Another Awful Cross-Border Relationship Story - Need "Legal" Counsel/Advise pl...

[AngelsLariat]

Your saga is normal. You are just going to have to accept that courtship rituals are different in Thailand than in India.

[pookiki]

I think you need more than 'legal counsel' or 'advice'! Ever hear of 'common sense'? If you lived nearby, I would be worried. Since you aren't even in the same country, it is very easy to disappear - if that is really what you want?! And whether she is/was a bar girl is not relevant. Crazy comes in all professions!

Edited August 11, 2013 by pookiki

[umbanda]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

I do not know if you can do that in India or Thailand, but in the US in cases like that, you can get a restraining order and she will go to jail if contacts you in person or just walk close to your home or business...

[Frank James]

 

I'm not buying one word of this. That doesn't mean it isn't so, but the thing that gets me is the "hacked into email and reads email." I know how to change the password for my email and so does everyone else on here.

Many parts of the writing look American to me but I can't tell for sure.

Nice try.

 

[Frank James]

That quote thing didn't quite work out, sorry. I am somewhat offended that one poster would think that because this OP is so very twisted, that the guy is some sort of secret American. We get blamed for everything these days.

Assuming the OP is legitimate, and considering that he refuses to consult a lawyer, I advise:

Make her an offer she can't refuse.

[mjsansai]

Take her on a plane to New York and leave her in the Bronx, that'll solve the problem

[CiaranO]

Your first post ? u and the OP really like to write

Many have questioned whether the OP is genuine or not. Because of my own experience I find everything you have written perfectly believable - so if you are genuine - don't worry about the stupid comments from those who are ignorant of such matters and you have my full sympathy for what you going through. What you have experienced is so similar to the nightmare I went through with my Thai ex-wife.

IMO this girl suffers from a condition called - Borderline Personality Disorder - or BPD for short. If you don't know about this - just Google it - there is a lot of information and sources of support on the internet. It is quite a common condition here in Thailand. It is rarely diagnosed professionally but if you read about it you will know whether her behaviour
fits the BPD pattern - and other peoples' stories will help you to get insight into your current predicament.

You MUST stand up to her. The core feature of BPD is the fear of abandonment - and that is exactly what you are trying to achieve - and she knows it. If she has BPD she will do anything - literally anything - to prevent the abandonment - whether or not it is legally or morally acceptable. She will tell the most convincing stories to other people to try to gain their sympathy and get them to help her. If she has brains and money - she is virtually unstoppable - so you really have to be very careful. My ex-wife spent over 2 million baht hiring private detectives and expensive lawyers and taking multiple lawsuits against me - over a period of 3 years - all of which failed because ultimately there was no truth in her allegations that were just a product of her paranoid BPD imagination.

Her best and greatest weapon - as you have written about - is emotional blackmail - threatening self-harm and suicide - to manipulate and control you. These are usually idle threats - but not always as you know - and if she is BPD she is quite capable of self-harm and attempted suicide - you can read about it on many websites. I have multiple experiences - and how many trips to the emergency room at the hospital. It creates a very serious moral dilemma for you.

BUT - you MUST call her bluff - or she will just completely control your life. You are NOT responsible for HER life - it is up to her - and you must stand up to her. You MUST protect yourself. You MUST change everything that you can - such as phone numbers, online accounts and passwords, etc. If they are hacked - keep on changing them. She will not give up - so you must not too.

You MUST tell other people around you what is going on - so that they don't talk with her or provide her with any information that will help her - that is SO important. You MUST get the local police involved and make a report that she is harassing you with all the details - so that next time she arrives unexpectedly you can call them and get her arrested/removed. If it is anywhere outside - it is in a public place - so don't let the police make excuses - it is within
police juisdiction. If necessary - get a court order in India based on what has already happened - to prevent her from coming to your house or your relatives' houses or from doing anything that is public disturbance or harassment in the law.

If you must come to Thailand - provide other people - if you don't 100% trust them - with false information about your trip and location - just in case she talks to them and they can't keep quiet. Be very careful about who you trust and what you say to people. Getting and buying personal information in Thailand is incredibly easy.

