Breaking Up in Thailand

[richard_smith237]

Half the replies on this thread are incredible... The Op didn't attack or rape the girl, she as an adult entered the relationship willingly. Neither is the lady in question a money grabber loosing her cash-cow as some would suggest.

People place too much emphasis on cultural differences when in reality this is simply a story of a guy breaking up with a girl.

No breakup is easy... Op just do what you have to do. Be as kind as you can... That's really all you can do. Don't over think it...

[Longtooth]

Most likely I'm generalizing too much but here goes.

Western society these days views "living together" sexual relationships as the norm for younger people, and people will have a lot of such before deciding to settle down and get married, usually much later than here.

In upcountry villages a boy simply touching or kissing a girl will usually be considered a violation of her and an offense against her family, punishable by a fine paid by the boy's family to the girls, using a formula based on her sin sot value as opposed to the severity of the transgression. In the case of full sex, consensual or not is irrelevant, the male will owe the full sin sot penalty, and often there will be pressure on both to marry each other, whether they want to or not is irrelevant.

Obviously many more modern urban Thais no longer think this way, but the underlying cultural perceptions and assumptions remain, not that far off from Muslim ideas from our POV.

Therefore most Thais if they even accepted the idea of pre-marital sex, would see such a relationship as a courting process that "should" lead to marriage. By living with her and then breaking it off without a good reason - she hasn't done anything wrong - many Thais would judge that you have "used" or "exploited" her unfairly, taken advantage of her even deceived her.

Unfortunately there really isn't any way to talk your way out of or through this predicament, you need to take a practical POV as to how to get out with your possessions and yourself intact. If you can do so without hurting her further, do your best but do protect yourself, don't expect calm and rational behavior.

And, take it as a compliment.

PS some may interpret this stuff as a scheming scammer trying to use manipulative emotional games and violence to try to get her way, or just being a psycho bitch or whatever. Understand that may well be the case, but it can also simply be a strong reaction to genuine emotions, don't let her behavior at this stage of the relationship cause you to question your view of her back when everything was OK, she may seem like a completely different person now, but the girl you had feelings for is still in there somewhere.

And don't feel too guilty, she'll be fine.

I've lived here 8 years. This is ammo for rest of her life, and the rest of your miserable life, if you stay with her. Say, "Yes, yes, yes." Go back to America or where-ever, change your phone number when you return, go to a different city. Do you want to live with unreasonableness and insanity for the rest of your life? When you return: RENT EVERYTHING! P.S. When you get drunk in some bar and melancholy, DON'T PHONE HER!!! The only genuine emotions are about money..... only!!!!

[bushwacker]

The transparent, boring and predicable nature of this diatribe should be a case study.

1. Why, should you have a gram of respect for this lady, would you think it appropriate sport for a sleaze-bag chat site like this? Bingo - perhaps that says heaps about you and your character and your motivations right up!;

2. Why would anyone compare a relationship with a Thai woman with one in New York? Bingo again! Because the MO of the American who partakes of point 1, is typically to compare everything to the good old US of A and assume that the ethics and culture SHOULD be the same. Now, here's a brain teaser for you - reverse the situation. Go on, try - just for once! Can you see how stupid you look?;

3. Oh, poor you. You came to Thailand because the travel agent told you that it was just like America - especially the education system apparently? Err, or are you just wilful in your ignorance or do you try hard to have a matching bookend for your lack of respect?

4. Gee now, how could a self-respecting woman have hesitated about a man of your obvious good character and calibre? And how dare she be pissed off that she is now ditched given your disenchantment with the Thai education system. Well, bugger me - sorry honey, I'm off - your education system is just not good enough. True love!;

5. Quite frankly, you would never get the impression on this site that a solid Thai-western relationship ever happened. But I'll let you into a little secret, that's because the many that do make it don't end up here seeking contrition, sympathy and the like minded comfort of guys with their guts hanging over their beer bottles is perfect harmony;

6. Look mate, stay in the USA - please! Loads of people think that you're the strange one if you can't work this one out for yourself. Go back and be happy to imaging that the rest of the 5.6 billion people in the world are strange - not you;

7. And of course, out of the teak panelled woodwork come the old fellas with their 'lock up your knives and electronics' comments - brilliant! Good one boys; maybe you picked the wrong pole dancer? Better luck next bar. Maybe you should do an M.Ed. too? Imagine that, a pissed talking horse with a masters degree! Mr Ed (M.Ed).

