Moving in with a Thai woman

[55Jay]

I can you give you a rough idea based on what I already know.

i) She's not a profligate spender, just food/rent/gas/the occasional night out. Without the rent, probably under 10k a month

ii) Less than zero. The liquid assets have gone down the drain.

iii) Credit cards

Yeah, I know the last couple of points sound bad, which is largely why I'm reluctant to give her the green light. I want to help her out, but I also don't want to put myself in a bad position or end up being treated like an ATM.

I'm pretty sure this is the first and last time she'll allow herself to get into this position (ie with a credit card debt), and can honestly say she's an intelligent, decent girl who just had a bit of bad luck (which I'd prefer not to get into)...and, oh god this is starting to sound cliched.

Folks in "the west" make this cohabitation decision to combine finances quite often, and in this case she's the one with a money problem, not you.

If you do this, and are able, monitor her discipline in paying down the credit card debt using, at minimum, the money she's not expending on her own rent.

Flash forward to the end (unfortunately) if it doesn't work out, she'll need to get herself set up in a flat again. If she's blown this golden opportunity, parting company can go one of two ways, depending on how hard core you are.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

[314zuri]

Thanks 55Jay.

Sound advice.

[314zuri]

"So currently, her income is zero and expenditure ???? maybe 20,000 a month but we don't know"

If her expenditure was 20k a month I guess she'd have no chance of paying down the debt since that's considered a pretty good monthly income/salary for a Thai girl, isn't it?

Anyone have Thai wives/girlfriends earning more than 20k from regular jobs?

[Briggsy]

I can you give you a rough idea based on what I already know.

i) She's not a profligate spender, just food/rent/gas/the occasional night out. Without the rent, probably under 10k a month

ii) Less than zero. The liquid assets have gone down the drain.

iii) Credit cards

Yeah, I know the last couple of points sound bad, which is largely why I'm reluctant to give her the green light. I want to help her out, but I also don't want to put myself in a bad position or end up being treated like an ATM.

I'm pretty sure this is the first and last time she'll allow herself to get into this position (ie with a credit card debt), and can honestly say she's an intelligent, decent girl who just had a bit of bad luck (which I'd prefer not to get into)...and, oh god this is starting to sound cliched.

Thank you 314.

You said it yourself, it sounds bad.

If you choose to proceed with the moving in,

i) prepare for a rocky time

ii) come up with a specific and realistic budget but do not reveal it to her

iii) have a realistic contigency exit plan, that's realistic.

Best of luck. There are plenty of fish in the [Thai] sea. Otherwise there are plenty of fat, single-parent fish in farangland.

[misterphil]

Looking at a worst case scenario - things go bad. I move out. I lose the rest of the month's rent plus potentially the deposit, itself equal usually to a month's rent. All up, around 500 or 600 bucks worth, in addition to all the hassle involved in packing up and moving all my stuff some place else.

NO no no. It will also be your responsibility to get her out of there and that isn't easy.

Never let a gal move in with you. Move in with her or have her keep her own place too. If she moves in with you and you try to get rid of her all hell could break loose. She can give you all kinds of trouble. I know of guys who have had to pay big bucks to entice a gal to move.

Here here, I know where your coming from on this one. Easy come, hard to go. You CANNOT get rid of them once they have moved in with you and they have their rice cooker on simmer LOL. Hey only the OP knows this girl, maybe she is not too bad. They are out there, you just have to work your way through them.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Oh boy. Anyone have any stories where they moved in with the Thai girlfriend and it all worked out great?

Asia

It's never worked out great, but the journey was always lots of fun.

USA

Didn't ever work out great and wasn't much fun during either.

Asia wins!

Advice to OP, there is always a bit of a problem getting them out again so ....

Move into her place (pay her rent), or rent another condo as a couple, then if it all goes wrong you can move back to your original home.

Edited July 4, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Julienchampla]

You never get the answer till you stay with her..If lucky, you found the right one and if not you jus another victim

[innerspace]

"

If her expenditure was 20k a month I guess she'd have no chance of paying down the debt since that's considered a pretty good monthly income/salary for a Thai girl, isn't it?

 

Anyone have Thai wives/girlfriends earning more than 20k from regular jobs?

Yes. Lots do. And lots more. I know as both an employer and a partner. Anyone who says otherwise just associates with a certain company...

Debt with no income is a red flag out here for sure.... but there are good ones in amongst the disasters!

If your instincts have led you well in the past then go for it.

If you keep wondering whats going wrong in life... skip this one.

[55Jay]

You never get the answer till you stay with her..If lucky, you found the right one and if not you jus another victim

Poor English mate, but spot on.

[wooloomooloo]

...and if not you jus another victim

Victim of what? We can only make a victim of one's self.

You can adjust to your surroundings and engage common sense. It's not hard.

[55Jay]

...and if not you jus another victim

Victim of what? We can only make a victim of one's self.

You can adjust to your surroundings and engage common sense. It's not hard.

True that. As I opined, this sort of thing is done all the time in the western world,. for some reason it take on mistique here in LOS. Same same.

[55Jay]

This bloody post ought to be locked out, eh? Done said all there is to be said.

[rsokolowski]

Something to also consider is that moving together may mean different things to an expat and to a Thai girl. To the expat it is like it would be in the west, just a couple moving in together sharing expenses and living together. To many Thai women moving in together has more meaning, and can be thought of as more like marriage. Just something to thing about, I think this is one of the reasons that some Thai women may get possessive and insecure during this type of arrangement. They think they are in a long term (marriage-like) relationship, but you think you are just boyfriend and girlfriend.

Just my opinion and I have been married to a Thai woman for 20 years and still going strong.

[GreenSnapper]

Your home country will recognise the de-facto relationship, even though your living in Thailand. Time living together is taken into consideration when making spouse or future spouse visa applications.

I guess that means if she really wanted to go you in a break up, she could do it in your home country.

But that would only be possible if we lived together for whatever qualifying period of time and then both moved (visited?) my home country?

Forced marriages (for men), common at some PC/feminist Western countries, don't apply to Thailand.

Just break up. As a man, you'll show some fairness and may give her some support for her afterlife. Offer that as a monthly downpayment and the break up will be smoother and without much fights.