Thai Men And Their Disappearing Acts!

[bina]

two things:

one: when angry, thai men seem to be good at closing phones or not answering but eventually they will message or answer or call....my bf is a champion at that but will always give a sign of life if i dont call or sms for the rest of the day...

two: when sick, they want their teerak around to 'take care' (du ler).... i drove two hours north to take care of anon last week; this week i got his flu and he snuck down here to 'du ler khun' at the price of missing a day of work even after i told him i wouldnt die , i can wait till saturday etc...

but this goes for men in general it seems... as a friend put it, they are a different species altogether...

[mark45y]

(speaking in her moderator voice) Do you have proof this is a troll? If so, please pm me because I'd love to hear all about it

It is obviously not a troll. Take one look at that photo. Besides it is an interesting question.

Should a Farang lady expect any more loyalty from a Thai male lover than a Farang male expects from a female Thai lover.

She has obviously fallen into the same trap as so many Farang men have been in. The answer is obvious.

A recent poll I was reading said Thai adolescents wanted love from their parents but a substantial minority would take a new cell phone instead.

Is this news to anyone? A Thai is a Thai. Love them, appreciate them and understand them.

They are not going to fit into your Western molds.

But in their undependability they are dependable. Y

ou Farang ladies out there with your handsome strong always happy Thai man, he has a mia noi and his family does not really like you.

And my ever faithful Thai female has a Thai guy waiting in the wings for me to kick off. On the other hand her or his compassionate nature makes up for the deception.

[Boo]

And my ever faithful Thai female has a Thai guy waiting in the wings for me to kick off. On the other hand her or his compassionate nature makes up for the deception.

I think you need to set your standard a little higher. But up to you if this arrangement works for you but please don't assume that becasue this is what you tolerate that other do too.

[mark45y]

And my ever faithful Thai female has a Thai guy waiting in the wings for me to kick off. On the other hand her or his compassionate nature makes up for the deception.

I think you need to set your standard a little higher. But up to you if this arrangement works for you but please don't assume that becasue this is what you tolerate that other do too.

Interesting point. My first wife was a friend of the family for three generations, a college professor and had an affair with one of her students while I was a drafted soldier and I raised the child as my own without ever saying a word (a blood test because of her husband and a birth later proved this).

My second wife was a beauty queen from a small town, religious and the stuff that good women are made of and she had an affair with my best friend and business partner because I was out of town all of the time supporting our business. We had two children whom I raised.

They fed me a line of love. I believed them. I was naive.

In Thailand I realize across the board, no money no honey.

I realize that however much of a novelty I seem the family will never really like me.

Bitter, not even. I like the honesty of Thailand. This may seem an oxymoron to the uninitiated. But I know where I stand here. I have no doubts no questions. I don’t try and rationalize my partners status or make up phony backgrounds for my mate.

There is a common theme that runs through all of my posts. You can’t judge Thai people by Western standards. They are pragmatic and amoral. They would not have won the battle of Britain. Cowards? No, not by a long shot. I know to many Thai Tigers to believe that. But pragmatic people, yes.

What I find unusual is the number of Farang men and women who buy the Disneyland version of Thailand. This is a small forum after all and people talk. Even men gossip. So, yes it is common knowledge which ladies have husbands who have mia nois and which do not.

On one hand I find it refreshing that the information is not shared publicly on the other hand I wonder how the ladies can live with themselves posting such nonsense about faithful Thai men. As a best guess giving the benefit of the doubt half of the ladies posting here husbands or significant others are having affairs with other women.

Why on earth would you tell me to raise my standards?

[Boo]

Why on earth would you tell me to raise my standards?

Your post sounded bitter that's why. You say you aren't, so ok, I'll beleive you. I have no problem with people knowing where they stand in their relationship if it isn't for romantic love but please, please, please stop trying to shoehorn every other couple into the same mould as your expectations & tolerence level. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are being cheated on or cheat on their partners, that's the nature of some people.

I wonder how the ladies can live with themselves posting such nonsense about faithful Thai men.

I don't belive you know me or I you & I dont think you know my husband either so until you do, keep comments like this to yourself. I would be interested in how many of the ladies on this forum you know personally as well to make such an informed statement? I have said this before but I'll say it again, you think that because you hold an opinion or idea that it must be true for all people. I say rubbish. You think what you think because your experiences formed your ideas but don't presume to know everything about everyone else as there are massive gaps in your knoweldege & what you think you know. Everyone has different expectations, wants, needs & ways of living their lives. Something you should probably acknowledge.

