Why is it so hard to find a good man in Bangkok as a female farang?

[winstonc]

Ok look at it in reverse. Why is it that a lot of Thai woman want Farang Men./ Because Thai men drink, smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman. They don't want to commit . Pick any combination of these reasons and you will find most thai men are like this. Then on top of this Thai culture treats woman as second class or that they are like a chantle when married to a Thai man.

So you are probably left with a very small % of Men that want a Farang Wife And from my experience Farang woman are not subservient. Farang woman are similar to Men from the West. Responsible Honest hard working and usually smart which is not a a desirable trait for Thai men.

So figure it out Thai woman want Farang and not Thai men. It is clear why . So you are going to have to accept this formula since there is some truth to it

Sorry for your dilema. I am not saying 100% are like this so go out have fun and maybe you will fine someone to love.

I got very lucky

I was in a restaurant and there was this very nice lady smiling at me . I got her phone number and after our first Date we have been together since then. It has been fabulous but then again she prefers Farang Men for the very reasons I outlined

100% correct,,,,

[Maria23]

Unfortunately the "majority" of farang ladies in Thailand, just don't quite stack up in the looks department. Intelligence and a sense of humour only go so far.

Another obvious reason, majority of guys here are not interested in farang females.

Any other reason?

Not true! We do keep up with the looks department, but guess what ? We have more western taste in dressing up than Thai ladies. If you refer to beauty treatments to make our nose or add filler into our chin or silicone breasts, well we don't need that! We have it from the mother nature. And don't forget one thing. Thai ladies are doing so to look more like a farang woman!

[BeforeTigers]

Seems this piece omitted the most obvious and undeniably greatest factor in the hunt for farang/farang love: statistics.
Exactly how large is the expat community here?
No doubt in my mind that I'd be happy for the opportunity to spend some time commiserating with fellow westerner... if I could find one. Unfortunately, there are only about 3 or 4 of you in the entire city, as far as I can tell. I donlt seem to cross paths with too many in my day to day. Another problem is differentiating the expats from the tourist. Because, really, who has time to chat up every blonde just to get a feel for her visa status?

Then there's that eye-contact expat dodge thing that I see way, way too often here: When you pass a fellow westerner on the street, especially away from the city center and tourist areas- and instead of a smile or a nod in solidarity, you get navel gazers. Am I the only one that experiences that? I dunno. It's weird.

And then there's the other elephant in the room: Why doesn't this woman take a page out of the farang man's handbook and Try-Dating-Thai people. They're quite good companions, ya know.

I dunno. I've heard a couple of farang ladies speak on this subject online. None have yet really made me understand what the big deal is.

5 proper dates and an arm full of flings.
Were you doing better back home?

Edited August 6, 2013 by BeforeTigers

[Leung Falang]

My advice would be to go to an English speaking church service. The men you find there will be quite different than the ones you have met to date.

[TonyBkk]

As a white guy in Asia i find it very difficult to find white girls to date. Ive dated a few Local girls but found interesting conversation seriously lacking. if your interested in a one trick pony that can satisfy you sexually then local girls would be great, but for those of us who are into more meaningful relationships it can get seriously hard to find girls to date.

And yes I speak Thai fluently having passed ป.๖ in 2006 so its not like I'm only hooking up with westernized Thai girls. I never go to bars and have a yearly alcohol consumption of one to two pints of Guinness. So the question is where can you meet interesting western women who are interested in more than binge drinking and ego building conversation?

[Boo]

2 posts removed.

western feminzation blah blah, westen women , blah blah. take it elsewhere please, there is no place for your issues with women here.

[alaina]

I think that this story is a bit over-blown. In most cities people don't make lots of eye contact on the streets and usually have difficulty meeting people in public.

Part of the problem is perception, some foreign guys approach foreign women as if we're desperate and that is not a good conversation-starter. Also, some guys think that foreign women resent Thai women, which is also untrue and shows a rather dim outlook. "I don't date Thai women" is another one that I've heard and really, I don't care, why exclude anyone that could be interesting?

But those guys are thankfully a minority. There are a lot of expats in Thailand and so there have to be some good ones.

[Markaew]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

You are an ideolog. You are confusing western standards to Thailand. Look around. I think you need glasses.

Money is first here. If a Thai woman can improve her life by marrying a foreigner, no matter what his appearance, then she feels pretty good about her improved life status.

You can toot your horn all you wish, but the facts contradict you.

[tingtongfarang]

I'm sorry but I think you have a skewered perspective.

The amount of thai women actively loking for a farang is miniscule in comparison to the thai women looking for & actively being with thai men.

