From The Dole To Teaching English In Thailand (Pt. 1)

[twofacedsmiler]

I have only been in Thailand for about 1 year now but
I think I can state with some certainty that I will be staying. On this very
day last year I would have got up to the sound of teenagers shouting abuse to
pensioners on the street below. Pensioners who were hobbling along to go and collect
their fortnightly giro checks from the local post office, with the fear of God
inside them, praying that they would not be mugged or worse beaten up by the
local youths.

My daily routine on dole day was short and swift. I
would have brushed my teeth thoroughly. Bad breath would draw attention to the
woman behind the desk who would ultimately decide if I had been mooching off
the Government for long enough. I would brush my hair with a camp side parting
using Brylcreem on these specific days as I felt it made me look more honest
and I would definitely wear my glasses to help me look less threatening and
hence less likely to be picked out for further questioning i.e. ‘What have you
been doing to look for work? Have you got evidence? Can you give me the names
of the companies and people you have spoken to?’

In the dole line would be people from all walks of
life, immigrants wearing brightly coloured attire, drug dealers making deals
openly on their 500 pound mobile phones, drug users with the shakes, nervous students,
feisty single mothers complaining about
the unfairness of the system, quiet depressed bankers or doctors who had lost
their jobs because they had had a nervous breakdown. All of us wanted one thing
at this unsociable watering hole ....our money.

I never did all that well at school in fact after my
GCSE’s in which I only received one grade C and the rest were well below
average scores, I went on to college to study how to make walls which were
straight and wouldn’t fall over. This however, was a complete bore and the
people on my course were lazy weed heads like me so, we would go to the local
park on a daily basis to get high and kick down walls, which had probably been
erected by previous graduates or to graffiti misspelled abuse on them with the ultimate
intention to be lucky enough to see a pensioner to harvest.

One cold idle afternoon, my weed buddy started what I
at the time thought to be a cannabis induced conversation which, seemed to have
direction but no real factual substance to it, how wrong I would later be.

He spoke slowly whilst looking off into the distance at
a figure of an old man walking his dog or an old man being kicked to the ground
by two men...I can’t truly recall.

’You know if we got enough money together to buy a
plane ticket to Thailand we could become teachers.’

No sooner had
he uttered those words I started to erupt with laughter along with convulsive
coughing. Once I had eventually collected myself he looked at me seriously with
his bloodshot eyes and continued. ‘Yes over there anyone can be a teacher.’

Why do you want to be a teacher? What do you know
about teaching? You hardly went to school yourself? I asked.

Over there as long as you wear a shirt and tie, have a
shaved face, talk softly, smile and put your hands together like this and bow,
he showed me, you will get paid a stupid amount of money and the weed over
there costs next to nothing.

But why do you want to be a teacher in Thailand? I
asked him again not really interested just waiting for him to pass over the
joint.

‘Don’t you see?’ He said pitifully.

‘They don’t care if you can or can’t teach. They don’t
care if you have a criminal record. They don’t care if you didn’t go to school.
All they want is someone who looks like us in their school. The best thing is,
is that the women over there love people who look like us; I mean they really
find us good looking.

As he went on and on and on I began to realise that he
actually believed what he was saying.

I had never travelled to Blackpool let alone gone as
far as the far East but his idea started to become more than banter when Steve
started to come over to my house regularly with his porn films with Thai women
giving sensual massages and more to random western men who were allegedly
English teachers who did not have to pay. It was all too intoxicatingly
enticing.

So after months of weed and alcohol induced
conversations late into the early hours about our desire to leave our rat
infested country and our dreams of having sweaty violent sex with submissive
and grateful women we decided to find jobs to fulfil our dreams.

We were both lucky enough to find jobs working
together on various building sites as labourers
by the day and selling weed to friends and acquaintances in the evening.
Eventually the day came when we had accrued enough money to get a flight to the
land of smiles....

[mamborobert]

Spare me part 2

[uptheos]

Been in Thailand a year...

[hellodolly]

How lucky we are to get you.

Good paying teaching jobs in the deep south.

[mesquite]

OP, recommend you find out what Thaivisa is all about the easy way: Please read more of the forum before posting again.

[eyecatcher]

From an un educated man its quite well written....me thinks this story has been copied and pasted from somewhere.

Been here a year and already writing your autobiography how very confident you are...i bet those pipe dreams you had of Thailand have all turned out to be just that!

[Ulysses G.]

The dole pays better, but Thailand is hotter.

[Rob8891]

What a heap of cr@p. If you really have to write something you could at least make it credible.

[rijb]

Is this a pilot for a TV show?

[Loptr]

The OP has confused TV with Stickman.

[theDukes]

It's a troll and a derogatory representation of teachers (maybe British) in Thailand. The OP has represented himself as the loser and so his point is being missed as he is the protagonist. It's so sad that people have nothing better to do than to put down other people. Even if there is a bit a truth to it. If not then excuse me but I think that could be the only reason why someone who is such a loser would post this for all to see about themselves.

[theDukes]

twofacedsmiler with 1 post. Sure, I'm not right very often but today I can rejoice.

He was a lazy man. Maybe lazier than most. He spent his days smoking weed and drinking (Kahlua, vodka and cream) Caucasians. Today he is teaching English and cavorting with women of the night.

It's almost funny but no one around here has a sense of humor.

[paulchiangmai]

The rat count went down by one when you left.

[maprao]

Please do not rise to the "bait". Let the troll starve!

[alfalfa19]

I agree, it seems to be a cheap shot at English teachers in Thailand, implying that they are all drug users/sellers, losers, uneducated and worthless lumps of dung.

[HeavyDrinker]

The OP has confused TV with Stickman.

The OP IS Stickman...

[LawrenceChee]

I have a low regard for anyone who demeans a job and just wants to coast along...

No matter what the job is ...do it with pride or you are letting yourself down. What a low way to live...i am sorry..I am respectful but I dont like people who coast along a system finding the best ways to demean a honest day's work & living.

[Saan]

At least he is literate which must be a help when teaching English. There are some excellent English teachers in Thailand but also some that have trouble coming to grips with their mother tongue. Of course the salary paid is not often going to attract qualified teachers to Thailand.

I was invited to a Thai wedding once and being the only non Thai there the host thoughtfully brought me to a table and sat me next to the local English teacher. He was horrified as he couldn't speak a word of English and probably thought he would be exposed. I kept my end up by chatting to him in English, in an effort to save face, in a very one sided conversation.

It is sad for the kids who rarely learn to speak any English even after spending several years in class. So if they can pluck someone like Twofacedsmiler good luck to all concerned.

[craigt3365]

Obviously a troll post. Sorry we didn't catch this quicker.

Topic locked and member warned NOT to post part 2.