If she finds you in Thailand - and causes any kind of problem in public - go immediately to the police in the district where it happens - and --jengkwahm-- that is make a police report detailing exactly the what when where etc of everything that happened - with witnesses if possible. If you are married to her - the police may not allow it - but public disturbance is most definitely a crime in Thailand - so take a trusted Thai friend or lawyer to help you because it must be done in
Thai. My ex-wife got a 2 year suspended jail sentence for causing a public disturbance in Lamphun so I have some experience.

You can also get a court order in Thailand to prevent public harassment - but you must make the police report first. Usually the first meeting for advice with a Thai lawyer is FREE - only after they have assessed the situation and advised you - they will require money for some specific actions that you have agreed. So you can get advice from as many lawyers as you want - and then see which one looks like they are the most competent for what you want to do - and then negotiate the fees - and NEVER pay up in full in advance - agree part payment terms.

If all else fails - and you can't stop her - change your identity - yes change your name etc - get new ID, new passport and everything. It might slow her down for a while - but not guaranteed to stop her! People with BPD are not rational in the same way as others - so it is a waste of time trying to reason and be reasonable with them - they will just take you for more rides on their emotional rollercoaster. You MUST protect yourself and family from her. If necessary - use her own tactics on her - threaten her and tell her exactly what will happen - legally of course - if she continues what she is doing.

I wish you well for the future.

[winstonc]

i think he needs a publisher (fiction)......

[Gsxrnz]

I've had a couple of these psycho bitches from hell in my life. Put up with too much for too long before I finally told them to eff off and stay effed off - one was assisted by a boot up the arse, the second got a suitcase of cut up clothes (hers), cut up photos and general memorabilia, hammered cellphone, and some uric acid.

You should try it - it'll freak the bejesus out of her.

I can do psycho real good.

Edit: A an afterthought, do everything to her before she does it to you, as well as everything above. Call/email her friends, workmates and employers. Visit her parents and demand compensation for mental torture, raise such a song and dance that she'll run a mile. Pre-empt everything she's threatened and launch a pre-emptive strike.

One thing psychos understand and fear is psychotic behaviour from others.

Edited August 11, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[Somtamnication]

Run, Jethro, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[laislica]

I've had a couple of these psycho bitches from hell in my life. Put up with too much for too long before I finally told them to eff off and stay effed off - one was assisted by a boot up the arse, the second got a suitcase of cut up clothes (hers), cut up photos and general memorabilia, hammered cellphone, and some uric acid.

You should try it - it'll freak the bejesus out of her.

I can do psycho real good.

Edit: A an afterthought, do everything to her before she does it to you, as well as everything above. Call/email her friends, workmates and employers. Visit her parents and demand compensation for mental torture, raise such a song and dance that she'll run a mile. Pre-empt everything she's threatened and launch a pre-emptive strike.

One thing psychos understand and fear is psychotic behaviour from others.

I think I understand what you mean - sort of.

Many just assume that the OP is a fiction writer.

I suggest they have a little look on >Google< it could just change their minds.

However, this type of behaviour is not limited to the "fairer sex", there are many males who are totally controlling, abusive and willing to kill to maintain their Ego, and or are genuinely mentally sick and in need of help.

Judge not - least you be ----- etc etc.

If the OP is up against a sick person - all bets are off.

They both need compassion and help and to resort to terror tactics may not be a good choice.

By the same token, to bury one´s head in the sand may not help.

Running away? In this day and age, it is not too difficult to find someone, whatever they change - how many people on Witness Protection Programs actually survive for ever and don´t spend their lives in a living hell?

The proper answer may be in the hands of a psychologist, but how the OP could effect this is a mystery to me.

In Thailand the "white lie" is preferable to confrontation.

So - get "married" to someone else and let one of your friends tell her.....

If you are no longer available what is there left for her?

(OK, revenge)

Clearly no easy answer here.

Good luck with everything

.

[unanimosity]

Long distance relationship, easiest in the world to end, don't answer your phone, block her calls or buy a new SIM.

Move to a different address.

PS

No way in the world you are Indian, more likely from Trolland.

