Thai Men And Their Disappearing Acts!

[sbk]

To be completely honest, yes, there are many Thai men who cheat. Of course, there also quite a few farang men who cheat too, as evidenced by the bragging going on in some posts.

Does my husband cheat? I sincerely doubt it. I know him very well, we spend nearly 24/7 together (except when I am in the US) and I know what kind of person he is. Would he hit on another woman? Not likely, I would be very surprised if he did. So, all in all, is my head in the sand? No. After 16+ years of marriage I know what kind of man my husband is and I know the state of our relationship.

Cheaters usually come about because either 1) the guy is a serial cheater, which a wife or partner should be able to spot after awhile. For example, he turns his phone off, he disappears, he lies, he makes excuses

or 2) the relationship is in very deep trouble and he is looking for happiness elsewhere. Communication has broken down. Which the wife or partner should also be able to recognize.

So, to sum up here, if your relationship remains honest, sound and your man treats you with love and respect then one is probably alright. But, lots of women choose to say "all thai men disappear" or turn off their phone to avoid confrontation blah blah blah. My husband has never disappeared, has never turned off his phone. These are excuses being made to avoid the reality.

And BTW, no, not all thai men disappear. I would reckon that ones who live normal lives outside the tourist business, very rarely disappear. In fact, in all the years of living here, dealing with local (and I do mean local, not just Thai people living here) people, I have only ever heard of the serial cheaters doing the "disappearing act".

[meemiathai]

I wasn't addressing you Mee Mee. You are completely wrong. Show me the statistics? Go on, it's like saying all "Americans are loud", or "all Germans are humourless...".

Frankly I find your comments (and those of GirlX on this topic) verging on RACIST and coming from the mouths of really rather uninformed people.

I wouldn't bother to give the time of day to this thread if it wasn't in some way to stick up for and support Thai men in general.

No need to be angry, seonai. It is just discussion, just trying to be honest with my point of view.

Apologies if I made you angry.

[donna]

i tend to agree with sbk and seonai here. sure, there are thai men who cheat. i know that from first hand experience.

but does that make me think that ALL thai men cheat? hardly!

i have many good friends who would NEVER cheat on their wives. not for any fear, but because they love and cherish what they have with their wife.

back in australia, my brother in law (ex) cheated with a friend of my sisters for years. we did not have a clue.

so there you go. both the man and the woman were cheats!

but i think we are slightly off topic here. the OP was asking what was going on with 'her' man and i stand by my original opinion, and that of many others, that he is probably off with another woman and does not want to be contacted.

[girlx]

GirlX will you get off our cases about "most men are unfaithful" please? This debate is ridiculous.

i'm sorry you think so, i do not. i don't appreciate your insinuations that i dress inappropriately or that i am racist either. i have lived in thailand for over 3 years and visited for 8. i have been with exactly two thai men in that time, one of which was a boyfriend for 3 years.

however, i am constantly exposed to thai men and couples, and no, my point is that i have lived in koh chang, bangkok, and koh phangan and out of every one of the couples i have met, not ONE thai male was faithful, despite what their girlfriends and wives thought. maybe yours is, maybe not! not saying it's a thai thing, as you can read in my last post, i said i think most males are not monogamous. i would even go so far to say most people are not monogamous when it comes down to it. it takes a lot of willpower and sacrifice to stay with one person for the rest of your life and i know i personally have had a couple of long relationships and after that 3rd year or so i start to get bored and my eyes stray even if i don't. in fact, i break off the relationship before i do stray but that's not always the easiest thing to do, is it.

just being realistic! if you disagree that is your prerogative, no need for personal attacks as you have never met me. i am not racist. i am not uninformed. but might i add that you sound very defensive.

There are many very happy marriages between Thai men and foreign women.

i know of one, and that is SBK. and i have never met her. and maybe there are a couple more of you on here, and like i have said before, i would LOVE to hear some more positive stories.

