My Gf Is Actually Pregnant - Very Bad

[manarak]

In the mean time, normality has been resumed (minus any tantrums) and we are actively seeking a termination on medical grounds (there is history from the first completed pregnancy which I won't go into). She has had a dose of reality and returned to normal, with luck it will stay that way.

Maybe her family just got her back under control - for some time.

Think about it, golden goose.

Edited May 22, 2013 by manarak

[Mike Punter]

Consider having a surgical termination via vacuum method without anaesthetic or any pain killers beyond an aspirin!!!!

Whatever method of abortion she has, there is sure to be some pain involved. Psychological pain will probably exceed physical pain but a degree of physical pain is a given.

You both will feel some pain. Look upon the pain aspect as a good lesson learned.

The important thing at this stage is to get the termination done professionally. Worry about the pain later on.

Working on it - easier said than done, especially on a short timeframe

[Mike Punter]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

I know vacuum method is the norm, and also some people who have had this done in the west (family) and they were given more than an aspirin.

[Mike Punter]

What birth control method, if any, were you using? You may wish to revisit that topic once the issue of the pregnancy is dealt with.

You mention that you have had infrequent intimate relations, so it may be possible for you to determine if there is any likelihood the pregnancy involved you. Like say if you were outside the country during the few weeks when conception occurred.

Obviously the relationship needs some work, assuming you want that to continue. When you say that:

"Our relationship is rocky for some time. It is now mostly just her sitting in a corner chattng on facebook to whoever she chats with, and her yelling at the top of her lungs at me for hours (literally) on end."

it makes me think she is unhappy, or has emerging psychological challenges which may have gone unnoticed previously.

Does she have regular, normal Thai friends? Maybe they can help mend the relationship? Are any of your friends able to help, even if only to listen?

Does she have any interests, hobbies, or could she possibly seek some sort of employment which might help her to become a bit more independent? Sitting around an apartment, day in, day out - quite possibly alone when you are away, can't be healthy?

I think I wrote that it is in all liklihood mine and I do not have reason to doubt that. After termination I won't care to know either.

I think it was some of the friends she made at the condo when we moved to Bangkok who gave her this bizarre ideas of acceptable behaviour! Really, it seems every second asian women in BKK is on the take. My gf does not have the background for this sort of behaviour. If she wanted money, honestly, she could walk out of the apartment with a few million THB value in her handbag without breaking a sweat, never to be seen again. She is trustworthy, trust me on this, weird as that may sound to some of you here, which is why this unhappiness, anger and so forth of the past year has all been worrying and emotionally hard. Even more so her recent behaviour. Maybe its the hormones sent her over the edge and addled her brain. I want my gf from 2 years ago back.

I know that she is unhappy, but I don't really know why or how to fix it (yes I did ask). When she is happy we are happy. When she is not, everyone within 200 metres is unhappy - lol.

After we get the pregnancy sorted I will see what I can do to enrich her life. She has a few ideas, maybe we will try one and see how it pans out.

I will post how it works out. After a termination, I will put some more effort in. I already have 6 years of emotional investment in this, most of which was worth the effort if the kodak moments are to be believed. A bit more from me is essentially "cost" free. I am going to show some faith in her and see if it is returned. If not, it's bye bye Yoshu.

Enough posts I think. Thanks for the support and advice.

[commande]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

I know vacuum method is the norm, and also some people who have had this done in the west (family) and they were given more than an aspirin.

You can ask for whatever painkiller you want, it's Thailand after call - only restrictions I think requiring a doctor prescription are opiates and even then if you wanted them just ask the doctor to make you a prescription and get it filled at the hospital pharmacy..

Edited May 22, 2013 by commande

[Stradavarius37]

Wear a Condom next time.

[Sheryl]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

Vacuum method is considered surgical and is what is referred to by surgical abortion these days. As distinguished from medical abortion (induced miscarriage using medications).

There has never been a time when anything similiar to a c-section was done for this purpose. Prior to vacuum aspiration the usual procedure as dilation & curettage. now long obsolete.

There is a siomple manual type of Va, called MVA -- essentially a plastic straw-like tube attached to a large syringe that is gently aspirated. This is what they do at PDA.

Calling around to hospitals to "find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept" is usually a non-starter. Need to keep in mind that the law is, allowed if it endangers the mental or physical health of the mother as determined by 2 physicians. So there is no blanket answer to such a question. Also I find that Thai hospitals react badly to this sort of inquery and have heard many, many reports of people being told flatly the hospital doesn't do it, even at hospitals where I know they do, at least in some cases. This means that you have to take pot luck and consult a doctor and then ask him privately, with no assurrance of what he may say. (And indeed, his decision will vary with the specifics of the case..if he is willing to do the procedure at all, some aren't.)

[Sheryl]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

I know vacuum method is the norm, and also some people who have had this done in the west (family) and they were given more than an aspirin.

At most, some places may give some tylenol + codeine or equivalent. In my experience -- and I have assisted these procedures countless times -- doesn't really make a difference.

Again, simply not that painful.