I'm sure your gf has given you all the stories about "thai man no good" & I am sure it makes you feel good about yourself but you are very far off the mark about thai men I'm afraid.

Why is it that a lot of Thai woman want Farang Men

snip Because Thai men drink, smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman. They don't want to commit

So figure it out Thai woman want Farang and not Thai men. It is clear why

Honest boo...we all heard these stories from thai girls concerning thai guys,

Thing is i also hear the same stories from farang girls who had nothing but bad experiences with thai guys, infact i have even observed things unfold for the worst for the farang girl,

Other side is i also have thai male friends who are happily married and living in europe with a western wife...i feel its not the norm.

[Boo]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

You are an ideolog. You are confusing western standards to Thailand. Look around. I think you need glasses.

Money is first here. If a Thai woman can improve her life by marrying a foreigner, no matter what his appearance, then she feels pretty good about her improved life status.

You can toot your horn all you wish, but the facts contradict you.

What post do you think you are you repying to becuase your response has zero relevance to the post you have quoted. ?

[marell]

Relative to Thai women. you have nothing to offer.

It's not an either/or deal. Different people bring different things to the table. What works for some doesn't work for others. Sorry, but you're taking an extremely narrow-minded and shallow position.

Edited August 6, 2013 by marell

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

it seems neither sex is adult enough to discuss the issue without stooping to mud slinging

[orang37]

For Khun Molly, human being, seeking love and meaning in the pilgrimage of life: warm regards, and my sincere hope she finds a relationship that offers her as much of what she "needs" (to catalyze, and nurture, her reaching her full human potential), as it offers her what she "wants."

At least in the reportage, here, it is not absolutely clear whether the author is talking about finding a "quality male" independent of whether they are Thai, or Farang.

"an ex-gogo dancer who doesn’t own a phone, a guy who lives with his long term girlfriend and another guy who keeps trying to spring surprise threesomes on you? I think you need more options.”

This statement by the author could be interpreted as indicating the author has a preference for, seeks, a Thai male, but are we absolutely sure the author means that ? I do admit to not having ever met, in my twelve years in-country, a farang male ex-gogo dancer without a phone, but, that could just be an artifact of my own male-hetero way-the-genes'-cookie-crumbled psyche, lifestyle, and experience. Or, I don't have the right mobile phone ?

The author, at least as reported here, never defines what, for her, is a "quality male," and what she is really seeking. There are suggestions her quest includes certain (preliminary ?) behaviors by a male candidate, like "romantic dating," western style; or, certain long-term "outcomes:" possibly marriage, children ... at the least a "long-term" relationship ?

Does the author speak Thai, well; has the author studied, participated-in, tried to some extent "live inside" Thai culture: does the author have a sense of the profound cultural differences in the meaning of, and actuality of, "the relationship" as a social construct, and reality, between her western socialization, and acculturation, and contemporary Thais ? Or, as for any culture, nation, ethnic group, etc., the variations in "relatonships" between, and within, social classes, and different social strata, and different socio-economic groups, or groups defined in terms of age, employment, religion, regional heritage, etc. ?

Has the author ever done volunteer-work with Thais, worked alongside them, found enduring Thai friendships with either sex where she has experienced emotional intimacy (I don't mean sex) ? Does the author have some aspect of Thai culture, religion, or arts, that she actively participates in (Muay Thai, dance, Vipassana, etc. ... ?), where she has real experience being with Thais as a "peer" in shared roles, where she's "absorbed" in the activity; where her focus is enacting her role, and external, not just "on herself" ?

For me, knowing information like that would be essential to evaluate what the author's current goals for relationships: are. And, I would say exactly the same words, if I were responding to a similar article written by a farang male.

I find the comments on this thread about what people "can offer" kind of puzzling: I've never met anyone who did not "have something to offer;" except, at times, my own human self (the orangutan self I co-habit with always has more on offer than I could ever accept ... if I could accept it).

I won't mention my dim understanding, my innate intuition, that "relationships" are like rare transient flowers that appear, and bloom, in ways we cannot consciously predict, or choose (choose at the level of our normal limited ego-bound consciousness), and that, like all blossoms, they must wither ... in order to bear seed.