Maybe - but if you read it while you're shaking your head there is a definite accent.

[OttoSling]

Hi,

Having myself experienced scary emotional manipulation in a former relationship, I do understand the very hard situation you are in.

So, I will not join those who just send you sarcastic remarks...

This said, I think your only option is to ask around for a good civil lawyer and visit him personally, even if it might cost some money.

If a solution can be found that way, I would say that the money is well invested.

A friend of mine, suffered a similar situation and finally found support from a Thai judge who made her back off.

He was introduced to this judge by a farang legal adviser.

Unfortunately, this was a long time ago and I could not trace back any relevant information, but it just proves my case.

So, forget about the cost and find a good lawyer, ( expensive lawyers are not always the best...) and learn what your real options are.

Good luck...

Thanks. If you happen to recall any specific names/firms do share with me. I will again Google up legal-advisers and civil lawyers in Thailand (who will do the first discussion for free to help me select) and then take it from there.

[OttoSling]

Mate, if this is a genuine post let me tell you this, because perhaps it is not as crystal clear to you as it is to me: you don't need legal or any other advice. You have allowed this woman to take control of your life. Now you must take control back. This is very simple to do but it requires you to be decisive, positive, proactive and methodical. Sever all contact with this harridan from hell - I mean today. Have absolutely nothing to do with her ever again no matter what special pleading she makes to you or your own mind makes to yourself. Take all necessary steps to ensure you have a functional life. As someone who has a successful business you will know what steps to take to achieve this. You may have to make sacrifices, but it is absolutely necessary. If you do not do it today it will be harder tomorrow.

Good luck.

Along with the excellent advice above, have you ever thought of placing an advert in prominent BKK newspapers, nothing slanderous but simply stating that your relationship with her is over and you never want to hear from her again. That any debt she may arrange is up to her and you will not accept responsibility etc.

You could do the same in your own country too.

Also have a word with your local police and get them to understand your situation, that the girl is possibly unwell. (Possibly your neighbours and friends too - why not, the damage has already been done)

If she shows up and starts creating a scene, call the police who may then see it as a breach of the peace rather than a domestic tiff.

Thanks, I hadn't thought of this "advertising" bit ... lets see. Once I find a good legal counsel I will pass it by them and do as they suggest. Like you said I am not interested in "slandering" her name - but this nightmare must stop.

[unanimosity]

Why are you unsure what to do?

It is very simple really.

Go through your list of businessmen and friends. Shortlist those that have screwed you. Introduce her and tell her they are much richer than you..

Or....you create an alias identity (3 would be better) and reconnect with her surreptitiously via the web sites she frequents (where you met) and arrange a meeting. Document the meeting on video and tell her if she does not bugger off you'll file fraud charges and put the video on YouTube to warn others about her.

But first, you may want to buy a life insurance policy on her and leave some razor blades lying around.

Edited August 11, 2013 by unanimosity

[OttoSling]

Many have questioned whether the OP is genuine or not. Because of my own experience I find everything you have written perfectly believable - so if you are genuine - don't worry about the stupid comments from those who are ignorant of such matters and you have my full sympathy for what you going through. What you have experienced is so similar to the nightmare I went through with my Thai ex-wife.

IMO this girl suffers from a condition called - Borderline Personality Disorder - or BPD for short. If you don't know about this - just Google it - there is a lot of information and sources of support on the internet. It is quite a common condition here in Thailand. It is rarely diagnosed professionally but if you read about it you will know whether her behaviour

fits the BPD pattern - and other peoples' stories will help you to get insight into your current predicament.

You MUST stand up to her. The core feature of BPD is the fear of abandonment - and that is exactly what you are trying to achieve - and she knows it. If she has BPD she will do anything - literally anything - to prevent the abandonment - whether or not it is legally or morally acceptable. She will tell the most convincing stories to other people to try to gain their sympathy and get them to help her. If she has brains and money - she is virtually unstoppable - so you really have to be very careful. My ex-wife spent over 2 million baht hiring private detectives and expensive lawyers and taking multiple lawsuits against me - over a period of 3 years - all of which failed because ultimately there was no truth in her allegations that were just a product of her paranoid BPD imagination.

