the major problem that caused this divorce? Could it be avoided? What advice would you give to a young guy about having a successful relationship?

Now don’t get me wrong I am a guy who wants to have morals and I never want to cheat or be much of a “butterfly” but I am just interested in comments on these topics.

very interesting post, i am a 31 year old guy on second marriage to an Asian (non Thai).

1) Why did i make commitment to first wife - cos i believed that she was the best i would meet - subsequent divorce proved me wrong but theres no hard feelings. Why did i make commitment to second wife - i genuinely believe that she is the best thing that will ever happen to me, we now have child too which makes the bond stronger.

2) Living in Thailand i find it incredibly difficult to remain committed - maybe i am slightly weak and have been tempted on many many occasions however do not follow through, this has caused me huge moral dilemas and in one particular case i have felt very bad towards the way i handled a particular Thai girl who i believe would make a fantastic partner. However you cant have it all ways!

3) I really do not want another divorce as such i am committed to the relationship that i have and our child - the grass is always greener on the other side and if i was to have another divorce then it would be down to the breakdown of the marriage - i would not make a decision to divorce for another woman , i dont think that is the right or good enough reason and will leave you with problems later.

Succesful relationships are very difficult in my opinion, you must share the same interests or you end up living seperate lives. Only you yourself will know when its the right person. That said if you are married and really unhappy then do not prolong the decision to split, staying together for the wrong reasons causes bigger problems.

Guys just my opinions and thoughts on the matter hope that it helps.

[bwana1952]

l l eft my country of origin ( Oztralia ) after looking for a partner for 20 years and finding only one thing out for certain, that the women l met had no idea what they were looking for. Most were bitter and committed to remaking the same sort of mistakes that had caused their unhappiness in the first place. Good luck to them, l wasn't going down that same road.

l came here looking for a partner, because on my first rip here nearly 30 years ago, l was knocked out by the charm and grace of Thai women. Remembering that brought me back. Yet l knew that l still wasn't ready to settle down, or maybe l was just not looking in the right places.

After 10 years l had all but given up looking and had pretty much drawn the conclusion that l was probably going to remain on my own forever. Such was not to be. As happens so often, when l had stopped looking, l met someone quite by chance, things fell into place and 3 months later l proposed. Since then l have made 2 promises. One, l will never knowingly hurt this woman. Two, l won't be the one to finish this relationship, l am committed to it, for better or worse.

Within a year l was so dependent on her, l wondered how l had lived without her. Within another year, l knew that l would be lost without her. After the third year, l find the magic gone. No one's fault, we have problems dragging on both of us beyond our control, but l now feel l have no support from her. The concept of love ? Still as alien as ever.

[Gary A]

I too was single for MANY years. I moved to Thailand and had a number of live in girlfriends. I hate to live alone. I met one lady and we became good friends. She wouldn't go out with me or any of my friends but she always told my friends that I was her boyfriend. I thought it was just a defensive move on her part. After my last live in left I told this lady friend that I was going to look for a new live in but not a wife because that love thing had always eluded me and I didn't think it existed. Shortly after that we did end up going out and she ended up in my bed. It simply felt natural and we haven't been apart since. She is now my wife. I still can't explain it but I have no desire for another woman. Other married guys had told me they wanted no one except their wives and I was SURE they were either hen pecked or were liars. We never had a hot steamy torrid romance. It was just an easy natural thing that has just gotten better. I'm happy and content.

[sadman]

1 What was the main reason/factor you decided to make a commitment to your wife’s / GF’s? Is it ever really possible to justify you have found the best partner you are ever going to meet?

I fell in love. I can't justify/explain love - it just happens. I'm not going to get all soppy, but she is the epitome of evrything I have ever wanted in a woman. We didn't meet until we were in our 40s, so we've been around the block a few times. That made it easier to know we had never felt quite like this before. As a 20 year-old, I didn't really know - although some people do.

2. As you are living in Thailand and you are probably have a strong attraction to Thai girls, Is it hard to remain committed to your wifes / gfs. Do you often feel tempted towards others? I know when I am roaming around Bangkok just say in MBK, I cant help looking round and feeling like a kid in a candy store.

I have no greater attraction to Thai girls than any other pretty woman (my fiancee is British, BTW). There is nothing wrong with finding them attractive - just acting on it. It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home. Anyway, as Paul Newman famously said, "why go out for a burger when you have steak at home".

3. If you have had one ore more divorcé what do you think was the major problem that caused this divorce? Could it be avoided? What advice would you give to a young guy about having a successful relationship?

My divorce was caused by a number of factors, none of them involving infidelity. Too much time spent at work, focusing on a career meant we grew apart and after 21 years found we had nothing in common. No regrets, though - I have 2 wonderful children from that marriage, so how can I not be happy? The only advice I would deign to offer is to get your work/life balance right.

[Maigo6]

I was first married at 18, I've been married 3 times, have 6 children in 3 different countries by 5 different women.

Yep, relationships are hard to maintain for some people.

[Mobi]

A fairly common phenomenon, which I don't think has been mentioned, is that many men and women have a masochistic tendency to choose the wrong partners, (ie partners who are not compatable) and which means the relationships will end in tears.

I personally have always had predisposition to do this - I've always been attracted to beautiful but very feisty, demanding control freaks, and rejected the more passive and loyal women who would probably have made excellent partners but could not trigger my 'love strings'. I used to believe that love conquers all, and that we would be able to rise above our daily fights and have a happy marriage. Now I know better

So I'm now 59 and have had 6 marriages in 4 different continents, and God knows how many long term relationships that have all turned bad in the end. (It looks like we may have something in common Maigo )

Although my current wife of 2 years is (a) beautiful, ( feisty, I have managed to keep her controlling tendencies within limits. We have had a tempestous 2 years, but things are slowly getting better, especailly since I gave up the booze for good. I really think this one might last,and I am extremely fond of her. Do I love her? At the start I was crazy about her, now I'm not too sure to be honest. I'm very fond of her and we are truly happy together, and maybe that is as good as its going to get for me at this stage of my life. But if it doesn't last , it's the last one, for sure.

Edited March 21, 2006 by Mobi D'Ark

[warriors]

Some very good and honest posts here. I now feel much better about myself I thought I was the only one that felt like this. You older guys seem to know the ropes and look at life with more open eyes. I am 59 next month and my first full year is comming up living in BANGKOK.

With some of your comments still deep in my brain I will go forward into my 2nd year with more relaxation in my heart. I have been devorced for nearly 6 years and still not sure if I am on the right track.

Thanks to all your posts.

[Maigo6]

But if it doesn't last , it's the last one, for sure.

I bet you said that after number 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 as well.

[angie]

It is so nice to see you guy's talking from the heart.

I have been with my Husband for 17 years and we have a 12 year old son. (Both from UK)

I had no hessitation or doubt at accepting to move here 3 years ago with my husband and son.

I have never been worried about infidelity in our marriage whatsoever, and still feel the same now.

A marriage is a commitment but not a prison sentence, the way we are together has not changed one bit since living here, infact it's got better.

He is my husband, friend, the love of my life, the father of my son, and most of all my SOUL MATE!

It will hit you like a ton of bricks when you find the right one.

Just my two pennies worth!!

angie

[markuk]

It will hit you like a ton of bricks when you find the right one.

angie

and she will take a ton of cash if she's not!!!

(sorry had too!!!!)