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Raising kids in Thailand or Uk


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If you have to ask the question then deep down i think you know the answer.

Your going to have to pull in a LOT of money from any business in Thailand to have the same level of education for your children.

Why gamble with your children's future?

Don't succumb to pressure from the wife about living the dream in Thailand, let her know you will retire there when the children have finished their education.

By then she will have integrated and adapted more to life in the UK.

Regards

CCC

And I do wonder if an education in Thailand would come together with the Thai culture.

I like spending as much time as possible in Thailand, but from that to giving its culture to my child is another matter...

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Almost all the Farang/Farang expat couples I have known over the years who have had the choice to send their kids to any school of their choosing in Thailand (at company expense) or return to their respective countries for their children to be educated back home have taken the 'back home' option. - Very usually at the age their children start high school.

Its not just about affordability, certainly not if the company pays, and its certainly not just about the school getting students into whatever university you care to mention.

There's a whole raft of cultural issues around how we each want our children to develop in school and out of school.

Schools, no matter where they are, reflect the society they are in...... Schools in Thailand reflect wider Thai society all too well for my liking.

Guesthouse is never shy to say it how it is.

If you have the choice of bringing children up in the UK rather than Thailand then, in my opinion, doing so would be the responsible thing to do (if it's a good area and school, plenty rough in the UK too).

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Also even if the cynics are right and the OP is 'selfishly' looking for a new Thai relationship, so what?! Two issues here - we shouldn't have to entirely sacrifice our happiness to dedicate ourselves to our kids, and secondly there are major benefits for the child, on an emotional level, to have a contented parent, rather than a lonely, miserable one.

He COULD sort himself out with a relationship back home, you know. Ok maybe not as young and acquiescent (unless he's minted) but he'd be fine. Oh I'm so SORRY, he wants to play the field with lots of DIFFERENT young women?

OK well that's it, then. Head down the school right now, pull 'em out of class, toss 'em in the cargo hold of the 747 and let's roll !!

But seriously, there'll be more than enough time to get laid when the kids have finished school in the UK.

Whatever benefits there are to having, as you say, a "contented parent" who gets his end away regularly, surely they'd surely pale into insignificance against the drawbacks of having to re-settle in and fully acclimate to Thailand not to mention having to go through the trial and error of finding a school offeriing anything approaching the quality of education available in a good British school.

While there is merit in what you say elesewhere in your post, being brought up in two or more cultures doesn't necessarily guarantee that children will emerge significantly more rounded. I'm sure there are people who can porvide similarly self-serving, anecdotal evidence of how a lack of grounding in one culture can adversely affect a child. Sure there are advantages to being multi-lingual but I'm sure they can learn to speak,read and write Thai in the UK and, moreover, it's not as if they can't go to Thailand and immerse themselves in their heritage later is it?

I'm not clear where you get the "wants to play the field with lots of DIFFERENT young women" from, no evidence of that. And it's an assumption that he can "sort himself out" with a woman back home. That depends on a whole load of factors, including money, none of which we know anything about with regard to the OP. But to take my case as a single parent, for several reasons I have found it by far easier to find a satisfactory relationship in Thailand as compared to Europe.

As for "more than enough time to get laid when the kids finish school in the UK", well I think the OP mentioned a 7 year old? 11 years is a long time; and in my case 13 years until my daughter reaches 18? Hell, I hope I'll still be around then, but I'll be 69. No thanks, I've no intention of waiting that long to get laid. And as I said, our children's happiness is contingent on our own, to a considerable extent.

I'm not going to address your 'drawbacks'. I've already said why in my opinion they are outweighed by the advantages, but you didn't say why you thought the benefits to lack significance.

Of course there is no guarantee that a child exposed to different cultures will become more rounded, tolerant, etc. But it helps. As long as the parent(s) and teachers encourage keeping an open mind too. As for a lack of grounding, or 'roots', yes I think this can erode self-confidence to an extent. But I'm not sure that's entirely a bad thing either. Most of the problems in the world stem from ill-founded convictions, over-confidence, lack of understanding of difference. Conflicts result from people feeling threatened when their beliefs are attacked. Whatever the justification for those beliefs. A little self-doubt can be a good thing, in my view.

