Are Gay Men a Gay Man's Worst Enemy?

[Suradit69]

Are Gay Men a Gay Man's Worst Enemy? An article by Mark Brennan Rosenberg

"have nothing better to do with their time than criticize others under the veil of anonymity" Sounds like a Thai Visa issue not exclusively employed by gays.

A few days ago my friend Carl posted the following as his Facebook status update: "God, gay people are the worst!" Carl, a 21-year-old transplant from Nashville, is a friend of a friend, whom I was told to keep an eye on when he moved to New York. Seeing his status, the mama bear in me came out immediately, and I asked him via direct message, "What's the problem?" He told me that he was fed up with his gay friends in New York. That evening he had gone out with four gay friends, one of whom had left him to hook up, while the other three had gossiped about people who weren't there rather than enjoy each other's company, leaving Carl fed up. I chalked it up to age and told Carl that he was probably just in a bad mood, but he insisted that he was tired of the catty remarks, the bickering between friends and the behind-the-back tittle-tattle that consumed their Friday nights out. All this had prompted his anti-gay Facebook status, even though he himself is gay.

A few days later, a piece I had written for a magazine was released. It was a very tongue-in-cheek look at how straight people view gay sex. It was never intended to hurt anyone; however the reception that it received was lukewarm at best. People were angry at me, as if I were specifically targeting them by name and calling them out, when in reality I was attempting to break down stereotypes in a humorous way. Hours later, my Facebook fan page was flooded with nasty remarks regarding my piece. However, instead of criticizing what I had written, people told me that I'm "ugly," that I "look like a monkey" and that I "need a face lift." Low blows, but fortunately for me, after 30 years of being alive, things like that roll right off my back. However, I didn't understand what any of this had to do with my piece. Upon further inspection, I found that the people who had left those nasty remarks about my looks were all gay men who, coincidentally enough, didn't show their own faces on their Facebook profiles, just pictures of landscapes or their pets. I never feel the need to defend my work, nor do I engage in any type of back-and-forth with strangers who have nothing better to do with their time than criticize others under the veil of anonymity. However, it did make me think of Carl and his anti-gay Facebook status. While I have no proof of this, I am relatively sure that if a straight man dislikes something that another straight man has written, he's not going to comment on that man's looks. Gay people are really mean to each other sometimes.

continued: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-brennan-rosenberg/are-gay-men-a-gay-mans-worst-enemy_b_2759847.html?utm_content=buffer6087d&utm_source=buffer&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Buffer

Edited July 24, 2013 by Suradit69

[sustento]

It's self obsessed tossers like the bloke who wrote the article that get the rest of us a bad name.

[Suradit69]

It's self obsessed tossers like the bloke who wrote the article that get the rest of us a bad name.

Unfortunately it's so many of the self-obsessed tossers who have the visibility that makes them the stereotype-setters. And, of course, people who are higher profile and exist in places like New York or LA tend to think everyone thinks & acts as they do.

On the other hand, if you've ever visited boards like Sawatdee Gay Thailand ( at least in the past) or the redoubtable GayButton (again, in the past ... I abandoned both in search of elusive "higher ground"), there is/was a lot of blood spilt there amongst the supposedly like-minded membership.

Edited July 24, 2013 by Suradit69

[sustento]

I've visited both SGT and GB and most of the blood letting seemed to come from a clique that lived in Pattaya. I suspect they may be a self-fulfilling prophecy

Edited July 24, 2013 by sustento

[Rice60640]

We judge ourselves more harshly than straight people do -- who's fat, who's hot and NOT! There are some things to stereotypes -- it only become a stereotype when it has been observed enough times in the general population. People with self image issues are the ones that need to tear other people down -- this happens in the gay and straight population.

[onthemoon]

I didn't read the whole article in the HuffPost yet, but I agree with the first paragraph in the OP. Even though I live in BKK and not NYC.

Most of my friends are straight, and what is described above is the reason for it. There are very few gay friends I have, and those are exceptional in the sense that they don't really fit into the Silom crowd.

But that's OK. Obviously, many gay guys enjoy what the article describes, otherwise it wouldn't exist. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not me, and I am glad to read that I am not alone.

[LeCharivari]

I didn't read the whole article in the HuffPost yet, but I agree with the first paragraph in the OP. Even though I live in BKK and not NYC.

Most of my friends are straight, and what is described above is the reason for it. There are very few gay friends I have, and those are exceptional in the sense that they don't really fit into the Silom crowd.

But that's OK. Obviously, many gay guys enjoy what the article describes, otherwise it wouldn't exist. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not me, and I am glad to read that I am not alone.

Definitely "not alone". In fact I think that the vast majority of gays are in a similar position to you - as straights make up some 95% of the population its hardly surprising that most of your friends are gay if you have any sort of "normal" existence!

I think the article and your response highlight the "two camps" that gays (and anyone else) fall into: those who are just part of the normal larger community (gay/straight/black/white/christian/jewish/muslim/atheist, etc, etc) and who see being gay as just one part of their life, and those who see being gay (or black/white/, etc, etc) as the be-all and end-all of their existence and whose life centers around it in a far smaller more restricted community.

[KED]

I agree that gossip and insults are not limited to the gay culture. Just look at all the online comments for most sites and you see the conversation quickly deteriorate into name calling and insults. I think people are just insecure and often manifest their insecurities by bringing down others. sad, really.

[onthemoon]

I agree that gossip and insults are not limited to the gay culture. Just look at all the online comments for most sites and you see the conversation quickly deteriorate into name calling and insults. I think people are just insecure and often manifest their insecurities by bringing down others. sad, really.

Wasn't there a research quite some time ago stating that information (wrong or false) travels through gay circles faster than the CIA? Or something like that.

And bitching (which might or might not be insulting) is certainly a discipline in which gay men excel. I mean that in the best way possible.