Her best and greatest weapon - as you have written about - is emotional blackmail - threatening self-harm and suicide - to manipulate and control you. These are usually idle threats - but not always as you know - and if she is BPD she is quite capable of self-harm and attempted suicide - you can read about it on many websites. I have multiple experiences - and how many trips to the emergency room at the hospital. It creates a very serious moral dilemma for you.

BUT - you MUST call her bluff - or she will just completely control your life. You are NOT responsible for HER life - it is up to her - and you must stand up to her. You MUST protect yourself. You MUST change everything that you can - such as phone numbers, online accounts and passwords, etc. If they are hacked - keep on changing them. She will not give up - so you must not too.

You MUST tell other people around you what is going on - so that they don't talk with her or provide her with any information that will help her - that is SO important. You MUST get the local police involved and make a report that she is harassing you with all the details - so that next time she arrives unexpectedly you can call them and get her arrested/removed. If it is anywhere outside - it is in a public place - so don't let the police make excuses - it is within

police juisdiction. If necessary - get a court order in India based on what has already happened - to prevent her from coming to your house or your relatives' houses or from doing anything that is public disturbance or harassment in the law.

If you must come to Thailand - provide other people - if you don't 100% trust them - with false information about your trip and location - just in case she talks to them and they can't keep quiet. Be very careful about who you trust and what you say to people. Getting and buying personal information in Thailand is incredibly easy.

If she finds you in Thailand - and causes any kind of problem in public - go immediately to the police in the district where it happens - and --jengkwahm-- that is make a police report detailing exactly the what when where etc of everything that happened - with witnesses if possible. If you are married to her - the police may not allow it - but public disturbance is most definitely a crime in Thailand - so take a trusted Thai friend or lawyer to help you because it must be done in

Thai. My ex-wife got a 2 year suspended jail sentence for causing a public disturbance in Lamphun so I have some experience.

You can also get a court order in Thailand to prevent public harassment - but you must make the police report first. Usually the first meeting for advice with a Thai lawyer is FREE - only after they have assessed the situation and advised you - they will require money for some specific actions that you have agreed. So you can get advice from as many lawyers as you want - and then see which one looks like they are the most competent for what you want to do - and then negotiate the fees - and NEVER pay up in full in advance - agree part payment terms.

If all else fails - and you can't stop her - change your identity - yes change your name etc - get new ID, new passport and everything. It might slow her down for a while - but not guaranteed to stop her! People with BPD are not rational in the same way as others - so it is a waste of time trying to reason and be reasonable with them - they will just take you for more rides on their emotional rollercoaster. You MUST protect yourself and family from her. If necessary - use her own tactics on her - threaten her and tell her exactly what will happen - legally of course - if she continues what she is doing.

I wish you well for the future.

Thank you very much doublephil ...

Yes I have long suspected BPD its just that she refuses to visit a shrink. I have even written/discussed with farang shrinks in BKK but while these guys do do counselling and therapy sessions, Thailand seems to not have any kind of standard "examinations" such as MPII etc. So a clinical diagnosis is difficult. Moreover she has always refused - believes she is ok.

Abandonment is her main issue yes. Over the course of courting her I have learnt of hair-raising incidents/acts that she has done in the past to other people that she loved who 'went away' from her. Its truly scary. And she doesnt stop at anything. Which is the reason I am not reacting to all the post that suggest a simple ... do this its easy, man up! Its not about all that - these things haven't worked. I have tried - I havent come here with this discussion without having tried all these things.

I know that the legal framework won't really provide any conclusive help in the long run also - but once I have this I'd be standing on a slightly more stable platform and then I can actually make further attempts to really disappear for long without completely effecting my entire life. Thanks for empathising. I may PM you if you don't mind.

Cheers.

[tubby johnson]

Passionate, resourceful, devoted, streetwise ..... She sounds like a fascinating lady.

I would love to be introduced to her.

[BuriramRes]

This is comical.

No one in this situation needs a lawyer. But if you are fool willing enough to pay for one, go ahead.

Or simply change your details.

