BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I need to ask you girls who've dated or are with thai men about something. I've been in a serious relationship with a thai guy before for 3 years. We loved echother but he treated me bad and eventually i said enough is enough. i promised myself i wouldnt get involved seriously with a thia guy again as i cant be bothered playing thier little games and thier annoying habits really piss me off. However, I am undeniably still attracted to them and lo and behold i fall for another one. Everything has been going great. I'd known him for a year, and got together when i was here on holiday in jan. we kept a long distance thing going while i finished my job in the middle east (it was only 3 months and it was mutually agreed what our plans together were) and I came back to bangkok on saturday. We'd arranged to meet up when i got to the hotel. But when i got there and called him he says he's sick. To gove the guy credit, he did sound ill. So i spent the day shopping and settling in, feeling very diappointed. For 5 days since then though, his phone has been switched off or something as i cant get thru to him and now i'm freaking out. I was so looking forward to seeing him and it really pisses me off that he doesnt value the importance of me coming here to see him. This is not the first time i've had thaio guys do this. they usually turn up with some excuse or another and try to charm thier way out of it. But it's really doing my head in right now and i'd appreciate some advice or at least a sympathetic ear from girls who know what i'm talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) Sounds like he has another lady. Turning off the mobile would be a big indicator. Edited April 12, 2006 by britmaveric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 holy shit i hope not. i'll kick his sorry ass. for 5 days though? maybe he's lost his phone or something. or am i foolish to hope? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest endure Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Maybe he's gone off on the Great Troll Hunt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 holy shit i hope not. i'll kick his sorry ass. for 5 days though? maybe he's lost his phone or something. or am i foolish to hope? He knows where you are staying, so that tells me even if he lost his handy then he should be in touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I feel sorry for you but; Stop right there and don't ever try to find him again. Or you are just going to regret. Look for someone else who cares more about you. I don't think it's exactly a Thai thing. But as a farang girl, I think you will be easier attracting these types of Thai men. Anyway keep trying and enjoy but don't take shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 troll hunt? is there something i should know? cos i have to say this disappearing off the radar temporarlily shit happens a lot with these guys. He doesn't know which hotel i'm in, he just knows i'm in bangkok that's all. i'm really confused. i thought things were great but the paranoid pessemist in me tells me there's something going on. He was really great last time i saw him though and was really loooking forward to seeing me. i dont understand what happened. things were so great when i was here last - he gave me this amulet, introduced me to his parents, fed me shrimp heads and all that crap (yeuch!). even his mates told me they'd never seen him like this. and of course he promised he was a one woman man and i swallowed it at the time. Oh god all i know is i'm bored, frustrated and going crazy without any answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 holy shit i hope not. i'll kick his sorry ass. for 5 days though? maybe he's lost his phone or something. or am i foolish to hope? yes you are. but it's not even important if he has a new girl or not. he's simply not interested in you anymore. but I may be wrong. you are the one who knows best. I hope the Songkhran water will wake you up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Relax and have a few drinks at Dubliners or the Exchange. You wasted enough time waiting - after all this is your holiday, try and make the best of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Alright, just one thing: please forgive in advance if this comes out nasty but I have had a very long, hot, tiring day and I am not really in the mood for tact First: I see this over and over and over. A girl meets a guy and expects, after only knowing him briefly, that he will commit to a monogamous "long-distance relationship" with a girl who may or may not even return (odds are that she often doesn't). Get over your expectations here, they are unreasonable. You cannot expect a man to commit to a relationship that is not only long-distance but may not even work out! Second: If he knows where you are and knows how to get in touch with you and chooses to keep his phone off then he obviously does not want to see you but doesn't want to say it in person (common enough with Thai people). Third: I am sick to death with the common perception that every Thai man is the same: no good, lazy, gambling, womanizing liars. Some are, some aren't. And lets face reality here, there are plenty of happily married men living in this country living decent lives, but you don't hear about it because it just isn't as interesting as slagging off all Thai men. And if any trolll wants to start on this be warned now: my tolerance level is at ZERO so don't even start Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 actually i'm not here on holiday. i used to live here for a few years. then got fed up and worked in the middle east for a year. started to really miss thailand so i came back. he and i were supposed to shack up together when i got back. meemia pleas