I would like to be optimistic about "love," simply because I think life is happier, more wonderful, the miracle of the ordinary more salient, by acting as if "love" exists, that if you don't have it, it can be "found;" that when you do "have it" it's eternal. Yes, that means I really did "mainline introject" the western romantic tradition, and probably will never "get over it," in spite of experience; that's possibly part of what "being" a poet, child, and grand-child, of poets, and story-tellers ... is

But, I also find great meaning, personally, in the great poem by Kabir:

"Where there is a garden, the flowers will come." ("rahi gulzar to phool, khilenge")

If my own life is not "the garden," if I am not as "innerly complete" as possible, realizing to the full extent possible, every aspect of my self, including those characterized (variously in different cultures, and groups) as "masculine," and "feminine;" if I avoid fully experiencing the loneliness I feel is an innate part of the human condition; if I avoid taking the risk of being vulnerable by really opening my heart ... if I "run away" from what I believe is the inevitable grief that is part of life, using other people for temporary substitutes for deeper intimacy (to just "get by") without real involvement, and commitment (what I call the "tear-off and wipe" pattern of serial pseudo-relationships) ...

Well, then: I think the flowers I dream of blooming ... will remain ... dreams.

And, the memories of the flowers/relationships that actually bloomed in this life, most often defying and confounding all my expectations, transforming me in "spite of myself:" surely, if I am not a garden, soil fertilized by both tears and laughter, humility, and awe: those memories will ... fade. And, what a profound loss, if those memories become ... just ... mundane; or, psychically mutated into "sacred relics" that are, ritually, "hollow."

~o:37;

Edited August 6, 2013 by orang37

[Markaew]

Relative to Thai women. you have nothing to offer.

It's not an either/or deal. Different people bring different things to the table. What works for some doesn't work for others. Sorry, but you're taking an extremely narrow-minded and shallow position.

That is your opinion. I gave mine.

But I presume your is an inexperienced one.

[umbanda]

If you are under 30, not will a problem to find a partner, Thai or foreigner. Women after 30 is considered "old" for Thai men, and for foreigners in the same age range. If you are over 40.....and not stunning beautiful.....you will have to lower your standards to find a male partner in Thailand. But.....If you are rich...it is a totally different game.

[Boo]

2 posts removed.

western feminzation blah blah, westen women , blah blah. take it elsewhere please, there is no place for your issues with women here.

I don't think that is good form to delete who you disagree with.

They weren't removed because I disagreed with them, they were removed for being rude & of no help to the discussion.

Whatever issues you may have with the western world or western women specifically are your own & you will not be permitted to derail the topic with them. I hope this clears it up for any fuuture postings you (or anyone else) wish to make.

[Markaew]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

You are an ideolog. You are confusing western standards to Thailand. Look around. I think you need glasses.

Money is first here. If a Thai woman can improve her life by marrying a foreigner, no matter what his appearance, then she feels pretty good about her improved life status.

You can toot your horn all you wish, but the facts contradict you.

What post do you think you are you repying to becuase your response has zero relevance to the post you have quoted. ?

No mistake. I was responding to your post.

[BeforeTigers]

deleted my own instead of pointing out the choking irony in some of these ridiculously sexist comments.

Edited August 6, 2013 by BeforeTigers

[Boo]

You are an ideolog. You are confusing western standards to Thailand. Look around. I think you need glasses.

Umm, no I can see very well, I see the dregs, the asiaphiles & the rest.

The "left over" pool for a western women is limited especially if she wishes to apply any of her own personal critea in a partner.

Money is first here. If a Thai woman can improve her life by marrying a foreigner, no matter what his appearance, then she feels pretty good about her improved life status.

I made no mention of thai women, Good for them if they can tolerate to live with someone for money & it gets them the life they want. The topic is about farang women though so your observation is irrelevant.

You can toot your horn all you wish, but the facts contradict you.

I made no mention of myself or tooted any horn, did you misread something in my posts, your whole reply is irrelevant to mine.

[manarak]

A good man = a man who doesn't pursue his own pleasure as a priority ... and Thailand makes pursuing a man's own pleasures rather easy, while it's much more complicated and unsatisfying in the West.

It's only logical and natural that men with such preferences (masochists?) are in short supply over here, and for the men who wish to be in a stable Western-style relationship (and maybe wish to create family), their requirements to Western women will be much higher than back in the West. Conversation, intelligence and humor are one thing, but it will also be expected of the women to be on par with the local offer in terms of looks, bedroom performance, and most importantly make the man feel like he's number one (and before someone jumps the gun, this is not the same thing as submission).

[tingtongfarang]

I openly admit that after living and working here for 10 years i truly miss being able to converse with a gf on my level and involving logic, I would welcome a friendship leading to more with a western female,

One poster mentioned the belly button glare syndrome with farangs avoiding contact with other farangs....often i too am guilty of this and think i just learned to expect it and do the same in return,

western women see me as a sex tourist or bar fly when infact in reality the opposite is true...must be 6 years since i was in a bar or club, Too many of us stereotyp,

Regards the op as i see it often the western girls give the thai guys a try but get burned the same as the western guys with thai girls.

