Forever the bad guy

[thequietman]

Hi guys,

Eldest Stepson (I am not a fan) asked me to put a laptop on my creditcard and he would pay it back. He needs it for school. I have heard that angry bird is an important part of the curriculum.

No probs, help him out, doesn't cost me anything so all is well. wife thinks I'm great.

Stepson asks mum, can he put another laptop on my card for his girlfriend. Wife agrees, doesn't ask me.

Asks me and answer is no. Wife is very upset afterall she has promised already.

Rings the son to give him the bad news and now I am the <deleted> again.

Wife is being distant, swears nothin in wrong. Stepson and girlfriend ignoring me.

Am I the only one in this situation ? You do something helpful and you are great. Won't do it again and you are an <deleted> in their eyes.

thoughts ?

[taotoo]

Repossess the laptop, have family gather round, then wantonly piss all over it (the laptop) while screaming obscenities at them.

[thequietman]

Repossess the laptop, have family gather round, then wantonly piss all over it (the laptop) while screaming obscenities at them.

That sounds like a reasonable response.............. maybe I will try that.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

When you give, they ask for more.

Best not to give in the first place, then you are the <deleted> who kept ALL his money.

[StreetCowboy]

Has he paid for the first one yet?

Maybe he could give his, and then once he's paid for that, you could buy another.

SC

Edited June 29, 2013 by StreetCowboy

[Gsxrnz]

Repossess the laptop, have family gather round, then wantonly piss all over it (the laptop) while screaming obscenities at them.

That sounds like a reasonable response.............. maybe I will try that.

That is a good idea and I've done comparative things to exert my authority in similar situations. Maybe actually pissing on it isn't such a flash idea, but sell it and keep the money.

Translation of "exerting my authority" does not mean I want any control over the extended family, but it means they can expect ZERO control over me or my grabout dtang.

EDIT: And if you have similar occurrences, reconsider your future.

Edited June 29, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[thequietman]

Has he paid for the first one yet?

Maybe he could give his, and then once he's paid for that, you could buy another.

SC

Yes, thats a reasonable idea. Mentioned it already. Was met with looks of confusion. Heres the scary part....................... wife said its not really money I'm paying out just credit.

[aTomsLife]

Your stepson knew he was taking the piss: he asked your wife for your money, instead of just coming to you in the first place.

Falling for this kind of nonsense is insulting, not only to yourself -- but to your wife and stepson as well. Don't you think they have enough common sense to know they're trying to take advantage of you? It's ironic, I know, but letting people get away with this is tantamount to telling them, I know you're too selfish and stupid to exercise common courtesy, so here's some money for your troubles. Hold them to the same standard you'd hold the average person to.

[NeverSure]

No comment beyond you may call me "single forever."

[thequietman]

Your stepson knew he was taking the piss: he asked your wife for your money, instead of just coming to you in the first place.

Falling for this kind of nonsense is insulting, not only to yourself -- but to your wife and stepson as well. Don't you think they have enough common sense to know they're trying to take advantage of you? It's ironic, I know, but letting people get away with this is tantamount to telling them, I know you're too selfish and stupid to exercise common courtesy, so here's some money for your troubles. Hold them to the same standard you'd hold the average person to.

Exactly, told then to swing in the wind. Its funny to watch them and see their look of confusion as they can't understand that I won't do it. Wife says she considers the girlfriend family. Can't seem to grasp the fact that they may b finished in 2-3 months. Wife says if that happens then the son will pay.

[Gsxrnz]

When you give, they ask for more.

Best not to give in the first place, then you are the arsehol_e who kept ALL his money.

Try this - if they ask for 5,000, LEND them 1,000. When they ask for 5,000 the next time, tell them you'll GIVE them 1,000 but you'll apply it to the last loan they forgot to repay, so we're now square, and by the way ALL future loans will be repaid weekly. Chances are they won't ask again. Or if they DO ask again, they know that's their last chance because the next time you'll apply it to the previous loan, so no point in asking.

Net cost to you, 1,000 Baht, the look on their face when realisation hits home, priceless.

Gotta love Pavlov's theory.

[GreenSnapper]

Teach your wife that one of her duties is protecting your money and assets.

If she doesn't comply, find another one.

[Scottythai]

Not that I like to laugh at anothers pain but that was just the laugh I needed today man. Here is the question, as it seems the son has not paid you back for laptop a first does he at least have a job? If not this will be a perfect time to get labor done. He can always work off a debt thus teaching him the value of something and getting something for the money you put up front. I know people will say that the son will not agree to it. Then simple use this as fire power. Next time he needs something it's labor up front because his credit is not good with you.

[David48]

My Laptop story ...

My niece had just bought herself a new Laptop and I figured the old one was redundant, so I, through her mother, suggested the good that it would do for the Thai Family.

She agreed and I said great ... I'll wash and polish the nieces' car so she also gets a direct benefit.

Laptop goes to Thailand ... but I believe that nothing is given and that the Laptop should be earned.

The eldest child was most deserving so I challenged her. Read 5 pages of the English book with reasonable diction and understanding and the computer is hers.