Cheaters usually come about because either 1) the guy is a serial cheater, which a wife or partner should be able to spot after awhile. For example, he turns his phone off, he disappears, he lies, he makes excuses

or 2) the relationship is in very deep trouble and he is looking for happiness elsewhere. Communication has broken down. Which the wife or partner should also be able to recognize.

i disagree. sometimes a couple is in love with each other but after some time they get bored of the sex. it is absolutely NATURAL to stray. why would a man break up a marriage, especially if he has kids too, with someone he really loves when he can just satisfy his urges on the side and keep things happy at home? it doesn't mean he doesn't love the wife. some might say (including me as i have been there too) that it is the dishonesty and the feeling of betrayal that is the hard part of that. but (and thais have this concept down pat) sometimes lies can be a beneficial thing, and can avoid blowing up a situation into something it is absolutely not. it's just hard to think about it rationally because there is so much emotion involved in this situation.

[sbk]

I disagree that it is natural to stray. I think that selfish self centered people have no problem in betraying a relationship by straying because of "boredom". I think for someone who wants to cheat any excuse will do.

After 16 years of marriage do I get bored of my husband? Sometimes (endless fishing talk!) but would I ever do anything to betray our relationship? No, because it is important to me, my ethics and morals dictate to me that if I want to stray then it is better to end the relationship than to be a dishonest lying cheat.

It's too bad that your experiences have been bad girlx, but believe it or not, I do know a few happy relationships with Thai men, some with farang wives, some with Thai. I think, living in heavily touristed areas as you have, you tend to meet people who live less stable lives.

But, to get back on the topic, does a "disappeared" guy indicate something fishy? Well, if he's not in the hospital and they haven't had a major blow-up, then, yes, something is wrong.

[meemiathai]

It's too bad that your experiences have been bad girlx, but believe it or not, I do know a few happy relationships with Thai men, some with farang wives, some with Thai.

I think one is going to fall off one's chair by surprises of whom one is going to see if one has access to a 24 hour web-cam set inside a brothel.

Oh why again am I saying anything? Just let everything be in harmony!

What was the OP about again?

[mark45y]

I have a tendency not to date shy or quiet women. I usually end up with the lady who is the life of the party. Aggressive, outgoing women for the most part. I have broken up with a number of women of all different nationalities.

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash. Adding my own experience to what I read on TV and other Thai oriented forums although I have never disappeared I can understand it.

I think Thai women may be more inclined to rash acts than Western women. That might lead to disappearing as being the preferred way to end a relationship. Although in my experience Western women are equally as rash.

[LaoPo]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Edited April 16, 2006 by LaoPo

[meemiathai]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Most men can cheat better than he does.

[Jasmine]

I think one is going to fall off one's chair by surprises of whom one is going to see if one has access to a 24 hour web-cam set inside a brothel.

With respect, you do not know everything about everybody in the worlds relationship.

[mark45y]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Yes. You are right. I had a good long look at my self in the mirror. I could not figure out why any woman would be upset if I left. Honest, I didn’t see anything there to attract anyone.

I thought about turning gay but I just couldn’t get into it. I thought about hiring someone to pick women for me because obviously my standards (beauty, intelligence and character) had gone amiss.

I found a gay mama san at the Voodoo club in Nana plaza and asked him for help. He was really a nice guy if one could get over his pink iridescent tuxedos with the orchids in the lapel. He introduced me to a middle aged Thai lady who also owned a club on the other side of Bangkok.

So far it has worked out OK. She isn’t very pretty and she is not too smart but she is a character.

I would enjoy having a beer with you also. If I am not mixing up people SBK has a bar. And I think that would be an interesting drink. I don’t think she would slip us a Mickey, but then again you never know.

[mark45y]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Most men can cheat better than he does.

You may have missed the point. These things occurred when I told the ladies I was leaving. The post was in response to why men disappear rather than telling the woman why they are going. It had nothing to do with cheating.

[LaoPo]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Yes. You are right. I had a good long look at my self in the mirror. I could not figure out why any woman would be upset if I left.