Edited August 6, 2013 by tingtongfarang

[Markaew]

You are an ideolog. You are confusing western standards to Thailand. Look around. I think you need glasses.

Umm, no I can see very well, I see the dregs, the asiaphiles & the rest.

The "left over" pool for a western women is limited especially if she wishes to apply any of her own personal critea in a partner.

Money is first here. If a Thai woman can improve her life by marrying a foreigner, no matter what his appearance, then she feels pretty good about her improved life status.

I made no mention of thai women, Good for them if they can tolerate to live with someone for money & it gets them the life they want. The topic is about farang women though so your observation is irrelevant.

You can toot your horn all you wish, but the facts contradict you.

I made no mention of myself or tooted any horn, did you misread something in my posts, your whole reply is irrelevant to mine.

You are missing the point. Men come to Thailand to get away from women like you. Fortunately, you are a minority here.

Edited August 6, 2013 by Markaew

[Boo]

2 sexist & racists posts removed.

oh dear seems we have a derth of rude men here.(what would their western women mothers think of their posts huh?)

I suggest some of your refresh yourselves with the rules.

I am now going to be issuing long holidays for the next lot of posts of a similar ilk.

[LaraC]

... actually the closed group is new by request. The original page is only a month or two old and has 89 members https://www.facebook.com/pages/Farang-girl-dating/157242821112291

[Blindside]

This is a difficult topic as it requires a fair bit of speculation and generalizing.

I do think that foreign ladies do not realise how picky / judgmental they can be. Many men have "escaped" from this order in their own countries and find more acceptance among Thai ladies (for varying reasons - which are well debated).

Forgive me if this sounds sexist or chauvinistic it is not my intention; but it is my experience that a lot of foreign ladies want it both ways, so even in lonely Bangkok or Phuket women are still being selective, when clearly it is no longer the ladies that get to be "picky". Sorry if this sounds crass, but the "market" has changed and women no longer have the upper hand. So when you do find someone "nice" (or do you mean "hot" or "fit") perhaps you need to re-evaluate and realise the utility the situation. (Again said with all due respect - I am faithfully married to a foreign woman so I am not coming from the perspective of which women are better etc. etc. - just looking at reality).

[Boo]

snip

You are missing the point. Men come to Thailand to get away from women like you. Fortunately, you are a minority here.

gawd, couldnt you have just typed that in the first place instead of rambling on about tooting horns.

And of course men like you come to thailand to get away from women like me, you couldn't cope, much better you go for someone less challenging

[Markaew]

snip

You are missing the point. Men come to Thailand to get away from women like you. Fortunately, you are a minority here.

gawd, couldnt you have just typed that in the first place instead of rambling on about tooting horns.

And of course men like you come to thailand to get away from women like me, you couldn't cope, much better you go for someone less challenging

So you are saying Thai women are lower than you. How so?

[inquisitive]

There are lots of people that never have this problem wherever they go. On the other hand, MOST people DO have this problem wherever they go, and it is true for either sex. I am absolutely convinced that no matter who or what you are, there are others that will find you attractive.

Want to understand the problem? Well, the first question is whether you have mass appeal, or would attract only from some small niche groups. From your earlier history, I have to guess it is the latter. That's not necessarily bad, in fact it might be something to be quite proud of. But if your appeal is for a certain type of male that is in the minority, you have already cut your chances of an early find. Next, you have to ask yourself, what percentage of the members of that particular group of men would actually be interesting to YOU. So now the pool of possibilities shrinks even more. And the smaller the group, the less likely it is going to happen quickly. It is simple mathematics.

As a youngster I learned that this is also the situation with fishing. I was taught that I should first decide exactly what kind of fish I wanted to catch. Only then could I decide what bait to use. (OK, you shouldn't change anything that defines you as YOU, but the unimportant stuff can be modified. Ladies have much more choices available in this department than men. Think it over.) Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where the fish are. You don't go fishing in the desert, or a gravel pit. You don't go fishing for a fresh water fish in the ocean. I don't care what bait you use or how often you go. It ain't going to work.

So first decide what kind of man you are looking for, then figure out where he will be, and finally guess what he would find attractive and present yourself as close to that appearance as you are comfortable. You want a guy that likes bars? Good chance you'll find some at bars. Want a guy that doesn't like bars? Then by all means look some place else. Figure out where he hangs out, and then that's the place to go. And just like fishing, it is probably going to take patience and throwing back a few before you find a keeper.

[Boo]

so much for making a joke, some people are so sensitve.

[moe666]

I am a firm believer in the notion that if you are not in a relationship you do not want one. Lower those barriers you have erected that keep men away.