I'm sure they can learn to speak,read and write Thai in the UK and, moreover, it's not as if they can't go to Thailand and immerse themselves in their heritage later is it?

No I don't think that's possible. In the vast majority of cases, a child immersed in British culture, with Brits as his peers, and virtually no contact with his Thai family, will reach 18 with no Thai to speak of, and very limited knowledge of Thai culture. After they finish their education, 'if' they should go to Thailand, they will go as strangers. I think that's a shame. The easiest time to learn is in a child's formative years.

As I said before, in my case, I think that the fact my 5 yo is already completely bilingual English/French, with a reasonable command of spoken Thai (she chatters away to her playmates in Thai), is a huge plus. I've an 18 yo who's bilingual English/French too, just going to uni to study Physics. And his English, written and spoken will always be better than someone who's just learnt it as a foreign language at school, then gone on to uni to do a degree in English. Even a Masters.

The benefits of true bilingualism is not easy to understand if you're not actually bilingual (and I mean truly bilingual, many people claim to be when they're not even close) or multilingual yourself.

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wedders

It sounds like you've got things very well thought out.

Perhaps you aren't overestimating just how bad the inexpensive schools are here, nor putting too low a value on the academics side later on, or aren't too fussed about giving her a chance to become very "successful" in the normal mainstream definition by back-home standards.

Just realize that you will need to put in a lot of extra work for your daughter to be "truly bilingual" in all the four skills at an academically competitive level, she just will not get that here without that since you can't afford the top int'l schools.

Pushing her to read a lot more than Thais do in coming years, when she's older that will mean private tutoring and coaching in essay writing, debating and public presentations.

Absolutely can be done I agree, just that you seem to have a lot deeper understanding and willingness to do what it takes than the average parent I've met here.

And althought you may not be, personally I'm willing to live like a monk back home and still be happy for my kids.

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The best way to be totally bilingual is to speak(listen) both languages from birth.

I'm shocked at how some farang fathers I know speak bad Thai to their own kids. This is detrimental, as is a Thai mother speaking bad English to them.

My wife speak Thai always with my kids and I always speak English, even though we can both speak the two languages. This is recommended by the experts in bilingual language acquisition.

Edited by Neeranam
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I'm rather shocked at some of the replies.

My kids are being educated in Thailand as that is where I moved for for my own reasons. Some people take their kids' education far too seriously IMHO.

If they want to be brain surgeons etc then the UK would be better but they can still do that here. There are good enough unis here in Thailand. A foreign MA is advisable.

My kids speak Chinese, Thai and English. They go to a private Catholic school, which is 35,000 a year or so. They don't do the English Program as that is a complete waste of money for luuk kreung kids and many of the foreign teachers are not qualified.

No need for an International School unless you plan to go back to the UK.

There's a lot more to bringing up kids than school education. We have a much better standard of living here than we would in the UK, unless I won the lottery. I see a hell of a lot more of my kids than my friends in the UK do theirs.

I certainly am not going to sacrifice my happiness for the gamble that my kids will want to go to university in the UK. I think they will do much better here being trilingual with a foreign MA if they choose that route. My eldest wants to be an air-hostess and that's fine with me. If she leaves school at 15 and sells somtam, that's fine with me too, if she's happy.

I believe a Thai school with a good second language program would most likely be satisfactory for most people if they intend for their kids to stay in Thailand but I suspect the best they could hope for is 2nd - 3rd tier jobs.

An international school or perhaps better still an education gained in the UK/USA/similar, with sufficient Thai provided outside school, would probably give your kids access to employment around the globe and also to 1st-2nd tier employment within Thailand.

I think as a parent you want to provide your kids with the best education you can afford.