1. Honest, I didn’t see anything there to attract anyone.

I thought about turning gay but I just couldn’t get into it. I thought about hiring someone to pick women for me because obviously my standards (beauty, intelligence and character) had gone amiss.

2. I found a gay mama san at the Voodoo club in Nana plaza and asked him for help. He was really a nice guy if one could get over his pink iridescent tuxedos with the orchids in the lapel.

3. He introduced me to a middle aged Thai lady who also owned a club on the other side of Bangkok.

So far it has worked out OK. She isn’t very pretty and she is not too smart but she is a character.

I would enjoy having a beer with you also. If I am not mixing up people SBK has a bar. And I think that would be an interesting drink. I don’t think she would slip us a Mickey, but then again you never know.

Mark:

1. I think you missed my point here; attraction (of oneself) isn't the point. Attraction comes from within the own heart/soul. If a relation breaks up, in most cases it's a 50/50 thing, meaning both parties have failed, whatever the reason(s)

2. and 3. The fact that you're looking (nothing wrong with that!) for help, shows you are in a stage you're looking for your inner-self and are (for a period of time) 'lost' so to speak. Again, nothing wrong with that.

You're still (deep inside) angry about your lost and/or abandonded (sp?) loves.

If one is angry it really means that one is angry towards him/herself but too often that anger shows towards others. Also: anger is most often directed to the ones who are nearest....the most loved ones in your own close circle...!

It's time to leave the anger behind and start living and loving again.

One can only give love if you're aware of the loving-of-yourself; if one reaches that point....you are able to trust and (give) love again.

I'm up for that beer in the summer, ok?

LaoPo

[Old Croc]

Are you guys really so gullible? BKKgoddess is obviously male and Mark45 a troll.

I wouldn't be surprised if they were the same person and their internet name started with The..........

[mark45y]

Are you guys really so gullible? BKKgoddess is obviously male and Mark45 a troll.

I wouldn't be surprised if they were the same person and their internet name started with The..........

How jaded you are old croc. I read troll a lot on Thai Visa. I don’t know why. I could speculate but to no purpose. I don’t know for sure but I think Thai Visa is evaluated by how many hits it gets, how many members it has and how many posts are made. It would seem to me that provocative posts or the maintaining of discussion is a good idea both for the posters and Thai Visa. Calling someone a troll or debating the sex of a poster without any supporting arguments seems like a kindergarten kid saying naa naaa naaa. It takes no intelligence or thought or writing ability. It is just smearing, hostile and antisocial behavior. Childish and and mean spirited at best. I would submit that trying to silence discussion by innuendo is far worse a crime than posting something that perhaps people would not agree with.

Edited April 16, 2006 by mark45y

[mark45y]

I have had a metal garbage can thrown three stories onto the roof of my new car. I have had all my clothes shredded. I have had all my clothes sold at a garage sale. I have had all of my possessions boxed up and dumped at the busiest intersection of Denver Colorado in the middle of the street (that was a fun one). I have had two bank accounts completely drained. I have been attacked with knives, cement lawn statues, dishes, a stereo receiver, a paint ball gun and a bulldozer. I have had my nose broken and a tooth broken by a flying bottle of mouthwash......

Mark, being a man myself, I think you're quite an interesting 'chap', having experienced the above....and I certainly would like to have a beer with you one day discussing a few things about life in general, and women in particular,

BUT,

I also think that most men did not experience the same things you did.

People (men in this case) who experience these 'uncomfortable happenings' (in a relationship) must have a good and long look in the mirror themselves, don't you think?

LaoPo

Yes. You are right. I had a good long look at my self in the mirror. I could not figure out why any woman would be upset if I left.

1. Honest, I didn’t see anything there to attract anyone.

I thought about turning gay but I just couldn’t get into it. I thought about hiring someone to pick women for me because obviously my standards (beauty, intelligence and character) had gone amiss.

2. I found a gay mama san at the Voodoo club in Nana plaza and asked him for help. He was really a nice guy if one could get over his pink iridescent tuxedos with the orchids in the lapel.

