Breaking Up in Thailand

[boosta]

Fair enough, didn't mean to put words in your mouth. Just curious, then, why did you ask if the guy knew whether she and I had been sleeping together?

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Because like you I'm a curious fellow, as I just said,

>> I just hadn't heard of a case where an ex-mia-farang had gotten good offers from Thais before.

[boosta]

aTomsLife, with all due respect, if I read your user name correctly, are you a woman? The reason I ask, out of respect, is that knowing your gender would make a whole world of difference here in how people respond, and in who responds. I detected no indication of your gender (forgive me if I erred in this), and so please do not be angry at my question. I would like to respond, but this is critical to the correct perspective and personal experiences based upon certain gender relationships.

lol. It's a double entendre of sorts, reads: Atoms = Life, or, A Tom's Life (my life). Tom is short for Thomas. I am a man.

Thank you. I guess from what I have read from your OP and replies, is that you are simply not ready to plant yourself and grow roots.

Your abject objectivity towards this relationship tells me that you could possibly underestimate her emotions and find yourself in a world of hurt. It is best to retreat to a safe base of operations and then turn your thoughts back to the eternal and unanswerable questions about women.

The few comments you made about her behavior and reasoning powers suggest that she is volatile and unpredictable at best.

Your "couch and chair" approach to this "friendship" is, in my opinion, going way overboard. Just leave and do it as quick as you can, and pay no heed to what you think she might be thinking. You are a better man than this, and do not deserve the mental stress that she will force you to endure should you remain and play psychoanalyst with her.

Respect; and all the best.

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Yes yes and yes.

I too tend toward paralysis by analysis.

The end is clear, only the path to getting there needs choosing, I think the OP has all the information and advice he needs.

Of course that won't end the discussion on TV.com, until it peters out into interpersonal bickering and name-calling and only then gets closed

[Eesat]

Its going to hurt.

Her (jealous) Thai friends warned her. They told her he was a 'typical farang' and would bale out on her, when the heat came on. Everyone talks about the lying Thai Bar Girls, very few are willing to recognise that farangs, 'trippers'' which the OP seems to be, are just as bloody bad in many cases. The door swings both ways.

No, the OP wasn't going to stoop for a lowly Isaan Bar Girl that he had to pay for and support. He wanted it all. Then after he got it, he realised he never wanted it in the first place.

The options for the modern, well educated, good thai girl are not as great as they are for, say, egalitarian Australians. The better the education, the better the job, the higher the salary, the better the family, narrows the field for Thai women. They cannot marry a thai man 'beneath' them. Is perhaps why so many modern (Bangkokian) thai women are opting to stay single and independant.

At 29, the average Thai female knows her 'clock' is ticking, especially her biological one.

She will be devastated. She has 'wasted' a very important year of her life. She has humiliated herself in front of her, I told you so, friends. Who knows what other 'options' she may have had before the OP came on the scene. Those 'options' would now well and truly have turned their back on her. She is now damaged goods.

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"

{He} has 'wasted' a very important year of her life.

I did no such thing. I was a secret the majority of the time. You think she wasn't talking to other men?

She was proposed to two weeks ago by the (wealthy) brother of one of her close friends. My point is I've wasted none of her precious time. She has never stopped entertaining potential suitors. (She is a beauty, truly, by standards Thai or western.)

In all honesty,she sounds like a horrible,spoilt little brat and you're probably better off without her!

[vijer]

Thai women are, in my opinion, goofier than most women. I think it comes from watching Thai TV, my wife thinks men act like the ones in the shows and wants me to behave like that.

The bigger thing is FACE, to Thai's men or women it is about FACE.

Also, there are not many available men in Thailand so if a woman gets a man she wants to keep him.

[aTomsLife]

Fair enough, didn't mean to put words in your mouth. Just curious, then, why did you ask if the guy knew whether she and I had been sleeping together?

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Because like you I'm a curious fellow, as I just said,

>> I just hadn't heard of a case where an ex-mia-farang had gotten good offers from Thais before.

Ah, I see now. I misread your sentence, sorry. Instead of I just hadn't heard..., I read, I just heard...

[GarryP]

Aren't you supposed to be teaching at the moment?

[aTomsLife]

Aren't you supposed to be teaching at the moment?

I've been waiting for this all day, haha. Today was "Scout" day here at school. No classes, kids came to school in their scout uniforms and made crafts all day. Thai Education at its best. I must be crazy to wanna leave all this!

[charlieboz]

Sorry OP but you said in an earlier post that she was still allowing herself to be courted/asked out by other guys at the beginning of your relationship whilst she was keeping you a secret? Sorry, can't be bothered to go back and find the quote, but is that true? Because if that is that would change my whole perspective on her. I would actually be a lot more understanding as to why you still have some resentment over that if it is true

[Markaew]

Hookers that have just stepped out of a short time hotel with you react the same way. They think they have an investment and they want to cash it out.