Edited by Colonel_Mustard
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He COULD sort himself out with a relationship back home, you know. Ok maybe not as young and acquiescent (unless he's minted) but he'd be fine. Oh I'm so SORRY, he wants to play the field with lots of DIFFERENT young women?

OK well that's it, then. Head down the school right now, pull 'em out of class, toss 'em in the cargo hold of the 747 and let's roll !!

But seriously, there'll be more than enough time to get laid when the kids have finished school in the UK.

Whatever benefits there are to having, as you say, a "contented parent" who gets his end away regularly, surely they'd surely pale into insignificance against the drawbacks of having to re-settle in and fully acclimate to Thailand not to mention having to go through the trial and error of finding a school offeriing anything approaching the quality of education available in a good British school.

While there is merit in what you say elesewhere in your post, being brought up in two or more cultures doesn't necessarily guarantee that children will emerge significantly more rounded. I'm sure there are people who can porvide similarly self-serving, anecdotal evidence of how a lack of grounding in one culture can adversely affect a child. Sure there are advantages to being multi-lingual but I'm sure they can learn to speak,read and write Thai in the UK and, moreover, it's not as if they can't go to Thailand and immerse themselves in their heritage later is it?

I'm not clear where you get the "wants to play the field with lots of DIFFERENT young women" from, no evidence of that. And it's an assumption that he can "sort himself out" with a woman back home. That depends on a whole load of factors, including money, none of which we know anything about with regard to the OP. But to take my case as a single parent, for several reasons I have found it by far easier to find a satisfactory relationship in Thailand as compared to Europe.

As for "more than enough time to get laid when the kids finish school in the UK", well I think the OP mentioned a 7 year old? 11 years is a long time; and in my case 13 years until my daughter reaches 18? Hell, I hope I'll still be around then, but I'll be 69. No thanks, I've no intention of waiting that long to get laid. And as I said, our children's happiness is contingent on our own, to a considerable extent.

Look, what you're saying sounds very cerebral and reasonable but I think I'm right in saying that the vast majority of single parents wouldn't rip their kids out of a school and, presumably, a cricle of friends to fly them thousands of miles away just so they can get laid on a regular basis.

Dress it up all you want but that's the bottom line here, isn't it?

It's extremely selfish and hardly fair. The OP's made his choices in life; he's got two kids and that's it. THEY are his number one priority now; he can't take them back to the store for a refund.

And it's an assumption that he can "sort himself out" with a woman back home. That depends on a whole load of factors, including money, none of which we know anything about with regard to the OP. But to take my case as a single parent, for several reasons I have found it by far easier to find a satisfactory relationship in Thailand as compared to Europe.

Of course it's an assumption. All of us are or, at least, WERE able to sort ourselves out with women back home. We don't know the OP, what he looks like or his personality but one HAS to assume certain things like this man can actually TALK to a woman, right?

We know the OP has the means with which to be able to afford to send two kids to the "better seats of learning" in this country so he's not short of a few bob, right? This would seem to support the notion that he COULD sort himself out with a paid woman back home if his personality and looks aren't up to the requirements of a conventional relationship.

I'm sure the OP isn't in the unenviable position of only being able to get laid in Thailand. Last time I checked, there were attractive women in the UK

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Look, what you're saying sounds very cerebral and reasonable but I think I'm right in saying that the vast majority of single parents wouldn't rip their kids out of a school and, presumably, a cricle of friends to fly them thousands of miles away just so they can get laid on a regular basis.

Dress it up all you want but that's the bottom line here, isn't it?

No, that is definitely not "the bottom line". The bottom line is that a whole lot of factors are involved, there are pros and cons, and I've listed a few positives. A key one being access to the mother and her family. That's not always a plus, but most children want to see both parents when they are separated, if possible.

It's extremely selfish and hardly fair. The OP's made his choices in life; he's got two kids and that's it. THEY are his number one priority now; he can't take them back to the store for a refund.

