Do Thais Judge Farang On Their Appearences?

[honestguy]

As I understand it, Thais generally do not kiss in public. Even on Thai Big Brother I am told that women and men must sleep in different rooms.

Now, you see a farang and he is often accompanied by a younger lady. A large majority of the time it is very obvious to tell that this women is of the night. To put it bluntly, he is walking around with a prostitute.

While thai men use prostitutes, as far as I am aware, they do not date/marry them, and to be seen with them and such is to lose face? Is this correct?

I want to say that it should be kept behind closed doors, but this seems very harsh. Who am I to tell someone else they shouldnt be seen in public with their bird?

Overall, Ive come to the conclusion that If i want to stay in thailand, every Thai person will assume that I am like all of the other farang they witness everyday.

Sometimes, I wonder, does this guy know that people know what the story is with his girl? Does he care? What does he think about it?

I dont know guys, sometimes in Thailand it just feels like there is this huge barrier between farang and thais, and this type of behavior/loss of face leads the way to this barrier.

[britmaveric]

Some do some dont - no simple answer here mate.

Does a bloke in the west when he sees a good looking bird with older man/not so good looking - we assume he must have dosh.

Stereotypes plain and simple - if you treat everyone with respect then you have no worries. Besides who worries about what others think?

[Maejo Man]

Go on Brit! I can see you hovering there. You take first shot.

[rcm]

Besides who worries about what others think?

I absolutely agree....who cares what anyone thinks?

rcm

[kkf123]

you dont understand "face" in thailand?

[sbk]

Brit understands face well enough, I am sure. But is probably one of those people who just doesn't care one way or the other what people think of him.

Sometimes a good thing to be, really. Otherwise one might take others opinions too much to heart and not be true to oneself but rather to what other people want.

That said, to answer the basic question: "do Thais judge people on their appearance?" (regardless of the girl on the arm). Yes, they do. So does everybody really, it's human nature to make a quick judgement on someone's appearance. Probably goes way back to the days when one had to fear for one's life if one made the wrong judgement (still applicable sometimes today, as well). The intelligent person goes beyond that instant first judgement to try to understand the person they are seeing.

[ourmanflint]

I must admit to having to remind myself too that not every farang met their partner in a bar, or even if they did, what the heck does it matter?? Like sbk says it's a pretty natural thing to do on first look, then your brain usually kicks in and tells you to stop being so negative....

but from reading other threads on the forum, I am learning Thailand is full of contradictions and hypocrisies!

[skippybangkok]

Depends on what u want to achieve on your life and who u wanna / need to hang out with. If you do not need to entertain / work with the middle / upper class, then do what ever u want. From what I know, most people here put others in "buckets", and thai's are usually quick to point out hookers walking with farangs at malls.

If you are in need to entertain /work for business, the its not a good idea as face /reputation is important. I think its strange though, of you were seen with a Isaan hooker ( well, one who obviously looks and acts like one ) in a mall, you would be frowned upon, but if you went with your thai mates to the Arb Orb Nuad and bonk 2 of the best beauties there, " you da man ".

I guess from what i have seen, its ok to have plenty of fun on the side so long as its not in public, but keep face / respect for your wife / family in the public arena.

So face is important, and having a few mia noi's on the side or visiting turkish baths is a "mans" thing ( to some any way).

[Mister Doom]

As I understand it, Thais generally do not kiss in public. Even on Thai Big Brother I am told that women and men must sleep in different rooms.

Now, you see a farang and he is often accompanied by a younger lady. A large majority of the time it is very obvious to tell that this women is of the night. To put it bluntly, he is walking around with a prostitute.

While thai men use prostitutes, as far as I am aware, they do not date/marry them, and to be seen with them and such is to lose face? Is this correct?

I want to say that it should be kept behind closed doors, but this seems very harsh. Who am I to tell someone else they shouldnt be seen in public with their bird?

Overall, Ive come to the conclusion that If i want to stay in thailand, every Thai person will assume that I am like all of the other farang they witness everyday.