Welcome, agreed and well said.

[sirchai]

She's just trying to use reverse psychology on you,chuck her like yesterday's cheeseburger wrapper and head on home!

Be careful though as she could turn nasty,maybe better to slip out in the middle of the night?

Or tell her you'll go and buy some cigarettes....

Edited June 20, 2013 by sirchai

[iancnx]

...you owe her nothing......leave no losse ends or connections and get away from that blooddsucker as fast as you can......

....or she will find a way to lie cheat or slander...to ruin your life....and get everything she can from you........

....hiring thugs.....fabricating situations and scenarios.......watch out, buddy.......no joke........

Well it is past midday.... Just..... Time for another Chang? Judging by your post you must be a living hell in your part of Bangkok Dangerous

[rotary]

Dump her. She sounds like a good candidate for a PHD seeing the lack of common sense she has.

[GooEng]

I know several Thai men who play the field with so-called "good girls" with little in the way of drama when they end the relationship.

That's because Thai guys don't typically have relations with Thai girls who are certifiable nutcases. This seems to be the norm with farang guys in Thailand, for whatever reason.

That is completely untrue. While experiencing some of the oddities of separating from Thai gf's in the past I have spoken to Thai male friends about it and been met with knowing nods and comments to the effect of "yes, Thai woman like that", or "yes same happen to me".

It's a major misconception that the behavior and actions some farangs experience at the hands of some Thais is a brand of behavior specifically tuned to Farangs - it's not. They behave exactly the same way Thai-on-Thai.

[David48]

The transparent, boring and predicable nature of this diatribe should be a case study.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

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7.

<lots of snip>

Awesome 1^st post ... ... call me grasshopper ... I have a lot to learn.

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[David48]

Ah, <snip>

Thanks for sharing ...

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[aTomsLife]

The transparent, boring and predicable nature of this diatribe should be a case study.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

<lots of snip>

Awesome 1^st post ... ... call me grasshopper ... I have a lot to learn.

.

I appreciate that before he began his diatribe, he let us know it would be boring and predictable. It saved me from getting my expectations up. However, the bright spot was telling someone (me) to go home in his first post. Outstanding.

But let's just ignore how he, himself, has joined a site he thinks is for sleaze-bags.

Edited June 20, 2013 by aTomsLife

[venturalaw]

Thanks boosta, that was a great reply. We, however, are not living together. She would never go for that.

At present, we are still a couple. She is trying to get me to change schools. She says there are Thai schools of good quality, and that it isn't necessary to work at an international school in order to have a stable work environment. I am considering this option. As you say, she is still the woman I've cared about to this point. Nevertheless, with ASEAN around the corner, and Thailand growing leaps and bounds, an M.Ed would create much needed stability for me, before deciding to start a family here.

"she has accused me of being a typical farang: I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home." "She says I'm just another lying farang."

Obviously she's hurt. When I have heard from friends that they have been similarly verbally assaulted, my recommended response has been:

"It would appear if you really believe that I am typical (of farang) then am I not doing you a favor by leaving you? Certainly you believe you are entitled to so much more from a man than a 'farang' is capable of providing. Therefore perhaps you best limit your romantic pursuits in the future to Thai men."

Edited June 20, 2013 by venturalaw

[Anon999]

Thanks boosta, that was a great reply. We, however, are not living together. She would never go for that.

