Why is being single in Bangkok so offensive?

[webfact]

Why is being single in Bangkok so offensive?
By Molly Lanscombe



HOT MESS - "I’ve been single for years now."

BANGKOK: -- It’s hard to say that sentence without some people making a judgement about you. Some are convinced that I’m too unattractive or too irritating to find someone who’ll love me. Others presume that I am desperately trying to meet someone but I can’t.

Maybe it started off that way. Bangkok IS a hard city to meet men in and God knows I have tried. But now I’ve stopped. Being single isn’t something I’m looking to fix. Of course, we all like to feel cared for and loved, but I’d rather be single than be in a bad relationship. As I've mentioned in a previous column, I have a part-time boyfriend for those times when I need a little more intimacy than a fling can provide.

But, one thing I've notice is how very upset or concerned other people get by a long-term single status. I’m not sure if it’s made worse by the fact I live in Bangkok, which to many people is a byword for hedonism. A lot of people who don’t live here have mentioned they think I’m ‘off the rails’, which is quite funny because my days are generally very routine and stable (I mainly spend my evenings at my friend’s house watching DVDs and have one night out a week). I can only think it’s the lack of a man that upsets people.

My mum never fails to tell me she’d like me to meet a nice man. My coupled-up friends try to hook me up with people and offer advice about how I can change. Many men regularly ask me why I’m single. I never know what to reply because I don’t really have a grand reason. It just worked out that way.

Full story: http://bangkok.coconuts.co/2013/09/03/why-being-single-bangkok-so-offensive


-- Coconuts Bangkok 2013-09-03

[lee b]

I can understand why it is difficult for a single woman in Bangkok, but i don't understand why it should be offensive to anyone. Some people choose to be single due to there careers, and if people don't like it- well who cares !

[Ianatlarge]

"hard city to meet men in" Never! Walk into any bar, and there are dozens of great guys sitting (sometimes horizontally) there, ready to be your new friend.

[ukrules]

I've known various women from the UK over the years who said it's hard to meet anyone in Thailand.

Most of the guys appear to be over here in Asia because they have a thing for asian women. That was never the case for me but if you're here for a few years then the differences become blurred.

[sbk]

Unnecessarily nasty post removed

[theblether]

There's nothing wrong with being single, in fact a lot to commend it. If the lady is happy with her life then that's great, better that than to be miserable and in a relationship.

[chooka]

"hard city to meet men in" Never! Walk into any bar, and there are dozens of great guys sitting (sometimes horizontally) there, ready to be your new friend.

But have these guys come seeking farang women or are they running away from them.

[Boo]

Post removed. jog on, your trolling isn't tolerated here.

[CHRISTIANa9]

A picture of op will answer many question

[chooka]

A picture of op will answer many question

Isn't that her in the pic?

[mike123ca]

Who is being critical about her being single, it it men, women or both? The again,it doesn't really matter why some people would be jealous. As a married person, I sometimes envy the freedom that single people enjoy.

[sbk]

I don't know that this is a problem only in Bangkok tbh. Alot of married people drop their single friends or even worse, drop their newly divorced friends as it becomes awkward.

Then there's people who think it perfectly acceptable to criticize a woman or couple for preferring to remain childless. I call it interfering nosy-itis myself.

[bangarang]

I would say that the only good city for foreigner women to meet guys is Singapore. Outside of that most of the men in SE Asian countries are in paradise with the hot younger women that will treat men like kings (so as long as they can provide). No money, no honey.

[StefanBBK]

I am not single, so I don't know where this adversity to others being single stems from.

If it comes from Thais, then I would say it is them being generally concerned. They see being together with someone as the normal thing to do. They may even blame you for not trying hard enough, or they do their outmost to help you out finding someone. All this can be offensive to you, but perhaps it originates from their genuine concern.

We have all sorts of friends. Married and single and all shades in between. All possible orientations too. I don't see anything wrong with any of that.

Perhaps you need to work on your friends and just ignore those who try to mingle with you way of life.

Good luck, and don't worry too much.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[GrantSmith]

Move along people... There's nothing to see here...

Seems like it's at least a monthly lament by one of the many farang women here..

It's starting to become the female equivalent of the male farang wondering why he can't find 'the one' in all the seemingly 'good' places in Bangkok...

Now pass me the coffee and today's copy of the post.. I've some Pulitzer Prize articles to read...