3. He introduced me to a middle aged Thai lady who also owned a club on the other side of Bangkok.

So far it has worked out OK. She isn’t very pretty and she is not too smart but she is a character.

I would enjoy having a beer with you also. If I am not mixing up people SBK has a bar. And I think that would be an interesting drink. I don’t think she would slip us a Mickey, but then again you never know.

Mark:

1. I think you missed my point here; attraction (of oneself) isn't the point. Attraction comes from within the own heart/soul. If a relation breaks up, in most cases it's a 50/50 thing, meaning both parties have failed, whatever the reason(s)

2. and 3. The fact that you're looking (nothing wrong with that!) for help, shows you are in a stage you're looking for your inner-self and are (for a period of time) 'lost' so to speak. Again, nothing wrong with that.

You're still (deep inside) angry about your lost and/or abandonded (sp?) loves.

If one is angry it really means that one is angry towards him/herself but too often that anger shows towards others. Also: anger is most often directed to the ones who are nearest....the most loved ones in your own close circle...!

It's time to leave the anger behind and start living and loving again.

One can only give love if you're aware of the loving-of-yourself; if one reaches that point....you are able to trust and (give) love again.

I'm up for that beer in the summer, ok?

LaoPo

The anger that caused my move to Thailand has almost left. No more love for me. Respect and friendship perhaps. Love is a ghost that I see occasionally in my dreams Love is a thing for other people not for me. I have been very fortunate to have found it more than once. I won’t tempt fate again. When the Gods want to punish you they answer your prayers. So I pray less and live more. And I am up for the beer in the summer.

[seonai]

The OP asked for GIRLY ADVICE. Get outta here guys!!!!!!!! And all the truck with GirlX and Mark45........ say no more......... learn how to manage your sitch on this forum.

[seonai]

GirlX if you had a modicum of intelligence you would realise that I was kidding about your clothes............ I don't say things like that lightly....... it was a response to u saying that most of your friend's partners "come on" to you..... I think my response was appropriate

[seonai]

Over and out. I can't do this unintelligent c### any more. Too much time spent on rubbish like this. Good luck OP.

[cdnvic]

No more love for me. Respect and friendship perhaps.

Without the later, the former is just an illusion.

Love is a ghost that I see occasionally in my dreams Love is a thing for other people not for me. I have been very fortunate to have found it more than once. I won’t tempt fate again.

Stop being melodramatic and learn from your mistakes.

cv

[girlx]

GirlX if you had a modicum of intelligence you would realise that I was kidding about your clothes............ I don't say things like that lightly....... it was a response to u saying that most of your friend's partners "come on" to you..... I think my response was appropriate

so diplomatic aren't you- i'm sorry but your responses have absolutely no credibility at all as you simply revert to personal attacks. don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!

[girlx]

I think that selfish self centered people have no problem in betraying a relationship by straying because of "boredom". I think for someone who wants to cheat any excuse will do.

with all due respect SBK i think you are looking at it from an american point of view (or maybe just an idealistic female point of view). another point of view is that it is just sex, and therefore not something that should interfere with the love relationship that may have lost a bit of passion, and thus when the physical need is satisfied there is no need to bring it up with the love partner as it only causes problems where there really are none.

i know there are some people who stick to their guns and do not cheat. i am one myself- like i mentioned if i get to the point where i want to stray i fess up and if necessary break off the relationship first. even with a man i lived in and was in love with for 8 years (still am, and our relationship is even better now that we are able to get some things out of our system and have retrieved our own identities). but every friend and relative i have both in the west and in thailand have this problem with cheating spouses. are all these people bad, heartless, selfish people? i don't think so, i think sex is a natural thing and so is the acquisition of it. it is totally separate from love. love should allow for the fact that people change, they have desires that no one person can fulfill.

all that said, i would love to meet one of these faithful thai men you know- thailand is always a learning experience, and myabe somewhere down the line my opinion will be changed!

Edited April 17, 2006 by girlx

[LaoPo]

Over and out. I can't do this unintelligent c### any more. Too much time spent on rubbish like this. Good luck OP.