At present, we are still a couple. She is trying to get me to change schools. She says there are Thai schools of good quality, and that it isn't necessary to work at an international school in order to have a stable work environment. I am considering this option. As you say, she is still the woman I've cared about to this point. Nevertheless, with ASEAN around the corner, and Thailand growing leaps and bounds, an M.Ed would create much needed stability for me, before deciding to start a family here.

What happened to:"I'm a teacher here, and have realized the Thai education system isn't a good fit for me."?

I think you'll find that most schools in Thailand, whatever type, follow the same education system.

As for your original question: I guess it can be many things, but it is probably just that she likes you and doesn't want you to leave her.

Indeed, I have realized the Thai education system isn't a good fit -- what I've experienced of it. She said there are better options. I am considering seeking them before leaving. Admittedly, I am indecisive, hence my OP. If I really knew up from down right now, I wouldn't need to talk it out here. I'm in Central Thailand, all my buddies are either in BKK or CM, so Thai Visa it is.

There is also another option and that is to suggest she studies for her PhD back in your country. That would also carry more weight for her when applying for a job in Thailand after you return.

[David48]

Also I thought this was funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

If you haven't watched this^^^ ... do ...

If you liked that ... have a look at the post ... things-to-know-about-asian-girls

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[boosta]

Wow you guys have been busy! Usual disclaimer about generalizing. . .

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

Although nobody really knows all the details, and we can only surmise what has happened from the OP's version, I tend to agree with Beetlejuice. Western men see things from a westerner's viewpoint of relationships.

It's not the same in Thailand. Proper Thai girls don't sleep with western men unless they think it is a serious relationship. No matter what is said, proper Thai girls take it very seriously when they have sex. It is probably like it was for teenagers in our parents day.

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Let's call this POV "Traditional non-poor Thai culture". Guys, bit of overgeneralizing or "lazy thinking" here. There is no hard line black/white whore/Madonna anymore. Non sex-worker Thai girls from non-poor families do sleep around for fun (sure not all), they just keep it secret. It's when their friends and even more so their family learn about the boyfriend that's a signal to now switch over to the expectation that a marriage is pending.

Yes she has this expectation, but ONLY because she wants to keep him. If she felt he wasn't a good prospect, then she would have discarded her boy-toy by now, or kept him a deep dark secret on the side just for fun.

And the decision as to who to keep is IMO very much largely influenced by her perception that he'll be a good provider, seems she also wants to stay in Thailand as the OP at first expressed, while most farang are just passing through.

I'm not saying this is cold Thai gold-digger "bad", it's just the normal calculations that 99.99% of women do world-wide in choosing a mate, but in the Disney-brainwashed "Love" culture of the West, girls keep the financial part of it much more hidden.

[starkey_rich]

Just bin her and get out of here.

Haven't you learnt anything here?

As a teacher I would have thought you know you have to treat most Thai's like naughty children as they have the maturity level of

a five year old.

[canman]

Quite frankly I don't really understand you. If you intend going to the Us to get your M.Ed. (which is commendable and I would really recoomend you to do this), but you still wish to continue your relation with your girlfriend, what is the big problem??? With her educational background, she can try and get her P.hD. in the US (may be even at the same university), or alternatively let her stay in Thailand and see each other few times and correspond often . After all, many couples do this for a year or so and your M.Ed. course should not take you longer than 12-15 months.

Be frank with yourself and with your girl friend. If going away is an excuse for parting company, say so, even if it is painful for both of you. However, if you are not sure, which seems to be the case, discuss it with her in all openess and see how you both feel in few months after going away. I did the same some 25 years ago, decided that I really wanted a long lasting relationship and got married. We have lived happily ever since, part of the time overseas in my home country and for the last few years we have been living here in Thailand.

All I am trying to convey to you, be open and frank with yourself and your girlfriend. Frankmess always pays. Honesty (even with oneself) IS THE BEST POLICY!

Good luck!

I don't fully understand myself at the moment, either, so I came here for a chat.