Sometimes, I wonder, does this guy know that people know what the story is with his girl? Does he care? What does he think about it?

I dont know guys, sometimes in Thailand it just feels like there is this huge barrier between farang and thais, and this type of behavior/loss of face leads the way to this barrier.

Is this correct? They certainly don't marry them, and many wouldn't date. The ones that do are very discreet as to where they go.

every Thai person will assume that I am like all of the other farang they witness everyday.

Many certainly will. A lot will depend on your situation (i e. are you working?) and how you dress and behave in public.

Sometimes, I wonder, does this guy know that people know what the story is with his girl?

I think many of them do. A few naive farangs who haven't been here long may be unaware.

What does he think about it?I doubt most of them care.

this type of behavior/loss of face leads the way to this barrier.I think there's a lot of truth in this. There are other factors as well though.

Many years ago, the issues you have raised led me to call it a day and go home. Now, older and wiser, I can live with it. As someone suggested in this thread, I doubt it would be any different in a western country if the circumstances were reversed.

Edited April 1, 2006 by Mister Doom

[meom]

While thai men use prostitutes, as far as I am aware, they do not date/marry them, and to be seen with them and such is to lose face? Is this correct?

A lot of the prostitutes that you see walking with falang are actually married and have a thai husband upcountry so they do marry with prostitutes. Not sure if all thai husbands are aware of the job their wife is having in the big city.

[skippybangkok]

not always fool proof, but thai's will put their female counter parts in the "buckets" ( hooker / non-hooker). I went out with one bird once ( from an afiliated company ), who was very very fair skinned, and extremely attractive ( the eyes of Thai's - fair skinned etc), and.... well, she had a very good presence / dressed well / looked very respectable etc. You could see that the locals looking at her / us, but not in negative sense. ( p.s. she was pretty f-ed up, and when she asked me about when i was gonna buy her a house and car after dating for 3 weeks, she got dumped quick smart).

Guess you could call her a type of hooker ( or Gig )..............

Edited April 1, 2006 by skippybangkok

[Dustoff]

~

Whew, THIS one drew some intersting remarks.. !

Plain and simple: If you are in the least interested, the rules of any culture can be learned within the first few days. If you are into violating/testing those cultural boundaries, just exactly who are you trying to impress..?

Even in the most conservative of countries, greeting your wife/husband at an international airport with a gleeful hug and kiss is acceptable.

To insist on groping one another in public, even in the most liberal of countries is seen as immature; and rightfully so...

As to what people think of you/me/us, there is no escape. People will think as they will and talk about you (just as you/I do about them) no matter what we do or how we present ourselves.

Some things can be considered a constant..

Serve by example, peace short of surrender...

You know, those sorts of things..

My lovely Thai wife is thirty years younger than I and (altho I am far more beautiful) we initially could see the heads turning especially in her very "local" hometown. I honestly fretted about this, not for my own sake but because I did not want her to be seen as something she was not, but we have found that once everyone saw the light of our love for one another, the "charges have been dropped"...

If we live our lives according to what others think, we cannot truly live;

If we have no respect for the sensibilities of others, we cannot be true to ourselves..

In short, give a sh*t...

[The Dude]

Some do some dont - no simple answer here mate.

Does a bloke in the west when he sees a good looking bird with older man/not so good looking - we assume he must have dosh.

Stereotypes plain and simple - if you treat everyone with respect then you have no worries. Besides who worries about what others think?

The Dude's father said something meaningful to him in high school after he gave the dude a pair of purple sneakers.

The Dude: "I can't wear those, what will people think??"

The Dude's father: "you don't care what people think"

The Dude never did wear those sneakers but he remembered those words of wisdom. Those words apply in this situation. Dig?

[Guest endure]

I think that people who join TV and then, 12 minutes later, in their first post mention prostitution may be posting for less than straightforward purposes

[jdinasia]

hmmm have you been to Thailand yet?

Actually I think there is an answer to this post ... the farang you assume are with hookers ... just don't give a big hairy rat's ass what people think of you.

