I think my Thai neigborhood scares my Thai friends away:-)

[Ringmybells]

I can't help but wonder why my Thai friends won't come to my house. These people would invite me to hang out at their homes, restuarants, parks etc but they came to my home once and that's it.

We are in Thailand on a long vacation. We have kids we send to an International school. We meet most of our friends through the school. These moms told me that they used to be poor but their social status are now way up because they are married to farang.

We live comfortably back home and we can afford to live a luxurious life here if we choose, instead, we choose to live in a quiet Thai neigborhood and without a car. Every household in my neighborhood owns at least one car except for us, we own none. We use songtheaw and tuk tuk...the kids love tuk tuk. My Thai friends pick me up to go to their house and then drop me back to my home but they would not socialize with me at my house. My house is not spotlless but it is not dirty or messy either. I have a nice house with AC in almost all the rooms. They all live in modern homes in gated community. I don't dress up when I go out but I guess they don't have a problem with that since they keep inviting me. Oh! I also don't have a maid here and they just can't believe that I pick up a broom and a dustpan myself to clean my house.

They all say what a sweet person I am but why why do they decline each time I invite them to come to my house and enjoy my cooking?

[benalibina]

Most likely your friends do not perceive friendship the same way you do. So......

[hands22]

'They all say what a sweet person I am but why why do they decline each time I invite them to come to my house and enjoy my cooking?'

Maybe your cooking sucks?

[roamer]

" These moms told me that they used to be poor but their social status are now way up because they are married to farang. "

I think that's your answer, they don't like slumming it or want to risk having their gold status symbols nicked.

[bangkokstick]

I checked Google and it seems that you don't know how to cook ?

:-)

[I Like Thai]

Either they don't like your cooking or they like to show off their Pet Farang to the neighbours

[farang000999]

These moms told me that they used to be poor but their social status are now way up because they are married to farang.

Are they talking about your children's social status or their own? You are writing is very hard to follow. You live in a modest house in a village and all the other kids live in nicer homes in gated communities and they do not want to come to your home, is that it? Like, most other Thai Visa topics you seem to be pretending to ask a question when you are really making a statement. Why would you choose to not have a car if you are as wealthy as you claim? Why risk your child's life in a tuk tuk if you do not have to?

Edited August 11, 2013 by farang000999

[arthurwait]

We are in Thailand on a long vacation. We have kids we send to an International school. We meet most of our friends through the school. These moms told me that they used to be poor but their social status are now way up because they are married to farang.

You've got to be trolling.

[inthepink]

Agreed- obvious troll.

When a Westerner marries a Thai woman from a poor family, his status in Thailand goes down, hers does not go up (except perhaps among other poor people).

[i claudius]

I live in a very nice gated community ,i am the only farang in the village married to a Thai , are my neighnours not socially acceptable because they are only married to quite well off Thais ? ime lost.

[Ringmybells]

No, I am NOT a troll.

I have no idea why some people here think I am a troll. I found it here: http://www.thethailandlife.com/lower-class-thailand

[Briggsy]

If I understand correctly, you are a farang woman and you are trying to befriend Isaan peasant-class women who are married to farang men.

Thais are generally only comfortable with Thais. (This is a generalisation but...)

Even more so Isaaners are only comfortable with Isaaners.

Even more than that, Isaaners from the rice-farming peasant class can only be comfortable with their own.

Yet more, Isaan peasant-class women are even more uncomfortable in the presence of people not like them.

It is all too much of an effort, similar to working, to be the friend of anyone from outside of their society. Interact, yes. Be true friends in a relaxed and pleasurable friendship, not possible.

You are barking up the wrong tree. This is not Europe.

Edited August 12, 2013 by Briggsy

[theblether]

Not having hoards of Thais gnawing through your precious food stocks and quaffing your finest vintage would be regarded as a result by many of our members. If you can identify how you have managed to prevent such misfortunes please share the secret.

.

Edited August 12, 2013 by theblether

[Indrid Cold]

Not having hoards of Thais gnawing through your precious food stocks and quaffing your finest vintage would be regarded as a result by many of our members. If you can identify how you have managed to prevent such misfortunes please share the secret.

.

My girlfriend scares the free loaders away, she is not that heavy into sharing outside her family who is surprisingly small most of the time. She allso scares the ladies away who considered it being open season on me due to the fact that we are not married. She can do the the most unpleasant face i have ever seen without doing it.

[PaullyW]

I've found that Thais don't often seem to really enjoy going over to each other's homes. They would much rather go out to eat with groups of people. Maybe they view their homes and the homes of others as a bit too personal? I don't know.

[swissie]

It's quite simple: You could own all the gold stored in Fort Knocks. If you don't display your wealth and use public transportation instead of driving around in a Mercedes this must ring all kinds of "alarm-bells" to Thais. = Associated with a "poor farang". Poor Farangs are not in demand and not on the visiting list of the upcoming "Thai-Elite".

Remedy: Buy or lease a Mercedes and start to act as if "money is no object". In no time at all, you will have plenty of Thai-Friends.

Easy! Not easy to get rid of them once the thrill is gone.

Cheers.

[Ringmybells]

If I understand correctly, you are a farang woman and you are trying to befriend Isaan peasant-class women who are married to farang men.

Thais are generally only comfortable with Thais. (This is a generalisation but...)

Even more so Isaaners are only comfortable with Isaaners.

Even more than that, Isaaners from the rice-farming peasant class can only be comfortable with their own.

Yet more, Isaan peasant-class women are even more uncomfortable in the presence of people not like them.

It is all too much of an effort, similar to working, to be the friend of anyone from outside of their society. Interact, yes. Be true friends in a relaxed and pleasurable friendship, not possible.

You are barking up the wrong tree. This is not Europe.