We she diligently applied herself ... got 2 pages 'signed off', but go away and work on the 3rd one.

Long story short ... never applied herself enough to get the Laptop.

Maybe the lesson learnt that my promises are not negotiable and that actions have consequences.

She failed with her part of the bargain ... I wasn't forthcoming.

She cried ... I gave her a hug and a tissue and said nice try ... but doesn't work with me.

Next time she will (hopefully) strive to achieve that goal if it means enough to her.

.

[ABCer]

A few useful tips:

You give a hand - they want an arm.

Enough is never enough.

One step back - you start a journey in an opposite direction.

Re-educate your wife or she will re-educate you.

He is her son not yours - what about his father? - would your own son ask for you to buy his girlfriend a ... something?

Give me, now give to my son, now give to my mom... and you are 'Bob's your uncle'.

Thai culture... hmm... and what about yours?

If you still have to ask advice on the subject - you are a goner anyway... Why don't you trust your own feelings? Need approval? Whose?

BTW if once I was told that I'm a bad guy - wouldn't stay one day longer with the woman - 'go and find a better one' is my position.

Edited June 29, 2013 by ABCer

[aTomsLife]

Your stepson knew he was taking the piss: he asked your wife for your money, instead of just coming to you in the first place.

Falling for this kind of nonsense is insulting, not only to yourself -- but to your wife and stepson as well. Don't you think they have enough common sense to know they're trying to take advantage of you? It's ironic, I know, but letting people get away with this is tantamount to telling them, I know you're too selfish and stupid to exercise common courtesy, so here's some money for your troubles. Hold them to the same standard you'd hold the average person to.

Exactly, told then to swing in the wind. Its funny to watch them and see their look of confusion as they can't understand that I won't do it. Wife says she considers the girlfriend family. Can't seem to grasp the fact that they may b finished in 2-3 months. Wife says if that happens then the son will pay.

Good for you, QM. If you've been excessively generous in the past, I'm sure they're very confused. What kind of precedents have you set over the years (months), if any? Is this common behavior, that you're constantly asked to pay for their "respect"?

[NeverSure]

Repossess the laptop, have family gather round, then wantonly piss all over it (the laptop) while screaming obscenities at them.

That sounds like a reasonable response.............. maybe I will try that.

That is a good idea and I've done comparative things to exert my authority in similar situations. Maybe actually pissing on it isn't such a flash idea, but sell it and keep the money.

Translation of "exerting my authority" does not mean I want any control over the extended family, but it means they can expect ZERO control over me or my grabout dtang.

EDIT: And if you have similar occurrences, reconsider your future.

"EDIT: And if you have similar occurrences, reconsider your future."

I don't know if this applies here, but I see so many guys who are basically broke from getting married, building a house, paying for a wedding, etc., that they can't just reconsider their future. They already cast it in stone.

No thanks.

[thequietman]

Repossess the laptop, have family gather round, then wantonly piss all over it (the laptop) while screaming obscenities at them.

That sounds like a reasonable response.............. maybe I will try that.

That is a good idea and I've done comparative things to exert my authority in similar situations. Maybe actually pissing on it isn't such a flash idea, but sell it and keep the money.

Translation of "exerting my authority" does not mean I want any control over the extended family, but it means they can expect ZERO control over me or my grabout dtang.

EDIT: And if you have similar occurrences, reconsider your future.

"EDIT: And if you have similar occurrences, reconsider your future."

I don't know if this applies here, but I see so many guys who are basically broke from getting married, building a house, paying for a wedding, etc., that they can't just reconsider their future. They already cast it in stone.

No thanks.

Thanks for your concern. Be sure that I am not a gobshite and I have made plans for an event that causes me to "just walk away," See................ I do listen to advice on ThaiVisa foum. Its starting to be the norm and that is what concerns me. totally irrational with no long term thinking at all. When her sons around my wife turns into a complete ass. When he's gone she's as reasonable as any person. He's the first born and he knows his effect on her.

[HeijoshinCool]

If he hasn't asked to borrow money to make a payment, hang on, he will ....

[thequietman]

Your stepson knew he was taking the piss: he asked your wife for your money, instead of just coming to you in the first place.

Falling for this kind of nonsense is insulting, not only to yourself -- but to your wife and stepson as well. Don't you think they have enough common sense to know they're trying to take advantage of you? It's ironic, I know, but letting people get away with this is tantamount to telling them, I know you're too selfish and stupid to exercise common courtesy, so here's some money for your troubles. Hold them to the same standard you'd hold the average person to.

Exactly, told then to swing in the wind. Its funny to watch them and see their look of confusion as they can't understand that I won't do it. Wife says she considers the girlfriend family. Can't seem to grasp the fact that they may b finished in 2-3 months. Wife says if that happens then the son will pay.

Good for you, QM. If you've been excessively generous in the past, I'm sure they're very confused. What kind of precedents have you set over the years (months), if any? Is this common behavior, that you're constantly asked to pay for their "respect"?

Nope, as a general rule I am a kee noi. When it comes to her son. my wife seems to lose all rational and common sense, Its eeerie to say the least.

