Thai Weddings

[seonai]

What sort of ########er is Jim50 eh? Sorry I can't believe his drivel.

[seonai]

Kerrie over here the girl meets the guy quite young - 16 - and the marriage takes place before any physical contact. 2-3 goats killed in the morning then a long session with the Immam about the rules of marriage. The man then has to pay a dowry in front of everyone. Later it's food - goat curry and knom chin. The couple must stay present all day to greet guests. No music, no alcohol.

[Donz]

Kerrie over here the girl meets the guy quite young - 16 - and the marriage takes place before any physical contact. 2-3 goats killed in the morning then a long session with the Immam about the rules of marriage. The man then has to pay a dowry in front of everyone. Later it's food - goat curry and knom chin. The couple must stay present all day to greet guests. No music, no alcohol.

whats a Immam??

No goats will be killed at my marriage plus there will be definately be booze and music there.

[seonai]

The Immam is the Muslim religious leader Donz.

[phibunmike]

Kerrie over here the girl meets the guy quite young - 16 - and the marriage takes place before any physical contact. 2-3 goats killed in the morning then a long session with the Immam about the rules of marriage. The man then has to pay a dowry in front of everyone. Later it's food - goat curry and knom chin. The couple must stay present all day to greet guests. No music, no alcohol.

whats a Immam??

No goats will be killed at my marriage plus there will be definately be booze and music there.

Donz, a tip for the booze purchasing - put the missus or Thai family in charge - I could not believe the number of cases of whiskey consumed at our wedding - and whereas I was really worried there wasn't enough beer, there was loads left over...

I would definitely have got it all wrong

[Donz]

Ill get as much booze as i can, the father in-law is paying for everything

[gburns57au]

Just from my own experience...

The night before a party was held....most of the village attended....earlier two pigs were killed to provide the food....one was bought by her brother and the other by my friend....

Wedding day.....She left at 4am to get her hair done and dressed up in traditional Thai style. I got up at 6am and was taken to another house to prepare.....about 7am I was escorted down to her house with an umbrella held over my head and a couple of guys beating drums.....the ceremony was conducted by seven monks...it took over two hours. I had a translator, she had an assistant which was her young cousin. Before the ceremony I gave her 3 ciggies and I was given 3 X10 baht notes...During the ceremony I had to give her two of the notes in return for the ciggies...this was to show that she would supply and I would provide.....After the ceremony we together had to take food from the table and put some in each of the monks bowls....the others followed us in doing the same. everyone then had a feed.

After that I was led to the steps of the house....I stood on banana leaves while the younger sister washed my feet...she got the last 10 baht note...we went up to the house and the kamnan then held a ceremony over our bed....two candles were placed at the head of the bed...it was then time to party again...but this was more for me and my farang guests...the locals went back to what ever they had to do.

That night we went to bed and in I jumped....ooops...wrong thing....we had to do a little prayer thing and light the two candles...before spending the first night as Husband and wife.

On the trip prior to this we had a little ceremony again with the Kamnan in attendance and overseen by the Phu Yaai Baan...where a small donation was made to the family and almost a mini marriage took place. This was only attended by close friends and family...very similar to the above but much more family orientated....this ceremony allowed to us to live in the same house...her parents place...and live as a couple without her or her family losing face. By this I do mean it allowed us to sleep together under their roof. And this was the first time we had slept together.

This was in a village in Buriram in 1994....

[khall64au]

Thanks to all for your excellent contributions and tales. I never realised there was so much involved and so many variations on Thai weddings. It's all such interesting stuff. As I said in the thread title, it's not me getting married - I am actually researching to write a magazine article on traditional Thai weddings and foreign couples choosing to marry with a traditional Thai ceremony.

You have all been very helpful, most appreciated.

Cheers again!

[phibunmike]

On the trip prior to this we had a little ceremony again with the Kamnan in attendance and overseen by the Phu Yaai Baan...where a small donation was made to the family and almost a mini marriage took place. This was only attended by close friends and family...very similar to the above but much more family orientated....this ceremony allowed to us to live in the same house...her parents place...and live as a couple without her or her family losing face. By this I do mean it allowed us to sleep together under their roof. And this was the first time we had slept together.