[commande]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

Vacuum method is considered surgical and is what is referred to by surgical abortion these days. As distinguished from medical abortion (induced miscarriage using medications).

There has never been a time when anything similiar to a c-section was done for this purpose. Prior to vacuum aspiration the usual procedure as dilation & curettage. now long obsolete.

There is a siomple manual type of Va, called MVA -- essentially a plastic straw-like tube attached to a large syringe that is gently aspirated. This is what they do at PDA.

Calling around to hospitals to "find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept" is usually a non-starter. Need to keep in mind that the law is, allowed if it endangers the mental or physical health of the mother as determined by 2 physicians. So there is no blanket answer to such a question. Also I find that Thai hospitals react badly to this sort of inquery and have heard many, many reports of people being told flatly the hospital doesn't do it, even at hospitals where I know they do, at least in some cases. This means that you have to take pot luck and consult a doctor and then ask him privately, with no assurrance of what he may say. (And indeed, his decision will vary with the specifics of the case..if he is willing to do the procedure at all, some aren't.)

Thank you Sheryl for elaborating and sharing your experience but since my mother is a doctor I will believe more what she has to say than what anyone else here might say. Yes I admit I may have used terminology incorrectly but surgical is generally described as an evasive procedure, you know, using a scalpel, laser, etc. A vacuum or blown aspiration that is none penetrating or cutting generally used as a scrubbing device or to remove a topical substance is not considered to be medically surgery although it is advertised for the common person as a "Surgical Procedure" so that us normal people are not to confused with the lingo.

Yes you can call anyone you want in Thailand and ask a question, unlike the west the people wont generally look at you like your crazy or a demon for wanting an abortion. They will tell you the information and let you go your marry way. Easiest way people get this done is pass an envelope to the doctor and he will accept the case and write up an excuse in the event there is a procedural audit on the hospital. Others can't be bribed, others will show up with fake medical records to justify the process. It's Thailand, money and a smile will get you just about anything - - Interestingly a nice smile, money and the right family name will even get you a medical license here to ....

Edited May 22, 2013 by commande

[Boo]

troll post removed, do not drink & post.

[lomatopo]

I think it was some of the friends she made at the condo when we moved to Bangkok who gave her this bizarre ideas of acceptable behaviour! Really, it seems every second asian women in BKK is on the take. My gf does not have the background for this sort of behaviour. If she wanted money, honestly, she could walk out of the apartment with a few million THB value in her handbag without breaking a sweat, never to be seen again. She is trustworthy, trust me on this, weird as that may sound to some of you here, which is why this unhappiness, anger and so forth of the past year has all been worrying and emotionally hard. Even more so her recent behaviour. Maybe its the hormones sent her over the edge and addled her brain. I want my gf from 2 years ago back.

I have no reason to question your GF's trustworthiness, nor did I write anything which questioned her motivations or her 'background'.

It does sound like the problems with the relationship have been brewing for at least two years - you mention a desire to have your GF from two years ago back - , so it may take a lot of work to get at the root problem(s) and address those.

I hope your GF completely understands that you do not want any (more) children, and that, assuming she is comfortable with that position, some methods of birth control are agreed upon and utilized.

Maybe consider reuniting your GF with her son, and as you clearly are fond of him, the three of you could make a fresh start on a positive note.

[Mike Punter]

For Sale: Condo The Room Sukhumvit 79.

Serious offers entertained.

Should say all there is to say

[manarak]

For Sale: Condo The Room Sukhumvit 79.

Serious offers entertained.

Should say all there is to say

Congratulations for making the right decision.

Don't look back and don't allow feelings of (false) guilt to pull you down. False guilt because you aren't guilty.

Good luck for a fresh start

Edited May 23, 2013 by manarak

[bigbamboo]

This may seem an obvious question but why did she allow herself to get pregnant now if you'd already decided between you not to have a child together?

As an observer looking in my first thought would be it probably isn't yours in which case you can clear yourself with a test later. Second thought of course is entrapment for money but where did she get the idea that she can take you for millions in child support? Sounds like she's been talking with someone who has managed this somehow.

Most importantly try to keep her sweet for as long as possible. It never pays to fight with a Thai kitten who has suddenly turned into a cat.

I wish you luck

[Boo]

post removed referring to the op's gf in a derogatory manner. please mind your manners

[Mike Punter]

@bigbamboo

Without being graphic, it was an accident (they can happen) and I have no reason to believe it is someone else or that she otherwise inseminated herself.

She has talked to a lawyer since all thei started and unsurprisingly he has filled her head with stories of riches awaiting. There is a story, I won't bore you.

Interestingly, it is not possible to enter into a child support agreement before the child has an identity (i.e. born). Further, it requires the mother or father to petition the court for proof of paternity before an agreement can be entered into. So even if I wanted to arrange something now, I can't.

It's been Dr. Jekyl and Ms Hyde here today. But she did put a number on it which I won't repeat.

[David48]

Mike ... firstly ...

You've shared what is an immensely personal experience.

Have had, shall we say, a broad spectrum of replies and contained advices.