explain, i dont see the reasoning behind your remarks. doesnt anyone have a positive comment to make to balance this out? or do you all believe i've made a mistake with this one and should move on? hel_l if it turns out he is just another ######, i may well just got back to the uk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I'd known him for a year, and got together when i was here on holiday in jan. we kept a long distance thing going while i finished my job in the middle east (it was only 3 months and it was mutually agreed what our plans together were) sorry, but that reads to me like you met him on holiday and carried on a long distance relationship with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 sbk i repeat he doesnt know exactly where i am, but he does have my number since i last called him. as for the long distance thing, we both discussed it and agreed to it and it wasnt for long. he know for sure i was coming back as every time i called him i was explaining that i had moved out, or quit my job, or bought tickets. he's known for three months i was coming back to give this relationship a chance. and no i dont have high expectations, but he asked me to be faithful while i was away and i was, i think its reasonable to expect the same from him but if you're right and he didnt think i would come back and has been with someone else because of that then i'm willing to ovewrlook it if he'd just sort his shit out and get i touch. anywa, being happily married to a thai man i thought you'd have something more positive to say. can't anyone give me a glimmer fo hope, or is there seriously none to find? I will be seriously devastated if what you guys are suggesting is true, i'm really in love with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I was told, 'never chase a woman.' I think the reverse is true, also. Let it be and if it's meant to be then it will be. Otherwise, be grateful that it was short-lived and didn't put you out much more. sbk is absolutely right - don't ever think it's strictly a Thai thing. There are lots of good men and women everywhere, and a lot of bad. Take it as an individual case and don't start generalizing about it. My feeling is that relationships are due to attraction. You attract something similar to yourself, but played out differently. If a women is, as you consider yourself, a "paranoid pessimist," is it a small wonder that she would seem to meet a an endless supply of Houdini's? Opposite roles but same same attitudes. Try trusting yourself to trust in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 To gove the guy credit, he did sound ill.Do you find this funny, bkkgoddess?I would say there is a 99% chance that I'm correct about him. I just don't want to see you hurt yourself even more. If a man likes a woman, he will go and see her no matter how sick he is. Unless he had AIDS!!! He will make sure he knows which hotel she is in and which room. And everything!!! And I say again, you as a farang girl is going to find it much more difficult to find a good thai man. It is difficult even for a thai girl. Just how do you meet thai guys? In bars? Tourist areas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bino Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) Hello Goddess.......... It is difficult to find anything positive to say from the situation you describe. If you talked to him when you arrived, he said he was sick, and then shut off his phone for 5 days, it would seem that he is avoiding you. Even if you didn't tell him the hotel you were staying at, his cellphone would have ID'd the number you were calling from and he could return the call to that number and get the hotel switchboard. Do you have any other number to contact him?? If you had a "serious" relationship previously (met the family and all...) don't you have a home / work telephone number? Are these going unanswered also? How about email? Does he have an email address, and have you tried emailing your hotel / contact info?? If he lost the phone, and doesn't know where you are staying, perhaps he is sitting somewhere fretting his brains out... but I doubt it. Edited April 12, 2006 by bino Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 i've just had a suggestion. is it common for people to turn off thier mobiles while visiting their home town during songkran? I've had it happen at new year before with my last bf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Yes, but I have seen it before. Guys who base their expectations on a girl coming back only for her to change her mind: better job, whatever. Just because you said you were coming back doesn't necessarily guarantee it. And if he is smart, he knows that. Yes, I am happily married, but then I didn't go off after meeting him. I stuck around and made a relationship. Sometimes sacrifices are necessary and if one isn't willing to make those sacrifices then it is a bit much to expect everything to turn out the way one wants it. Sorry to sound hard, like I said, I am completely knackered and tact isn't really going to happen right now. There are other possibilities and if you really know this guy well then you know other ways to get in touch with him besides his phone. It is possible he lost his phone, if he lost the phone would he have your number? I know my husband doesn't know my mobile number off by heart. So, my suggestion: if you know another way to get in touch with him, do that. Leave a message where you can be contacted. If he doesn't then you know what it means. And brit, handy? are you German???? Never heard an english speaker call it a handy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 thanks Bino. i hope that last option is the right one. He has my mobile number for thailand and i have his. he's changed jobs since i left so i dont know the number or where it is exactly. he