[Dararasmi]

Most things in Bangkok are offensive.

[NBD]

Is this an article or a dating site advert?

(PS I like long walks on the beach, good food and a quiet night in with that special someone)

Edited September 4, 2013 by NBD

[expatsupreme]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

[Ajaan]

if you are a woman forigner, better go to Bali, I saw many locals dating white chicks, here I dont see that at all. Only white men, thai chicks.

Also most of the women are single here in BKK, in Europe most of them have boyfriends, here I would say 90 % of womwn are single from my experience or they have a secret gik

Exactly!! This is so true. On my last visit to Bali, 20 years ago, it was the same: all the horny white chicks scoring a sensitive, long-haired, guitar-playing Bali dude, haha...human beings are SO predictable. and it didn't cost them TOO much (yes, it's sex work...deal with it)

That's it, the solution to the farang-woman-in-SEAsia's dilemma...Bali is paradise for white girls, just like Thailand is paradise for white boys. Deal with it, go where you're WANTED, folks... just sayin'!!

[alfalfa19]

I doubt anyone finds it offensive. I think many people find it abnormal/unusual, and may try to help alleviate the situation. To me, thailand seems like a land of sensory pleasure: taste, sight, touch, sound.

[Suradit69]

Some are convinced that I’m too unattractive or too irritating to find someone who’ll love me.

If you're inclined to go on and on about yourself, your problems and how no one understands you, they may be on to something.

[sbk]

Its a coconuts bangkok article people, read the source instead of attack what you presume to be a member here. Get a grip people,

[GrantSmith]

Its a coconuts bangkok article people, read the source instead of attack what you presume to be a member here. Get a grip people,

Now that you mention it, I'm surprised nobody has enquired to her TVF handle

[uty6543]

A picture of op will answer many question

Relationships are not just for the young, beautiful and rich. If this lady is not willing to settle for Mr Ok and wants Mr right for her. Good for her.

[DerkMR]

Is being single offensive?

Yes if all of your friends are pairs!

Yes if you never showed up with a partner!

No if you just meet in "open" places like bars and restaurants.

But I really know that feeling as even my parents started to think I'm gay as for years I never presented a GF to them.

Well, they have been to investigative prior, so I kept my secrets.

After my divorce no new questions arose, even though the GF-presentation-frequency was really low

I think that it's just a lot of people can't imagine to be a happy single, so the eyes really opened wide when I applied for yellow tabien baan and was stating that I don't have a thai GF but live in the rented house alone... with a monthly allowance of ... let's talk about this in a separate place with a nice cooled bottle of champagne

Bye,

Derk

[hellodolly]

There's nothing wrong with being single, in fact a lot to commend it. If the lady is happy with her life then that's great, better that than to be miserable and in a relationship.

Better to be in a happy relationship than single.

The very fact the lady wrote the article tells me there is some thing missing in her life.

[cup-O-coffee]

I'll make it easy for you;

It doesn't matter what your status. You will be judged either way and in between as well. If you have your eye on the goal and you are making progress, then who gives a damn what others think as long as you treat them with the level of respect that they deserve?

I think you are getting caught up in the trendy fashion of trying to think what others are thinking and letting that affect who you are.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. is the rule of the day in your case.

[Cuban]

Most people of both genders (or those seeking a same sex relationship) make first judgements based on looks, so looks are a factor in "meeting" people, whether a meeting leads to a "date" is dependant on if one can visualise being romantic/sexual with that other person - as a date implies something that is a for-runner to a more intimate relationship.

If the person (real or a journo's whim?) is failing to meet the right type of person in their normal places then they need to change "those places" - get what you've always got only because you do what you've always done ! Pretty obvious.

Age is also a factor although political correctness desires to avoid this subject.

Best not mentioned then.

[hellodolly]

Its a coconuts bangkok article people, read the source instead of attack what you presume to be a member here. Get a grip people,

Many of us do realize the source and wonder why it is used. It is like the National Enquirer or the Star back home. The scandal rags they had next to the check out counter with the picture of a two headed alien on the front page. Under the huge headlines aliens do exist.

[Morakot]

Dear Molly,

Happy helping out with the little dating problem and sweep you off your feet. Here a recent photo of myself. Love to hear from you.

Yours truly,

Edited September 4, 2013 by Morakot