Got it and thanks for enlighten me. One thing I don't understand: Why do they keep inviting me to their homes, parties and to do things with them?

[MrHammer]

I've found that Thais don't often seem to really enjoy going over to each other's homes. They would much rather go out to eat with groups of people. Maybe they view their homes and the homes of others as a bit too personal? I don't know.

You're quite correct and as always the grumpy old men managed to spout a lot of nonsense before the correct answer.

Thais don't visit each others homes as much as we do in the west. Group activities are preferred and one's home is usually kept private. Also because Thais spend their money on cars and clothes and not home decoration.

I honestly thought this was basic knowledge.

[bina]

its so obvious: what someone wrote before; in their houses they are in comfort zones. in your house they dont know how to act, what to expect or who you are really... thais are social status oriented. since you have money but dont show it, they are not sure what or how to react. also, most likely your idea of 'friend' is different then their idea of 'friend'...

the thai men (family/pi/nong of thai husband that work here) have only now started to feel vaguely comfortabel in our house, since our house is very 'thai issan' in its set up. but they prefer their own lving quarters where they can behave as they want without 'working too hard' or 'thinking too much'...

they invite you as you are the stranger, and tehn probably get all excited when u eat thai food etc... and its also a bit of prestige to host someone .you are exotic/

and if u cook and they dont like it, they are stuck. they might feel uncomfortable to comment about 'we dont eat bread, or we dont do gluten' like westerners will do. and they wont want to embarrass you by not liking your food.

better to meet outside the house at a coffee house/restaraunt or whatever, and only when u get to know one or two of the women, try again.

depending on where they are from they also might feel embarrassed that you are expecting them to be a certain way or behave a certain way.

also it is wierd to them that if u can afford it, why dont you show it. thais like to know where they stand in relation to eachother and their peers, everything from family relationships to work/friend groups. your cues are wrong. you are down playing yourselves therefore they dont quite know how to read you. so it makes them uncomfortable.

in the west, downplaying riches or modesty is seen as something positive. thais dont see it that way. so you are crossing signals. and then what would the neighbhors think. (gossip being free food for all).

hows your thai btw?

also, you say you are there only for a certain amount of time. thais tend to make familial connections first, then functional connections, then 'just friends' in a shallow sort of way.

you sound like down to earth poeple. try to find friends through common interest among other thais that might be like minded... not neccessarily through the school crowd. i know of thai/farang friendships among women that work for common causes like the thai spca, or places that attract people that deal less with status and more with things that are important, like its possible to not own a car, or live in flashy housing.

if you are a woman, then trying posting in the women's forum for meet ups et with mixed thai/farang folks

[monkeycountry]

Tell your husband to get a gik (girlfriend), let her move in and ask her to invite all her friends over for free food (let them cook themselves, but pay the bill. They won't like your food unless you are a somtam master) You will now have a ton of new friends visiting daily. Problem solved :-)

[farang000999]

you have a farang or thai husband? if he is thai why dont u ask him?

[NanLaew]

If I understand correctly, you are a farang woman and you are trying to befriend Isaan peasant-class women who are married to farang men.

Thais are generally only comfortable with Thais. (This is a generalisation but...)

Even more so Isaaners are only comfortable with Isaaners.

Even more than that, Isaaners from the rice-farming peasant class can only be comfortable with their own.

Yet more, Isaan peasant-class women are even more uncomfortable in the presence of people not like them.

It is all too much of an effort, similar to working, to be the friend of anyone from outside of their society. Interact, yes. Be true friends in a relaxed and pleasurable friendship, not possible.

You are barking up the wrong tree. This is not Europe.

Got it and thanks for enlighten me. One thing I don't understand: Why do they keep inviting me to their homes, parties and to do things with them?

Because you are their 'trophy farang', nice to be seen hanging around with, particularly if you actually do subscribe to Briggsy's sub-classification, baseless generalisation, over-simplification of the Thai female species.

The most common Isaan greeting when someone meets someone in 'tahn kao' or join me in eating. Maybe someone with non-Isaan experience can confirm or otherwise if this is a national greeting? Funnily enough, since there's a pretty high chance of catching any Thai (Isaan or otherwise) in the process of grazing at any given time of the day due to their propensity for spontaneous eating, people will sit down and eat but only after first declining to do so which is also the custom. At the same time, once invited, one is not obligated to actually take up on every invite to 'tahn kao' either. You can decline twice but should not hang about yakking as you have already said twice that you haven't the time to eat together otherwise you risk appearing to be disingenuous.

So, maybe when these lovely ladies ask you to join them, they are being polite but maybe you aren't supposed to take them up on every offer to join them. Since you don't appear to have a job, maybe you are taking them up too often and they have had their fill of you and don't see the need to come and see you. They are too polite not to ask you to join them after all; victims of their own culture. Plus, as pointed out, they feel miles more comfortable playing on their home turf versus the away game.

And the food thing? I am sure you are a good cook but I haven't met many Thai's wiling to jump at the chance of eating 'ahahn farang' in a farangs home. If you are offering to serve them Thai fare, maybe they are doing you a HUGE favour by declining from the get go.

[MrWorldwide]

I dont have any problems getting 5 women from Isaan back to my hotel room - not sure what the issue is here.

[Indrid Cold]

Tell your husband to get a gik (girlfriend), let her move in and ask her to invite all her friends over for free food (let them cook themselves, but pay the bill. They won't like your food unless you are a somtam master) You will now have a ton of new friends visiting daily. Problem solved :-)

Apart from the gik thing maybe this is actually very good advice.

[canman]

Agreed- obvious troll.

When a Westerner marries a Thai woman from a poor family, his status in Thailand goes down, hers does not go up (except perhaps among other poor people).

hers does not go up (except perhaps among other poor people).

Which would be the majority of the population; right?