I've tried to talk things out with her calmly and rationally, suggested that we could perhaps try and make it work from afar. When progress seems to have been made, she'll have a mood swing and start in with another guilt trip. Frankly, since I've met her, it's always been all about her. This is just another example of how she seems incapable of putting my needs parallel to her own. On paper she is a great catch on many levels, but when she doesn't get her way, her reasoning becomes like that of a spoiled brat.

Op, quite possibly you have hit the nail on the head; just maybe she is a spoiled brat and all of the histrionics is just a spoiled brat acting out.

See: Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including inappropriately seductive behaviour and an excessive need for approval, usually beginning in early adulthood

[boosta]

Dude, that's tantamount to saying that as soon as you enter a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a "good girl", you're more or less committing to marry her at some point in the future and that's ridiculous. Thai guys don't do it, why should farangs?

I know several Thai men who play the field with so-called "good girls" with little in the way of drama when they end the relationship.

It's amusing how so many of us accuse Thai women of being pathological liars yet we can't credit them with the ability to tell their families/friends that THEY - not the guy - ended the relationship if they're so keen to save face.

Right on. I don't know what century some of these people are living in. My behavior here has been based on what I've observed Thais my own age (33) are doing. Breaking up is not uncommon (though being a monogamous guy is a rarity).

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Of course breaking up is common, and yes the girls try this stuff on with Thai guys, and when they are decent guys (by our standards, weaklings by theirs) they suffer through the same punishment for it. The macho ones don't put up with it, give her a smack, do whatever it takes to take care of business and don't look back, as many also-macho western guys here are advising.

This is the dominant sex culture of the modern west, having been adapted here by many of the more-urban non-poor, OK to have sexual relations, perhaps dozens before settling down, marriage is not the expected result until all the right planets are in alignment.

If following that model I found these posters pretty darn spot-on:

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Apologies for generalisation in advance. no other way to give a coherent response.

Some of the comments to the OP are amazing. Same old throw away remarks about Thai girls, money, watch your back you're in danger etc. These comments just expose those posters of never really having a relationship in Thailand where (I suggest) money is not a significant factor. The OP girlfriend is educated, has a secure and respectable job and has expectations of marriage and family no doubt. She is not a bar girl, or a HiSo milking the cow.

For the OP. she kept you at arms length for a good while. This is indicative of a respectable girl who insists on a good deal of time to properly suss you out. How did you feel when she finally committed to you and presumably shared your bed? No doubt pretty good. Do you express your love for each other outside of the physical relationship? I suspect the answer is yes.

In my experience this for her means total commitment with a reasonable expectation of a long term relationship possibly leading to something permanent. The expectation here in Thai (in the circumstances you describe) is culturally far different to the Western "three dates, and on the fourth you get laid, or alternatively she refuses to you again".

Another factor not to be underestimated is she is 29. I have been advised on a number of occasions that Thai girls over the age of 25 find it significantly more difficult to date perceived perfect guys than their younger counter parts. So, not to be too insensitive, she already has a mindset that she is past her sell by date. If she is a beautiful girl it is difficult for the farang to grasp this significant point.

Hope the above helps in understanding what this relationship might mean to her; she will not give you up easily. I suspect she loves you far more than you imagine, and she may appear selfish and hypocritical in order to keep you here!

If a long term relationship is not on your horizon currently my advice is be very very clear with her, be specific ...... Much kinder that way.

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If you want PM me, more than happy to share my war stories.

End of the day it comes to a few factors which got yourself into this predicament, in my opinion:

• As iancnx said she’s over 25 years. Never date any thai girl nearing her 30’s unless you know the day you meet her you want to marry her. I know it’s impossible right? But that’s the decision Thai women in their late 20’s want from you. If you pursue her a Thai women over 25 years, she expects you’re pursuing her for marriage. This is the cardinal and most important rule of dating Thai women –never forget it!
• Avoid any Thai women over 25 yrs who never had a boyfriend. Even the ones who had a few bf’s can turn out to be bunny-boilers. If I met a girl who never a had a bf (and is over 25 yr) – I’d run for the hills. It shows she’s extremely picky, everything has to be ‘perfect’ and she will be a high maintenance gf for sure.
• Don’t let her stay at your place too often. Once she’s sleeping over at your place and leaving her stuff around – you’re in for a hard time if you want to break up
• Make it clear from the start you want nothing serious – despite if you’re looking for a committed relationship. Thai women don’t understand this concept of “taking each day as it comes”. You either in it for marriage (not even a just serious relationship) or you’re a playboy. There is none of this, if we like each other maybe it can lead somewhere….it’s a foreign concept to them
• Be extremely careful with ‘good girls’ who exhibit traits of fussiness. You should look at how they dress, shop for clothes and order food. If they are so dam_n careful with choosing and buying a dress – you think they’re not going through even more overly complicated thought process when choosing a prospective partner?

Don’t me wrong, these are not rules in manipulating Thai woman. This is what I learnt from my experiences when I’m looking for a committed relationship, but not necessary looking marry my next gf. How the hell am I meant to know if I want to marry someone after only knowing them for 6-12 months???

So you just avoid certain types of women because they come with too much baggage and too many hidden agendas. From my experience I either say I’m not looking a gf upfront or I already have a gf (even if I don’t have a gf). That already screens out any potential bunny-boilers and the girls who are ok with that, I can take my time and see what they are really like…

Consider yourself extremely lucky you have a one-way ticket out to a country where Thai citizens need a visa. I had to break up will ex-gf’s and still live in BKK. I’ve been left with battle scars, suffered from post-traumatic disorder and have the fear of God whenever I date Thai women.

Hell hath no fury like a (thai) woman scorned!

Edited June 20, 2013 by boosta

[David48]

Once you realise there is only rubbish to be found here you will live a much happier life believe me

My experience is different.

I'm sure your bait is good ... thought of changing your fishing hole?

.

So where do I find :

-smart

-non materialistc

- young and pretty

- no babies and doesn't want them

- no family take care on my part

- doesn't want to marry

I'm not going to waste time and energy on a pipe dream

That's a tough shopping list.

The first 3 are relatively easy ... the degree of difficulty increases as I read down the list.

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[Minhoang]

Evacuate your stuff and purchase your air ticket and leave as quietly as possible. Don't temp an angry woman or a drama queen with reasons and logics. You've given her enough explanation. She'll find another farang to marry her.

[boosta]

And this one:

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One accepts guilt if one wants to. It is a voluntary move. I myself do not prescribe to guilt on any level, and when someone tries to lay some on me, I remind them that I simply do not do guilt, so they are wasting their time, and they need to come up with a more reasonable, logical, and intelligent way to allow me to see their point of view. The bottom line here, is that you had no commitment, and if you allow her to guilt you into staying, you are doing yourself a tremendous disservice, and all that will come of it will be very low self esteem on your part. Be strong. Be a man. Buck up. Do what you need to do.

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Note this does mean slap her around. You need to follow your heart, listen to your conscience and then do what needs to be done.

I don't fully understand myself at the moment, either, so I came here for a chat.

I've tried to talk things out with her calmly and rationally, suggested that we could perhaps try and make it work from afar. When progress seems to have been made, she'll have a mood swing and start in with another guilt trip. Frankly, since I've met her, it's always been all about her. This is just another example of how she seems incapable of putting my needs parallel to her own. On paper she is a great catch on many levels, but when she doesn't get her way, her reasoning becomes like that of a spoiled brat.

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IMO rational conversation just doesn't work, you might as well be trying to speak an outer Mongolian dialect.

But if you can find a way that helps her keep her dignity, maybe even bring her to believe it's best for her or even her own decision, great.

Just don't think she won't still do her best to punish you for your "crimes", if you get off easy without doing a midnight flit do please come back and post because I haven't come across that more than 1 out of a thousand.