If they are with hookers they know it ... they are probably on vacation ... or the oddish sex-pat that just doesn't get Thailand or gets it but thinks ... this is my life .. or my retirement ... wheee have fun!

And frankly I don't care about what Thai's assume about me as long as they remain polite.

I also don't care if guys come here just to get laid and take their companions around with them everywhere :-)

There have only been 2 times in the past 2+ years that someone has reacted negatively to me and my partner ... one time it was a Thai couple in Hua Hin .... gave them our business cards ... (politely embarassed the hel_l outta them)

The other time it was 2 aussie guys ... the partner handled them :-)

[Jersey_UK]

And frankly I don't care about what Thai's assume about me as long as they remain polite.

Yup.

[Kf6vci]

In Pattaya, I often felt that men were "parading" their companions. And truly stunning girls are often accompanying the elder statemen types who wear Dockers and no gold chains :-)

One day, while eating at a vegetable buffet in South Pattaya, a lady of the night insisted on giving me bananas and then moved to proposition me. By the way she dressed and made up herself, her profession was imminently obvious - but I noticed a certain cheerfulnes and no shame on the Baht bus. - sometimes I see her and she says hello but maintains a ridiculous tale of living in Bangkok etc. So faux pas are not necessarily only the farangs' way of life.

Sometimes, I notice terribly sad and desperate eyes - and many do it for the sake of their families.

Ultimately, most farang will be here for a few weeks only, right? I bet expats behave differently... What do you think?

[warriors]

.

Ultimately, most farang will be here for a few weeks only, right? I bet expats behave differently... What do you think?

Correct must do

[warriors]

.

Ultimately, most farang will be here for a few weeks only, right? I bet expats behave differently... What do you think?

Correct most do

[kkf123]

so then we are the unwanted guests? atleast they are polite!

[Mister Doom]

so then we are the unwanted guests? atleast they are polite!

Unwanted and unloved

Except for our filthy lucre

We're all DOOMED, I tell you!

[Maigo6]

While thai men use prostitutes, as far as I am aware, they do not date/marry them, and to be seen with them and such is to lose face? Is this correct?

No, it isn't correct.

You seem to have no knowledge of Thailand at all, would you be able to find Thailand on a map of South East Asia ?

[Maigo6]

I must admit to having to remind myself too that not every farang met their partner in a bar

Why ?

[Bryan in Isaan]

It's difficult to avoid the stereotyping by the Thai's. In most relationships here in Thailand, the woman is young and attractive, wears lots of gold and doesn't speak much English/German or whatever language her partner speaks. The man is ... ummm ... not quite as young and attractive. The woman is assumed to be a prostitute. My wife is actually a couple of years older than me, we both work on our farm and usually wear old clothing. She came to America on a scholarship and worked there for many years and speaks perfect English. We don't fit the stereotype, but any time we go out in public she can still hear the muttering by the Thais. They tell each other that she is not attractive, but is still a prostitute. When she talks to me in perfect, smooth English they are stunned, and sometimes trip all over themselves trying to be nice. She has even had hotel managers come out and apologize for being rude. So, there is some acceptability by the Thais if they don't see her as a prostitute, but even then, we only gain approval if we are wearing nice clothing.

I would agree with most of the previous posts that the Thais' opinion does not matter if reputation is not important, for example, if one is only here on vacation. However, some people here want to start businesses or do other activities that require good reputation. It is not pleasant to be in that position here.

[Maigo6]

We don't fit the stereotype, but any time we go out in public she can still hear the muttering by the Thais. They tell each other that she is not attractive, but is still a prostitute.

So, what you are telling us is that when you go out, Thai people talk amongst themselves that your wife is unattractive and a prostitute.

And she or you say nothing, yeah right........

Edited April 2, 2006 by Maigo6

[Bryan in Isaan]

We don't fit the stereotype, but any time we go out in public she can still hear the muttering by the Thais. They tell each other that she is not attractive, but is still a prostitute.

So, what you are telling us is that when you go out, Thai people talk amongst themselves that your wife is unattractive and a prostitute.