What's the problem? Ignore her & she'll go away.

[Ulic]

For a guy I understand women pretty well and the basic difference between men and women.

In a nutshell men are stupid and women are crazy. I have told this to countless people who

are first taken aback and are defencive but on reflection they all agree. Just to be clear when

telling women this you cannot tell them women are crazy without also letting them know men are

stupid. We are both at fault and your story illustrates this perfectly.

You are stupid and she is certifiable.

One more thing a women will rip your heart out and kick you to the curb in a heartbeat and say

they have to be true to there hearts and out you go. Guys are chicken-shit lily livered cowards

who don't want to hurt anyone in the break-up talk and inevitably can't get through the clean

break. You are no different. Look at what you have written.

So, take the cowards way out and send her a simple e-mail and zero further contact.

At least you are in India and she is in The Land of Smiles, stabbing needles into a doll.

[MrWorldwide]

Take her on a plane to New York and leave her in the Bronx, that'll solve the problem

Given that he lives in Newark, that should be a very quick plane trip ......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newark,_New_Jersey

I'm told its quite muggy there at this time of year. Probably not as muggy as Mumbai, but that's showbiz.

[dighambara]

Just read all these kind responses ... clarifications/reactions.

@Chisinth

3. Hacked my email ID using someone from USA and has taken control of it and checks it regularly.

BS If you have given her your passwords and usernames, that is not hacking

I said "hacked" - why would I give????

4. Calls my ex-wife from my phone by pretending to be me and demands all the things I may have given to her when I was married. She has it stuck in her head that I loved my ex-wife more than I ever loved her.

Is your GF male or female? How could she imitate you on a phone conversation? Why does she have access to your ex-wife's phone

number? Text also has a history.

We've visited each other several times - she copied stuff when she was over at my place one of these visits. No, she didnt "fake" any conversation - she'd just call blatantly and introduce herself as herself and rant on. Not only ex-wife - she has taken numbers of colleagues, clients, neighbours as well.

9. When she is not close to me and I tell her I don’t want to continue, she bangs her head on the corners of walls in her home till she bleeds heavily and then goes to hospital to get treatment.

CCTV installed? How do you know?

Skype!! I saw it. This is just one incident I mention dude, one time she ate some 'poison' and had herself drooling on webcam for god knows how long. This was long ago. Anyway dont know if she was faking it but it had me in a flap trying to locate BKK hospital's emergency number, speaking and arranging to despatch an ambulance to her place. Of course in the last min she disconnected when the ambulance was at her door. Etc etc etc.

@Few of the other reactions ...

No changing numbers dont help. I did that and she managed to locate my new number (how can anyone do that man!!!) And she isnt a poor bargirl pl understand - she's educated, extremely intelligent, has money and is very well connected with immigration. So she just gets herself packed with 3 days clothes and lands right at my door. This happened when I changed numbers last time. Cops & neighbours got involved and the rest is in my original post already. Doesnt help nah!

Yea yea ... playing mind games I know. But THATS NOT MY POINT!

I am at the end of my tether here and I am seeking a good, correct and a legal solution to this. Just disappearing won't fix this - I have to address it head on and if I need to pay up some "support money" I am ok with it. But I want it all covered by a strong legal construct so that this doesnt keep popping up again and again in the future.

@Aussiebebe ... problem isnt about 5000THB. Thing is I don't know if I'll get a cursory "oh we need to have a detailed session with you to recommend you a suggestion" type answer for 5000THB - many lawyers do that and sitting here I wouldnt know who is. And I am not ok trying this out with 5 law firms and paying each time.

Let me know if any of you are conversant with the legal framework in TH - or if you happen to be connected with someone who you could recommend.

Thank you very much for your time, all.

So when are you planning on growing up..??

An adult male of any nationality would have long since left the scene.

POINT - What she does is what she does and has absolutely no relationship to you - forget you ever knew her, change all your addresses, buy a new cell phone, get a new sim card and escape from all her macinations.

[BwindiBoy]

How is she entering India at without you sponsoring her?