You do what you think is best for you ... and I'm sure, by doing that, you will have the support of the majority of the members here.

As for ...

There is a story, I won't bore you

I'm sure that you wouldn't 'bore' us ... quite the contrary.

Maybe a different thread with a link back to this OP.

Cheers

David48

[benalibina]

Mike ... firstly ... You've shared what is an immensely personal experience. Have had, shall we say, a broad spectrum of replies and contained advices. You do what you think is best for you ... and I'm sure, by doing that, you will have the support of the majority of the members here. As for ...

There is a story, I won't bore you

I'm sure that you wouldn't 'bore' us ... quite the contrary. Maybe a different thread with a link back to this OP. Cheers David48

You must be very curious !!

[lomatopo]

But she did put a number on it which I won't repeat.

By the sound of this, your GF seems to have her own exit strategy? I think you would be well advised to get local legal representation, and start formulating strategies for protecting your assets, and negotiating a permanent separation from your GF.

Has the pregnancy been terminated?

[FDog]

Come on Mike, give some details. You're killing me here.

[Mario2008]

She has talked to a lawyer since all thei started and unsurprisingly he has filled her head with stories of riches awaiting. There is a story, I won't bore you.

Interestingly, it is not possible to enter into a child support agreement before the child has an identity (i.e. born). Further, it requires the mother or father to petition the court for proof of paternity before an agreement can be entered into. So even if I wanted to arrange something now, I can't.

No surprise.

You are only meant to support your child, which means it must live and secondly that you are the legal father. if not married to become the legal father a petition must be filled with the court to recognize you ask the legal father. That can either be done by you or your GF.

Child support is normally between 3,000 and 6,000 a month, with both parents sharing the medical and educational cost.

[Sheryl]

Advise to get legal counsel is good.

[heatherm]

I won't be bored. I just read a thread about tortillas. Your story is enthralling.

Sent from my GT-P1010 using Thaivisa Connect App

[Mike Punter]

rotfl, got a link for that? I am a chimichanga man myself, but always open for new culinary experiences!

[puukao]

Sorry, I didn't read every post. I think you said she threatened to KILL you, or you were worried she could KILL you? This is all I need to hear. My "internet advice" is to be very nice to her, now. have the procedure, be a great friend, and always nice. but really, you have to get out. don't get her mad, or more mad when she is in a bad mood. your gut says she will go over the deep end, so, for your own safety, disappear. make something up.....sorry, I have to see sick (family member)...or, even better, must go to resolve business matter to get more money. don't escalate things....relax....act like everything is ok. because her poisoning you will not be a happy result for anyone......or whatever.

most guys have been there. a relationship that, in our gut, is bad. it's a pain to leave, but it's best. you can sell the place from abroad.

life might be chaotic for awhile....but it sure beats the alternative.

good luck

[NCC1701A]

This is so much easier than my divorce in Los Angeles. Consider yourself lucky. It went on for seven years. My forensic accounting bill alone was $43,000! I lost everything and was left $157,000 in debt. 6000 baht, ($200 US) is like nothing. Talk to two attorneys. Don't do anything to piss her off until you know for sure you are the father. If you are, work out a settlement. Maybe like the California Lottery, you can offer her a one time payment of say 3000 baht X 24 months instead of the normal period of time. Her family may go for that because they could buy a scooter or a new ox.

[Jasun]

You said you love her 8 year old from a previous marriage. Surely you'll love this one just as much, or perhaps more if it is yours. It sounds like there's too much emotion at play for anyone to make rationale decisions at the moment. I'd bring it back a gear, roll with the punches, play the perfect boyfriend, have the kid then get a paternity test. Then decide what you want to do.

[EyesWideOpen]

It just seems to me that to a certain extent you are putting the cart before the horse...It really comes to whether or not the baby is yours. You clearly have no financial obligation if it is not your baby. She almost certainly knows who the father is, while you cannot be sure. I would tell her now that you insist upon a paternity test as soon as the baby is born. If it is yours, you can decided how to take care of your responsibility. If it is not yours, tell her her bags will be waiting outside your door and the locks changed. This can help assist her in a decision if the baby is not yours, as she will recognize that no wealth will be headed her way.....

If it is your baby, you now face the unpleasant prospect of having to watch your child being raised by a crazy mother... Some people call this weaponizing the child, as it will be used to extort your endlessly in the future by limiting access. Might be best to simply walk away, as this really looks like a lose lose situation..

[Sheryl]

I agree that things look bleak in terms of how the parenting situation may work out. But both legally and morally (and, for most people, emotionally) he can't "simply walk away" if the child is his.

[EyesWideOpen]

I agree that things look bleak in terms of how the parenting situation may work out. But both legally and morally (and, for most people, emotionally) he can't "simply walk away" if the child is his.

He can walk away, and based upon what he has said about this woman , he should. In the end, life is all about survival. Trying to raise a child with this woman sounds like a really ugly dangerous path to walk down. Be like a Thai man. Just move on, and hope the child has a nice grandmother to raise it.. Then the child just becomes like thousands of other children in Isan.