[seonai]

Well said Boo. Mark 45 has a lot to learn. Rather a Pathetic character I would say.....

[mark45y]

Well said Boo. Mark 45 has a lot to learn. Rather a Pathetic character I would say.....

Boo I was not referring to you. The ladies who I was referring to will know. Seonsi, why? Attack what I say. Refute it. Condemn it. Disagree with it. All good. All fair. Discuss it. Debate it. Hate it. But to call me a pathetic character is just a comment if I were to call you would have me kicked off of TV. The difference is you are a woman calling me the name instead of me calling you a name. And that is the problem. That is why men move to

Thailand.

[Sigur ros]

We may have to wait BKKgoddess turn up and say a word. It seems to me that some foreign guys here have ill attitude to Thai men.

[mark45y]

We may have to wait BKKgoddess turn up and say a word. It seems to me that some foreign guys here have ill attitude to Thai men.

Don’t be specific, that would be wrong. Don’t say anything of any consequence that would be impolite.

Try Thai guys are drunks, have no work ethic and the best a Farang lady can do is a bus boy or a waiter. That would be substantive.

Try all the university grads and movers and shakers would never consider a Farang chick. That would be thought provoking.

Try all of the decent Thai families would never accept a Farang unless there was major money or royalty involved that would be interesting.

About the same stuff that is peddled about Farang men.

Ho Hum.

[Boo]

About the same stuff that is peddled about Farang men

Thats actually quite a good point as in all my time on TV I have only ever seen these types of comments made by thai's and/or farang men about other farang men. I wonder why they need to comment on others relationships in the first place & who decides what is right/wrong in thai/farang relationships? It is usually the farang men who raise the bar girl/ good thai girl/ money grabber references & it is usually always farang men making negative/derogatory remarks about other farang men & their partners. Interesting stuff!

[ourmanflint]

Excellent stuff... nearly wet my pants a few times... so funny!!!

I can never get tired of the gaping chasm that is "what women want" and "what they will take"... classic!! I don't think the behaviour of this guy is anything new, it's not even a "Thai guy" thing .... it's a guy thing wherever there are a sufficiency of women who are naive enough to believe whatever a guy says to get into their pants....

any guy anywhere can fake it for as long as he wants to!!! ( that's a secret by the way... don't tell anyone) to get whatever he wants to...

NB: please feel free to replace "guy" with "girl" at any point.... the result is the same

embrace life.... but

don't cling too tight though it hurts!!!

[girlx]

Try all the university grads and movers and shakers would never consider a Farang chick.

my farang chick friend is dating a prominent thai lawyer. of course his family wants him to marry a hi-so chinese thai girl, so it remains to be seen how he succumbs to the pressure, but so far so good.

i do tend to agree with mark45y that the girls who think their thai husbands and boyfriends are faithful are probably wrong. maybe that doesn't apply across the board and i am jaded, but i keep seeing this time and time again. women who swear that their man is not like the others, and meanwhile they are hitting on me every chance they get. i agree that thailand is honest because they are dependable in their un-dependability (from a western standpoint).

[sylvafern]

Why do so many (mostly) men have to be so negative about Thai men .... especially when they've obviously never had a relationship with a Thai man themselves (I assume )? Not all men are unfaithful (you even said so yourself mark45 in another topic!). As for commenting on how we can live with ourselves for posting nonsense about the faithfulness of Thai men ... as far as I'm aware my guy has always been faithful and so has all of my friend's Thai guys. Obviously, I can't be 100% sure unless I was with him 100% of the time .... but the same goes for any relationship, no matter the race/culuture of the people involved. That's where trust has to enter the relationship. Admittedly, trust is something I find difficult especially in thailand as there are so many stories of men being unfaithful - but I've got to be honest here and say I would find trusting a farang man in Thailand WAY more difficult than trusting a Thai guy. I have seen so many nice farang guys in committed relationships (with other farangs) pushing the boundaries of committment when interacting with Thai girls ... and if I were to believe the rumours, then a lot them are not just pushing boundaries but breaking them.

girlx, I know you're jaded but are you sure whatever happened to you was because the man was Thai. Could the same thing not have happened if the guy was a farang or other? I've never been hit on by friend's Thai boyfriends (or any of my friend's boyfriends) even when I was single. Are you sure they're hitting on you or is it just friendliness and maybe even mild flirtation (which is different than being hit on, I think)?

mark45y .... yes, there are some Thai girls with someone else in the background to fall back on. I also have know some Thai girls in relationships with Thai men but also on the prowl for someone 'better' ie a farang. But there are some girls in every culture that can't be without a man and when a relationship breaks up they go running back to their safety net. Although, I've got to admit I see it happening here more than I did at home.