doesn't do e-mail. when i was with him last he forgot his phone in the hotel and apparantly it want the first time he's done that. he's notoriously useless and forgetful like that. But he did manage to replace the sim with the same number though at least which is how i stayed in touch while i was away. The only thing i can think of is going to his town and asking his friends if they've seen him. but it seems a little desperate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 And brit, handy? are you German???? Never heard an english speaker call it a handy! English term love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 i've just had a suggestion. is it common for people to turn off thier mobiles while visiting their home town during songkran? I've had it happen at new year before with my last bf. No, I don't think so. These are just excuses. It is lovely of you to be positive. So stay positive if that is what you choose. But be strong. No need to be too sad. It's just part of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 If a man likes a woman, he will go and see her no matter how sick he is. Unless he had AIDS!!! He will make sure he knows which hotel she is in and which room. And everything!!! meemiathai is absolutely right. Think about it. If he knew you were coming back to BKK three months in advance and now his phone is mysteriously (or conveniently) turned off? If previous arrangements had been made and he was truly interested wouldn't he know where you were staying even before you arrived? Wouldn't he have tried to 'book' you in advance since that's what the excitement and anticipation of an opportunity of seeing someone you at least like does to you? I had a long distance relationship with my wifey for almost six months after our first, brief meeting. I came back for a three week holiday and we were inseparable during that time. That's how it works when there's love involved. It's one your end, obviously, but what's happening on the other end? IMHO this might be a situation that's pointing for you to look at yourself and ask what it is about you that's attracting these situations. Not to be cynical in the previous statement but that's where the real answers would lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 you seem to be jumping to conclusions again sbk and i find it offensive wether you're tired or not. I have been working in the middle east for a year. i came to thailand in january to visit my mates and bumped into him, i had known him the last time i lived here. i could not quit my job there and then, but i did go back to work and hand in my notice and came back as soon as i could, which was only 3 months. If i knew of another way to contact him, do you think i would be on here asking for advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bino Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) If you have a Thai mobile and it has been on the whole time you have been here, and he knows your number, I'd say it is time for you to write this whole thing off. He doesn't need to know where you are staying if you can be reached at a mobile number he knows. If his phone is lost- there are no shortage of public pay phones in Thailand.He knows how to reach you. If he cared / wanted to, he would. I'd suggest calling the hospitals. About the only way I can see this resolving genuinely is if he has been hit by a bus, involved in a major accident or his illness has caused him to slip into a coma. SBK / Brit- Handy or handphone is Singapore vernacular too! Edited April 12, 2006 by bino Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) Forget about the present phone situation. If he knew for three months that you were going to be here wouldn't he have set up definite arrangements to meet you somewhere at sometime prior to your arrival???? How did that happen (or not happen)? Edited April 12, 2006 by Tippaporn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bino Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) Forget about the present phone situation. If he knew for three months that you were going to be here wouldn't he have set up definite arrangements to meet you somewhere at sometime prior to your arrival???? How did that happen (or not happen)? Tippaporn is spot on. In reality, your guy should have been at the airport to pick you up and take you to the hotel. My GF and I are not often apart, but about once every 6 months she has to go to Chiang Mai or Phuket on behalf of her company. I always go to the airport to pick her up- even if she has only been gone overnight. In fact she would either be dissapointed or pissed at me if I wasn't there! Edited April 12, 2006 by bino Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 yes tippaprn arrangements were made prior to my arrival. i was to call him when i arrived in the hotel and he would come to bangkok and meet me here. but when i called he said he was sick and was really sorry. i admit i reacted a little angrily i told him to call me when he felt better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 ok sorry for the fuzzy pictures but does this look like a guy who's not interested?! he still remembered how he felt about me a year after we met. i don't think he'd lose interest that easily. then again maybe i'm being defensive ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 Well apart from keep ringing him - naught you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKgoddess Posted April 12, 2006 Author Share Posted April 12, 2006 ok sorry for the fuzzy pictures but does this look like a guy who's not interested?! he still remembered how he felt about me a year after we met. i don't think he'd lose interest that easily. then again maybe i'm being defensive ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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