Don't need sponsoring for an Indian 'tourist' visa - at least for Thai nationals maybe. And since someone else asked ... the 2 month gap between trip's been gone for over 6/7 months now .. again maybe only applies to select nationalities, Thai being one - of course in the light of the renewed camaraderie between the 2 nations of late. But yes that's gone now, khap.

Ok I read loads and loads of questions to ME and hardly any answers to my 'specific question'. But I shall answer anyway ...

I AM Indian, yes - no posing here. I wouldn't go into proving etc (not that it will change any opinions if I did). So request you to just trust me on that - I am not a regular on this site and I didn't spend all that time writing one dam_n long story and feverishly checking replies from all of you for no reason. I didn't have to mention my nationality, but I did becos I was seeking a quasi-legal opinion and laws change by country so ... And yes many Indians use the word "dude" though you obviously wouldn't expect a call-centre addressing a customer as "dude", c'mon!

Clarification here on email hacking : Did I say she hacked all my emails (sorry, my bad). She hacked one and I figured that if it was so easy to hack then even if I change it she could do it again - so I have simply abandoned that email ID now and use it only for useless mails like newsletters etc. And yes she has had it configured on her smartphone and has visibility to all mails that come and go on that account. Lesson learnt - I am never letting this happen again - have double secured my other email IDs - have moved my bank papers from home to a locker.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes its clear I am unable to pull out of this forcefully like I probably should - its true I am gripped with so much bloody fear!!! I haven't ever experienced such things from a woman (never come across a sick and violent woman like this one). But to tell you the truth I've tried those brazen actions before like disappearing & becoming unavailable and the only thing that that has achieved is attract more feverish actions on her part. These things are NOT working ... they will not not work.

If I lock up my home and disappear : she can land up here. Legally speaking she can feign the "hurt & deceived woman" act then to the law I become a fugitive who's on the run after have ruining her ... blah blah blah.

If I switch off phones : she will call ALL my contacts - customers/friends in the middle of the night.

And I'd never be able to assault her physically - sorry can't do that at all.

And am not going to be on the run for months etc - can't be away from work that long.

And no I am not a "director in a listed company" - lol. If I was, I would not be here on a public forum asking help In my OP I said I went through a terrible period financially last yr involving the listed company I worked for - yes I was senior management. Anyway thats got nothing to do with this point.

Thank You!

I don't understand why you believe you have a legal obligation to her - please explain.

Also, can't you get some kind of court order in place in India, then do something to ensure she cannot get a visa to enter India? If not totally legitimately, surely you know people, or people that know people? Then you just stay put in India until it goes away.

Forget the embarrassment of her calling people you know. Just deny any knowledge of it and tell them to ignore her...as SHE'S MENTAL!!

Overall, you need to grow some...Dude! And if that means you need to get a bit nasty to get your message over, that's what you need to do. The alternative is that you remain not in control of your own life.

Edited August 12, 2013 by BwindiBoy

[johnlandy]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

She behaves like every dumped Thai girl I ever met.

The only silliness is your failure to avoid her, which makes her think you don't want to avoid her.

Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, never be at home.

Like many Thai females she certainly sounds to be psycho, the suicide attempts, lack of trust, her deceit, her dreams of infidelity (yours) hacking into your accounts, etc., all point in that direction.

It is the way they are brought up, the way that they are used and abused by 90+% of Thai males, the stupid Thai soaps that they are addicted to watching every waking or spare hour,

the way that they are educated, the reasons are infinite.

This is Thailand, she is Thai and nothing in the world is gonna change that.

I speak with some qualification having been in the realm more than 20 years, having had a Thai wife, and several Thai live in's and by and large they are all the same.

I have experienced the pills (produced as a demonstration of an impending suicide attempt) the largest knives being produced from the cutlery drawers (with threats of being used on themselves or me)

When you have senior politicians, military 'chiefs of staff' commanding police generals, etc., all making the most stupid statement's what hope has a girl from a paddy field background got.

The average IQ in the country is more than 10 - 12 % lower than surrounding Asian countries and that should tell you something.

Their competence in English ranks them at 57th out of 58 countries in Asia. And when they can speak the worlds language they still think like a Thai. So ask yourself.