[Jasmine]

Well said Sylva

I get so bored of people who've never met my husband telling me he must be having an affair simply because he's from thailand

Also this notion that all women are sat at home 'standing by their man' in a Tammy Wynette kind of way.

Relationships come in many different forms. There are women who turn a blind eye to their husbands sleeping with other women cos they've gone off them sexually and are relieved they are getting it elsewhere but they want to keep the marriage together for the sake of the kids.

Sometimes both partners have an agreement about extra-marital relationships.

And some people do have happy monogomous relationships.

You never know what goes on in someone elses relationship or what agreements they have going on. These things do go on.

[Boo]

great post jasmine. amazing how complete strangers can make such informed statements about my relationship.

It must be really hard for them walking into rooms with standard door sizes, how do their heads get through, with that much knowledge they must be really big?

[BKKgoddess]

This thread seems to have gone kinda off topic.

I'm not a troll, I just gave up following this as it wasn't helping me any, it was only making me more anxious and upset.

No matter what yu guys say, Thai guys do have a habit of disappearing sometimes. I've seen it too often. And i totally agree with whoever said its something to to with avoiding confrontation.

I've developed a theory as to what happened with my guy. When i told him over the phone the date of my arrival, he said he had to go upcountry to take care of his grandmother. I freaked out a bit as i expected him to be there when i arrived. Then he told me he was joking. Now I think about it, he's probably gone there for songkran (and the dates mysteriously fit) and he anticipates that i'll be angry with him so instead of confronting that situation, he's avoiding it by turning his phone off until he gets back. i reckon he'll re-appear in a couple of days. That's all i have to say on the subject until after the holidays. We'll see.

[Jasmine]

BKK Goddess

I personally would avoid asking relationship advice on a forum such as this.

When you get involved with a Thai man there are SO many people out there who will tell you that your man is a 'liar', 'cheat' 'gambler' 'only interested in you for your money' blah blah.

They will tell you this even though they've never met either of you. You'll get paranoid if you listen to it all.

You have to find out for yourself, trust your instincts, he may or may not be a good 'un

There are plenty of women in long lasting relationships with Thai men, you just don't hear about them so much. I suspect this is because a lot of us are 35+ in age and not a part of the 'scene' as it were, but we are out here

Good Luck

[Boo]

BKKGoddess, whether or not "thai men" as a whole are good at the disaprearing act is no longer the issue. Fact is, this guy has dropped off the face of the earth so you have to decide now, will you forget about him & move on with your life & have nothig to do with him if he contacts you again or will you take him back without issue. This is about what you want to do, not what he is doing. Too many times I hear bad behavour in a bf excused by the "thai" thing. If he comes crawling back will you explain to him that this isn't acceptable, will you let him back without discussing it & set the pattern for future disrespect to you? IMO this isn't a thai thing, this is a bkkgoddess thing. Decide what you will or won't put up with & stick with it. If you aren't happy with this situation (which you obviously aren't) then get on with your life & if he comes back let him tell him your pissed. If he can't see your side of the situation then he isn't worth it IMO.

Generally thai people don't like confrontation, this is true, but it can be learnt if he values your relationship enough. It just takes time & patiences but when you get to the stage where your husband can tell you to shut the <deleted> up, then you know you've cracked it.

[meemiathai]

Why can't he take you together if that is the case?

Well, as I have said already, there is still 1% chance that he is what you think. But....

It is making you more anxious and upset here because you do not want to wake up from this dream, and you are not making good judgements.

I sincerely wish you good luck.

[meemiathai]

If he comes crawling back will you explain to him that this isn't acceptable, will you let him back without discussing it & set the pattern for future disrespect to you?

I will! Oh no, I mean she will!

[Sigur ros]

All,

Not sure if anyone has read this yet. It is about Thai men, do not get pissed when you see a topic, please read until the end, it is quite interesting!

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader254.html

[MishaMagic]

This is not just about Thai guys, its about people full stop. My last boyfriend did a disappearing act on me after we had only been separated for 5 weeks (in a "serious" "committed" relationship), after we both holidayed together in Australia, and he returned to Amsterdam 5 weeks ahead of me, while I stayed to visit family. When we parted it all seemed fine, and he was going to miss me so much, but by the time I arrived he was uncontactable, was "too busy" to see me when I finally did get him on the phone, and of course had started seeing someone else within the two days that I was on the ###### plane. That a relationship ends is one thing, but that people can't be honest enough to just say that they are no longer interested is really a pity. Spineless.......gutless.........oh, but he did stop in Thailand on the way over, so maybe it is actually a Thai thing??????