No one is disputing that the kids are the priority. It is just as easy to argue that he would be being "extremely selfish" in denying his ex and family the possibility of access to the kids. So his 'selfishness' is entirely your opinion, and nothing more.

As for the bit about the ability or otherwise to find a woman in the UK.... entirely conjecture, you know next to nothing about the guy, and I don't see the point in commenting any more on this.... well, apart from .....

Last time I checked, there were attractive women in the UK

cheesy.gif

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England, the fact all these people on this site can have such a debate is because they were schooled in the West.

And i'm sure many on this forum failed miserably at gaining academic qualifications but have managed to make a good living around the globe, this is purely due to companies wanting our kind of logic.

12000 pound pays for a fairly good high school in Bangkok, this same amount would pay for the very best (by exam results) schools in the UK, and the UKs private schooling is widely accepted as being outstanding.

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England, the fact all these people on this site can have such a debate is because they were schooled in the West.

And i'm sure many on this forum failed miserably at gaining academic qualifications but have managed to make a good living around the globe, this is purely due to companies wanting our kind of logic.

12000 pound pays for a fairly good high school in Bangkok, this same amount would pay for the very best (by exam results) schools in the UK, and the UKs private schooling is widely accepted as being outstanding.

Most children across the west go to free government schools.

Kids in the UK are schooled at 'Tower Hamlets Comprehensive' (or the like).

Kids in the USA are schooled at 'Detroit High' (or the like).

Think I would prefer mine (if they existed) at Mae Rim Mattayom.

Not the best in the world but fairly 'gang-banger' free.

Edited by AnotherOneAmerican
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Most English kids don't go to schools that are populated with the ilk who live in Tower Hamlets, and culturally English children don't go in for all this "gang banging" nonsense.

But i would not want my kid to be raised in such areas, hence the joys of white flight have enabled us to get out to the suburbs and raise our children with a little bit of the "old English ways."


Edited by NeverToReturn
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If you will live in a decent area in the uk, there is no comparison.

Thai system is poor, kids are polite etc..but when I observed a couple of classes in my daughters local school was horrified..teachers just spoke, no real interaction, large classes, only focused on those at the front of the class, rote learning, additional classes at weekends !!

The environment was nice and the kid was happy but I had to make the same decision as you..I put her into an international school fees were enormous..just worked like crazy..I needed the support of the Thai family..we are comfortable in Thailand..didn't want a mass upheaval..

Tough one..good luck..

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All of it

Well it's not an opinion I've come to easily, I've lost many night's sleep over it for the last few weeks and my son isn't even 2 years old yet!! I don't want it to sound like a negative rant against Thailand because I love living here and if it was just my missus and I then we would be much better off staying here, but with kids involved now if we stayed I would be gambling a compromise of their upbringing just because I want to live in Thailand rather than doing what is best for them. Obviously I want my children to have the best upbringing I can give them, and that definitely would not come from growing up in Thailand.

Another point I forgot to mention before is I feel completely at the mercy of this country, be it my visa or school fees. My son went to a playschool in Bangkok for a few months which cost 650 baht for each 45 minute class 3 times a week. It is a global franchise and we had been to the exact same classes in the UK which cost £5 per class (about 225 baht). As my subscription was about to up for renewal, the admin girl told me that the franchise owner had decided to increase the cost of the classes by 40% starting tomorrow. I asked if it was because the teacher's salary was increasing, or they were renovating, maybe their rent or bills had gone up, no, she told me that the owner just decided that the classes were not expensive enough because the playschool was very popular so she was going to start charging 900 baht per 45 minute class. That's £20 per child per class here, for a 2 year old. I noticed that international schools also inflate their costs every year by 10%, which means that by the time my newborn is ready to attend the school will cost nearly 50% more than it currently does, and it is already very expensive for what it is. They could just decide to double the price one year and there would be absolutely nothing I could do about it. I have a similar feeling about the visa rules which are changing greatly every year, making it harder for expats to be able to stay here.