And she or you say nothing, yeah right........

Yeah right. My wife usually tells me some time after the fact. She probably doesn't think it would be wise to stop and fight with everyone. As I said, they are muttering, and even my wife probably can't hear every word and call them to account. As in many situations here, it is probably good that I can't understand Thai. I wouldn't have that much restraint.

[BKK Traveler]

As I understand it, Thais generally do not kiss in public. Even on Thai Big Brother I am told that women and men must sleep in different rooms.

Now, you see a farang and he is often accompanied by a younger lady. A large majority of the time it is very obvious to tell that this women is of the night. To put it bluntly, he is walking around with a prostitute.

While thai men use prostitutes, as far as I am aware, they do not date/marry them, and to be seen with them and such is to lose face? Is this correct?

I want to say that it should be kept behind closed doors, but this seems very harsh. Who am I to tell someone else they shouldnt be seen in public with their bird?

Overall, Ive come to the conclusion that If i want to stay in thailand, every Thai person will assume that I am like all of the other farang they witness everyday.

Sometimes, I wonder, does this guy know that people know what the story is with his girl? Does he care? What does he think about it?

I dont know guys, sometimes in Thailand it just feels like there is this huge barrier between farang and thais, and this type of behavior/loss of face leads the way to this barrier.

Some people will always assume the worst - that any Thai girl with a Farang is a prostitute. For those that don't automatically do that, your appearance is the most important thing in how they will judge you. If both you and your girl are dressed very well and well groomed, it's more likely they will not assume she's a prostitute. If she dresses or looks sleazy, or you aren't showered or dressed like a slob, then almost everyone will assume she is a prostitute. If it was me, I wouldn't care at all what others were thinking, but probably your girl will care a great deal and if she's hurt by what others say, then it may affect you. So dress properly and lessen the chances of verbal abuse by other Thais. Also never hold hands or show any affection in public as most Thais will immediately assume she's a prostitute if you do that.

[Bryan in Isaan]

Some people will always assume the worst - that any Thai girl with a Farang is a prostitute. For those that don't automatically do that, your appearance is the most important thing in how they will judge you. If both you and your girl are dressed very well and well groomed, it's more likely they will not assume she's a prostitute. If she dresses or looks sleazy, or you aren't showered or dressed like a slob, then almost everyone will assume she is a prostitute. If it was me, I wouldn't care at all what others were thinking, but probably your girl will care a great deal and if she's hurt by what others say, then it may affect you. So dress properly and lessen the chances of verbal abuse by other Thais. Also never hold hands or show any affection in public as most Thais will immediately assume she's a prostitute if you do that.

Good advice. I live here and try and maintain a respectable appearance, mostly for the sake of my wife. It does help a lot. And try to be polite and learn a little Thai. Many expats do a little charity work such as helping the village schools with English. All these things help one's reputation and his wife's reputation as well.

Edited April 2, 2006 by Bryan in Isaan

[Maigo6]

Good advice. I live here and try and maintain a respectable appearance, mostly for the sake of my wife.

Bryan, you said in an earlier post that when you go out, Thai people say your wife is unattractive and a prostitute, maybe you are still wearing your ' Good guys go to heaven, bad guys go to Pattaya' T-Shirt.

[Neeranam]

Yeah right. My wife usually tells me some time after the fact. She probably doesn't think it would be wise to stop and fight with everyone. As I said, they are muttering, and even my wife probably can't hear every word and call them to account. As in many situations here, it is probably good that I can't understand Thai. I wouldn't have that much restraint.

It's very probably good for many guys that can't understand what is being said. I often can understand and have to practise restraint often.

Can you imagine a Thai man and a farang woman going into a restaurant in farangland and the waitresses welcoming the woman only, only giving the woman the menu as it's written in farangian, taking the money from the man then giving the change to the woman! - and then scowling when they get a tip of 20 baht!

This happened to us last night in a top Khon Kaen hotel. I'm just having a vent, I know the reasons for this Still it gets fcukin annoying when it happens everyday and what they are thinking.