[Berkshire]

She was proposed to two weeks ago by the (wealthy) brother of one of her close friends. My point is I've wasted none of her precious time. She has never stopped entertaining potential suitors. (She is a beauty, truly, by standards Thai or western.)

I'm sorry Tom, but the BS alarm just went off. No way a wealthy Thai guy proposes to a girl without knowing everything about her (like that she's been hot and heavy with a farang the entire time). Unless she's an incredibly good liar (and I'm talking professional con), or you've been feeding us an endless line of bull.

[aTomsLife]

Sorry OP but you said in an earlier post that she was still allowing herself to be courted/asked out by other guys at the beginning of your relationship whilst she was keeping you a secret? Sorry, can't be bothered to go back and find the quote, but is that true? Because if that is that would change my whole perspective on her. I would actually be a lot more understanding as to why you still have some resentment over that if it is true

She had male friends who didn't know I existed, and I could tell by the nature of their invitations / comments on her FB wall that they were interested in her. My attitude was what reason could she possibly have for keeping me a secret entirely. It's one thing to say we're just friends to certain people, it's another entirely to pretend I don't exist at all.

Indeed, you hit the nail on the head: that she did this to me month after month, despite my protestations, is by and large the source of my resentment towards her. Despite what some posters have said about my character, I was quite smitten with her. And she got the better of me for months because of that fact. That now she's the pursuer and I'm the pursued has me feeling it's an instance of sum num na

[aTomsLife]

She was proposed to two weeks ago by the (wealthy) brother of one of her close friends. My point is I've wasted none of her precious time. She has never stopped entertaining potential suitors. (She is a beauty, truly, by standards Thai or western.)

I'm sorry Tom, but the BS alarm just went off. No way a wealthy Thai guy proposes to a girl without knowing everything about her (like that she's been hot and heavy with a farang the entire time). Unless she's an incredibly good liar (and I'm talking professional con), or you've been feeding us an endless line of bull.

He's known her for years and years. He is the brother of one of her close friends -- he does know everything about her, or at least thinks he does. He works on an oilrig so he's not local, and I've known of his interest in her for a time now. I can read Thai, and I saw their communication on Facebook. She never accepted his advances, but never completely rejected him either.

Moreover, after he proposed and she finally did reject him, they are no longer friends on Facebook. Not that that is the end-all be-all, but for me it validates her story. I've no reason to doubt this. This dude was quite pathetic in his attempts to court her.

Edited June 20, 2013 by aTomsLife

[boosta]

Between jobs, I believe he said he used to teach at an IS of some sort, wife wants him to look for a new job at a Thai school here.

[metaben]

Quite frankly, I don't think you know what you are talking about. A degree from Chula, Tammassat, KKC, CMU and other state universities in Thailand, are just as good as ones in the US , the UK or others. Such degrees are recognized worldwide. May I remind you that Chula is one of the best universities in the world (among the 100!!) So, please be careful with your judgement and don't be disrespectful!

Chula is amongst the top 100 in ASIA, not the world, 53rd I think, they slipped a notch or 2 this year. And please just have a look see there one day, or talk with faculty, they're a joke with an attitude.

[boosta]

He works on an oilrig

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You've got a very different definition of a wealthy guy than most, especially Thais.

[NCC1701A]

The sad thing is you will never find a girl that loves you as much as she does.

[boosta]

Chula is amongst the top 100 in ASIA, not the world, 53rd I think, they slipped a notch or 2 this year. And please just have a look see there one day, or talk with faculty, they're a joke with an attitude.

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You're talking about academically objective evaluations based on statistical surveys.

I'm talking about credibility among HR and hiring managers at western companies and international MNCs.

Edit - whoops sorry, see you were agreeing with me not disagreeing. . .

Edited June 20, 2013 by boosta

[Jasun]

^^ the students going to do their masters overseas are coming from these same universities. There is a reason.

[boosta]

The sad thing is you will never find a girl that loves you as much as she does.

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Totally silly thing to post.

More objectively - only very slightly possibly true.

Disney myth of "the one and only soulmate", total <deleted> IMO. . .

Edited June 20, 2013 by boosta

[boosta]

Sorry OP but you said in an earlier post that she was still allowing herself to be courted/asked out by other guys at the beginning of your relationship whilst she was keeping you a secret? Sorry, can't be bothered to go back and find the quote, but is that true? Because if that is that would change my whole perspective on her. I would actually be a lot more understanding as to why you still have some resentment over that if it is true

Sorry OP but you said in an earlier post that she was still allowing herself to be courted/asked out by other guys at the beginning of your relationship whilst she was keeping you a secret? Sorry, can't be bothered to go back and find the quote, but is that true? Because if that is that would change my whole perspective on her. I would actually be a lot more understanding as to why you still have some resentment over that if it is true

She had male friends who didn't know I existed, and I could tell by the nature of their invitations / comments on her FB wall that they were interested in her. My attitude was what reason could she possibly have for keeping me a secret entirely. It's one thing to say we're just friends to certain people, it's another entirely to pretend I don't exist at all.