Edited June 20, 2013 by boosta

[aTomsLife]

VF wrote "I think she is right about you", and then proceeded to make snap judgements about my life. So don't tell me his reply wasn't generated specifically at me. Everyone just loves to agree with him... I know VF's status here, he could post about his bowel movements and probably still get a few likes...

Seems a bit harsh...and clearly untrue. If so, VF should have well over 5000 Likes by now.

Just making an extreme judgement similar to those that were sent my way. Of course I wasn't a 100% earnest in my remark. I even went meta and "liked" VF's reply.

[boosta]

Quite frankly I don't really understand you. If you intend going to the Us to get your M.Ed. (which is commendable and I would really recoomend you to do this), but you still wish to continue your relation with your girlfriend, what is the big problem??? With her educational background, she can try and get her P.hD. in the US (may be even at the same university), or alternatively let her stay in Thailand and see each other few times and correspond often . After all, many couples do this for a year or so and your M.Ed. course should not take you longer than 12-15 months.

Be frank with yourself and with your girl friend. If going away is an excuse for parting company, say so, even if it is painful for both of you. However, if you are not sure, which seems to be the case, discuss it with her in all openess and see how you both feel in few months after going away. I did the same some 25 years ago, decided that I really wanted a long lasting relationship and got married. We have lived happily ever since, part of the time overseas in my home country and for the last few years we have been living here in Thailand.

All I am trying to convey to you, be open and frank with yourself and your girlfriend. Frankmess always pays. Honesty (even with oneself) IS THE BEST POLICY!

Good luck!

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If the degree of love feelings were there that are necessary to sustain a successful long distance relationship, then he would be talking marriage with her anyway.

And while I agree that honesty and frankness are important, in this situation they are only starting points, once the decision's been made then the exit strategy needs to be determined very pragmatically, sometimes necessary to adopt tactics required by spies in wartime working behind enemy lines.

[Alwyn]

Thais have different belief systems to the western people. Doesn't mean there's or ours is right or wrong, they're just different. What her family might or might not think pf her if you finish is not your concern in the same way it's not her concern if your family makes assumptions about you being in a short term relationship with a Thai lady. My opinion (my grandfather told me that pinions are like &lt;deleted&gt;, everybody's got one!) is that if you find a way to make it work then great. If you can't then don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed - jog on!! A lot of others have advised you to beware for your safety and in my opinion, you should heed that advise mate. They spend all day and night watching soap operas on the TV where the women spend 90% of the time screaming and sayin "OOYYYIE" and believe it's real life.. I'm serious.. Take your safety seriously

[Docno]

Some people here will tell you it's all about Thai culture, Thai people, or Thai women. Cultural issues are definitely a part of this, but there's also some basic human psychology going on here. You said that she played hard to get for a period and that you kept up the chase. When a women starts with that mindset and finally 'yields', it is a significant step to her, and she will expect a long-term commitment to come out of it (a few months doesn't qualify for that in any country). Exacerbating the issue is that we men often take the woman's initial reluctance as a challenge... it's a chess-game we want to win. And sometimes, as they say, the chase ends up being more fun than the capture. There are good evolutionary reasons for this that I won't get into, but we're talking about some universal aspects of human nature here. On top of that you do have cultural elements... she has reason to worry that she will look down upon as being 'jai ngai' ('easy heart' - romantically gullible) if she ends up in a short-term relationship. Perhaps this is worse if she is hiso or if the guy is a foreigner (especially as there is a stereotype that farang guys just like to use Thai girls as short-time playthings... and some do). I'm also not sure that a lot of Thai women have the pragmatic ideas about 'romance' that many modern Westerners have (i.e., if I have to leave for my career, we'll just part company)... I suspect, as in many other Asian countries, women enter relationships with a very long-term view and with eventual marriage in mind. Yeah, she's being unreasonable and illogical, but that's what emotions do to people (especially to women, as sexist as that sounds). She probably loves you and is angry and hurt at the same time so it's all a big mess in her mind and it doesn't come out making a lot of sense. Doesn't solve your problem, but don't let others here convince you that there's something wrong with her or with all Thai women... that just the standard TV cynicism...