As to your best course of action I do not believe from, what you have written in your OP that you have any obligation to this person, and I suggest that you sever all communications with her but but don't visit the realm in the foreseeable future (the girls in Vietnam AND China are every bit as beautiful and IMCO a whole lot more honest)

You should be 'safe in India'

Good luck.

[Stradavarius37]

After the third paragraph I just tuned the OP out....brevity dude, brevity...

[DGS1244]

You really have got your self in a mess, to get out of it you really need to be strong and not let her intimidate you. First go to your own immigration office in India and tell them that you will not support any application from her for a visa, hopefully you have a copy of her passport?, she has little chance of getting one without support from your end. Then, as others have said, change all you Sim cards, email addresses, telephone numbers or what ever and make sure there is no way for her to get the new ones. If by some miracle she still manages to turn up at your house what ever you do don't let her in, call the police and let them deal with her. Then be strong and wait for the reaction, you might also want to send the ring back so she has no claim on you, make sure you send it back by recorded delivery in case you have to prove it later. I suspect the suicide attempts are just show for your attention, hopefully. I have dealt with suicide attempts in my professional career and those that actually do it seldom attempt it in the way you have described.

Hope this helps, all the best.

[ben2203]

Get a restraining order against her, which means if she doesn't stop she will get arrested

[OttoSling]

How is she entering India at without you sponsoring her?

Don't need sponsoring for an Indian 'tourist' visa - at least for Thai nationals maybe. And since someone else asked ... the 2 month gap between trip's been gone for over 6/7 months now .. again maybe only applies to select nationalities, Thai being one - of course in the light of the renewed camaraderie between the 2 nations of late. But yes that's gone now, khap.

Ok I read loads and loads of questions to ME and hardly any answers to my 'specific question'. But I shall answer anyway ...

I AM Indian, yes - no posing here. I wouldn't go into proving etc (not that it will change any opinions if I did). So request you to just trust me on that - I am not a regular on this site and I didn't spend all that time writing one dam_n long story and feverishly checking replies from all of you for no reason. I didn't have to mention my nationality, but I did becos I was seeking a quasi-legal opinion and laws change by country so ... And yes many Indians use the word "dude" though you obviously wouldn't expect a call-centre addressing a customer as "dude", c'mon!

Clarification here on email hacking : Did I say she hacked all my emails (sorry, my bad). She hacked one and I figured that if it was so easy to hack then even if I change it she could do it again - so I have simply abandoned that email ID now and use it only for useless mails like newsletters etc. And yes she has had it configured on her smartphone and has visibility to all mails that come and go on that account. Lesson learnt - I am never letting this happen again - have double secured my other email IDs - have moved my bank papers from home to a locker.

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Yes its clear I am unable to pull out of this forcefully like I probably should - its true I am gripped with so much bloody fear!!! I haven't ever experienced such things from a woman (never come across a sick and violent woman like this one). But to tell you the truth I've tried those brazen actions before like disappearing & becoming unavailable and the only thing that that has achieved is attract more feverish actions on her part. These things are NOT working ... they will not not work.

If I lock up my home and disappear : she can land up here. Legally speaking she can feign the "hurt & deceived woman" act then to the law I become a fugitive who's on the run after have ruining her ... blah blah blah.

If I switch off phones : she will call ALL my contacts - customers/friends in the middle of the night.

And I'd never be able to assault her physically - sorry can't do that at all.

And am not going to be on the run for months etc - can't be away from work that long.

And no I am not a "director in a listed company" - lol. If I was, I would not be here on a public forum asking help In my OP I said I went through a terrible period financially last yr involving the listed company I worked for - yes I was senior management. Anyway thats got nothing to do with this point.

Thank You!

I don't understand why you believe you have a legal obligation to her - please explain.

Also, can't you get some kind of court order in place in India, then do something to ensure she cannot get a visa to enter India? If not totally legitimately, surely you know people, or people that know people? Then you just stay put in India until it goes away.

Forget the embarrassment of her calling people you know. Just deny any knowledge of it and tell them to ignore her...as SHE'S MENTAL!!