Indeed, you hit the nail on the head: that she did this to me month after month, despite my protestations, is by and large the source of my resentment towards her. Despite what some posters have said about my character, I was quite smitten with her. And she got the better of me for months because of that fact. That now she's the pursuer and I'm the pursued has me feeling it's an instance of sum num na

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Totally understandable and nothing immoral about this.

Some Thai girls have "gone farang" just like we "go bamboo" and can never consider having a decent Thai SO again.

Those that are still respectable within Thai society very much need to keep the possibility that they're considering going that way a deep dark secret until the last possible moment, because as soon as they do they're going to be bad-mouthed by lots of friends possibly outcast from their social circles and disparaged by their families.

The price we pay for our relationships pales by comparison.

[boosta]

Aren't you supposed to be teaching at the moment?

I've been waiting for this all day, haha. Today was "Scout" day here at school. No classes, kids came to school in their scout uniforms and made crafts all day. Thai Education at its best. I must be crazy to wanna leave all this!

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I've never heard of a true International School that does the scouts thing.

What percentage of the students don't speak any Thai?

[winstonc]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

I agree with you. It reminds me of those thread you see here where someone came to Thailand for a year and got a dog. The dog didn't know they were leaving in a year without them.

I wouldn`t quite make any comparisons between this girl and a dog, but I see where you`re coming from.

I think that many farangs over here short time, consider these sorts of relationships as just one big adventure, a sort of ego trip and often fail to see the hurt they cause to the other parties concerned and in many cases they don`t care.

It`s a form of selfishness and immaturity and perhaps one day someone else will treat them the same and that`s the only way they learn about life, by experience when it becomes personal to them.

it cuts both ways oh perfect person,,,

[Berkshire]

He works on an oilrig

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You've got a very different definition of a wealthy guy than most, especially Thais.

Agree. When he said "wealthy," I assumed wealthy family, own business, etc., i.e., every Thai girl's wet dream. Rich Thai dudes don't work on oil rigs unless their family owns it.

[HAL9000]

On paper she is a great catch on many levels, but when she doesn't get her way, her reasoning becomes like that of a spoiled brat.

This psychology is explained in this commentary on Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Birds".

[iancnx]

On paper she is a great catch on many levels, but when she doesn't get her way, her reasoning becomes like that of a spoiled brat.

This psychology is explained in this commentary on Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Birds".http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNGDa6Xpu_0

Waste of time

[stickylies]

conclusion after 231 comments:

1. short-time: no problem

2. long-time: no problem

3. no-time: no problem

4. relationship with isaan woman 15-35 years younger than u are: no problem - she even cuts your (ingrown) toenails with pleasure - as long as u pay all bills, buy/build a new house, take care of family. all the rest she doesn't care AKA "up to u" until she gets fed up and throws u out.

5. relationship with hot & intelligent hi-so thai girl: never heard of, anyone ?

6. relationship with middle-class girl of about the same age: problem

[aTomsLife]

Aren't you supposed to be teaching at the moment?

I've been waiting for this all day, haha. Today was "Scout" day here at school. No classes, kids came to school in their scout uniforms and made crafts all day. Thai Education at its best. I must be crazy to wanna leave all this!

-

I've never heard of a true International School that does the scouts thing.

What percentage of the students don't speak any Thai?

I do not work at an IS. I work at a government school. I would like to work at an IS, hence my reasoning for returning home to earn an M.Ed

[GooEng]

He works on an oilrig

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You've got a very different definition of a wealthy guy than most, especially Thais.

Agree. When he said "wealthy," I assumed wealthy family, own business, etc., i.e., every Thai girl's wet dream. Rich Thai dudes don't work on oil rigs unless their family owns it.

Incorrect. There are a number of skilled positions on drilling and production rigs operating in the gulf of Thailand which are filled by Thais who earn a salary close to or equal to that of a westerner doing the same job anywhere in the world.

These are good salaries by western standards and by Thai standards they would definitely be considered "wealthy".

Not all oil rig workers are roughnecks scrubbing decks and chipping paint.

[aTomsLife]

He works on an oilrig

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You've got a very different definition of a wealthy guy than most, especially Thais.

Agree. When he said "wealthy," I assumed wealthy family, own business, etc., i.e., every Thai girl's wet dream. Rich Thai dudes don't work on oil rigs unless their family owns it.

Seems wealthy enough to me. Good family, the guy helps support his younger sister who's living in NYC.

[stickylies]

The sad thing is you will never find a girl that loves you as much as she does.

did you just watch out of africa ??