You seem quite itchy lately, Seonai, and not just in this topic. After 'diving' a bit deeper however....... I understand a bit more

It's not worth it to react like this, life's too short.

Keep smiling

LaoPo

[Jasmine]

but every friend and relative i have both in the west and in thailand have this problem with cheating spouses.

Do you really not know ANYONE who has had a relationship that hasn't involved cheating. I just find that weird.

You hold your own experience as true and then apply it to everyone else and think it must be true for them too. Maybe it's a case of like attracts like?

In my circle of family and friends there are people who have cheated and people who haven't. I therefore conclude that there are some people in the world who cheat and some who don't.

[girlx]

sorry, i should clarify- i know lots of people (though admittedly not thai male/farang female couples) who seem to be in happy relationships now, but everyone i know whether here or in the west has had problems at some point with a cheating spouse. have you never been cheated on or felt like cheating yourself? it's fairly common, and my assertion is that people are not naturally monogamous. and that it is sort of a western ideal to expect them to be so.

[meemiathai]

It seems I live in a better world than girlx. Only 90% of the people I know cheat.

if i get to the point where i want to stray i fess up and if necessary break off the relationship first.

Is that any better than cheating?

[Jasmine]

What about Thai men with low sex-drives? Erectile dysfunction? The ones who don't get off on sex with someone they don't trust?

I'm sorry but I can't believe that every Thai man is a seething mass of hormones waiting to do the business with any woman who just happens to be passing by

Edited April 17, 2006 by Jasmine

[monochaser]

Are you guys really so gullible? BKKgoddess is obviously male and Mark45 a troll.

I wouldn't be surprised if they were the same person and their internet name started with The..........

I agree with OC that something just doesn't sit right with these 2 "characters"

[bina]

i am not a monogomous person although dont play around as in , not promiscuous, i've usually had two main partners (have always been in love with two people at once ever since i started dating at 16 .... its not the sex, its the being in love, (even , yes, when married, had a partner for 7 years!).... my thai partner is super monogomous and i intend to be this time round... (older, wiser, whatever)... i think that there just isnt a one perfect person so maybe i should belong to the clan of women in tibet? or wherever that practices bigamy among the women (one woman two husbands).... i've never ever done one nighters, partners just for sex, etc....

i was also a mia noi for two years and it never bothered me... (the wife knew about me -sent me a present -- but she's in thailand and i am here... so she was satisfied that i was taking care of her husband but not taking her money or family... as he returns to her); now he is not here having had a visa move, and i have a steady single boyfriend, so she assumes he will go to the 'working women' in tel aviv, something she would rather not have him do....

life is never simple or straight forward and i never judge anybody (pot calling the kettle black etc)...

men and women are just that, people, defined by their personalities, cultural values, and circumstances at the moment....

[alexth]

i am not a monogomous person although dont play around as in , not promiscuous, i've usually had two main partners (have always been in love with two people at once ever since i started dating at 16 .... its not the sex, its the being in love, (even , yes, when married, had a partner for 7 years!).... my thai partner is super monogomous and i intend to be this time round... (older, wiser, whatever)... i think that there just isnt a one perfect person so maybe i should belong to the clan of women in tibet? or wherever that practices bigamy among the women (one woman two husbands).... i've never ever done one nighters, partners just for sex, etc....

i was also a mia noi for two years and it never bothered me... (the wife knew about me -sent me a present -- but she's in thailand and i am here... so she was satisfied that i was taking care of her husband but not taking her money or family... as he returns to her); now he is not here having had a visa move, and i have a steady single boyfriend, so she assumes he will go to the 'working women' in tel aviv, something she would rather not have him do....

life is never simple or straight forward and i never judge anybody (pot calling the kettle black etc)...

men and women are just that, people, defined by their personalities, cultural values, and circumstances at the moment....

WOW I think it's what they call a life spoiler...whatever you'll ever tell me, you're as filthy as it gets, why the hel_l did you even got married than?