Yes ! That reminds me - as a precursor to the engagement ceremony (which we did a year before the wedding) we had a ceremony like that, but where we apologised to the ancestors for sleeping together before we were married. A terrific deal, because once that was done it was carte blanche thereafter until the actual wedding

In both the wedding and the engagement it seems that the "tam piti" part with the monks is actually a slightly separate event, and I think optional - it is not actually part of the main ceremony - but I may have misunderstood this

I was also standing on leaves while my feet were washed - the funny thing was that at the start of the day I wore socks and smart shoes, but I soon gave up the shoes and used flip-flops - but still had the socks on (I was in a hurry). So when it came to the foot washing part, it was more like a walk-through laundry, as my socks were washed whilst still on my feet

[sriracha john]

As I said in the thread title, it's not me getting married - I am actually researching to write a magazine article on traditional Thai weddings and foreign couples choosing to marry with a traditional Thai ceremony.

Which is what prompted Post #4, as reciprocal remuneration only seems fair, yes?

[RamdomChances]

except haven't ever seen the big wooden cock ohmy.gif (do you mean rooster?) or the red bed

Ah no not a rooster, the phalic kind, usually with a couple of strategicaly placed coconuts seen simular in some Issan weddings as well as here. I forgot about the pouring of water and string tieing, important part that.

[phibunmike]

except haven't ever seen the big wooden cock ohmy.gif (do you mean rooster?) or the red bed

Ah no not a rooster, the phalic kind, usually with a couple of strategicaly placed coconuts seen simular in some Issan weddings as well as here. I forgot about the pouring of water and string tieing, important part that.

- and both holding eggs and rice ....

[khall64au]

As I said in the thread title, it's not me getting married - I am actually researching to write a magazine article on traditional Thai weddings and foreign couples choosing to marry with a traditional Thai ceremony.

Which is what prompted Post #4, as reciprocal remuneration only seems fair, yes?

If you had anything constructive to say I would happily buy you a beer next time you're on Phuket.

[sriracha john]

As I said in the thread title, it's not me getting married - I am actually researching to write a magazine article on traditional Thai weddings and foreign couples choosing to marry with a traditional Thai ceremony.

Which is what prompted Post #4, as reciprocal remuneration only seems fair, yes?

If you had anything constructive to say I would happily buy you a beer next time you're on Phuket.

that's more like it..

[bina]

khall,

just to add to the confusion:

the marriage ceremonies w/the khamman pu yai baan monks etc are meaning u are married according to the community, but legally u are not married until you register w/all the documents etc...

50% of the guys here are married but not registered as married, so divorce/separation proceedings are very simple: the wife takes kids and goes to live w/mom, or variations on the theme. i have a friend who officially go married (registered) his brother's wife, (the brother and his wife were married by community only) so my friend could get a work visa to america. he had to prove he was providing for a family... the registeration of marriage means nothing to him or anyone else in the community.... the community acknowledgement does. (this is issaan people i know)

an other thing: my boyfriend, the minute we decided to commit to eachother, called his mother to announce he has a wife, she sent a 1 baht necklace (buried in ground hot peppers so it wouldnt be stolen in themail) as the 'marriage' present (no sin sot for me, i've three kids etc etc)... and now when she calls, she asks how the 'wife' is doing etc... as far as his family is concerned, we are married!! this is within three months of knowing each other:

we did our own 'sabaan' (vow) w/candles/water/flowers etc w/ an elder brother as the blesser (like elder folks will 'bless' younger people and that is that....

an other friend married a girl of 15!! divorced a year later cause mom refused to let him sleep w/wife

a friend who had a previously married girl + daughter from the south; the khmer family refused to recognize her, he was forced (family pressure) to marry a local buriram girl (virgin) whom he had never met until a month prior to wedding

lots of local variations, modern/traditional, cultural expectations

edit:grammar

Edited March 23, 2006 by bina

[sbk]

This is true here as well bina. My in-laws didn't get legally married until their oldest son was about 40! and brother-in-law, altho he had a big wedding, didn't get legally married to his wife until their oldest son was about 17.

Very common here as well, a paper is just a paper after all, but it is how the community views you that matters. And what matters is the wedding.

My husband and I, although legally married, did not have a wedding (could not handle 1200 people all coming to see me) and many people assumed we were not married, even after I had been here more than 8 years!

[BKK90210]

just to add to the confusion:

.....a friend who had a previously married girl + daughter from the south; the khmer family refused to recognize her, he was forced (family pressure) to marry a local buriram girl (virgin) whom he had never met until a month prior to wedding

lots of local variations, modern/traditional, cultural expectations

Actually this reminded me of something among my friends in BKK. Many of them are thai-chinese and some of their parents wouldn't accept any guys/or girls from issaan region dating their kids at all unless that person has some chinese blood in him/her. Sad sad indeed....but the cultural expectations among thai-chinese runs high in some families here.