Overall, you need to grow some...Dude! And if that means you need to get a bit nasty to get your message over, that's what you need to do. The alternative is that you remain not in control of your own life.

I'll explain about the 'legal obligation' bit. Since I've tried all those other things and she still lands up - knows my workplace, knows my home - I've concluded that disappearing does NOT work in the face of a completely determined person. Also ... the easiest way to locate a person who has gone missing is to file a police report in the capacity of a girlfriend saying "my beloved bf is missing - look I've travelled all the way alone in search of him, pl help me find him". Its easy for someone who is smart - understood??!! IF she was stupid then yes hang-up/disappear all those things would work - but it doesnt work for a smart, intelligent & educated woman who also has money. So .... I am trying to understand what's the legal foundation on which I can base all my options on.

Once I know that XYZ need to be done in order to get a strong injunction (even from someone who claims a past relationship - well in her interest she will claim existing relationship right?). Let me explain, a spouse or a girlfriend is within her rights to a) Search for her man, enter his home, c) enter his workplace - if workplace rules allow public entrance, d) access to his neighbours and his friends. Now just think and imagine what doors this opens for someone who is "hatching an attack scheme". So unless I can establish a case against her conduct - legally, not just hearsay or mysay - she'd still be within her rights to continue this torture. Even her embassy would assist her in a foreign country to the best of its abilities. And best of its abilities here mean - filing for police protection and making me look like a fugitive escaping from a domestic accountability situation. It can get twisted in any of these ways, hope you understand what I mean now. On the other hand if I have a RO or an injuction (if its possible) then I am able to proactively prevent these things at least on the legality side. I know she would still continue - but then I'd be within my rights to disappear and bar her entry with professional security etc. Without it, it make me the wrong doer in the eyes of law. So that's why the legal question.

Preventing Visas isn't a joke. Even if someone has a past police or even criminal record it is still granted - though with restraints. And even that can be withdrawn by foreign office on repeated appeals or after a certain amount of lock-in period has passed. But for this there has to be a proper criminal record - filed, tried and ruled. Not without that. Blanket blacklisting on the other hand is only handed out to individuals seen as threat to national security - traffickers, terrorists etc. And these cases are all well investigated & documented at the centre so paying your way into doing it can be very very expensive.

I agree about the "nasty" bit - I have not been nasty enough persistently. But she isnt one polite chick who'd just weep when you get nasty. She gets 10 times more nasty and uncivilized that I can even handle - the only equivalent I've ever drawn is to the slumdwellers in India. It gets really really reeaaaallly embarassing (can't get into graphic details here, pl).

So - any further thoughts? Know any law firms in Thailand or is my best option to do a google search again?

Edited August 12, 2013 by OttoSling

[OttoSling]

You really have got your self in a mess, to get out of it you really need to be strong and not let her intimidate you. First go to your own immigration office in India and tell them that you will not support any application from her for a visa, hopefully you have a copy of her passport?, she has little chance of getting one without support from your end. Then, as others have said, change all you Sim cards, email addresses, telephone numbers or what ever and make sure there is no way for her to get the new ones. If by some miracle she still manages to turn up at your house what ever you do don't let her in, call the police and let them deal with her. Then be strong and wait for the reaction, you might also want to send the ring back so she has no claim on you, make sure you send it back by recorded delivery in case you have to prove it later. I suspect the suicide attempts are just show for your attention, hopefully. I have dealt with suicide attempts in my professional career and those that actually do it seldom attempt it in the way you have described.

Hope this helps, all the best.

Thanks DGS - I've begun understanding that she won't kill herself and is just faking all of it. I will pull out of it in time I know - thanks.

The "calling cops" doesnt work so well as you are thinking - it backfires unless I have all these things in order "first" as I mentioned in my previous response. Yes I've got myself into a mess and I know it

[SSSlongtime]

i think i have meet her ,she tried to kill me ,found out she shoot the one before ,if she wonts to kill herself ,call her bluff ,find nice indian girl ,got to one two ,tell her you run out money ,she be gone

[johnlandy]

Your saga is normal. You are just going to have to accept that courtship rituals are different in Thailand than in India.

You can put a ring around that