At least with the UK everything is a known quantity for me. We won't have the same support or close family that we have here in Thailand. All of my family live and work in different places now and it is going to break my in-law hearts when we go in a couple of years but I know how it is to grow up in the UK and I loved it, I don't know what it is like to grow up in Thailand but from the aspects I see as an outsider looking in, it is not good and certainly nowhere near as great as the UK is.
You can tell that I am justifying my choice to myself over and over because it is a decision that will dramatically impact and change more than 30 people's lives here and in the UK, and it all rests on my shoulders. I wish I had some better foresight than I currently do, however just from my guessing from my current viewpoint I cannot find any real positive points for raising my children in Thailand compared to the UK.
If anyone can give me the other side of the argument then I'd like to hear it so I can decide how right I am.
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If you will live in a decent area in the uk, there is no comparison.

Thai system is poor, kids are polite etc..but when I observed a couple of classes in my daughters local school was horrified..teachers just spoke, no real interaction, large classes, only focused on those at the front of the class, rote learning, additional classes at weekends !!

The environment was nice and the kid was happy but I had to make the same decision as you..I put her into an international school fees were enormous..just worked like crazy..I needed the support of the Thai family..we are comfortable in Thailand..didn't want a mass upheaval..

Tough one..good luck..

I'm guessing most people going back to their home country would be broke and living in a poor area.

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Well it's not an opinion I've come to easily, I've lost many night's sleep over it for the last few weeks and my son isn't even 2 years old yet!! I don't want it to sound like a negative rant against Thailand because I love living here and if it was just my missus and I then we would be much better off staying here, but with kids involved now if we stayed I would be gambling a compromise of their upbringing just because I want to live in Thailand rather than doing what is best for them. Obviously I want my children to have the best upbringing I can give them, and that definitely would not come from growing up in Thailand.

If anyone can give me the other side of the argument then I'd like to hear it so I can decide how right I am.

Here we go then,

Until high school/Comprehensive the kids in the west just learn the basics of reading and writing and times tables.

In Thai government school, it's exactly the same and the quality isn't far different. Most of the day is play.

Put em in the Thai government school to learn the Thai language, home school them for English reading and basic math.

Then decide what to do when they reach age 11, ready for high school.

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Well it's not an opinion I've come to easily, I've lost many night's sleep over it for the last few weeks and my son isn't even 2 years old yet!! I don't want it to sound like a negative rant against Thailand because I love living here and if it was just my missus and I then we would be much better off staying here, but with kids involved now if we stayed I would be gambling a compromise of their upbringing just because I want to live in Thailand rather than doing what is best for them. Obviously I want my children to have the best upbringing I can give them, and that definitely would not come from growing up in Thailand.

If anyone can give me the other side of the argument then I'd like to hear it so I can decide how right I am.

Here we go then,

Until high school/Comprehensive the kids in the west just learn the basics of reading and writing and times tables.

In Thai government school, it's exactly the same and the quality isn't far different. Most of the day is play.

Put em in the Thai government school to learn the Thai language, home school them for English reading and basic math.

Then decide what to do when they reach age 11, ready for high school.

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Well it's not an opinion I've come to easily, I've lost many night's sleep over it for the last few weeks and my son isn't even 2 years old yet!! I don't want it to sound like a negative rant against Thailand because I love living here and if it was just my missus and I then we would be much better off staying here, but with kids involved now if we stayed I would be gambling a compromise of their upbringing just because I want to live in Thailand rather than doing what is best for them. Obviously I want my children to have the best upbringing I can give them, and that definitely would not come from growing up in Thailand.

If anyone can give me the other side of the argument then I'd like to hear it so I can decide how right I am.

Here we go then,

Until high school/Comprehensive the kids in the west just learn the basics of reading and writing and times tables.

In Thai government school, it's exactly the same and the quality isn't far different. Most of the day is play.

Put em in the Thai government school to learn the Thai language, home school them for English reading and basic math.

Then decide what to do when they reach age 11, ready for high school.