[girlx]

girlx, I know you're jaded but are you sure whatever happened to you was because the man was Thai. Could the same thing not have happened if the guy was a farang or other? I've never been hit on by friend's Thai boyfriends (or any of my friend's boyfriends) even when I was single. Are you sure they're hitting on you or is it just friendliness and maybe even mild flirtation (which is different than being hit on, I think)?

i was not insinuating this was because they are thai... farang men with girlfriends hit on me too... i think it would be safe to assume most men are not monogamous- whether or not they have agreements with their girlfriends or wives that this is ok is another story. but the topic was thai men and being in thailand i know several farang woman/thai man couples and even though the women really insist their man is always faithful, i have several times been propositioned by their men (men plural, not one man). not just flirting- the "i am sleeping here why don't you join me" type of thing, trying to kiss me, etc... i do think the thai culture fosters a sense of male privelege and the guys are expected to cheat more so than in the west. i wouldn't say individually though that being thai means the man will cheat. but back to the original OP, i do think that it is a thai male trait to turn off their phone and disappear though because i have seen it time and again, whereas i never noticed anyone doing this in the west. also maybe a cultural trait- thais don't like confrontation and would rather disappear and hope the situation disappears as well.

[bina]

inclined to agree;

just had a rip rooaring long distance fight w/ bf: who is very jai ron, by the way, and he repeatedly closed the phone on me and then turned it off: he did sms me w/ i love you on it and this a.m. called as usual... i asked him why he always closes the phone or cuts off the conversation when fighting/argueing and his repsonse was: he doesnt want to yell or lose temper with me and wants to be left alone for awhile so...thats what he does... avoids the discussion.... next day, is able to discuss less 'hotly'.... although he is more confrontational then many thai men i've met (even kind of : in your face a bit)....

but he goes ballistic if i close the phone or screen out calls etc... 'where were u' who were u with? etc etc....

however i am very 'jai yen' and laid back so he is always the one in the end that picks up the phone again...

i put up with certain behavior because i am willing to do so.... not everyone's cup of tea.... i'm old enough to pick and choose what i want to overlook in any man... and all men and women hve their quirks.... he puts up with my patient stubborness (i can outwait almonst anybody)

so u should also do the same.... if he cut off the phone, and then finds u , either beleive or dont believe, the story, but remember, its your choice and u have to want to deal with the consequences regardless.... if it makes u upset, maybe this type of man is not for u

and all the suggestions in the world on this forum will only add fuel to many of lyour fires: u have to depend on yourself only.... and this is not a thai thing but a people thing or a man thing

[donna]

this really has nothing to do with the fact that he is a thai man. any man can do this regardless of nationality.

its not a nice thing to do to you. i would not tolerate that sort of treatment and i dont think other people should either.

take a look at your situation as an outsider if possible. what would you tell your best friend to do in such a dilemma?

[seonai]

Been said before but I can't resist.... GirlX will you get off our cases about "most men are unfaithful" please? This debate is ridiculous. You must either have had some awful experiences and met all the wrong guys in your life or perhaps you wear mini skirts and suspenders and men just can't control themselves in your presence!!!??? Don't you have any REAL girl friends with nice, faithful husbands???? I mean PALEEEEASE

[seonai]

And while the moment lasts, Mark45, please also stop being so depressing. I said you sounded pathetic (sorry didn't mean it too seriously) because of the things you say here. I mean leave us happy people who love a Thai man alone. There are many very happy marriages between Thai men and foreign women. And frankly your comment about no educated Thai men (or their families) wanting to marry a farang woman is unfounded C###

[meemiathai]

Maybe it is not too bad a thing that women don't or don't want to know what reality is. As long as one feels happy, truth is not the most important thing anymore. And no one is implying that your man is not a faithful person, Seonai. No need to be that sensitive. GirlX has been quite right about her observations, I'm afraid. She is just pointing out things according to statistics.

I personally believe that thai men are more likely to be unfaithful than their western counterparts. I think this is due to culture.

[seonai]

I wasn't addressing you Mee Mee. You are completely wrong. Show me the statistics? Go on, it's like saying all "Americans are loud", or "all Germans are humourless...".

Frankly I find your comments (and those of GirlX on this topic) verging on RACIST and coming from the mouths of really rather uninformed people.

I wouldn't bother to give the time of day to this thread if it wasn't in some way to stick up for and support Thai men in general.

[seonai]

SBK - ?