[YeahSiam]

Your stepson knew he was taking the piss: he asked your wife for your money, instead of just coming to you in the first place.

Falling for this kind of nonsense is insulting, not only to yourself -- but to your wife and stepson as well. Don't you think they have enough common sense to know they're trying to take advantage of you? It's ironic, I know, but letting people get away with this is tantamount to telling them, I know you're too selfish and stupid to exercise common courtesy, so here's some money for your troubles. Hold them to the same standard you'd hold the average person to.

Wife says she considers the girlfriend family. Can't seem to grasp the fact that they may b finished in 2-3 months. Wife says if that happens then the son will pay.

You KNOW your wife doesn't consider the girlfriend family, right? She's willing to knock you so her son can be happy - recipe for disaster right there.

Ok, so on the surface, it might seem minor and even mildly amusing but it hints at a deeper malaise; put simply, she has less respect for you than she ought to

If I was in this position (let's hope I never am), I'd be looking into the possibility of extricating myself from this one, son.

[glassdude007]

another case of greedy thais taking advantage of a falong and his money....

watch out it will get worst it always does...greeed

[falkan]

how do you feel being used as atm-card in the family?.. they must love you.. or your atm-card? and why cant your wife pay it if he so needs it?

[thequietman]

how do you feel being used as atm-card in the family?.. they must love you.. or your atm-card? and why cant your wife pay it if he so needs it?

Only gets her house keeping. No more. This isn't my first ride on the merry-go-round my friend.

[thequietman]

No comment beyond you may call me "single forever."

Quoting the Life Of Brian............................... 'you lucky bastaerd."

[StreetCowboy]

how do you feel being used as atm-card in the family?.. they must love you.. or your atm-card? and why cant your wife pay it if he so needs it?

Only gets her house keeping. No more. This isn't my first ride on the merry-go-round my friend.

I don't think you really need to big yourself up by boasting about how stingy you are, unless you want to impress the skinflints and misogynists on this forum. You raised a little personal conundrum, asking for opinions; you don't need to justify yourself to anyone on this forum

SC

[YeahSiam]

A few useful tips:

You give a hand - they want an arm.

Enough is never enough.

One step back - you start a journey in an opposite direction.

Re-educate your wife or she will re-educate you.

He is her son not yours - what about his father? - would your own son ask for you to buy his girlfriend a ... something?

Give me, now give to my son, now give to my mom... and you are 'Bob's your uncle'.

Thai culture... hmm... and what about yours?

If you still have to ask advice on the subject - you are a goner anyway... Why don't you trust your own feelings? Need approval? Whose?

BTW if once I was told that I'm a bad guy - wouldn't stay one day longer with the woman - 'go and find a better one' is my position.

You make some very good points but this type of behaviour has very little to do with Thai "culture".

They wouldn't dream of demanding this sort of thing from a THAI man.

Why?

For fear that his inevitable refusal might be a damn sight more offensive and painful than an expletive. And that's if they could land a solvent Thai man willing to even CONSIDER rasing someone else's offspring.

They will, however, try it on with a farang for the simple reason that they think they can get away with it.

Why?

Because, sadly, the hordes of desperate farang men that have come and gone before us here in Thailand have raised the expectations Thai women have of a union with a Westerner.

[thequietman]

how do you feel being used as atm-card in the family?.. they must love you.. or your atm-card? and why cant your wife pay it if he so needs it?

Only gets her house keeping. No more. This isn't my first ride on the merry-go-round my friend.

I don't think you really need to big yourself up by boasting about how stingy you are, unless you want to impress the skinflints and misogynists on this forum. You raised a little personal conundrum, asking for opinions; you don't need to justify yourself to anyone on this forum

SC

Thanks for that. I am not a 'skinflint' but only around the general thai family. Hope that makes sense. Friends and such, I can be quite frugal.............

[Loptr]

For the OP, it appears you are on the family's <deleted> list at the moment and everyone is giving you the cold shoulder. Sounds like a perfect time to pack a bag and take an unannounced holiday for a few weeks to somewhere that the beer is cold, the beach is beautiful and people appreciate your custom. If when you return their attitude has not changed, then you know where you stand. Give an inch and they take a mile.

[pattayadingo]

Nowhere near as expensive as a laptop computer. An ex of mine kept asking for money for differfent little things and it soon mounted up. I stopped giving until ther son lost his m/c helmet. For safety, I paid for another one.

In about 2 months he'd lost 3 helmets. Now I said no to another one, telling her that either he did not care a jot about the helmets, or she was lying to me about the losses.

Yes, I was a nasty, horrible man who would not even pay for a m/c helmet. I got some sh*t over it yet they (she) forgot this was 3 in two months and that is taking the p*ss. They stopped speaking to me, she stopped the sex. I walked.

Another (different one) wanted my Fino. Low mileage, very good condition. She needed it for work. told me she would pay me for it. I bought a new one. She refused to pay for the old one. I took it back off her from her workplace and she never saw me again.

They forget it is the principle of the thing, not the actual money.

Yes, OP I do understand where you are coming from and there is little you can do about their reaction, sadly.