So if it is the same (although you admit the quality is worse) then why would I upheave my kids at age 11 to move to a country for them to start all over again with no friends, no background experience of the culture??

Also, I think my previous post highlights more of my worries about staying in Thailand: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/648824-raising-kids-in-thailand-or-uk/page-3#entry6649232

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@khunmatt.

A huge bankaccount could do the job, a little more selfishness, couple of nannies and alot of friends !!

You are IMO correct about the best choice. 1 cannot hide where they come from. You can compare, your misses, most likely, not.

Keep up the good posts !

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I like Thailand and would like to stay here but not at the detriment of my kid's upbringing, which is what I think will happen to them if they grow up here.

I really thought I'd overstated why in my previous essays I wrote but here's the bulletpoints;

I think it is very dangerous for kids here;

Thai education is nothing compared to the UK;

I think kids here lack a lot of good characteristics that British kids learn early on;

I hate Thai youth culture;

I am at the mercy of immigration and whatever schools/companies I am signed up with for the next 15 years.

What pros are there for raising my kids in a 3rd world country which hates foreigners?

Thailand loves luuk kreung kids. I imagine in the UK they'd be called names and bullied. Their prospects here are much better if they have a good education and even if they don't.

Paying 900 baht for an under 2 year old for 45 min. seems ridiculous to me. This is surely for the Bangkok elite.

Why the need for this? My kids went to a nursery when they were 1 1/2 which cost 2000 baht a month and they've turned out fine.

I never went to playschools. Find them some friends locally.

It is what it is here, sure there are disadvantages and advantages like anywhere.

I had a 'good' education in the Uk, going to the same grammar school as Lord Byron, and 2 very good universities. I got kicked out the 3rd and ended up a bum.

My parents worked their asses off and had little time for me. At least here I can spend a lot of time with my kids and put them to a decent school, picking them up every day. An expert in child psychology recently told me that a parent doing 'just enough' is good enough. You can send them to the best schools and wrap them in cotton wool and they can turn out weirdos.

The one aspect of their schooling that I don't like is the lack of opportunity for sport. However, I take mine to tennis/golf at the weekends. They learn other languages and study musical instruments, playing concerts regularly and busking - for my pension money biggrin.png

I fell that you have irrational fears about this country and your son's future. Relax and take it easy. Thailand is a great place for raising kids. Christ, I had to walk 3 miles in the dark in the winter to/from school through blizzards for years.

My kids have never been in danger.

I have friends who are neurotic and have crazy fears, worries and concerns for their kids and trust me - the kids can pick this up.

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Neeranam

If i was to live in Thailand i'd be worried (for my child) about the drivers who are some of the worst in the world and have been proven not to care less about killing people. Hardly neurotic it is a fact that crossing roads in Thailand is like putting ones life in the hands of others.

Its aspects of this mindset that is accepted by Thais that is one reason for her spend minimal time there and to be brought up thinking like the English.

Though to be brought up nowhere near the new English underclass who are an embarrassment to themselves is obviously a prerequisite.

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Ahabisit, Thaksin and Yingluck,were all University Educated abroad,so when rich Thais prefer their children to have a foreign education it's time to take notice.

Whether it's better for the children to be brought up in a different more relaxed society,with different values and culture is another thing.

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If you will live in a decent area in the uk, there is no comparison.

Thai system is poor, kids are polite etc..but when I observed a couple of classes in my daughters local school was horrified..teachers just spoke, no real interaction, large classes, only focused on those at the front of the class, rote learning, additional classes at weekends !!

The environment was nice and the kid was happy but I had to make the same decision as you..I put her into an international school fees were enormous..just worked like crazy..I needed the support of the Thai family..we are comfortable in Thailand..didn't want a mass upheaval..

Tough one..good luck..

I'm guessing most people going back to their home country would be broke and living in a poor area.

If that was the case it wouldn't affect the quality of the UK Education System,which seems the main concern of the OP.

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