[boosta]

So where do I find :

-smart

-non materialistc

- young and pretty

- no babies and doesn't want them

- no family take care on my part

- doesn't want to marry

I'm not going to waste time and energy on a pipe dream.

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What you're talking about IS a pipe dream.

Either you play the field, and make it clear that's what you're doing - IMO deception in that pursuit is unconscionable, and explicit transactional relationships are the way to go.

Or you look for a girl to marry.

And let's not buy into the whole "the one" "til death do us part" BS, since marriage here doesn't need to be legally registred, everyone's perfectly happy with the traditional ceremony style, just go ahead and do that if you **think there's a good chance** it may last a lifetime, no reason to wait until you're 100% sure.

Maybe it **will** work out!

And if it doesn't you "divorce", like the SM routine "spit on her shoes and repeat 'I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee" - exactly the same breakup scenario we're seeing here but you made her friends and family happy made her proud, made everything easier for everyone.

If you're unlucky you may end up having been married a few times over your life, but heck it's not as if that's not normal these days either.

[oakweb]

No matter the culture, country or age group.. breaking up with someone is not easy. My advice on your relationship is to understand

she is frustrated at herself, feeling like she gave you something that she should have kept for someone else. She does not look at

relationships as personal growth, and a time in her life she spent with you that was positive, although I'm sure it was.

Most Thai men can't compete in our level of honesty, compassion, intellectualism, and just overall general quality of partner. Losing you is tough on

her since she probably won't find someone of your status or level of culture for a while.

I'd just ignore all her statements about being a typical farang, she is hurt and will need time to get over it.

Like one other poster said though, she'll be fine. Having suffered from death threats myself though, I can advise to leave as quickly as possible

too if she seems just the least bit unstable.

[Chicken George]

You have made your mind up so pack and go home. No matter what people say you are going so go. Good luck you tried and it did not work end of. Get a good qualification and move on. No regrets.m

[boosta]

Quite frankly, I don't think you know what you are talking about. A degree from Chula, Tammassat, KKC, CMU and other state universities in Thailand, are just as good as ones in the US , the UK or others. Such degrees are recognized worldwide. May I remind you that Chula is one of the best universities in the world (among the 100!!) So, please be careful with your judgement and don't be disrespectful!

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This is not quite true.

Yes for Thais, or people that plan to work their way up the ladder in Thailand and are confident they will hit their goals here.

Yes for people starting their tertiary education here and then continuing on in academia.

NOT AT ALL for people that will be job-hunting overseas with only Thai qualifications, ESPECIALLY not westerners. The co

The multinational corporate world HR departments and hiring managers simply will not give credence to a CV with only a Thai degree if there are other equally qualified applicants with western degrees (or to some extent now the top ones in Singapore and Hong Kong).

Keep in mind the reputation of the country as a whole. It would take a very specialised niche to actually convince people you chose to live in Thailand specifically for career purposes, 99.99% of the time they will believe (probably quite rightly) that you were putting your personal preferences, possibly hedonistic ones, above your career, just living here at all is automatically a red flag to people with mainstream sexual mores.

And the qualified yes's above are ONLY for the top 3-4 institutions, the "and other state universities" does not apply at all IMO.

[boosta]

Op, quite possibly you have hit the nail on the head; just maybe she is a spoiled brat and all of the histrionics is just a spoiled brat acting out.

See: Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including inappropriately seductive behaviour and an excessive need for approval, usually beginning in early adulthood

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Western psychiatry's judgment in many cases is based on cultural values of what is appropriate or moral behavior.

What you describe is the norm among Thai women, it's how they're raised to be. Perhaps other Asian cultures I don't know.

Edited June 20, 2013 by boosta

[how241]

Don't take too much to heart......she will have another lined up before your plane leaves the runway,,,,,,majority of them are psychotic nutters ...just be very careful and stay safe......watch for the brothers,cousins,etc

+1